SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE



AT THE HAIRDRESSER PART 4



SCENE: A SMALL HAIR SALON. FEMALE CLIENT (FC) ENTERS, GOES TO THE BACK OF SALON WHERE HAIR STYLIST, PEGGY, IS WASHING HAIR



FEMALE CLIENT (FC)
I know I’m early. See you’re busy there...

HAIR STYLIST
I’ll be ready for you in fifteen minutes

FC
Should I waste some time next door at the pharmacy?

HAIR STYLIST
Why - you need something?

FC
My cosmetic collection always needs refreshing. Maybe a new lipstick...

HAIR STYLIST
Okay. Be back in ten minutes

FC
I’ll be back before then. If I hang around there too long, the store clerks start looking at me funny

(starts to leave – stops to greet MARY, another hair stylist)

‘Hi Mary! How y’a doin’?’

MARY

(blowing a client’s hair dry)

Hot! That’s how I’m doing! The friggin' air conditioner isn’t working! Must be a hundred degrees, probably more, in here!

FC
Sorry I asked...

(FC leaves and upon returning, sits on couch)

(cont’d. FM1)
God is it hot outside!

MARY
Damned right and the damned air conditioner is as useless as tits on a bull!

FC
I get the picture. Since you so eloquently brought it to my attention, how come it’s so hot in here? It’s usually freezing

MARY
Like I said...

FC
...because ‘the friggin' air conditioner isn’t working!’ Has the boss called somebody to fix it?

MARY
Are you kidding? That would cost money! Shit! Look at me! I’m dripping wet!

PEGGY
Ohmygawd. Mary – you’re even sweating through your pants! Gross! And in the wrong place, too!

MARY
Oh gee thanks! Maybe I should just do hair in my underwear!

PETER (another hair stylist)
Don't encourage her! She will!

PETER'S CUSTOMER
That would be interesting!

FC
It’s like there’s no oxygen in the air. Really hot in here

PETER
We’ve got it at number six – that’s the highest. The system needs cleaning

FC
So why doesn’t your boss have it cleaned

PETER
Because it cost money!

FC
But in the end, it’ll cost him more money if he doesn’t maintain the system!

PETER
You know that, and I know that, but he’s too cheap!

MARY
Shit! I can’t take this heatttttt! Put down the temperature some more

PETER
If I do that – the whole system will break down. Would that be better?

PEGGY
It’s the hair dryers. They make it hot, too. Then the door opening and closing...

FC
It’s not really that bad...I mean, it’s bearable

PEGGY
Wait ‘til you have a towel and plastic poncho around your neck for a while!

MARY
Somebody do something before I scream!

(goes to small fridge and grabs bottle of cold water and gulps it down)

PEGGY
Okay – I’m leaving you my curling iron while I’m away on vacation. What else do you need?

MARY
Cold friggin' air!

PC
(laughing)
Mary does have a way with words, doesn't she!

PEGGY
I mean, aside from that? Any other equipment you want to borrow?

MARY
How long you going for?

PEGGY
You know how long - two whole weeks! Can’t wait!

MARY
Maybe you should re-consider. You never know - when you come back, we might not have a boss anymore if somebody doesn’t cool this place down!

(softly to Peggy and FC) ‘Oh look who’s here. Mr. Big Bucks himself!’

(salon boss strolls in)

SALON BOSS
(laughing)
So? Hot enough for everyone?

(to be continued...next time: Mary offers her boss some advice)

Plasticville: Barbie, Ken & the Rest

Actually shared life in Plasticville along with other pieces years back, but it was a lot of fun to write so I'm bringing it back to share again as a personal encore from myself. Will share more depending on the interest and could just add some new follow-ups.






BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE: THE CONTINUING SAGA OF LIFE AMONG THE PLASTIC SET




SCENE:A PARTY AT A MALIBU BEACH HOUSE. THERE IS MUSIC IN THE AIR AND THROUGH THE PICTURE WINDOW, WE CAN SEE BARBIE AND HER FRIENDS DANCING ITUP (on tippy-toes). A CONVERTIBLE DRIVES UP AND KEN, DRESSED IN HIS USUAL SURFING GEAR, GETS OUT AND HIDES BEHIND BUSHES AND PEERS INSIDE. SUDDENLY, GI JOE HOLDING HIS EVER-PRESENT WEAPON LOOKS OUT A HUGE PICTURE WINDOW. THE DOOR OF THE BEACH HOUSE OPENS AND GI JOE STANDS AT THE DOORWAY.




GI JOE
Who's there? Is somebody hiding 'cause if you are and I catch you, I'll blast the living daylights...




(BARBIE JOINS GI JOE)


BARBIE
Oh Joe! Just stop it right now! You are like...soooo paranoid


GI JOE
Thanks! That's what everyone tells me


BARBIE
Please come in and close the door! You're like...embarrassing me in front of my friends


GI JOE
Them Bratz babes? Lemme tell you Barbie doll - they ain't your friends! You should hear what they say about you behind your back


BARBIE
You know I can't see or hear what's going on behind my back! I can't even turn my head without help...or even scratch an itch


GI JOE
Me neither...but I hear all of them whispering


BARBIE
Oh plleeze! You see plots everywhere! I can't find any kitchen help because you insist on frisking the help every five minutes


GI JOE
Hey - me and the pool guy are close friends now


BARBIE
I heard...very close friends


GI JOE
Ssssh....hear that?


BARBIE
What? I don't hear anything


GI JOE
Well I do! I'm trained to hear. My ears are a lethal weapon


BARBIE
So is your brain


GI JOE
Thank you! Love 'ya babe! Uh-oh! There's somebody hiding somewhere!


BARBIE
It's probably just Paris Hilton's dog in heat again. The dog is always hot for my chiuahua, Mimi.


GI JOE
No - it's a human...and...it's hiding somewhere....over there!(


(GI JOE RUNS OVER TO THE BUSHES WHERE KEN IS HIDING)


GI JOE
Whoever is in there better show your face or I'm gonna shoot first and ask questions later. Wait a minute... I'm gonna ask questions and then shoot later... Something like that


(KEN SLOWLY STANDS UP)


KEN
Don't shoot! It's me, Joe! Ken! Remember? Our fun games at my beach house? I dress up like nurse and you...


GI JOE
Yeah...I remember. My soldier senses tell me that you're... an enemy! Sorry but I gotta blast you, Kenny boy


KEN
No! I swear! I'm a friend!


BARBIE
Ken? Is that you? How many more times do I have to tell you that we're through?


GI JOE
'ya want me to shoot him, babe? 'Cause I can! Just say the word!


KEN
No! You can't shoot me because...because...

OLD SOLDIERS - UPDATE

Made some progress and added some new dialogue to "Old Soldiers". Now working on starting from the beginning of the story, rather than continue to focus on the section where a group of old vets meeting in the bar/pub. This will stay as is (at least for the time being) but before proceeding, I have to  see where it all began.

I'm planning to introduce a female into the mix in order to show that Joe has a soft side. Most likely other characters who will show themselves as the writing progresses. Never know which direction a story line will go and that's what makes the task so interesting.

As much as I dislike - make that detest - doing a character chart and breakdown, it really does help. Actually, I didn't do it for the other two plays since I knew the beginning and ending before I even started writing the plays. The Old Soldiers story line is there in the short story version but like my paintings, it can change a hundred times until I get that internal "click" indicating it's working. Hopefully, this will help the process. Love this story and became close to the characters to the point where on occasion, I actually quote a line out loud when I'm in a situation that fits the line.

SCENES FROM LIFE

THE LINE UP II - a short playette for a short encounter

By Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE: Supermarket. 8-items-or-less line, where three people are waiting to check out items. A female with a shopping cart attempts to go through

FEMALE
Um - excuse me?

Male in front appears not to hear her so she speaks a little louder

FEMALE
Excuse me! I'd like to pass?

Male glances at her, then quickly away

FEMALE attempts to go by but is unable, due to the man blocking her

FEMALE
The aisle is wide and I'm thin, but not enough to squeeze by. If you don't mind - could you move to the side?

the other two customers gladly move against the counter to allow the shopping cart & female to pass. Male mumbles something unintelliglble, pointing to the door

FEMALE
Look - I had to pee. Okay? I parked my shopping cart outside the door and now I have to get through here to shop. So if you'll step aside...

MALE
Go out and around!

FEMALE
Pardon? You expect me to take my cart, go outside and re-enter when all you have to do is move towards the side, which will take a mere 10 seconds? Not!

the two shoppers move against the counter, again to allow the cart to pass

FEMALE
I don't believe this!

MAN STANDING AT COUNTER NEARBY
Me neither! I've been watching the guy. Misery!

FEMALE
Are you going to let me by or not?

MAN stands defiantly in middle of checkout aisle

FEMALE stands leaning on shopping cart, glaring at man who up until this point has been taking his time packing his things in bags.

FEMALE
(as MAN moves by her)
You are just too kind and what a gentleman! I'll make sure to remember your face in case you want the same courtesy.

MAN STANDING NEARBY AT COUNTER
Oh he's a real nice guy, alright!

As MALE passes, FEMALE shopper moves her shopping cart forward and somehow rolls a wheel over his foot

FEMALE
Oh no! How clumsy of me! Just one foot, though. You still have another! And now to go shop for food...

OLD SOLDIERS - THE PLAY CONTINUES

"Old Soldiers" is slowly evolving into a play. Whether it will be or could be considered radio-ready is another story or issue.

As mentioned in a number of previous pieces, I missed the deadline for the BBC Radio International Playwriting Competition. I had intended to re-write my favorite all-time short story, "Old Soldiers" into a radio play but somehow it just didn't happen. So what else is new.

In any case, I'm determined to have it ready for the next competition. To this end I even posted and shared pieces of it in this blog and received feedback from a cyber aquaintance who had written for radio. He wasn't impressed - let's leave it at that. It's been my experience that if I listened to everybody who has ever expressed a negative opinion about my writing, my career would never have lasted more than thirty years. I do, however, respect people's reactions but in the end will go by my gut feeling.

Today I'm proud to share that I wrote four pages of dialogue. It was the introduction so it's important and I like the end result. Now I have to think about how the story line will develop and will use and write a guide to this end. Always amazes me how and when my characters write their own lines. I hear them talking and am an invisible visitor as they share their lives. How fortunate I am!

TIME FOR ANOTHER "SKATE" RE-WRITE? MAYBE...

Perhaps it's the lousy weather that is making me feel very contemplative but for whatever reason, but I'm toying with the idea of re-writing my one and only film script, "Skate!"

The script was written a number of years ago and based on a personal experience learning to skate as a young girl of eight or nine...maybe ten, who remembers that far back. I wrote the script with the help of a Syd Field "how-to" book and the words and dialogue practically wrote themselves. Love it when that happens! Always consider that a good omen.

Initially, my idea was to do it as a play but the location changes and outdoor settings made it not viable. I suppose it could be done but somehow I envision it as a film.

Actually, perhaps it doesn't even need re-writing and having stored it away for a long time without as much as a glance, reading it now will certainly give me some perspective as to its viability. The mere idea of reading it makes me nervous. Although I always believed it to be good, what happens if in the end it's a piece of junk? What happens if it requires a complete re-do? Do I still have it in me to produce another angle not covered in the story line?

In any case, the first step is to dig it out among my collection of play re-writes. Then I'll place it on the table and look at the cover for a while. Perhaps 10 minutes...maybe more. I'll start at the list of characters and slowly, very slowly turn the pages until I get to scene 1. Most likely I'll take a deep breath, lick my lips a few times and go get something to drink. Keeping your throat wet is very important. I'll take a few breaths and begin:

EXT. SKATING RINK. NIGHT.

Arks to Go 1: Angie meets the ark builder

ARKS TO GO
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR
 
SCENE: WOMAN STARING OUT OF WINDOW

WOMAN
This is getting ridiculous...all this rain falling day after day... It’s gotta mean something...

(Grabs cell phone and checks for phone number)

WOMAN (cont'd.)

Good thing I kept the number... Aha! Found it!

(punches in phone number)

WOMAN
Hello... Hello? Is anybody there? Anyone? Someone?

(DEEP) VOICE
I’m here – where are you?

WOMAN
Is this Noah’s Ark?

VOICE (NOAH)

It could be. Who wants to know?

WOMAN
I saw your ad on TV yesterday. Do you build arks, perchance?

NOAH
With whom am I speaking to or with or at?

WOMAN
You don’t know me...

NOAH
...but you know me? How strange

WOMAN
I mean to say that I know you through your TV ads, not on a one-to-one basis

NOAH

That would explain it, then. Noah’s my name and arks are my game (chuckles)

WOMAN
Then I’ve got the right person. Listen...

NOAH
You know my name so it’s only fair I know yours

WOMAN
I’m not sure...I mean, I’m just calling you for information, actually

NOAH
Do I sense uncertainty on your part? Perhaps you really don’t want to build an ark?

WOMAN
I'm seriously contemplating the idea. Y'see – it’s all this rain that we’ve been having. Never ending, day-after-day, pelting down, and then there’s all that flooding all over the world. I think somebody is trying to tell us something if you get my drift

NOAH

(laughing)
‘Get my drift’ - very droll - and you want to build an ark. You made a witty statement. I like a sense of humor! It shows a healthy mind

WOMAN
Whatever - my ex would disagree... So you’ll sell me one?

NOAH
Sell? My dear – I don’t sell arks. I custom build them to certain specifications

WOMAN
That sounds expensive. How much do you charge?

NOAH
Not everything has a monetary value. Now...say I do agree to make you an ark, how many species are we talking about here?

WOMAN
I’m...not sure what you mean

NOAH
How many animal friends will be joining you on the ark? Fifty...one-hundred...ten thousand...more perhaps?

WOMAN
To be honest, I hadn’t thought about – well – taking... any extra animals along. Just me, my cat Diamond and Clover, my dog

NOAH

You’re not...taking...any... animals? Oh no no! That won’t do at all. We couldn’t have that. Absolutely not! Good bye!

WOMAN
Hello? Hello? Noah? Are you there?

(she punches in buttons frantically)

WOMAN (cont'd.)
Just what I need, to piss off the ark builder... It’s ringing... ‘Answer – please!’

NOAH
Arks to Go. Noah here

WOMAN
It’s me again! I’m sorry! You never mentioned anything in the ad about taking animals along! I mean, I’m allergic....

NOAH
I see...

WOMAN
...but I could take antihistamines! Please – build me an ark?

NOAH

Perhaps. So now how many species will be joining you?

WOMAN
I dunno. How about two dozen? Would that be acceptable? I mean, twenty-four is a good round number

NOAH
A hundred would be better

WOMAN
A hundred? Animals? What’s the matter with me? We’re only talking about cats and dogs and chipmunks and maybe birds...some deer...a couple of ducks and geese

NOAH
Actually, I'm  thinking more in the line of elephants, tigers, zebras – species of that nature

WOMAN
Say what?

NOAH
You remember the last time. Two of everything?

WOMAN
Would that also include – well – a human type male?

NOAH
That would indeed. Just you and him, the only humans on the ark

WOMAN
I see... I suppose I could adapt to wild animals. After all, I do clean kitty litter. So how long do young think it will take to build the ark? Not that I want to rush you or anything but all this rain is swelling the rivers and we still have to load all those elephants and tigers. No snakes, okay? I hate snakes!

NOAH

No snakes. That what got you humans in trouble in the first place

 

FURTHER THOUGHTS ABOUT MY PLAYS...I like them

Sometimes it takes people dropping by this blog to read my plays that renew my confidence in my capacity to write plays. In particular I'm referring to the 'shorts' - 10 minutes and under -some of which are showing up in the page-view count. That's nice. There are thousands if not millions of blogs being written and shared, in the hope of attracting the interest of readers. Plays are a bigger challenge because they fall into a certain niche, which is not everybody's cup of tea so to speak.

Although I've written two full plays, the short plays and short-short play-ettes are fun to write. They take a comedic route and for whatever reason bring out the cynical, sarcastic side of my personality. Further examination of recent visits by virtual strangers in the true sense of the word, reveals that "Waiting for Roach", written in 2008, piqued the interest of a couple of people. Maybe more, even. I've always felt it had potential but then I get that feeling for most of my plays, but this one in particular since it has only two characters from different age groups. Unfortunately (how I loathe that word) and after sending it out/submitting it to share with the theatre world, it has yet to be performed. However, reading it over thanks to bloggers, I have a new appreciation for the content as I do all the other plays that have surfaced. Keep reading them, people! It inspires me!

Then there are the fun "Barbie and Ken" sagas focusing on the adventures of the plastic fashionista and her circle of vinyl friends, which were popular when first written a few years ago. Although I planned to return to continue their adventures, for one reason or another - laziness comes to mind - I haven't as yet. For those people reading this who are waiting, more updates are forthcoming as long as their "parent" doesn't threaten to sue. Barbie is bored with Ken...again and this could mean trouble.

Many of the plays are based on personal experience and "The Teabag" is an account of a trying to get a tea refill at McDonalds. There - I wrote it. McDonalds offers free coffee refills but not tea refills. There is an injustice in that but I digress. This short-short is a personal favorite as are all of them, actually, especially "The Bra" that helped me get over a negative encounter attempting to return a bra. But I digress - again.

It's always gratifying as an aspiring playwright - although how long one can retain the "aspiring" status is worth a ponder or two - and writer to know that people read one's literary output and it gives one the impetus to continue in the hope that one day somebody, somewhere, will acknowledge their greatness and produce one of them. To paraphrase that famous line from "Sunset Boulevard": they're ready for their close-ups... You get the idea.

PHONE TALK
SHORT PLAY/COMEDY SKETCH

by Eleanor Tylbor



SCENE: Cell phones ring. SELMA and ELAINE, two seniors, conduct their daily conversation with each other to discuss…life.

ELAINE
Hello? Selma?

SELMA
Who are you and how d’ya know my name?

ELAINE
Gee – just lucky I guess! Get real, woman! It’s me!

SELMA
You…who? I don’t speak to people with no name. Goodbye!

(SELMA hangs up. Phone rings again)

ELAINE
Why’d you hang up on me?

SELMA
You called? When did you call?

ELAINE
Just now. Selma – it was me who called!

SELMA
I thought the voice sounded familiar

ELAINE
Oh fer… You don’t recognize the voice of your sister after all these years? I mean, really

SELMA
You sounded different

ELAINE
(sniffing a few times)
That’s ‘cause I got a cold

SELMA
It is you, Elaine! Why didn’t you just say so?

ELAINE
I tried – God knows I tried! Moving right along…

SELMA

You're moving? You never told me!

ELAINE

(coughs)

I'm not moving. I meant...anyway

SELMA
You’re sick? Stay away from me!

ELAINE
I can always count on you to have a sympathetic ear. Listen – I gotta go put drops in my nose so I’ll call you back

SELMA
Are you sure you should be talking to me? I mean – you could spread germs through the phone. These days you never know. Don't take too long 'cause I'm going out

(Both hang up. Phones ring again)

SELMA
Hello?

ELAINE
It’s me again. Sorry – hadda take some new pills

SELMA
Oh? What kind?

SELMA
Go know! I take so many these days. Some for my sinus (she sniffs)…some for my throat (she coughs)… Yeah – lots of pills…

ELAINE
So what’s new?

SELMA
What could be new?

ELAINE
I dunno. That’s why I’m asking

(pause for 2 seconds)

SELMA
I lead a very boring life and most of it is spent in doctor’s waiting rooms

ELAINE
You? I have five appointments this week with five different doctors! Even they can’t find out what’s the matter with me

SELMA
Doctor Michaels sent me for tests, today

ELAINE
Your back?

SELMA
I never went away. Oh…you mean the problem with my crooked spine that pains me so badly? The pain, Elaine - the pain! What should I expect having Dr. Sadist treating me…that quack!

ELAINE
That’s a new doctor?

SELMA
That’s not his real name. I just call him that. He keeps prescribing me pills that don’t work. I tell him, ‘doctor – gimme something that works!’ but does he listen? You should never know such pain. I suffer Elaine – I suffer plennnnnty!

ELAINE
You think that I don’t know pain? My neck is so sore, I can’t turn my head anymore

SELMA
So? Look straight ahead. Nothing much happens on the sides anyway

ELAINE
I’m serious! The back doctor gave me some free pill samples to try but they don’t work

SELMA
What kind of pills?

ELAINE
Lemme think a minute…they’re yellow…phila…feeda…fadda…something like that. Anyway, what do you care? You don’t have back problems

SELMA
So what? Maybe they’d be good for my shoulder. (moaning) Ohhhhhhhh….such pain…

ELAINE
This is new. You never mentioned shoulder pain before. Maybe try acupuncture. Freda Smith tells me that she goes to that Swedish guy, Hans Offer and it worked miracles for her

SELMA
(laughing)
I’ve seen Offer and believe me – needles aren’t the only things he gives her if you know what I mean. Look at the time

ELAINE
You’ve got an appointment?

SELMA
That’s later. I’m off to the shopping mall. Big sale today

ELAINE
What about you shoulder…and your neck pain…

SELMA
What’s a little ache between the bargains. You know what they say – when the going gets tough – the tough go shopping. So you’ll be ready in 10 minutes?

ELAINE
Make it fifteen. And Selma – bring along some of those new yellow pills

SCENES FROM LIFE:
A SHORT PLAY

AT THE HAIRDRESSER - PART 3


SCENE: A SMALL HAIR SALON. HAIR STYLIST PEGGY IS EATING LUNCH. CLIENT 1 ENTERS. ANOTHER CLIENT, STELLA, IS SITTING ON A COUCH, HER HEAD COVERED WITH HAIR DYE


PEGGY
Hi! Be with you in a sec. Just finishing lunch. First time I'm sitting down all morning


CLIENT
No problem. I'm not in a rush


PEGGY
What's it like outside, now?


CLIENT
Better than the last time I was here. Remember it was free-zing?


PEGGY
That was when that lady had a car accident, no?


CLIENT
Uh-huh. Did you ever find out what happened?

PEGGY
Neh. We just watched out the window 'til the car was towed away.

(turns her head to face MARY, another hair stylist, who is reading a fashion magazine)

But we would have known had MARY gone to find out, like I asked!

MARY
It was cold out. Why couldn't someone else go? Like Peter over there

(PETER, another stylist is trimming a male client's hair)

PETER
You talking to me?

MARY
You're the only guy with the name Peter here

PETER'S CLIENT
Hey - that's my name, too!

MARY
Seriously? Go figure!

PETER'S CLIENT
Neh. Just kidding

(PETER & his client laugh)

MARY
Ha-ha... stupid and more stupider think they're funny. Whatever...

PETER'S CLIENT
Hey! I'm a customer. I deserve respect!

PETER
Don't mind her. It's probably "that" time of the month. You know what I mean

(Peter and his client laugh)

MARY
How did you guess? Wanna share a tampon? I got an extra one

PETER
You are one weird chick...

MARY
You are one sexist pig

PEGGY
Moving right along. Did anybody watch the wedding?

(STELLA's eyes are glued to a small TV set on the wall)

STELLA
Isn't she beautiful? They look like such a happy couple

PETER
Give them time. They just got married

STELLA
So cynical at your age! Young love is wonderful!

MARY
The only love that Peter has is for himself

(Peggy and Mary laugh together)

STELLA
You like her dress? I think it's too plain. A royal princess...

PEGGY
...she's not a princess, Stella...

STELLA
She's not a princess?? Then what is she?

MARY
She's a plain person, like you and me

STELLA
But...she married a Prince! That's gotta make her something special

MARY
I'm sure she is, at least to William!

STELLA
Are you sure?

PEGGY
Mary's right. She's a commoner

STELLA
She's common? She doesn't come from a nice family?

PEGGY
No - I mean - of course she does but she's just not a princess

STELLA
I dunno...I think she is

(few seconds of quiet as everyone stares at the TV screen)

STELLA
(cont'd.)
What you think of her veil? I think it's not fancy enough

PEGGY
Well - it's...okay

MARY
It's plain but very classy. Suits her nicely

PETER
(high pitch, feminine voice)
Well - I personally think it should have had - you know - more flowers and pretty things? Oh and those hats the guests wore - they made such a statement! Yuck!

PETER'S CLIENT
Oh I couldn't agree with you more

(they both laugh out loud together)

MARY
Like I said, small things amuse small minds

STELLA
I'm dripping

MARY
What?

STELLA
I'm dripping. I think the dye is ready to be washed

MARY
(checking her watch)
Oh yeah - you're right. Move over to the sink?

STELLA
(glancing at the TV)
Her dress could have been fancier. A princess should have a fancy dress like she's an important person

PEGGY
Stella - she's not a prin... Forget about it...

SCENES FROM LIFE:
A SHORT PLAY

AT THE HAIRDRESSER - PART 3


SCENE: A SMALL HAIR SALON. HAIR STYLIST PEGGY IS EATING LUNCH. CLIENT 1 ENTERS. ANOTHER CLIENT, STELLA, IS SITTING ON A COUCH, HER HEAD COVERED WITH HAIR DYE


PEGGY
Hi! Be with you in a sec. Just finishing lunch. First time I'm sitting down all morning


CLIENT
No problem. I'm not in a rush


PEGGY
What's it like outside, now?


CLIENT
Better than the last time I was here. Remember it was free-zing?


PEGGY
That was when that lady had a car accident, no?


CLIENT
Uh-huh. Did you ever find out what happened?

PEGGY
Neh. We just watched out the window 'til the car was towed away.

(turns her head to face MARY, another hair stylist, who is reading a fashion magazine)

But we would have known had MARY gone to find out, like I asked!

MARY
It was cold out. Why couldn't someone else go? Like Peter over there

(PETER, another stylist is trimming a male client's hair)

PETER
You talking to me?

MARY
You're the only guy with the name Peter here

PETER'S CLIENT
Hey - that's my name, too!

MARY
Seriously? Go figure!

PETER'S CLIENT
Neh. Just kidding

(PETER & his client laugh)

MARY
Ha-ha... stupid and more stupider think they're funny. Whatever...

PETER'S CLIENT
Hey! I'm a customer. I deserve respect!

PETER
Don't mind her. It's probably "that" time of the month. You know what I mean

(Peter and his client laugh)

MARY
How did you guess? Wanna share a tampon? I got an extra one

PETER
You are one weird chick...

MARY
You are one sexist pig

PEGGY
Moving right along. Did anybody watch the wedding?

(STELLA's eyes are glued to a small TV set on the wall)

STELLA
Isn't she beautiful? They look like such a happy couple

PETER
Give them time. They just got married

STELLA
So cynical at your age! Young love is wonderful!

MARY
The only love that Peter has is for himself

(Peggy and Mary laugh together)

STELLA
You like her dress? I think it's too plain. A royal princess...

PEGGY
...she's not a princess, Stella...

STELLA
She's not a princess?? Then what is she?

MARY
She's a plain person, like you and me

STELLA
But...she married a Prince! That's gotta make her something special

MARY
I'm sure she is, at least to William!

STELLA
Are you sure?

PEGGY
Mary's right. She's a commoner

STELLA
She's common? She doesn't come from a nice family?

PEGGY
No - I mean - of course she does but she's just not a princess

STELLA
I dunno...I think she is

(few seconds of quiet as everyone stares at the TV screen)

STELLA
(cont'd.)
What you think of her veil? I think it's not fancy enough

PEGGY
Well - it's...okay

MARY
It's plain but very classy. Suits her nicely

PETER
(high pitch, feminine voice)
Well - I personally think it should have had - you know - more flowers and pretty things? Oh and those hats the guests wore - they made such a statement! Yuck!

PETER'S CLIENT
Oh I couldn't agree with you more

(they both laugh out loud together)

MARY
Like I said, small things amuse small minds

STELLA
I'm dripping

MARY
What?

STELLA
I'm dripping. I think the dye is ready to be washed

MARY
(checking her watch)
Oh yeah - you're right. Move over to the sink?

STELLA
(glancing at the TV)
Her dress could have been fancier. A princess should have a fancy dress like she's an important person

PEGGY
Stella - she's not a prin... Forget about it...

THE GOOD AND THE NOT-SO-GOOD UPDATE


"So Eleanor - tell us whether you submitted your revised and almost completely re-written play, "Old Soldiers" to the BBC International Playwriting Competition."


Missed the deadline for BBC International Playwriting Competition. It's so demoralizing. In spite of all my good intentions, that's as far as it got: good intentions. It couldn't be done - at least in time for this year. So what else is new but there's always next year. Even if nothing else, I'll have another play to submit.

It's not that the story line is weak but it requires a complete 're-think-through' and revisions that can't be made quickly. For example, in the re-write the opening has been changed to a bar (or pub) whereas in the short story, it was in Joe McKenna's apartment where he was alone with his thoughts and the occasional out-loud comment. It could work on stage but IMHO, not for radio.

Also added characters, Joe's friends and veterans, who meet at a bar/pub to toast another fallen old soldier - hence the name of the play. It's important to know why Joe et all feel the way they do. They are relics from another era who are suffering the ravages of old age. They are alone and in spite of their bickering, depend on each other for social inter-action and solace. Their medications require monetary output that they can't afford and their quality of life is limited.

Debating whether to introduce the character of Joe's landlady who does not presently exist and if so, whether or not she should be sympathetic or quite simply, mean. Also toying with the idea of adding a young boy or girl into the mix when Joe is in the park attending ceremonies. As they say: out of the mouths of babes, comes the real truth and clarity.

As stated - story is still in the revision/thinking things over, stage.

Meanwhile, went on the BBC site and read over a page focusing on writing a radio script, and another piece on hints for radio. Very helpful. Will print up the pages and keep them handy.


"Any good news to share with us, perhaps?"
Passed along my comedy play, "A Wedding!" to an aquaintance/actor/etc. for C&C and received a positive feedback. This was the first play I wrote and a personal favorite, although "Gin..." is funnier, again IMHO. This lifted my spirits although he suggested that I cut 10 pages.

Cut 10 pages??? Is that all???

This would mean I would have to consider yet another umpteenth re-write and I'm really not sure if I'm prepared to make a drastic change of this nature, at least not at this point. I'll think about it. Any positive feedback is an incentive to hang in but it gets harder. Perhaps the plays just aren't stage-worthy...then again, perhaps they are! Go know!

Meanwhile in order to keep my brain in a dialogue frame of mind, I'm going to start writing some more short pieces focusing on the adventures of Barbie and Ken and friends, and more scenes from life: a short playette. The latter are fun to write.

This best sums it all up: "If I write a new play, my point of view may be profoundly modified. I may be obliged to contradict myself and I may no longer know whether I still think what I think."
EUGENE IONESCO, Notes and Counter Notes

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE HAIRDRESSER: PART 2

SCENE: SMALL HAIR STYLING SALON WITH THREE STYLISTS. FEMALE CLIENT ENTERS SALON


CLIENT
Hi all!

HAIR STYLIST (PEGGY)
You’re early. My 12:30 that was supposed to be here before you is late, but that’s okay. I’ll dye your hair, meanwhile

CLIENT
Cold! I’m frozen. Now I know what a popsicle feels like

PEGGY
You walked here?

CLIENT
Can you tell? I’m wearing a hat, which I absolutely hate, tights under pants, a heavy sweater and a scarf. To top it off, my fingers were so cold and I hadda go buy a cheapie pair of gloves to put inside these old gloves that are finished. My hands feel like the Incredible Hulk. My cheeks burn...

PEGGY
(distracted...looking out of salon front window on to the parking lot)
...what’s going on there?

CLIENT
Oh nothing much. Somebody drove their car into the snow bank. As I was saying, it’s really freezing...

PEGGY
OhmyGawd! I see the car. Wow!

CLIENT
Moving right along... Yup – there are big chunks of the front fender everywhere. Gonna cost big bucks for sure

(PEGGY places plastic cape around client’s shoulders, still staring out of window)

PEGGY
How’d that happen?

CLIENT
Hard to tell. To me, it looks like she was trying to avoid hitting a car that was entering the parking lot and had to swerve...

(a male client enters and sits in chair. STAVROS, men’s stylist, puts cape around him)

MALE CLIENT
Big accident...big...

STAVROS
Uh-huh. Gonna cost a lot to fix that baby

MALE CLIENT
Woman driver of course

(the two men laugh/cackle)

CLIENT
Actually, I saw another car involved and I think it’s a male driver

STAVROS
Yeah but the female probably caused it

(STAVROS and male client laugh)

PEGGY
(straining to see out of the window from her position, standing on tip-toe)
Hey – maybe that’s my customer and that’s why she’s late! Did you get a look at the driver of the car?

CLIENT
Couldn’t miss her. She was pacing back and forth, talking to some people about the accident.

PEGGY
What she look like? Did she have blond streaked hair?

CLIENT
I think so...yeah...she did

PEGGY
I bet that’s her!

CLIENT
Is your client slim? The woman is slim

PEGGY
No...she’s kind’a plump. I’m sure that has’ta be her! Mary – go out and check to see if it’s her!

(MARY, another stylist, is sitting in her chair reading a magazine)

MARY
I’m busy here and besides, it’s too cold

PEGGY
But it could be my customer. It’s gonna screw up all my appointments for tomorrow if it’s her

CLIENT
Yeah Mary – go see if it’s her and if so, tell her she's late and Peggy is waiting for her

PEGGY
Wait a minute – didn’t you say the woman driver was slim?

CLIENT
Uh-huh

PEGGY
Then it’s not her so where is my 12:30?

MALE CLIENT
The driver must’a missed the exit and drove into the snow bank. It’s an older Mercedes and those parts are expensive. Wait ‘til her husband finds out

(MALE CLIENT AND STAVROS LAUGH/CACKLE)

PEGGY
(returns from mixing color in back room. Stares out of window while stirring dye in bowl)
Hmmm...still, maybe my client lost weight and it’s her...

STAVROS
Gonna be tricky to tow the car outta the snow bank.

MALE CLIENT
Yeah but from what I saw, the whole front end of the car is finit-o anyway

PEGGY
Poor lady...

CLIENT
Um...Peggy? We put the dye on my hair, not on my forehead?

PEGGY
Oh...sorry...so busy checking the accident... I mean, what do I say if it’s her? ‘Too bad about your car?’

MARY
I doubt whether she’d keep the appointment, anyway

PEGGY
Probably not under the circumstances. Maybe I should go out and – you know – offer her a coffee or something

MARY
You don’t even know who that is! Anyway, you just wanna know how it happened

PEGGY
Well I would know if you’d go out and check...!

MARY
Alright already! I’ll go but if I catch pneumonia...

(to be continued...)

OLD SOLDIERS - THE PLAY

As mentioned in a previous blog, working on converting my short story, "Old Soldiers", into a play for submission to the BBC International Radio Playwriting Competition. To this end, I've completed approx. a dozen pages so far, with merely a month or so to go. Whether or not I can finish in time remains uncertain but even if I don't complete it this year, plan to submit it next time round. Obviously, I have to make modifications and change the story line somewhat given that the play should be 70 pages. I really do like what I've written so far.

Sound effects are minimal, at least at this point, but the story line calls for more later on. Meanwhile, here is a sample of the play so far. Comments welcome.

Note the play is not formatted for stage.

OLD SOLDIERS
By Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE: A pub/bar.
SFX: Soft rock background music plays in the background, sound of people talking; sound of clinking glasses

JOE MCKENNA
Yup…yup…yup…one less of us. The way things are going, won’t be long before we’re all gone. ‘Over here, Mac!’ The man can hardly walk, even with a walker

MIKE
He's 87 for Christ's sake! We all ain’t peppy anymore in case you haven’t noticed. My glass is empty

JOE MCKENNA
Yeah and? I bought the last round

MIKE
Not! Well?

JOE MCKENNA
Well - what?

MIKE
It’s your damn turn to buy! Open up your pockets and free the moths

MAC
(gasping, breathing heavily)
Really... windy... out there – and cold. Hope it’s not...like this tomorrow

SFX: blows nose

MIKE
We don’t get to choose the kind of weather t’get buried. Anyway, it’s November.

JOE
Whad’ya having, Mac?

MIKE
You’re buying him a drink? What about me?

JOE
He just got here. You been sponging off me for an hour

MIKE
Say what? You got that backwards!

MAC
I don’t need no handout. I can afford t’buy my own drink, thank you very much.

JOE
Whatever…

MIKE
You should’a taken him up on that. The man’s a cheap bastard

MAC
(aside to bartender)
‘The usual!’ My body feels like one gigantic pain

JOE
Just a few of us old farts left, now.

SFX: GLASSES BEING PLACED ON BAR

BARTENDER
So who’s paying?

(five seconds of silence)

MIKE
He is!

MAC
I’ll pay for all of us if it means avoiding another fight. Drink up guys!

JOE
‘To all the fallen heroes – especially Percy – wherever you are!’ I cut his obit out’ta the paper t’keep as a souvenir

MIKE
Another obit for your wallet? Must be full by now

JOE
It’s easy to fill these days what with medical bills and all, but not with money.

MIKE
Don’t I know it

MAC
I wanted to keep the obit, too, but I don’t get the paper every day, anymore

JOE
I’ll save mine for you when I finish. A person should keep up with what’s going on in the world

MAC
What the hell for? I don’t need’a read about murders and people dying in the street. Ignorance is bliss

MIKE
Did it say whether Percy had any kids? Don’t recall him mentioning anything

JOE
(reading out loud)
‘….Percy Albertson, son of….blah-blah-blah… Daughter Fiona…’ He had a daughter? Don’t remember him mentioning any

MAC
Maybe he wasn’t speaking to her. Families are too busy these days to visit the old folk

JOE
Says the funeral’s tomorrow afternoon at 2 o’clock. Good – that gives me enough time

MIKE
To do what? Watch your TV programs?

JOE
Got plans t’make

MAC
Like?

JOE
Plans…that’s all. I don’t hav’ta tell you everything

MIKE
You never share anything even though we tell you our personal stuff. Shoot - didn’t find out you were married ‘til three months later. You are one secretive weirdo

JOE
They’ll bury him with full military honors for sure, flag and all. Big, bloody, deal. He needed help when he was alive

MIKE
There you go changing the subject on us, again. Hey look – the old jukebox is working again.

SFX: sound of coins on table

Anybody got five bucks to play a song?

JOE
Say what? The jukebox takes $5 a shot, now? I’ll listen to my old 45’s

MIKE
Never mind – I found a five dollar bill

JOE
Wa’cha gonna play, anyway

MIKE
You gotta pay if you wanna know what I’m gonna play. The good old days weren’t so good, anyway

JOE
I can wait to hear

MIKE
I’ll be back

MAC
This weather don’t do my back any good. I have trouble walking today

JOE
What about those new pills they you last month?

MAC
Pills can’t re-build an old, worn-out body and that’s what I need. A new body

JOE
Don’t we all. What time is it, anyway?

MAC
Four o’clock. Anybody hear from Al? He was supposed meet us here an hour ago

JOE
He left a message on my answering machine last week to say he’d be joining us.

MAC
It’s getting dark. Don’t like it out when it gets dark. Not safe for old people

MIKE
Maybe we should call him and see if he’s on his way? I mean, he hasn’t been well lately

MAC
Do you have his phone number?

JOE
He never gave it to me

MAC
Come to think of it, I don’t have it

MAC
Mike’s coming back. Where’s the music? Jukebox not working

MIKE
Neh! They don’t have my stuff. Only that crap they play on the radio these days you know – Lady Goo-Goo…whoever. So where’s Al?

MAC
Damned if I know. Who was supposed to call and remind him?

(silence)

JOE
Just great. The guy supposed to meet us here and nobody bothers calling to remind him. Good friends he has

MIKE
Do you have his number, big shot?

JOE
No but I assumed one of youze has it written down, somewhere

MAC
What about a cell phone?

MIKE
Doesn’t own one. He never much liked modern technology. To tell you the truth, neither do I

JOE
So how we supposed to remind him that we’re all here and he’s supposed to meet us? Send a messenger?

MIKE
He could still show up

MAC
I said…I have one

JOE
One what? What are you babbling about?

MAC
I have…a cell phone

MIKE
What in God’s name do you need a cell phone? All your friends are dead

SCENES FROM REAL LIFE

A SHORT PLAYETTE: THE COFFEE CUP


SCENE: WELL-KNOWN COFFEE SHOP/CHAIN. MAN RETURNS WITH TWO MUGS, ONE FILLED WITH COFFEE AND THE OTHER WITH BOILED WATER FOR TEA


MAN
(placing mug on table)
Here's your boiled water


(woman peers into cup and stares for 5 seconds)


MAN
Aren't you going to drop in your teabag? The water's gonna get cold and you know how you are about water being boiling hot


WOMAN
I have a problem here

MAN
Now what? The water's luke warm, I suppose?


WOMAN
Nope. The water is dirty


MAN
You're kidding! Dirty as in...


WOMAN
Look inside. There are black thingies floating around


(man lifts mug and peers inside)


WOMAN
...and the rim of the mug is dirty. What do they use to wash their dishes? A cat's tongue?


MAN
You're right - there are thingies floating around. You go bring it to their attention. It's your water


(there is a small line-up of people waiting to be served. Woman waits at end of line holding mug of water. Female/customer in front turns around looks at mug and then at woman)


WOMAN
Dirty water. Horrible


CUSTOMER
Oh.. That's too bad...


WOMAN
Yes it it and look - thingies floating inside


CUSTOMER
(peering into mug)
Yup - I see them, too. Look - why don't you move in front of me. You should be first since you were already served


WOMAN
Thank you. That's very considerate. It's just so...blechy to get a dirty mug.


CUSTOMER
Why don't you ask them for a paper cup, instead?


WOMAN
That's okay for coffee but for tea, one must have a china mug


CUSTOMER
It's your turn now... give him hell!

WOMAN
(to person serving coffee)
This water has thingies floating around in it and the mug is dirty. Check it for yourself.


CUSTOMER
She's right, y'know. Check it out! Really - you guys should make a better effort to wash your cups better


(SERVER TAKES MUG FROM WOMAN, LOOKS INSIDE, THROWS HER A DIRTY LOOK, EMPTIES WATER AND RE-FILLS MUG. WOMAN TAKES IT FROM SERVER AND CHECKS WATER AND MUG)


WOMAN
This looks okay but I'll have to take it back and look under the light


SERVER
Dishwasher is broken


WOMAN
Then don't use china mugs! I mean, really... If you had told me in advance, I would have settled for coffee today and used a paper cup


SERVER
Of course. You're right. The customer is always right. I should have known better... Your mug of water is clear now and there are a lot of people waiting to be served


WOMAN
(turning to people in line)
'Their dishwasher is broken! Stick to paper cups!'


WOMAN
(aside to server)
Have a great day. Tea in paper cups - what next...

Really - I am pathetic. As explained and shared in this blog, I'm sort-of disorganized when it comes to sending out my plays. Instead of keeping track of who, when and where the plays end up, I rely on their response to guide me.

Today, for example, I received a "Dear Playwright" letter - actually it was a "Greetings Playwright!" e-mail to be exact. It was a relatively nice "thanks-but-no-thanks" if these things can be classified as nice. There was a list of playwrights whose works were being performed and mine wasn't among them. Thing is - I don't remember whether I submitted something to them or not! I suppose I could send them a letter...something to the effect:

"Dear Blah-Blah,

Thank you for your e-mail and for providing me with a list of the lucky playwrights even though my name is missing, and adding some nice words and phrases to make the non-winners feel better. I've been somewhat busy of late and I'm wondering if you might be so kind as to provide me with the title of the play I did and/or could-have and/or might-have sent you. It's for my records you understand and I wouldn't want to keep submitting the same play(s) to you year after year. Wishing you a successful season, which would have been more successful had my play been selected."

Maybe one day I'll get my act together. Oh my -I made a pun!

SCENES FROM REAL LIFE
A SHORT PLAYETTE: "LOTTERY TICKET"



SCENE: CUSTOMER ENTERS SMALL CONVENIENCE STORE




CUSTOMER
(looking around at shelves)
Hmmmm...


(CONVENIENCE STORE OWNER LOOKS UP FROM READING HIS NEWSPAPER FOR A SPLIT SECOND AND CONTINUES READING)


CUSTOMER
Uh-huh....hmmmmmm...


STORE OWNER
Can I help?


CUSTOMER
I'm not sure...I don't see what I'm looking for


STORE OWNER
What is it that you're looking for?


CUSTOMER
Potato chips


STORE OWNER
(glancing over to the chip display)
We have lots of chips - good flavors, too!


CUSTOMER
Yes but...


STORE OWNER
...but?


CUSTOMER
You don't appear to have my flavor


STORE OWNER
And your flavor would be...?


CUSTOMER
Dill pickle with chives


STORE OWNER
Are you sure? We have a good variety...


CUSTOMER
- but no dill pickle with chives, though


STORE OWNER
You're the first person who has ever asked for that flavor


CUSTOMER
But maybe not the last! You should check into it


STORE OWNER
Perhaps...maybe try another flavor this time?


CUSTOMER
Neh! Gotta be -


STORE OWNER
- I know - dill pickle and chives. What about smoky bacon? That's popular with everyone


CUSTOMER
Neh...


STORE OWNER
Okay...I'll check into it for you


CUSTOMER
(approaching counter)
I'd like a lottery ticket


STORE OWNER
That I have. Which one?


CUSTOMER
The one that has a $50 million dollar jackpot


STORE OWNER
Uh-huh - everyone is buying them like crazy, today


CUSTOMER
Why should I be different? Now the big question is should I allow the computer to choose the numbers or should I pick them...


STORE OWNER
Why not buy two - let the computer choose one set of numbers and you choose the other


CUSTOMER
I suppose I could do that... Actually and between you and me - I don't trust the computer. I think they fix it so that certain areas have winners


STORE OWNER
Well this store ain't one of them!


CUSTOMER
(anxious)
You mean...you've never had a winner, here?


STORE OWNER
(quick to respond)
Of course we have. Not a major winner but winners - lots and lots of winners


CUSTOMER
Good. Then give me five


STORE OWNER
You trusting the computer?


CUSTOMER
Yup. Too lazy to fill in the numbers besides they've never come in.


STORE OWNER
But they could one day and you... I mean, of course, that's a good idea

(he presses the computer buttons and pulls out the strip of paper with numbers)

Good luck, lady! If you win - I win, too!


CUSTOMER
Don't hold your breath...there goes another ten buckeroonies. By the way, don't forget to ask about the dill pickle and chives


STORE OWNER
Of course. You never know who will want this flavor that I never heard of


CUSTOMER
Live and learn, I always say

(customer exits)

SECOND THOUGHTS...

As mentioned in previous writings, been attempting to re-write my short story, "Old Soldiers" as a radio play and enter it in the BBC International Radio Play competition. As a stand-alone story, it's probably if not one of my best, however, in order for it to be suitable for radio, it requires a complete re-think on my part.

Writing a play even when its completed, requires a lot of tweaking some of which can't be achieved without letting it "sit" for a while. We're talking (or writing) here about putting it away for a while and then returning for a re-read in order to gain some perspective. My first play, "Gin..." took - without exaggeration - at least2-3 years to complete and umpteen revisions. In fact, I still tweak it.

I'm beginning to think that perhaps my attempt at a re-write given the time left to enter (March), just isn't realistic. I've even toyed with the idea of submitting one of my full plays, "Make Me a Wedding" and cutting out some of the scenes. Problem is, cutting back on the scenes may result in watering down the content and the impact of the story line. It's a comedy and very funny but in the end, it should be in its present form. A radio play is 70 minutes while my play is 120 minutes. That's a lot of dialogue to cut.

So where am I? Really don't know at the present. I entered the competition a few years ago and didn't win but the play I entered was 60 minutes long. At least it was viable. Perhaps I have to go back to the drawing board and re-think the direction my writing has to take. Again.

SCENES FROM REAL LIFE
A SHORT PLAY-ETTE: "HAIRDRESSER"

SCENE: HAIRDRESSER SALON. IT'S A UNI-SEX SALON SERVING BOTH FEMALE AND MALES. A FEMALE CLIENT IS SITTING IN THE CHAIR AS A STYLIST BLOWS HER HAIR DRY. THE STAFF IS OF GREEK HERITAGE


CLIENT
Hi there! Know I'm early.

HAIRDRESSER
Hi sweetie. Be with you soon.

CLIENT
D'ya want me to waste time until you take me? I can wander around the pharmacy next door. Need a few things anyway...how long should I take? Five minutes?

HAIRDRESSER
Make it 10 - no 20...

CLIENT
Sure. Can't stay there longer, though. Last time I was getting some wierd looks like I was a prospective shop lifter.

(female client returns 10 minutes later)

HAIRDRESSER
Another five minutes, okay sweetie?

CLIENT
Fine. Quiet today, huh?

PETER (MALE STYLIST)
Been quiet all week

CLIENT
People aren't making appointments for the holidays?

PETER
(glumly)
Very quiet...

HAIRDRESSER
Okay sweetie. Come sit in the chair. I'm ready for you, now.

CLIENT
Same color like always

HAIRDRESSER
Eyebrows too?

CLIENT
Yup

HAIRDRESSER
I don't know why you want to dye them. There's hardly anything there.

CLIENT
(chuckling)
Geez - thanks. You sure know how to make a customer feel good!

HAIRDRESSER
I meant, of course, that you hardly have any grey in your eyebrows

CLIENT
True...but sometimes a few sneak through

HAIRDRESSER
You could just pluck them

CLIENT
Much easier to color them and besides, I end up taking off chunks of skin with the hairs. Nothing like walking around with red scabs on your eyebrows

(CLIENT is sitting in chair, reading magazine with hair covered in dye)

HAIRDRESSER
Haven't had a full cigarette all day

CUSTOMER
Healthier for you. Progress - the magazines are up to the year 2009 now.

HAIRDRESSER
I'll be back. Need some nicotine in my blood

(Hairdresser leaves salon to smoke. Stella, another hairdresser, sits in chair next to customer. Other hairdresser returns from her nicotine break and cuts the hair of a male customer)

STELLA
Did you notice how thin blank-blank (name of hairdresser) is?

CLIENT
She's lost a lot of weight... 'Hey blank-blank (HD) - how come you lost so much weight?'

HAIRDRESSER
I dunno. Nerves I guess - and hard work. Been busy and sometimes I skip meals

CLIENT
Not a healthy practice. Wow - I never saw you so skinny. Sure you're okay? I mean, no health problems?

STELLA
She's too thin! She should gain some weight!

HAIRDRESSER
I eat healthy, that's why I'm slim - not skinny! Don't eat junk food

STELLA
(who is on the plump side)
Me neither - and look at me! It's just not fair! I watch what I eat and even work out 5 days at the gym and still I don't lose a pound! Some people are soooo lucky!

CLIENT
Why don't you try writing down everything you eat for a day or two? Maybe you don't even realize. You have to watch portion size

STELLA
I do, I do! Look at me! It's just so unfair! Blah-blah on the other hand is too skinny, don'chu think? She doesn't have a bum anymore or boobs

HAIRDRESSER
Are you two talking about me?

CLIENT
We're discussing your weight loss, girl!

STELLA
You gotta gain weight! Really!

CLIENT
Where is Stavros (salon owner)?

STELLA
He went to Ikea to buy a stand so we can make real coffee. Send a man to get something and he takes hours to make a choice. Who knows what he'll come back with

CLIENT
(looking around)
I don't see a coffee maker, here. Since when did you get one?

STELLA
He's hiding it downstairs. I found it by accident

CLIENT
Why is he hiding it?

STELLA
Who knows. These days you gotta make your customers feel welcome, like they're somebodys. You know, 'have a coffee'

CLIENT
Yeah...I suppose, mind you, I like tea myself...

(STAVROS walks in holding long, narrow package. Everyone gathers round and they place what looks like a plank of wood against the space alloted for the planned coffee maker, to measure the width of the shelf or whatever)

STELLA
(in Greek, but it's obvious what she's saying by their gestures)
It's too wide! Look!

(a man enters with lots of electronic tools hanging from a belt on his hips. He runs a stud finder up and down on the wall)

MAN
(shaking his head negatively)
No good. Too many wires here

STAVROS
Can't you do something?

MAN
I dunno...gotta think about this...

STELLA
We only want to put up this shelf so we can put a coffee pot on top. I mean, how hard is that?

(STELLA, THE ELECTRICIAN AND STAVROS disappear downstairs)

HAIRDRESSER
If we're lucky, you'll have a cup of coffee for your next appointment

CUSTOMER
Actually, I'm a tea drinker

HAIRDRESSER
No problem. We have a kettle to boil water. Between you and I, I like Starbucks coffee but keep it between ourselves

CUSTOMER
Of course. What type of tea do you have, by the way? I personally like green tea...

OLD SOLDIERS -THE BBC INTERNATIONAL RADIO PLAY COMP. : RE-WRITE PROGRESS UPDATE

Slowly revising the story and adding/modifying dialogue. Also added a character (or more) and changed some of the locations. The fiction story opens in Joe McKenna's apartment and I've changed it to Joe and friends getting together to toast an old soldier's demise, at a bar. It seemed that this would be something that a group of old vets would do.

I'm working on flushing out the various characters but I have to be careful that they're not "throw-away" people that will be dropped along the way. They have to be part of the story line. I like the 'feel' of the dialogue - so far. My problem has never been with writing dialogue - I'm strong in this area but to keep the story on track. To this end I'm going back to something I used to do, which is to write an outline.

The challenge, at least for me, is sound effects. In the bar, there is background music and the sound of people talking. The next scene will be in Joe's apartment, which is problematic sound-wise. Mind you he will be talking to his dog... The dog's responses are limited in speech-lolol. Then again, perhaps I'll have somebody drop by, which still won't give me more sound effects...

Definitely need an outline.

SCENES FROM REAL LIFE
A SHORT PLAY: "THE LIFT"

SCENE: THE WOMAN BUNDLED UP FOR A COLD, WINTER DAY IS WALKING WITH A SHOPPING BAG SLUNG OVER HER SHOULDER. AS SHE WALKS, SHE STARES DOWN AT THE SNOWY SIDEWALK

CAST: THE WOMAN
WOMAN DRIVER

THE WOMAN
(mumbling to herself)
Cold... Maybe I should turn back. But I need stuff at the supermarket. Should have taken the car but then what is the physical value in that? No - I need exercise and it's really not that cold out. These boots are so damned heavy but at least they're waterproof...and this fur hat is driving me nuts! It's itchy and keeps slipping down to my eyebrows. I probably look like a lunatic. How do I scratch an itch under a fur hat with mittens on? I suppose I could take them off... At least it's fake fur and I don't have to feel guilty about wearing it. I swear I'm gonna take off this hat, throw it on the ground and stamp on it! I better stop talking to myself in case I meet up with someone I know.

(she looks up and notices that a car slows down and stops a few feet in front of her)

THE WOMAN
Uh-oh...who is that? Should I cross the street or keep walking here. I don't want to make it obvious that I'm nervous. Hopefully they won't ask me for directions because I'm really bad at that. The best I end up doing is pointing

(as the point where she is about to pass the car, a window rolls down and the woman driver leans over)

WOMAN DRIVER
Hello there!

THE WOMAN
(moving away from car)
Uh-huh...yes?

WOMAN DRIVER
Are you going to the supermarket?

THE WOMAN
Well...

WOMAN DRIVER
I'm on my way there, myself. Could I offer you a lift?

THE WOMAN
Well...I don't...

WOMAN DRIVER
Don't worry. I often give lifts to women in the winter, especially on a day like today. Cold wind.

WOMAN
Well...okay, I suppose.

(woman gets into car)

WOMAN
(cautiously but anxiously)
Do you...live around... here?

WOMAN DRIVER
I live in the Versailles.

WOMAN
Oh we're neighbors! I live right next door to you! It's very nice that you offer me a lift.

WOMAN DRIVER
It's no problem - I'm on my way there, myself. I probably wouldn't offer a lift to a man, though. You just never know who can get in

WOMAN
Can't tell these days...

WOMAN DRIVER
So...I saw you walking with a shopping bag and I thought 'she's probably going to the supermarket and it's cold outside and the least I can do is offer her a lift.' So here we are!

WOMAN
Yup...

WOMAN DRIVER
Do you have a dog?

WOMAN
Pardon?

WOMAN DRIVER
A dog? You know -woof-woof?

WOMAN
No - just a husband.
(they both laugh)

WOMAN DRIVER
I want to get a dog. Not a big one or anything...I live in an apartment. A dog would be nice and they're good company. I could dress it up in nice clothes like that dog over there

(they both "awwww" at a dog with boots and trendy sweater being walked accross the road)

WOMAN
I had a dog for 15 years. That's enough for me. Too hard to take when they get old and sick

WOMAN DRIVER
Maybe - but I really would like one...

(they turn into supermarket parking lot)

WOMAN
We're here. You are so thoughtful to offer me a lift. You can leave me off here at the pharmacy. I have to get some makeup

WOMAN DRIVER
It's a pleasure. Maybe next time I'll have a dog for you to pet!

WOMAN
Maybe you will! I'm sure we'll see each other again in the Spring living next door to each other. In the winter, we drive in our car and even when we walk, we look down. Bye!

WOMAN DRIVER
Merry Christmas - don't spend all your money!

WOMAN
(watching car drive away)
Nice...really nice! This damned hat is going to drive me nuts...

Bought two skeins/balls of multi-colored wool and knitting needles in anticipation of making...something. Realized that the best I could hope for was one of my famous scarves and it dawned on me that I needed a lot more wool. Ran to Walmart at point of purchase to replenish and this was the end result. Yet another event taken from my life.


SCANNED!

SCENE: THE HANDICRAFT SECTION OF A WALMART STORE. A WOMAN CUSTOMER IS SCANNING THE ASSORTMENT OF WOOL ON THE SHELVES WHILE A SALES CLERK IS BUSY TALKING TO A YOUNG MALE CLERK, TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO

FEMALE SALES CLERK
So you check your merchandise against the typed sheet and...

CUSTOMER
'Scuse me?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
...keep checking the sheet, Deepak. Uh-huh?

CUSTOMER
(showing clerk a paper wrapper taken from a skein of wool)
Um - I'm looking for this brand and lot dye number but I don't seem to be able to see it anywhere...

FEMALE SALES CLERK
(taking paper and examining it)
Let's see now...where would this be...

(the customer and sales clerk walk up and down the aisle, searching for the wool brand)

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Aside to young male assistant:'Deepak - go find me a scanner...somewhere!'

To customer: I left my scanner here and somebody took it. Can't leave anything these days

CUSTOMER
You mean a customer took it?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Could be although more likely it's another clerk from another dept.

CUSTOMER
Oh... So do you see my brand of wool, anywhere? I don't

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Me neither. Wait a minute - let's go look in the clearance section... Just as I thought - your wool was on clearance

(clerk holds up paper from wool and shows customer similar wool)

FEMALE SALES CLERK
See? Same brand but new wrapping and not your shade. They must have dropped your shade

CUSTOMER
You mean...my wool has been discontinued? But...I just bought it a few days ago!

FEMALE SALES CLERK
That could be but if it's on clearance - it's not here anymore

CUSTOMER
Will you be getting anymore in?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
I doubt it.It's finished!

CUSTOMER
What am I supposed to do now? How can I finish my scarf I'm making?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
What can I tell you! If I had that darn scanner, I could check the other stores to see if they have any in stock

CUSTOMER
Well can't you get another scanner?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
I don't know...where's that Deepak...

CUSTOMER
Perhaps if you'd go find one...?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
If only I had that scanner...but I don't. Why don't you go to one of the front cashes. They can scan your label and check to see if you can find it at another Walmart

CUSTOMER
Are you sure you absolutely sure you don't have the wool, somewhere?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
I'm sure...of course the scanner would help but...

CUSTOMER
...I know. You don't have a scanner.

FEMALE SALES CLERK
My assistant, Deepak, will be back in a minute and then I can go look for a scanner...

CUSTOMER
I really can't wait any longer

FEMALE SALES CLERK
There he is now, 'Deepak - we need a scanner!'

CUSTOMER
Yes Deepak. You do

FEMALE SALES CLERK
We can't work without a scanner! You go find one! I swear, these days you can't trust anyone.

CUSTOMER
What about my wool?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Like I said, go to the front cash and ask them to...

CUSTOMER
...scan. BTW - is this yours?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Ohmygawd - that's our scanner!

CUSTOMER
It was lying here in the wool on clearance. Have a good day

FEMALE SALES CLERK
You too! Go figure...here all along... 'Deepak! I found it!'

DOWNER - MONA DOESN'T LIVE


It takes me a while until getting to the point where I actually make the decision to submit one of my plays and play-ettes. There is the usual self-doubt, is it play-worthy and most of all, does it have entertainment value. When and if I do submit, hope springs eternal that it could make the grade, grade being a theatre recognizes that it has diversionary value . Visions of it actually being performed before an audience who clap in appreciation accompany the "submit" button or the actual act of mailing the ms envelope.

Just came back from checking the Snowdance Festival site in the hope that my name was among the lucky ten playwrights whose plays were accepted. It wasn't.

Inject deep sigh here.

Having not received a notification one way or the other, the only means in which playwrights would know is to continually check their site. That I did - and then some.

The play submitted, "Dusting Mona" was one of my more recent creations and IMHO it's well written. Obviously, not entertaining enough to make the grade.

Inject another deep sigh here.

It was submitted by mail this time since this was their choice and now I'm wondering whether it was ever received. Actually, it's easier to accept that they never received it rather than believe it wasn't good enough. Rejection is part of playwriting or any type of writing but it never gets easier as anyone who is in this milieu will attest. I like to believe that the audience doesn't know what they're missing. Let's just say that Mona and other literary friends are taking a rest.

OLD SOLDIERS - THE RADIO PLAY - a progress report #1

Decided to try and convert my short story, "Old Soldiers" into a radio play and enter it into the BBC International Playwriting Competition. My first realization how difficult a task this is going to be is underestimating the amount of dialogue required. Dialogue as it stands now is limited in its present form and this means a complete re-think as to how I'm going to move this story along. I'm also not sure how to write a radio play. Will spend some time searching the Internet in the hope of discovering the form. Some questions requiring answers that keep me up nights wondering:

- is it written in the same manner as a play?
- do radio plays have scenes?
- where are the sound effects written?

Why am I doing it? Because it's a personal challenge, especially since I've entered the competition before having submitted, "Retribution", which should have won...IMHO. This short story is one of my favorites and I think that it has the potential to be a winner.

There are four characters in the short story but more are required. I'm toying with the idea of adding an old dog given that Joe, my main character, is an old soldier. The dog is Joe's confidant, best friend and reason for living.

Dilemma at present is whether to open the story in Joe's apartment as it is in the story, or open it in a pub. If I open it in the pub it could be a few hours before the ceremonies, whereas the kitchen scene would go before he meets up with his friends in the pub to toast the demise of an army buddy friend.

Also considering the addition of an old (as in age) nosey landlady, who enjoys dropping by Joe's apt. He dislikes her, period, and dislikes her never-ending questions.

We'll see what develops as more dialogue is added. To be continued...

GIMME SPACE
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR

SCENE: A PHARMACY OR ANYWHERE, ACTUALLY. THREE PEOPLE ARE WAITING TO PAY FOR ITEMS AT THE CASH.

CUSTOMER 1
(placing item on counter along with umbrella)
Just going to put this down here... Ooops - didn't mean to crowd anyone

CUSTOMER 2
(directly behind)
No problem. I'll just move my items back a bit to give you some more room

CUSTOMER 1
Don't worry about it. It's only a jar of jam.

CUSTOMER 2
Is it good. I mean, have you had some before?

CUSTOMER 1
Nope. First time. It was on special at nine-nine cents. Mind you, it's only good for 10 more days...
CUSTOMER 2
Do you eat a lot of jam?

CUSTOMER 1
Depends on the day. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Depends how jammy I'm feeling.

CUSTOMER 3
(in front of line)
I'm here!

CUSTOMER 1
Sorry?

CUSTOMER 3
I'm here, too.

CUSTOMER 1
I see

CUSTOMER 3
I need room for my things

CUSTOMER 1
O-kay...

CUSTOMER 3
Could you give me some room for my things, please?

CUSTOMER 1 looks at her for a few seconds, down at her items and moves the umbrella and jam away from CUSTOMER 3

CUSTOMER 3
Your umbrella is wet and it's touching my toilet paper!

CUSTOMER 1
That would be as a result of the pouring rain outside

CUSTOMER 3
You're making the counter wet

CUSTOMER 1
O-kay...sorry but the cashier is doing your items and you'll be outta here, soon

CUSTOMER 3
Still, your umbrella takes up a lot of space

CUSTOMER 1
I already removed it off the counter and moved back my jam so it won't touch your items

CUSTOMER 3
But you made the counter all wet

CUSTOMER 1
(putting hand in purse, produces Kleenex and wipes counter)
There! Allll gone!

CUSTOMER 3 grabs bag

CUSTOMER 3
There should be a sign posted telling people they can't put wet umbrellas on the counter!

CUSTOMER 3 storms out of store

CUSTOMER 1
Some people just gotta have their space!

(turns to CUSTOMER 2)

Oh gee - am I dripping water on your feet? I'm so sorry...here let me wipe them...

MAKE ME A WEDDING! - FROM THE BEGINNING


In spite of what appears to be little interest in my playwriting blog updates - insert big sigh here - I'm going to continue anyway. As mentioned, at present I'm tweaking my two full-plays with the intention of submitting...again and again and...

Friday, November 6:

Started reading right from the top, including cast. Little concerned as I was when I wrote it, actually, that there is a cast of 9. Be that as it may, I can't cut back because they all play an important part of the whole.

SCENE 1: Made some minor changes but no major issues. Introduction to characters requires no modifications as I view them. Sadie and Morty, mother and father, definitely have their own personalities, which is good. Bride-to-be, Rachel's entrance and announcement of her engagement and wedding plans, which differ from Sadie's, signals problems to come. All-in-all - so far, so good. To be continued...

A SHINING LIGHT - THE PLAY?

I wrote this a while back as a First Person piece for our local daily. It was one of other pieces focusing on my experience as a student attending after school Hebrew lessons. This was a very pleasant time and experience although it didn't seem like it at the time. In any case, I'm toying with re-writing it as a play perhaps combining it with some of the other pieces. As usual, comments always welcome.


A Shining Light
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR

As a youngster, Christmas was somewhat of a demoralizing time of the year. Since our family was of the Jewish faith, we celebrated the holiday of Chanukah, which didn't seem to me to be half as exciting as the furor that went along with trimming a tree.

On occasion Chanukah fell during the same period as Christmas and somehow I couldn't work up as much enthusiasm for lighting a candle even if it was colored, as my friends seemed to experience placing ornaments on the branches of their trees.

Even though my parents explained time and time again that Jewish people don't celebrate Christmas, which meant that a tree even a miniature one was out of the question, it was difficult for me to accept. In spite of protestations that we could call it a Chanukah bush, it was obvious that there was no way a fir tree would be part of our celebrations.

Traditionally at Chanukah, children receive gifts of gelt or money and light small colored candles in a menorah (candelabra), one per night for the eight days of the holiday. While that was nice, in my mind it didn't measure up to all the excitement connected to the "other" holiday.

At Hebrew school we always celebrated the various holidays, big and small, and Chanukah was a particular favorite especially since our class, being the eldest students, entertained the residents of a seniors home. Each year the teacher would select eight students to sing and perform as Chanukah candles and competition was fierce for the part of lead candle.

Since I wasn't blessed with a good singing voice – I could barely carry a tune – I knew that my chances were slim at best to play any candle, never mind the lead candle. My biggest rival was Zelig, who had the voice and promise of a future opera singer. Not only did he have the best singing voice, he was also the top student scholastically. Plus he was also the teacher's pet. Whenever games were played for prizes during the holidays, Zelig won everything, which didn't exactly ingratiate him with the other students. Actually, we were all jealous and would have liked nothing better than for his voice to change in the middle of a concert.

Class auditions for candle parts were held a few weeks before the onset of the holiday and the best I could hope for was a minor part and even then, only if the rest of the students had an off day or laryngitis. Each student auditioned for the teacher and as expected, Zelig got the lead role, which irritated me no end.

My resentment was eased somewhat by being assigned the role of a minor candle, probably out of pity more than anything else. Those students not chosen became part of the chorus singing "tra-la-las" at the appropriate time.

Excitement was at a fever pitch when we arrived at the seniors' home, ready to perform for a live audience who were, for the most part, in wheelchairs. They were brought into the auditorium where we were lined up on stage, anxious to perform.

Glancing around the room, many of the seniors appeared half asleep.

"You will be entertained today!" their nurses might have insisted as they wheeled them into the room.

The first students opened the concert and sang well and those who followed performed admirably. Finally, it was my turn. My voice didn't fail me and I felt very proud of my accomplishment.

Zelig opened his mouth and it was like a chorus of angels had entered the room. His voice was strong and melodic and suddenly the seniors perked up, smiles on their faces in obvious appreciation of what they heard. When the last notes of his solo faded away, they all clapped appreciatively.

The musical recital was over and we performed a variety of Israeli dances, moving off the stage to mingle among our audience. Although Israeli dancing was a passion, I was consumed with the memory of the applause and accolades bestowed upon Zelig.

After our presentation and some refreshments, an elderly woman wheeled over to talk to me. She smiled, her trembling hand gently covering mine.

"Thank you," she uttered weakly and breathlessly. "You were all wonderful. How special you are to visit us!"

There was the sudden realization that it wasn't important who the lead candle was or who had the best voice. It was significant to our audience that we had taken the time to come at all.

It wasn't long after our successful performance that Zelig's voice finally broke and he never knew whether he would sing soprano or alto. Tough luck for him. My voice on the other hand, never changed and could always be depended on to sing off-key

BACK IN THE PLAYWRITING SADDLE AGAIN

It appears that once bitten by the playwriting bug, it's an itch that no amount of scratching can quell. What I'm trying to express in my loquacious fashion is that I've decided to submit my plays, again. Not that I didn't before but there has been a noticeable gap that has nagged at my conscience.

I've already taken steps to move things along and submitted one of my short plays in a competition. Don't want to talk/write about it because like many people of our ilk, I'm superstitious, but it's one of my more recent attempts. Additionally, I'm going to enter the BBC International Playwriting Competition if I can convert one of my stories into a radio play. I've got a good half-year to do it but it's still a difficult task.

I've also decided to edit (again!)my full two-act plays and make a real push and effort to get them produced. Not that I didn't before but not to the degree I should have because I feared and still fear rejection. The plays, actually I'm focusing on one in particular, "Make Me a Wedding!" a comedy and the first play I wrote, requires a thorough going-over to see if it still makes me laugh as it did in the past. More importantly, though, looking at it through the eyes of outsiders and evaluating whether it will make them laugh.

In addition, I will post regular updates in this blog and share my findings along with pieces of dialogue for feedback if anyone feels like jumping in. Feel free to do so and it would be much appreciated.

Meanwhile, Morty and Saydie are calling me to help out in the planning of the wedding. As if I'd refuse.