Another tasty morsel of "Neighbors"

Another snippet from "Neighbors."

Following yet another verbal confrontation, Portman has invited neighbor, Taylor, for a friendly drink at the neighborhood bar. Enter Joseph Martini, a customer, who after catching the drift of their conversation focusing on the controversial shrubs, makes them an offer that they agree to accept.

The place is Patty's Place, the bar co-owned by Patty and Portman.

MARTINI

I think I got the big picture. Don't know how'd you feel about this, but would you consider using the services of a mediator?

 

PORTMAN

Ain't that a person who makes street dividers – what's that gonna do for us?

 

TAYLOR

You'll have to forgive my good friend here, since his vocabulary is somewhat limited. A mediator, dear neighbor, is a person who's not familiar with the parties involved, who listens to two sides of a story and then presents an unbiased opinion. Do you happen to know anyone who could do that for us? I’ve already contacted somebody who knows somebody at City Hall but if you you’ve got someone you could recommend… Of course she or he would have to have some experience with property disputes…

 

MARTINI

Believe it or not, it so happens that I'm a semi-retired land surveyor by trade, and I've listened to hundreds, maybe thousands, of stories involving issues like yours. I'd be willing to investigate in the way of thanks for your warm welcome here

 

PORTMAN

Go on! Now you tell me that this ain't fate, Taylor! Here we are in the middle of tryin' to find an answer to our problem and Martini here just happens to drop by for a drink. I mean – what are the odds of that happening, huh?

 

TAYLOR

Indeed. A little too convenient if you ask me

 

PORTMAN

Chalk it up to fate, is all

 

TAYLOR

I dunno - a supposed stranger shows up out of the blue and…

 

MARTINI

I can assure you, sir, that this is the first time I've visited this bar. If you'd rather pass on this opportunity…

 

PORTMAN

Of course he wants to get your legal opinion. Listen Taylor, if Martini here says he made a living settling arguments like ours, then he's the man for the job

 

MARTINI

I'll need to examine the house plans first…

TAYLOR

It's just too convenient for my liking. Do you have anything that says you’re a surveyor?

 

PORTMAN

Do you ask your trash collector for identification or the local delivery guy? Why should our new friend here, have to prove to you that he is who he says he is? Don't pay no attention to him. The man’s got no manners whatsoever

MARTINI

I understand your suspicions and need to know more about me professionally but I have to tell you that I'm very busy doing contract work. So if you're not interested…

PORTMAN

Hang on a minute – I'm willing to let Martini here study the situation - and I'll even go along with his findings. How's that for blind faith, huh?

 

TAYLOR

The only thing I'll agree to is that he can listen to both sides and offer an opinion, period. Let’s see what he comes up with

 

PORTMAN

You were the one who threatened to call a land surveyor just this very morning. Well – here he is! Any land surveyor you call in is gonna be a stranger. D'ya want this man to medicate our dispute, or not?  We're here to fix fences, not build new ones

TAYLOR

You mean mediate our dispute…

 

PORTMAN

See what I mean? There he goes again. Medicate…mediate…what's a 'c' between friends?

TAYLOR

I didn't mean to insult your professional integrity, Mr. Martini

 

PORTMAN

Well, I happen to believe that friends take each other at their word, so I say - let's get on with it! Why don't we drink to…Mr. Martini's -

 

MARTINI

- Joey -

 

PORTMAN

- Joey's findings. Line 'em up Miss Patty and lemonade again for you Joey boy? And whatever my neighbor wants here

 

MARTINI

That's it for me or I'm gonna have to swim outta here. So, how we gonna do this?

 

PORTMAN

Listen – here's a plan. Why don't we wait 'til early evening, once the sun goes down, when it'll be cooler for you to measure our land.  We could hang 'round here for a while and catch the bodacious babes playing volleyball on TV

 

TAYLOR

I haven't agreed to Mr. Martini becoming involved yet

 

PORTMAN

Of course you have! You wanted a meditator and now you got one! What more could a person ask for?

 

MARTINI

Sounds good to me. It'll certainly make my job easier waiting until things cool down a bit

PATTY

In more ways than one

 

PORTMAN

So, it's agreed? We might as well stay here. Patty here will take good care of us

 

TAYLOR

I suppose it can't hurt. As much as I would love to hang here with you guys, my green peppers need staking and my tomato patch needs de-weeding. How 'bout we meet later, say about…seven?

PORTMAN

We won't have to worry about workin' in the dark since my neighbor installed flood lights near his garden, to scare away veggie thieves

TAYLOR

It's to discourage a family of groundhogs that steal at night. I don't spend all those hours to have all my stuff eaten by animal

 

PORTMAN

You do know that you're insultin' me again, Taylor. We're supposed to be getting' to know each other and I'm being ditched for some peppers and tomatoes? 

TAYLOR

It's not that I don't appreciate your invitation, but I've got a lot to do around the house. Like I said, we'll meet in my back yard if that's okay with you, Mr. Martini?

 

MARTINI

Sounds like a plan to me

PORTMAN

Perfect-o-mundo!. Me and Joey...I mean, Mr. Martini will get to know each other better, right guy?

PORTMAN

Then it's settled. We meet at seven on your territory. By the way, I'm out of salad. If 'ya happen to have an extra head or two lyin' around…

 

TAYLOR

Nice meeting you Mr. Martini

 

PORTMAN

You into beach volleyball, Joey boy? Wait 'til you get a look at those babes. Mama mia!

MARTINI

Do they carry volleyball on basic cable?

 

After switching on the television, PATTY brings over two drinks. TAYLOR lingers for an instant and then leaves

Another day, another play

As the title of the blog indicates, another day...another play almost finished. In playwriting 'almost' is a tricky term since endings are usually hard to come by.

"So give us an update on your playwriting efforts in general these days, Eleanor."

As mentioned ad nauseum here, finished "Old Soldiers" and entered it in this year's edition of the BBC International Playwriting Competition. Now comes the really hard part in waiting to hear back one way or the other. Being in this mental and physical state of being means a slight case of nausea when opening my e-mail in anticipation of receiving "the" word. Suffice it to say that waiting is not half the fun.

I'm "that" close to finishing my latest project, "Neighbors", which is turning into a great two-act play. As my mom used to say, "close" is only good when playing horse shoes. It had its origins as a short play and over the years as is my habit, it has been tweaked to death and  sort-of atrophied in my filing (or none-filing) system. Recently, after reading it over for the zillionth time, I decided that it has the meat and bones (can a play have meat and bones one wonders...) for expansion. The story line, which is loosely based on facts, focuses on a row of shrubs that separate the back gardens of two neighbors, one of which believes that their placement encroaches on to his property. The end result is that it has caused a feud that has lingered and grown over the years. The dialogue is entertaining and the story is moving along to a natural conclusion, following which it will be put to bed for a while and re-read at a later date for changes. There are always changes in my world.

Interesting how the creative process works. As an artist in addition to being a writer, it seems that my best work is done at the cost of the other. To be more precise, when I'm in the midst of creating a new writing piece, my artistic output tapers off and vice-versa.

Meanwhile, I'm thinking about but not yet in the writing mode of my next play focusing on a young girl's experiences growing up after moving into a new neighborhood.. Not sure whether it will be a one act or full play but then I never know how it will work until consulting with the characters. Meanwhile, my blank canvases are calling me.