SCENES FROM REAL LIFE
A SHORT PLAY: "THE LIFT"

SCENE: THE WOMAN BUNDLED UP FOR A COLD, WINTER DAY IS WALKING WITH A SHOPPING BAG SLUNG OVER HER SHOULDER. AS SHE WALKS, SHE STARES DOWN AT THE SNOWY SIDEWALK

CAST: THE WOMAN
WOMAN DRIVER

THE WOMAN
(mumbling to herself)
Cold... Maybe I should turn back. But I need stuff at the supermarket. Should have taken the car but then what is the physical value in that? No - I need exercise and it's really not that cold out. These boots are so damned heavy but at least they're waterproof...and this fur hat is driving me nuts! It's itchy and keeps slipping down to my eyebrows. I probably look like a lunatic. How do I scratch an itch under a fur hat with mittens on? I suppose I could take them off... At least it's fake fur and I don't have to feel guilty about wearing it. I swear I'm gonna take off this hat, throw it on the ground and stamp on it! I better stop talking to myself in case I meet up with someone I know.

(she looks up and notices that a car slows down and stops a few feet in front of her)

THE WOMAN
Uh-oh...who is that? Should I cross the street or keep walking here. I don't want to make it obvious that I'm nervous. Hopefully they won't ask me for directions because I'm really bad at that. The best I end up doing is pointing

(as the point where she is about to pass the car, a window rolls down and the woman driver leans over)

WOMAN DRIVER
Hello there!

THE WOMAN
(moving away from car)
Uh-huh...yes?

WOMAN DRIVER
Are you going to the supermarket?

THE WOMAN
Well...

WOMAN DRIVER
I'm on my way there, myself. Could I offer you a lift?

THE WOMAN
Well...I don't...

WOMAN DRIVER
Don't worry. I often give lifts to women in the winter, especially on a day like today. Cold wind.

WOMAN
Well...okay, I suppose.

(woman gets into car)

WOMAN
(cautiously but anxiously)
Do you...live around... here?

WOMAN DRIVER
I live in the Versailles.

WOMAN
Oh we're neighbors! I live right next door to you! It's very nice that you offer me a lift.

WOMAN DRIVER
It's no problem - I'm on my way there, myself. I probably wouldn't offer a lift to a man, though. You just never know who can get in

WOMAN
Can't tell these days...

WOMAN DRIVER
So...I saw you walking with a shopping bag and I thought 'she's probably going to the supermarket and it's cold outside and the least I can do is offer her a lift.' So here we are!

WOMAN
Yup...

WOMAN DRIVER
Do you have a dog?

WOMAN
Pardon?

WOMAN DRIVER
A dog? You know -woof-woof?

WOMAN
No - just a husband.
(they both laugh)

WOMAN DRIVER
I want to get a dog. Not a big one or anything...I live in an apartment. A dog would be nice and they're good company. I could dress it up in nice clothes like that dog over there

(they both "awwww" at a dog with boots and trendy sweater being walked accross the road)

WOMAN
I had a dog for 15 years. That's enough for me. Too hard to take when they get old and sick

WOMAN DRIVER
Maybe - but I really would like one...

(they turn into supermarket parking lot)

WOMAN
We're here. You are so thoughtful to offer me a lift. You can leave me off here at the pharmacy. I have to get some makeup

WOMAN DRIVER
It's a pleasure. Maybe next time I'll have a dog for you to pet!

WOMAN
Maybe you will! I'm sure we'll see each other again in the Spring living next door to each other. In the winter, we drive in our car and even when we walk, we look down. Bye!

WOMAN DRIVER
Merry Christmas - don't spend all your money!

WOMAN
(watching car drive away)
Nice...really nice! This damned hat is going to drive me nuts...

Bought two skeins/balls of multi-colored wool and knitting needles in anticipation of making...something. Realized that the best I could hope for was one of my famous scarves and it dawned on me that I needed a lot more wool. Ran to Walmart at point of purchase to replenish and this was the end result. Yet another event taken from my life.


SCANNED!

SCENE: THE HANDICRAFT SECTION OF A WALMART STORE. A WOMAN CUSTOMER IS SCANNING THE ASSORTMENT OF WOOL ON THE SHELVES WHILE A SALES CLERK IS BUSY TALKING TO A YOUNG MALE CLERK, TELLING HIM WHAT TO DO

FEMALE SALES CLERK
So you check your merchandise against the typed sheet and...

CUSTOMER
'Scuse me?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
...keep checking the sheet, Deepak. Uh-huh?

CUSTOMER
(showing clerk a paper wrapper taken from a skein of wool)
Um - I'm looking for this brand and lot dye number but I don't seem to be able to see it anywhere...

FEMALE SALES CLERK
(taking paper and examining it)
Let's see now...where would this be...

(the customer and sales clerk walk up and down the aisle, searching for the wool brand)

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Aside to young male assistant:'Deepak - go find me a scanner...somewhere!'

To customer: I left my scanner here and somebody took it. Can't leave anything these days

CUSTOMER
You mean a customer took it?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Could be although more likely it's another clerk from another dept.

CUSTOMER
Oh... So do you see my brand of wool, anywhere? I don't

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Me neither. Wait a minute - let's go look in the clearance section... Just as I thought - your wool was on clearance

(clerk holds up paper from wool and shows customer similar wool)

FEMALE SALES CLERK
See? Same brand but new wrapping and not your shade. They must have dropped your shade

CUSTOMER
You mean...my wool has been discontinued? But...I just bought it a few days ago!

FEMALE SALES CLERK
That could be but if it's on clearance - it's not here anymore

CUSTOMER
Will you be getting anymore in?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
I doubt it.It's finished!

CUSTOMER
What am I supposed to do now? How can I finish my scarf I'm making?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
What can I tell you! If I had that darn scanner, I could check the other stores to see if they have any in stock

CUSTOMER
Well can't you get another scanner?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
I don't know...where's that Deepak...

CUSTOMER
Perhaps if you'd go find one...?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
If only I had that scanner...but I don't. Why don't you go to one of the front cashes. They can scan your label and check to see if you can find it at another Walmart

CUSTOMER
Are you sure you absolutely sure you don't have the wool, somewhere?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
I'm sure...of course the scanner would help but...

CUSTOMER
...I know. You don't have a scanner.

FEMALE SALES CLERK
My assistant, Deepak, will be back in a minute and then I can go look for a scanner...

CUSTOMER
I really can't wait any longer

FEMALE SALES CLERK
There he is now, 'Deepak - we need a scanner!'

CUSTOMER
Yes Deepak. You do

FEMALE SALES CLERK
We can't work without a scanner! You go find one! I swear, these days you can't trust anyone.

CUSTOMER
What about my wool?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Like I said, go to the front cash and ask them to...

CUSTOMER
...scan. BTW - is this yours?

FEMALE SALES CLERK
Ohmygawd - that's our scanner!

CUSTOMER
It was lying here in the wool on clearance. Have a good day

FEMALE SALES CLERK
You too! Go figure...here all along... 'Deepak! I found it!'