June 18, 2007

BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
By Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE: After G.I. JOE's attempt to throw BLAIN, BARBIE's ex-but-hopefully-to-be-once-again-boyfriend, over his shoulder to transport him to the hospital, they have finally reached Mercyful Hospital with G.I. JOE riding shotgun on a tank.

BARBIEPlease - like...can somebody lend a hand here?

G.I. JOE
(jumping down off his tank)
Here - lemme show you how a soldier does it

BARBIENo! I mean - you've done enough to...I mean, for us already

G.I. JOEAnything for you, babe!

BARBIE

Hello? We need a doctor - like...now!

G.I. JOEHey! Did I ever tell you that I got my first-aid badge. We don't need no doctors...

BARBIENo...thank you, G.I. Why don't we get another opinion from a real doctor?

G.I. JOEOkay but I saved my pooch, Bullet, when he got hit by a ve-hi-cle last year

BARBIEBut...you hit him, G.I.!

G.I. JOEHey - it was an accident, okay? It ain't my fault the dog fell off during manoeuvers!

BARBIEBut did you have to run over him three times?

G.I. JOEHow was I supposed t'know he wasn't an enemy pooch?

BARBIE
Why do I bother... Hello? Somebody? Anybody?

G.I. JOEHere - lemme get somebody. It takes a soldier t'get things done around here...

(G.I. JOE runs inside the hospital and exits with a doctor slung over his shoulder, screaming)

DOCTORHelp! Help! This man is a lunatic!

G.I. JOE
Aw - thank you doc! Ain't that nice of him t'say, Barbie?

BARBIEPut-him-down, G.I.! Please? For me, your Barbie?

(G.I. JOE lowers the physician to the ground)

(BARBIE cont'd.) You'll have to forgive my friend G.I. Joe. He's a little over-protective

DOCTORForgive him? Forgive him? I'm calling the cops! The man's a real danger to society. I'm gonna have him locked up...

(physician produces cell phone and starts to dial)

G.I. JOEUh-oh... We have an enemy agent here calling his bad guy friends...

(G.I. JOE whips out a sling shot from his back pocket and aims it at physician and hits him on
the cheek)

DOCTORWhat the... That hurt! This man is really dangerous!

G.I. JOE
And don't you forget it! I know your type... Pretend to be a friendly doc but inside you're really the enemy trying to take over the world. I bet you don't even work here, do you? Let everyone think you can fix boo-boos but all you really want is in-for-ma-tion.

(G.I. JOE walks over to the physician who responds by running back into the hospital)

(G.I. JOE cont'd) Ha! I showed him! Coward! He won't be botherin' you again, babe!

BARBIEOh gawd, G.I. What have you done?

G.I. JOENo need t'thank me!

BARBIEWe need a doctor, now! Blain here needs help

(BLAIN starts to stir)

BLAINMummy - is that you? I got a boo-boo that hurts bad, mommy.

(The sound of police sirens can be heard causing G.I. JOE to retreat back into his tank)

G.I. JOE
C'mon Barbie - the enemy has found us but your G.I. JOE will keep you safe from harm

BARBIEThat's the problem, G.I.

G.I. JOEWhat is?

BARBIE
Your trying to keep me safe. Perhaps we should part ways...

G.I. JOE
Whad'ya mean?

BARBIE
You know - um - separate?

G.I. JOE
I don't get it

BARBIEThat's the problem. Let me put it this way: I think we should break up

Questions du jour: How will G.I. Joe take to a possible breakup with his Barbie? Will surfer dude Blain get the help he needs? How will G.I. Joe deal with the arrival of the police?

©Eleanor Tylbor, 2007