Wednesday, August 06, 2008

"THANK YOU FOR LETTING US GET TO KNOW YOUR WORK..."
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR




You know you're far from achieving your goal of getting a play produced when you forget to whom, when and where they were submitted.


This hit home when once again, as is the case too many times in the past, another rejection notification greeted me in my e-mail. Actually, it came as quite a surprise since I had slowed down - read stopped - submitting my play(s) for approximately six months. A short rest I told myself, will help restart the creative process although how not submitting could achieve this was not clear. Still, I did it anyway.


Yesterday I received a rejection notice from a theatre I had somehow neglected to list in my sending-it-but-not-holding-my-breath list of "potentials." It was your usual polite thanks-but-no-thanks type rejection. You know - thanks for submitting but your script is not a good fit? That type.


However, it was the added, "we appreciated the chance to get to know your work."


O-kaaaay...


Reading this sentence over a few times it struck me that they could get to know my work a hell of a lot better if they would have produced it. We could have probably established a good working relationship. I mean, I would have been open to re-writes...changes in character names... The director and producer, actors and everyone involved could have worked together to ensure that the play would have been a smash! Be that as it may it will never be.

Sure the company member that signed the rejection notice wished me the best in my writing. They always do. If he really had my best interests at heart then he would have produced the play, no?


Anyway, the notice will join all the others but now I'm wondering how many others are "out there" waiting to make an appearance in my inbox. Ignorance is bliss.

Friday, August 01, 2008

BARBIE, KEN & THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE: the continuing saga of life among the plastic people
By Eleanor Tylbor

Our story so far:

BARBIE, KEN, G.I. JOE and their plastic "sisters" and "brothers" were relegated by circumstances beyond their control to live out their lives in relative obscurity, packed away in boxes in a warehouse…somewhere. At the point G.I. Joe, always the soldier was about to blast their way out of the warehouse, they were set free due to some unexpected legal proceedings and a court case. Once again, they continue to live out their lives in Plasticville.


SCENE:
BARBIE, ever the fashionista, is in her designer bedroom filled to capacity with designer clothes, trying to decide what to wear


BARBIE
Like…I can't believe I'm actually back in my designer home again with all my designer outfits, waiting to be tried on! Bend my arms a little, Ken. That's better. Now pass me those Dolce and Gabanna outfits. No – gimme the Gucci… No – I'm in a Stella McCartney-ish mood…


(G.I. Joe and Ken rush over to grab a handful of new outfits and fight each other to be thee first to hand them to her)


G.I. JOE
Get…out'ta…my…way…surfer…stupid-o! She was talking to ME!


KEN
Stupid-o? Look who's calling me stupid-o. Mr. Soldier Boy who blew off his own foot with a grenade! I'm her favourite and always will be! Right Barb babe?


G.I. JOE
Hey! That was an unforeseen accident. Anyway, I got another one. She wants a real man and that's why I'm here!


KEN
(distracted, looking off in the distance)Is that a wave I hear? Is surf up?


BARBIE
Ken…Ken…Ken… Like - life does not begin and end with surfing! There is more to life like clothes and being seen with the right people in the right places in the right time


G.I. JOE
(laughing)
Ha! See what I mean? She's not hanging-ten on your board anymore. She wants a real man and that's why I'm here! The time is right babe for you and me! Wanna go blow up something, babe?


KEN
Oh yeah? We go back like…forever, right Barb? We always were and we always will be and there's nothing that you can do about it. We've always been boyfriend and girlfriend – always. Course there was a time when we broke up… I was like…so depressed… Didn't come out of the water for weeks… Hadda get a whole new plastic skin transplant…and the smell!


G.I. JOE
You pathetic piece of plastic! You're nothing but… Press the red button on my back, sissy-boy. My new leg replacement has molded together, again


KEN
Maybe I will…and maybe I won't. Hmmmm….let me see now…


G.I. JOE
Oh fer… Okay. Tell 'ya what. Help me out and I'll give you a ride in my jeep. Your new surfboard there would fit in the back seat just perfectly. You'll be a big hit with your surfer pretty boys. I mean friends


(KEN hops over – on tip-toes – and attempts to lift G.I. JOE's shirt but his arms won't bend)


KEN
Tough luck, soldier. No bend-o, no button push-o!


BARBIE
(laughing)
Like…you two! You're like…so-so…


G.I. JOE
…army tough?

KEN

…your best beach boy?

BARBIE
Silly guys! Weird of course! Always fighting over…moi. Didn't your mommies teach you how to share?


(Doorbell rings)

BARBIE
Now who could that be? Maybe…more designer outfits? Or perhaps an invitation to a club opening? Hmmmmm….


(BARBIE hops over to the door on tip-toe and opens it)


BARBIE
(gasping in shock)
Like…what are YOU doing here?


SASHA BRATZ
Like…hi! Like…is that the way to welcome your friends. Right girls?


(SASHA barges past BARBIE followed close behind by YASMIN, CHLOE BRATZ)


YASMIN, CHLOE
Yeah – like…is that the way to treat us? Ooooooo – new clothes! Be our best friend and let us try them on?


BARBIE
You have-got-to-be-kidding! Like…why would I, Barbie, world-famous fashionista, let you, my former best friends who stabbed me in the back, like…try on these beautiful new outfits created for ME!


SASHA
How about because we're here to tell you something very important!


BARBIE
Like…who cares?


YASMIN
You will when we tell you that…that...
BARBIE
That...what?
G.I. JOE
Want me to squeeze the truth outta her, babe? Huh? I can y'know! Just say the word


(TO BE CONTINUED. WHAT IMPORTANT INFO. DO THE BRATZ'S HAVE TO TELL BARBIE? WE'LL FIND OUT DURING OUR NEXT VISIT TO PLASTICVILLE)