Saturday, March 03, 2012

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
IN THE POOL

SCENE: A SWIMMING POOL FILLED HALF WAY WITH FEMALES

INSTRUCTOR
We have a lot of people in the pool so spread out and give each other room

AQUA FITNESS PARTICIPANT (AFI)
Sorry - didn't mean to bump into you

AQUA FITNESS PARTICIPANT II (AFII)
No problem. Not much room to move around. Maybe some of us should go in the deeper water

AFI
Not me! I swim like a rock. Don't wanna be a headline in tomorrow's paper. "Woman drowns in deep end of pool during aqua fitness."

AFII
We're like sardines here!

AFI
Don't let me stop you from moving out further

AFII
Um...I'll just stay here

INSTRUCTOR
(jumping in water
Okay ladies - it's time to rock

AF1
(looking around)
Rock, huh... Okay...let's rock. Should we snap our fingers, too?

AFII
You don't have to do anything with your fingers. It's all in the leg movement

AFI
Actually that was a joke - obviously a weak one. You know...rock'n'roll music... Snap your fingers?

INSTRUCTOR
'Okay - left jog...center jog...right jog. Now cross-country moving forward...now backward...'

AFI
Don't know about you but I'm having trouble moving backwards while cross-country-ing facing the right...

AFII
Do what you can

AFI
I can't see her legs. Can you see her legs?

AFII
You don't have to see her what she's doing. Just follow her instructions

AFI
Maybe it's me but I have to see in addition to hear. Why doesn't she do exercise outside the pool on the deck?

(female climbs stairs to leave pool)

INSTRUCTOR
(smiling)
'Hey - where you going? This class ain't over!'

EXITING LADY
I have an appointment...

INSTRUCTOR
'That's what they all say! You're gonna miss a lot!'

(everyone laughs)

AFI
Like...that is soooo embarrassing! I mean, maybe she really did have an appointment

AFII
Oh she's just kidding! She always acts like that1

AFI
I dunno...

INSTRUCTOR
'Okay now we're gonna work on our upper thighs...'

AFI
Maybe it's me but I can't for the life of me figure out what she means

(turning to person on other side)

(Cont'd.) Do you mind if I watch your feet? I mean, I don't want you to think I'm a pervert or anything. I just can't follow the instructor

(woman ignores her)

(Cont'd) Ohmygawd - I'm exhausted. Maybe I should stop here...don't wanna tire myself out or anything... Yup. That's what I'm gonna do...

(Aside to AFII): 'Nice aqua-ing with you. Maybe we'll aqua fit together again'

(AFI starts to climb pool stairs)

INSTRUCTOR
Hey - you there! You're leaving me too? They all leave me in the end

(everyone laughs)

AFI
(to herself)
Maybe there's a reason for that...

INSTRUCTOR
Did you say something?

AFI
Look - I have to pee. We have a choice here. If I stay as you want me to and continue exercising, you can use your imagination as to what might or could happen. So now you make the choice. Do I stay or go?

INSTRUCTOR
Don't let us stop you

AFI
Thought you'd see it my way. 'Bye all. Remember to always keep your head above water'

AFI exits