Tuesday, June 29, 2010


THE PLAY IS NOT THE THING


It's been a while since I submitted one of my two full length plays...anywhere, actually. One of the reasons is somehow I misplaced/deleted/filed-in-unknown-folder, the list of theatres who were fortunate enough to be the recipient of, but didn't realize it, plays. Being organized is not one of my strong points.

So this is leading me once again as it has on numerous occasions in the past, to search my soul as to whether the plays are stage-worthy. In reading them over to evaluate whether they need a gazillionth re-write, they still entertain me and make me laugh. This, at least to me, is a good sign. The problem is that nobody else seems to feel the same way or at least feel they would be embraced by theatre-goers. It took me years to get the words down on paper and then more years to get the right "feel" and flow - the two big 'F"s - before allowing them to leave home.

It's not that I don't enjoy writing plays or at least 'short-short'-10 minute plays these days, but there comes a point where one has to evaluate whether the effort is worth the search given the end result. Perhaps and although I'm loathe to admit it, they aren't stage-worthy. Even writing this sentence is like an arrow piercing my heart. So where does this leave me? Should I give up the ghost so to speak and leave them in my will as part of my legacy to future generations in the hope that they will see merit it them, and carry on the search? Or, should I continue to check out potential theatres and competitions and submit my plays in the hope that they were never the recipients of my literary gems?

Meanwhile, if a theatre producer reading this is interested in taking a chance on an unknown-but-talented playwright with two very entertaining comedy plays waiting for their chance to be exposed to the world, you know where to reach me. Maybe not depending if I remembered to add my contact information. Go know!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010


BARBIE AND KEN DO TOY STORY 3



SCENE: BARBIE, FAMOUS FASHIONISTA AND KEN, HER ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN SIGNIFICANT OTHER, LOUNGE BY THE POOL. BARBIE IS READING "PEOPLE" WHILE KEN SHINES HIS SURF BOARD.


BARBIE
I just don't get why they don't do a feature on us. I mean, we're famous celebs. Look at me - I'm beautiful...and I wear designer clothes and I'm famous. Why? Why? What's wrong with us!


KEN
(caressing and cleaning his surfboard)
You are so smooth, my little surfing beauty...up and down, up and down...I love your body...


(KEN lifts his surfboard to an upright position and kisses the surface)


BARBIE
...like...we show up at all the new club openings and they still ignore us... Oh Gawd, Ken! That is like...soooo disgusting - and sick! What is it with you and that piece of wood?



KEN
(suddenly dropping the surfboard)
This is part of who I am, Barb - besides - I carved this with my very own hands


BARBIE
- I told you not to call me Barb -


KEN
- whoever -


BARBIE
- not that either -


KEN
- okay already! Anywaaay - me and Surfy here have been together like...forever! (caresses surface of board) We have so much in common


BARBIE
Surfy? You gave your surfboard a name? Oh that is like...even more sick. Then again, you both have the same sized brain


KEN
Thank you! Hear that, Surfy? Barbie says we both think alike!


(BARBIE returns to reading magazine as KEN shines surfboard again)


BARBIE
You are one weird puppy Ken...


(suddenly, there is the sound of machine gun firing off rounds)


KEN
Surf's up! Me and Surfy will be back soon


(KEN grabs surfboard and starts to leave)


BARBIE
Sit down, Ken. It's only G.I. Joe


(G.I. Joe descends down on to the deck area of the pool, from a hovering helicopter)


G.I. JOE
Barbie babe! Wa'cha doin' here with this sissy boy? Why'd you leave without telling me where you were going? It's gettin' harder and harder to find you!


BARBIE
But...you...always do, don't you Joe?


G.I. JOE
No matter where you go on this planet - I'll always follow your trail


BARBIE
Heaven knows I've tried to lose it


G.I. JOE
Babe - what are 'ya doin' livin' here with...him?


BARBIE
I got tired of living in the jungle, Joe! A fashionista like me needs more in life than mosquito netting


G.I. JOE
But... I shared everything I have with you

BARBIE
Really Joe - it's very unnerving having to use crates filled with hand grenades as a table and I'm tired of losing new friends that end up as a main course for Cuddles, your boa constrictor

G.I. JOE

Look - you gotta admit that he's is the best on guard duty. I'll ditch Cuddles, okay? Let's just leave this outhouse

KEN
Outhouse? You call this an outhouse? I'll have you know that this was given to me a thank you for my role in a movie!

G.I. Joe
Oh yeah? What was the name of this so-called movie? 'Sissy-boy loves surfboard'? Ha-ha-ha...

BARBIE
Um - Joe...I was in the movie, too. I-I moved in with Ken.

G.I.JOE
After all we been to each other, babe, you're bailing on me? I shared everything I have wid you!

BARBIE
Exactly. That's why I'm staying here in La-La-Land where I belong, in this beautiful mansion with the beautiful people. Uh-oh... Look at the time. We have a dinner party with our new friends.

KEN
(caressing his surfboard)
Um - I think I'm gonna pass on that. You know I'm not into that kind of stuff

BARBIE
Oh fer... Fine. Stay here but don't call me if you get splinters, again.

(helicopter descends and G.I. JOE climbs up ladder)

G.I. JOE
You're gonna miss me, babe! You know where to find me

BARBIE
Not if I can help it

(voices call Barbie by name)

BARBIE
Sure you won't change your mind, Ken?

KEN
...so warm and welcoming, my Surfy...

BARBIE

'I'm coming Woody and Buzz!'



BARBIE runs off to meet her new friends