Scenes from Life: a Short Play-ette AT THE SUPERMARKET:

THE FRENCH BREAD
by Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE:  SUPERMARKET BAKERY

AT RISE:  A FEMALE SHOPPER ARRIVES IN THE BAKERY AREA. LOOKS OVER THE ALMOST-EMPTY BREAD DISPLAY


FEMALE SHOPPER
(quietly to herself while squeezing all the breads)
This is like...so pathetic. Bread is at least two days old and this one is broken in three places. Who would buy it

(another shopper arrives)

SHOPPER 1
No bread, yet?

FEMALE SHOPPER
A couple of left over 2-day old breads.  They should remove them

SHOPPER 1
(bending over to look)
That happens as a result of shoppers squeezing the breads to see if they're fresh. Too many fingers pushing in one spot and the breads break in half Look - you can see the finger indentations.

FEMALE SHOPPER
Um...yeah...I see...but how else can you tell if the bread is fresh?

SHOPPER 1
Problem is that everyone squeezes the bread in the same place and this is the end result. Some shoppers have no respect for others. A squeeze here and a squeeze there...

FEMALE SHOPPERS
(uncomfortable)
Of course you're right... Looks like there's fresh bread baking in the oven. I love the smell of fresh baking bread. Don't you?

SHOPPER 1
...they'll end up having to throw out the bread of course. Disgusting with all the starving people in the world!

FEMALE SHOPPER
(looking even more uncomfortable)
Beautiful weather we're having. It's about time what with all that rain

SHOPPER 1
It's those same people that open up the strawberry boxes and exchange berries to make sure they have the best one's.

FEMALE SHOPPER
Disgusting! Some people...! Did you happen to notice if the strawberries on sale, perchance?

(another shopper arrives)

SHOPPER 2
Bread not ready?

FEMALE SHOPPER
Nope. Guess the bakers aren't rising to the occasion (laughs)

(the other two shoppers stare at her)

(cont'd) A little humor while we wait...obviously very little...

SHOPPER 1
We were just discussing how people over-squeeze the French bread to death causing it to break in half

FEMALE SHOPPER
Oh look! Here comes the baker. 'I'll take two white baguettes, sil vous plait'

BAKER
Attendez - c'est trop chaud

SHOPPER 1
What he say?

FEMALE SHOPPER
Haven't the slightest idea. I memorized my sentence from a French phrase book when I planned a trip to France

SHOPPER 1
Two whole wheat breads, please

FEMALE SHOPPER
Sil vous plait

SHOPPER 1
What?

FEMALE SHOPPER
That's French for 'please'

SHOPPER 2
Same for me

BAKER
Too hot. You must wait ten minutes for cool

FEMALE SHOPPER
How about you hand it over and we'll blow on it?

BAKER
Par-don? I know understand

FEMALE SHOPPER
A joke. You know...ha-ha-? Any-way, how about those over there on the trays? They look cool

BAKER
They are freeze. They must bake in oven

FEMALE SHOPPER
Look baked to me. Do they look baked to you, ladies?

SHOPPER 1
If he says they're not cooked... Why would he lie?

FEMALE SHOPPER
I dunno. Maybe he's saving them for friends. Look...sir. I'll take my chances with the hot bread. I promise you I'll be very careful. Really. I respect your French bread and won't abuse it. In fact, if you just put it in bags and hand it over, I'll put it in a safe place in my shopping cart where it can cool off, while I shop. I'm sure the other shoppers will also respect your bread. Right ladies?

SHOPPER 1
I can wait.

SHOPPER 2
Me too.

(SHOPPER 1 AND SHOPPER 2 walk away)

FEMALE SHOPPER
If you would give me my breads?

(he hands over the breads. She grabs them from the middle and they bend in half)

(cont'd) Oh no! A catastrophe has occurred!

(she replaces the broken breads in the empty bread display)

BAKER
Madam - your breads!

FEMALE SHOPPER
(pushing her shopping cart away
Neh! Changed my mind. You bakers take your breads so seriously

Scenes from Life: a Short Playette THE CHERRY PICKER

SCENES FROM LIFE:  A SHORT PLAYETTE

THE CHERRY PICKER

by Eleanor Tylbor

 

SCENE:   PRODUCE DEPT. OF SUPERMARKET. PEOPLE ARE GATHERED AROUND A DISPLAY OF CHERRIES

AT RISE: A WOMAN APPROACHES THE CHERRY DISPLAY, STOPS AND STUDIES THE PEOPLE GATHERED AROUND

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Excuse me…um…can I get in here?

 (people ignore her)

 

(cont’d).  FEMALE SHOPPER

Excuse me, people…could you make space for me?

 (people continue to ignore her)

 

(cont’d.)  FEMALE SHOPPER

Hello? Earth to cherry pickers! An outsider would like to join you all!

 

(FEMALE SHOPPER moves her shopping cart forward and gently runs into someone)

 

CHERRY PICKER 1

Ouch! That hurt!

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

I tried asking politely to get close to the counter but everyone seemed deaf to my request, so I had to take things in my own hands or with my shopping cart as the case may be

 

CHERRY PICKER 1

You could have tapped me on the shoulder, y’know

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Would it have made any difference?

 

CHERRY PICKER 1

Probably not but you could have tried

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Good price for cherries. Guess that’s why there’s so many people hanging out here. Hmmmm…where are the plastic bags. ‘Anybody tell me where the plastic bags are?’ Anyone want to give an opinion?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

(mouth full of cherries and oozing juice)

…are…none…left… Have to…ask…manager for…more…bags

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Are those cherries you have in your mouth?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

…uh-huh…

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Would it be presumptuous of me to assume you didn’t pay for them?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

…hav’ta taste them, first…

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

You do realize that in some circles that would be considered stealing

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Everybody does it

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

And that makes it right? What are you doing! Did you just spit out that cherry pit back into the display?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Yeah…I mean, I didn’t wanna dirty the floor or anything. Somebody could slip and hurt themselves. Anyway, everybody does it

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

But…your saliva has germs, which you are depositing on the cherries

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

What else am I supposed to do with the pits?

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

You could refrain from tasting the cherries or at the very least put them in your pocket and take them home with you or something

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Everyone else is doing it. Check out the display

 

(FEMALE SHOPPER looks down at the display of cherries)

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Oh Gawd! |You’re right! To think I was about to put my hand inside there

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

You’re in luck. Here comes the produce manager with a roll of new plastic bags

 

PRODUCE MANAGER

‘Okay everyone -  move aside! I’m gonna clean up all the cherry pits at the bottom! Not healthy.’

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Aren’t you going to take a bag for cherries?

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Somehow I’ve lost my taste for them. There’s a sale on strawberries on the other counter, if only I can get near it…

Scenes from Life: a Short Playette. AT THE SUPERMARKET

NOT ALL BREAD IS EQUAL

SCENE: A SUPERMARKET.

A shopper approaches a display of French bread (baguette), squeezes them and shakes her head


CUSTOMER
Not fresh

Bakery clerk with French accent dressed in white shirt, pants, big white apron approaches. Stops and studies customer, hands on hips

BAKERY CLERK
Is there something wrong?

CUSTOMER
There could be

BAKERY CLERK
I see you squeezing my bread. Do you do this to your husband?

CUSTOMER
Come again?

BAKERY CLERK
I say...do you touch your husband in the same manner as you squeeze all my baguettes?

CUSTOMER
Your what?

BAKERY CLERK
My baguettes...the bread, madam. If the legal authorities were looking for you, they would have no trouble in finding your fingerprints. They are right there in all my breads

CUSTOMER
Your breads?

BAKERY CLERK
I bake the breads, madam. I am the one responsible for their safety

CUSTOMER
Of course you are and I'm the one responsible for eating them. So...like...when did you bake these?

BAKERY CLERK
See those ovens over there? That's where it all begins. Every morning they bring me the frozen bread and I very carefully place them in the oven. Not too high a heat, mind you, or they burn.

CUSTOMER
Gee - ovens make bread. Go figure

BAKERY CLERK
Yes, this is true. This oven there (pats oven), she make beautiful baguette. Sometimes, she baaaad and burn bread.

CUSTOMER
This baking French bread 101 is all very interesting but you still haven't answered my question. When did you bake this bread?

BAKERY CLERK
(shocked tone)
You are accusing me of selling stale bread, madam?

CUSTOMER
It feels sort-of stale to me

BAKERY CLERK
Madam. You have hurt me deeply. Every day, including holidays, I bake the baguette. People expect fresh bread. I take this responsibility very seriously.

CUSTOMER
You still didn't give me an answer

BAKERY CLERK
(voice breaking - picks up cloth from baking pan and blows nose)
...every day, mind you, including weekends...holidays... I am a trained French baguette maker...I take special course at the National Baguette Baking School of Paris and Cannes sur la Seine

CUSTOMER
Really. I'm not casting aspersions on your character or your baking ability. I'm sure you're a top baguette baker...

BAKERY CLERK
...I arrive number one in my class

CUSTOMER
Good. Let me put it this way: from which basket do you recommend that I take my bread? Basket one...basket two...or basket three? Gawd - I feel like I'm on a game show

BAKERY CLERK
(looking around)
Come close. The one on the far right - keep it between you and me

Customer reaches over, takes a bread with her hand and drops it

CUSTOMER
Why didn't you warn me the bread was hot?

BAKERY CLERK
You didn't ask me that question. Am I a mind reader? I'm a simple baguette baker from Paris...

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE SUPERMARKET - KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE FRIES

SCENE: A SUPERMARKET.  Customer approaches the supermarket clerk, who is placing items on a shelf.

CUSTOMER
Hello? I have a problem

CLERK
Is it something on one of these shelves?

CUSTOMER
Um - no. Not really...

CLERK
Then it's not my responsibility

CUSTOMER

(looks around, leaves and then returns to speak to same clerk)

I don't seem to be able to find any other clerks. Perhaps you could help...

CLERK
What food item is it?

CUSTOMER
French fries

CLERK
Really can't help you if they're frozen

CUSTOMER
Duh! Do they come any other way? What I want to know...

CLERK
(focusing on stacking cans on shelves)
Sorry. You'll hav'ta speak to someone who works in that section

CUSTOMER
Look - if I could find someone who works for this store in the frozen food section, I would have gone to her or him, but unfortunately there's nobody to be found or seen

CLERK
That's 'cause they're all on their break

CUSTOMER
(looking at watch)
It's 1 p.m. They just came back from lunch for heaven's sake!

CLERK
Yeah but the union rules are afternoon breaks start at 1 p.m.

CUSTOMER
One shudders to think about the actual working hours here. At least listen to my problem ...

CLERK
Can't

CUSTOMER
Why not?

CLERK
I'm a stacker

CUSTOMER
Slacker would be a better description

CLERK
Huh - what? Us stackers have our own areas to cover. We just can't go over to another section and hone in on somebody else's territory

CUSTOMER
Of course. I'm so un-supermarket savvy. Okay. What time are their breaks over, she asked, wondering what the world is coming to these days

(clerk checks watch)

CLERK
They'll be back any minute now. Perhaps if you hang out at the frozen fries section...

CUSTOMER
Silly me! Of course I should, as you so quaintly phrase it, hang out in the frozen section. I just love freezing my...

CLERK
Gotta leave. Break time

(Clerk takes off. Customer goes to refrigerated section)

CUSTOMER
Excuse me - I wonder if you could assist me

CLERK 2
What's the item?

CUSTOMER
It concerns fries

CLERK 2
Fresh or frozen?

CUSTOMER
Does it make a difference and since when do you sell fresh fries?

CLERK 2
Can't really say since I'm an egg man myself...

CUSTOMER
...I know - and you can't discuss fries. So tell me - who can?

CLERK 2
Frozen products clerk over there

CUSTOMER
Where? You mean this person really exists in reality?

(Customer moves over to frozen foods)

CUSTOMER
I have a problem with frozen fries

CLERK 3
Returns are at the front counter

CUSTOMER
I only wish I had frozen fries to return. If you check your gigantic freezer, there are no 'Yummy Fries' to be found

CLERK 3
That's 'cause we have a big special on them

CUSTOMER
They just went on sale yesterday for heaven's sake! How could you sell them out, already?

CLERK 3
People buy them to stock up

CUSTOMER
That shouldn't be allowed, y'know. What about the rest of us who want a package or two? What about OUR needs?

CLERK 3
Get a rain check at the front

CUSTOMER
A rain check won't do it. I need them for a barbeque tonight

CLERK 3
There are other brands you can buy

CUSTOMER
They're more expensive. Perhaps go check in the back? Things always seem to magically appear from the back storage room...

CLERK 3
My mom makes really yummy fries from scratch. You could try that too

CUSTOMER
Well goody for your mom. About those sale fries, now? What are you gonna do about them?

CLERK 3
Rain check is all we can offer

(Clerk 3 listens to message over loud speaker)

Gotta go. They want me in produce

CUSTOMER
Before you disappear and being that we're sort-of friends and I'm a long-time shopper here, how about giving me the fries that aren't on sale, at the sale price. We can keep it between us - nobody has to know. I won't tell if you won't

CLERK 3
You'll have to talk to the person in charge of the frozen food. I'm not allowed to make big decisions like that

CUSTOMER
Why am I not surprised. Now this frozen head person, where would one find him or her?

CLERK 3
You can't

CUSTOMER
And why not, she asked stupidly

CLERK 3
He's on vacation. Won't be back 'til next week

CUSTOMER
Know what? Forget about it! I'll take a bag of the fries that aren't on sale

(CUSTOMER walks to front counter)

COUNTER CLERK
Can I help you?

CUSTOMER
Probably not. I'd like a rain check?

COUNTER CLERK
No can do

CUSTOMER
And this would be because...?

COUNTER CLERK
We ran out of rain checks. We ordered a new stack but they won't be in 'til tomorrow

CUSTOMER
You can't have run out of rainchecks! It's not legal

COUNTER CLERK
There's a big special on frozen fries. People want rain checks so they can stock up

CUSTOMER
This is outrageous! I'm reporting this to...to...head office!

COUNTER CLERK
They already know. They're the one's who supply us with rain checks

CUSTOMER
It's all very simple. I require those sale fries for a barbeque I'm having tonight. What are you gonna do to help?

COUNTER CLERK
You can have that bag of Mrs. Frys Fries at the same price as the sale fries

CUSTOMER
Why don't you specify that with a sign in the empty space that once held the frozen sale fries? You would make my shopping so much easier, not to mention keep my blood pressure down

COUNTER CLERK
Nobody asked me before.

CUSTOMER
I'd like three bags

COUNTER CLERK
Not possible. Only two per customer. We don't wanna run short and then have to offer a rain check and...

CUSTOMER
...I know. You don't have any more rain check pads. Shopping has become much too complicated these days... Tell me - is there really a supervisor of the frozen fries section?

COUNTER CLERK
Neh! We just tell people that

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE SUPERMARKET - THE CHERRY DILEMMA


PLACE: SUPERMARKET, PRODUCE AREA. FEMALE SHOPPER STUDIES SHOPPER PICKING OUT CHERRIES, TASTING THEM AS HE PLACES THEM IN A PLASTIC BAG

FEMALE SHOPPER
Like cherries, huh?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Sorry?

FEMALE SHOPPER
I doubt that... So you really like cherries? Me too

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
These are particularly good. Nice and firm..

(male shopper takes two and slowly eats them, spitting out cherry pit on ground)

FEMALE SHOPPER
You seem to take great care in choosing just the right one's

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Only choose those that are firm to the touch

FEMALE SHOPPER
I see that. And you determine that by squeezing them all, I guess?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
(eating another cherry and spitting pit on floor)
It's the only way

FEMALE SHOPPER
Aren't you worried that they're not washed or anything. You know - germs from people's hands

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
I wipe them on my clothes before tasting them (tasting another cherry and spitting pit on floor)
Hmmmmmm...really good

FEMALE SHOPPER
Sweet are they?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Uh-huh! Very! Here - try one! Look at the time - gotta run!

(MALE CHERRY CHOOSER TIES PLASTIC BAG AND RUSHES OFF. FEMALE SHOPPER IS IN CASH LINE UP BEHIND CHERRY CHOOSER. SUPERMARKET CHECK-OUT CASHIER WEIGHS CHERRIES)

CASHIER
These look good enough to eat!

FEMALE SHOPPER
Oh he knows!

(MALE CHERRY CHOOSER LOOKS EMBARRASSED)

(CONT'd) Before you punch in the numbers, perhaps you should add another dollar to the total

CASHIER
I'm sorry?

FEMALE SHOPPER
By my estimate, this cherry lover must have sampled at least a dozen or two cherries that I saw him eating before finding the perfect one's for his bag. So perhaps you should factor in those dozen in his bill?

CHERRY CHOOSER
I...was just...tasting them to... um...make sure they're good...

FEMALE SHOPPER
Of course you did. We all love cherries, but who pays for those that are sampled, huh? We do!

CHERRY CHOOSER
Well...um...

CASHIER
You do have a point...nobody has ever brought this up before... Perhaps I should call the manager

FEMALE SHOPPER
No need to do that.

(FEMALE SHOPPER PRODUCES CLEAR PLASTIC PRODUCE BAG WITH CHERRY PITS INSIDE AND HOLDS THEM UP)

CONT'D. FEMALE SHOPPER
Let's see here...I count two dozen cherry pits that I picked up off the floor

CHERRY PICKER
Hey! How d'ya know they're all mine!

FEMALE SHOPPER
I watched where you spit them out and picked them up with a plastic produce bag. I mean, really, it's quite disgusting

(mumbles emitted by shoppers in line waiting to pay)

SHOPPER IN LINE
"...e-eww! You actually picked up his pits? That is like, soooo disgusting!"

ANOTHER SHOPPER IN LINE
"...the guy was stealing cherries...that's disgusting"

(A HEATED DEBATE ENSUES AMONG THOSE LINED UP REGARDING THE CHERRY PICKER AND THE MORALITY OF TASTING CHERRIES)

CHERRY PICKER
(leaning over and speaking softly to the cashier)
Just tell me how much extra I owe you and lemme get outta here

CASHIER
Fifty cents and we're even

FEMALE SHOPPER
(opens another clear plastic produce bag)
Now about those grapes you were tasting...

SCENES FROM LIFE

THE LINE UP II - a short playette for a short encounter

By Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE: Supermarket. 8-items-or-less line, where three people are waiting to check out items. A female with a shopping cart attempts to go through

FEMALE
Um - excuse me?

Male in front appears not to hear her so she speaks a little louder

FEMALE
Excuse me! I'd like to pass?

Male glances at her, then quickly away

FEMALE attempts to go by but is unable, due to the man blocking her

FEMALE
The aisle is wide and I'm thin, but not enough to squeeze by. If you don't mind - could you move to the side?

the other two customers gladly move against the counter to allow the shopping cart & female to pass. Male mumbles something unintelliglble, pointing to the door

FEMALE
Look - I had to pee. Okay? I parked my shopping cart outside the door and now I have to get through here to shop. So if you'll step aside...

MALE
Go out and around!

FEMALE
Pardon? You expect me to take my cart, go outside and re-enter when all you have to do is move towards the side, which will take a mere 10 seconds? Not!

the two shoppers move against the counter, again to allow the cart to pass

FEMALE
I don't believe this!

MAN STANDING AT COUNTER NEARBY
Me neither! I've been watching the guy. Misery!

FEMALE
Are you going to let me by or not?

MAN stands defiantly in middle of checkout aisle

FEMALE stands leaning on shopping cart, glaring at man who up until this point has been taking his time packing his things in bags.

FEMALE
(as MAN moves by her)
You are just too kind and what a gentleman! I'll make sure to remember your face in case you want the same courtesy.

MAN STANDING NEARBY AT COUNTER
Oh he's a real nice guy, alright!

As MALE passes, FEMALE shopper moves her shopping cart forward and somehow rolls a wheel over his foot

FEMALE
Oh no! How clumsy of me! Just one foot, though. You still have another! And now to go shop for food...

SCENES FROM REAL LIFE
A SHORT PLAY: "THE LIFT"

SCENE: THE WOMAN BUNDLED UP FOR A COLD, WINTER DAY IS WALKING WITH A SHOPPING BAG SLUNG OVER HER SHOULDER. AS SHE WALKS, SHE STARES DOWN AT THE SNOWY SIDEWALK

CAST: THE WOMAN
WOMAN DRIVER

THE WOMAN
(mumbling to herself)
Cold... Maybe I should turn back. But I need stuff at the supermarket. Should have taken the car but then what is the physical value in that? No - I need exercise and it's really not that cold out. These boots are so damned heavy but at least they're waterproof...and this fur hat is driving me nuts! It's itchy and keeps slipping down to my eyebrows. I probably look like a lunatic. How do I scratch an itch under a fur hat with mittens on? I suppose I could take them off... At least it's fake fur and I don't have to feel guilty about wearing it. I swear I'm gonna take off this hat, throw it on the ground and stamp on it! I better stop talking to myself in case I meet up with someone I know.

(she looks up and notices that a car slows down and stops a few feet in front of her)

THE WOMAN
Uh-oh...who is that? Should I cross the street or keep walking here. I don't want to make it obvious that I'm nervous. Hopefully they won't ask me for directions because I'm really bad at that. The best I end up doing is pointing

(as the point where she is about to pass the car, a window rolls down and the woman driver leans over)

WOMAN DRIVER
Hello there!

THE WOMAN
(moving away from car)
Uh-huh...yes?

WOMAN DRIVER
Are you going to the supermarket?

THE WOMAN
Well...

WOMAN DRIVER
I'm on my way there, myself. Could I offer you a lift?

THE WOMAN
Well...I don't...

WOMAN DRIVER
Don't worry. I often give lifts to women in the winter, especially on a day like today. Cold wind.

WOMAN
Well...okay, I suppose.

(woman gets into car)

WOMAN
(cautiously but anxiously)
Do you...live around... here?

WOMAN DRIVER
I live in the Versailles.

WOMAN
Oh we're neighbors! I live right next door to you! It's very nice that you offer me a lift.

WOMAN DRIVER
It's no problem - I'm on my way there, myself. I probably wouldn't offer a lift to a man, though. You just never know who can get in

WOMAN
Can't tell these days...

WOMAN DRIVER
So...I saw you walking with a shopping bag and I thought 'she's probably going to the supermarket and it's cold outside and the least I can do is offer her a lift.' So here we are!

WOMAN
Yup...

WOMAN DRIVER
Do you have a dog?

WOMAN
Pardon?

WOMAN DRIVER
A dog? You know -woof-woof?

WOMAN
No - just a husband.
(they both laugh)

WOMAN DRIVER
I want to get a dog. Not a big one or anything...I live in an apartment. A dog would be nice and they're good company. I could dress it up in nice clothes like that dog over there

(they both "awwww" at a dog with boots and trendy sweater being walked accross the road)

WOMAN
I had a dog for 15 years. That's enough for me. Too hard to take when they get old and sick

WOMAN DRIVER
Maybe - but I really would like one...

(they turn into supermarket parking lot)

WOMAN
We're here. You are so thoughtful to offer me a lift. You can leave me off here at the pharmacy. I have to get some makeup

WOMAN DRIVER
It's a pleasure. Maybe next time I'll have a dog for you to pet!

WOMAN
Maybe you will! I'm sure we'll see each other again in the Spring living next door to each other. In the winter, we drive in our car and even when we walk, we look down. Bye!

WOMAN DRIVER
Merry Christmas - don't spend all your money!

WOMAN
(watching car drive away)
Nice...really nice! This damned hat is going to drive me nuts...

THE LINE UP
by Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE: A SUPERMARKET. A LINE UP OF A DOZEN PEOPLE IN THE 8-ITEMS-OR-LESS ARE WAITING TO PAY FOR THEIR ITEMS. THE PERSON IN FRONT OF THE LINE IS COUNTING HER/HIS ITEMS WITH HIS FINGER



CASHIER
You have more than eight items, lady

WOMAN IN LINE
I know...it's only ten items...what's two items between friends, anyway?

CASHIER
(pointing to the sign indicating 8 items or less)
Ask the people behind you if it matters

(woman turns around and speaks to person directly behind her)

WOMAN IN LINE
Do you mind if I have two extra items? I'm in a rush

PERSON BEHIND WOMAN IN LINE
Actually...yes, I do mind! We're all in a rush. Aren't we, people?

(person behind woman in line turns around to address others in line)

PEOPLE IN LINE:
'I hav'ta get home and make supper for my family!'

'The babysitter is waiting to get paid!'

'You got some nerve, lady!'

CASHIER
See? They mind alright! Now if you'll go to one of the other lines...

WOMAN IN LINE
But... Okay. What if I remove say...one item?

CASHIER
That would make nine items. You'd still have one item too much. Please step aside...

PEOPLE IN LINE
Yeah - move out the line, lady!

WOMAN IN LINE
You are all so selfish. It's only one item for crying out loud!

CASHIER
Rules are rules! What kind of world would we have if we didn't obey rules, huh? Now if you'll move to another line

WOMAN IN LINE
(looking over items in cart)
Oh fer... Okay...let me take another item away...I need them all, though...

CASHIER
Would you like me to do it for you? Look lady - the line is getting longer as we speak...

WOMAN IN LINE
Maybe the ice cream... No - I need it for dessert...perhaps the asparagus spears...no - veggies are important...It's so hard to decide...

PERSON IN LINE
Here - lemme help (removes bottle of soft drink) There - that wasn't so hard!

WOMAN IN LINE
But what are we supposed to drink with our meal?

PERSON IN LINE
Good, old H2O! Look at that! I saved you money, too! You should thank me!

WOMAN IN LINE
I've made my decision! Give me back two items!

CASHIER
Like I told you -

WOMAN IN LINE
- yeah - I know. Eight items or less. Fine. I'm moving over to the other line where I'm legal.
(She move over to next line. Aside to person in front of her:) 'Excuse me madam but I'm running late. Would you mind if I just went in front of you? I'm running a little late.'