Pigeon feed - the story continues

JULIE

"D'ya mind if I share this bench with you? If it's a problem I can sit at one end and you can sit at the other. We don't have to talk to each other. Some people are weird about speaking to strangers but not me. Uh-uh! I enjoy the give and taking of sharing ideas with new people. Are you a people-person?"


A while back, maybe ten years or so, came across a site that was calling for submissions to a video competition. Having recently completed a new short play, it seemed like a perfect vehicle for the competition in spite of being written in playwriting form. After a short communication with the producer/director, he told me to send it along anyway and he'd give it a look over. The long and the short of it as they say is that even though it wasn't the winner, it achieved a second honorable place, plus it had the distinction of being converted into a short film script.

The plot always intrigued me and over time and frequent read-throughs, it always struck me that there was more to the story then was told. I'm a big believer in timing and what was deemed a finished play can suddenly take on new possibilities when viewed in a new light. Such is the case with "For the Birds."

A comedy/drama, the story focuses on the accidental meeting of two lonely souls whose encounter in a park turns out to be an eye-opener, in more ways than one. At present, the two main characters are getting to know each other with overtures of friendship being more one-sided. How and why this "shorty" play has suddenly taken on a new life is a mystery but as mentioned, timing is everything in life.

Zoo Diary: the zoo denizens get into the holiday spirit

ZOO DIARY

SCENE: A small zoo. Preparing for the holiday performance.

At rise: The residents of the zoo are practicing for the annual holiday performance. It's the last dress rehearsal before the actual production and chaos reigns supreme.

ZEBRA
Hello? Everyone? May I have your attention, please? There is far too much cacophony among the performers. I can't hear myself think! Not you my dear...you embody the true thespian soul

CROW 1
(laughing while watching from a tree)
Uh-oh...zebra says there's too much caca-phony around here. The elephants have been using the toilets, again

CROW 2
(laughing hysterically)
Oh Cyril - you're so witty!

ZEBRA
You mean, witless. Now where were we? Oh yes...we were discussing your acting abilities, my dear.

FEMALE ZEBRA
You think I have talent? My acting coach has offered to give me private lessons

ZEBRA
Would your coach anyone I would know? Perhaps we could work together to maximize your performance

FEMALE ZEBRA
That's a very kind offer but 'CH' swore me to secrecy. He doesn't want the whole world calling him and begging for private tutoring> He's a very private person

ZEBRA
Totally understandable, my dear. Know exactly where he's coming from. I too separate myself from the lesser...well...talent-challenged among us

(ZEBRA admires his frame from all angles, in a full-length mirror)

(cont'd. ZEBRA) 'Perfection!'  (whispering) You can share the name of your acting coach with me. There is a professional code of silence among zebra directors that is adhered to. You said his initials were CH? Hmmmm....not familiar with any coaches with those initials...

FEMALE ZEBRA
He calls himself cheetah

(ZEBRA reacts with horror)

ZEBRA
Cheetah...you did say cheetah? Does this cheetah...would this coach live, perchance, in a cage in this very zoo?

FEMALE ZEBRA
He would! How did you know? He said that his style of coaching requires getting down to the bare bones of acting

ZEBRA
(horrified)
My dear, naïve, zebra! Forget about - um - coach cheetah. I, myself, shall take you on as a client, gratis, and as a cost to myself (aside to himself) ...wait 'til I get my hands on cheetah...' What am I saying? Let's just say, my dear, that his reputation and taste for zebras is well developed. Why don't you go over there in the corner and study your lines

FEMALE ZEBRA
If you say so. "I think I hear Santa!....I think I hear Santa....I think I hear Santa...'

ZEBRA
Okay...actors - places please! Mr. Squeeze - please tear yourself away from rat? We don't want a repeat performance of last year's incident

MR. SQUEEZE
I was just trying to show him some love

RAT
(gasping for breath)
Surrre! Remember the squirrel incident? We lost our Santa Claus on account of you

MR. SQUEEZE
We're good friends! Right rat? Who ever heard of a squirrel playing Santa Claus, anyway?

ZEBRA
(admiring himself in the mirror and fixing his cravat)
'You handsome devil! Your stripes don't do you justice. 'kiss-kiss....' For the record and given our budget, which is half of last year's and next to nothing, he was the only one who could fit into the Santa suit. Who will play the old elf this year?

(a chicken jumps down from the branch of a tree)

CHICKEN
I would like to volunteer my services for the cause

MR. SQUEEZE
(slithering up close to chicken)
Great idea! And my contribution will be to offer my help We can go over your lines in my den

ZEBRA
Not! Thank you for your...offer but I'm sure chicken can remember "ho-ho-ho..." Now if you will put on the suit, we can start our rehearsal

CHICKEN
It's a little tight...jacket won't...fit...over my...breast bone...

CHEETAH
Perhaps I can fix that problem ...

MR. SQUEEZE
...my particular qualities can definitely fix that...

(both cheetah and MR. SQUEEZE inch closer to the chicken)

ZEBRA
Stop where you are, both of you! We will make do with what we have. Please put on the red hat and black shiny boots and get on the sled. The children are arriving

CHICKEN
(smoothing her feathers and pulling the jacket over his breast)
I'm very nervous.. This is my first acting job

CHEETAH
Don't worry my friend. I'll be watching close by...in case you forget your lines, of course

ZEBRA
Places people! Mr. Squeeze - you're not in the first scene

MR. SQUEEZE
Just helping chicken get over his nerves. Everyone needs a hug''

Open the curtains and let the play begin!

NEXT TIME: THE SHOW MUST GO ON - MAYBE

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE - At the theatre

INTERMISSION

 

 

SCENE: WOMEN'S WASHROOM IN THEATRE

 

AT RISE:  FEMALES LINE UP TO USE BATHROOM

 

 

FEMALE 1

Line is really long...hope we have enough time

 

FEMALE 2

(turning around)

Sorry?

 

FEMALE 1

I was just commenting that there's a lot of women waiting to get in and only a 15 minute intermission. The worst is during the play when there's still a while before intermission and things get really desperate. Once I saw a woman actually walk right down to the front, near the stage, and rush off to the exit. The actor stopped talking, turned to the woman and asked, "can't it wait?" The female practically ran out the door and never returned.

 

FEMALE 2

When 'ya gotta go - 'ya gotta go, right?

 

FEMALE 1

(moving anxiously from foot to foot)

Don't I know it - and I really have to! Go, I mean

 

FEMALE 2

It usually picks up and moves faster when they near the end of the intermission

 

FEMALE 1

Hope so... Do you notice how the guys seem to be able to do what they have to do in three minutes?

 

FEMALE 2

That's cause they don't have as much clothing to remove and don't stare at the mirror or fix their makeup

 

FEMALE 1

Once in dire desperation, I used the men's washroom. I had to. Pushed the door open and screamed 'is anybody in there 'cause I'm coming in!'

 

FEMALE 2

What happened?

 

FEMALE 1

I held my head down and didn't dare glance at the urinals. Went in a cubicle, slammed the door and never urinated so fast in my life! Thank goodness there was nobody in there, as far as I know. The line is moving now but barely. C'mon people - move quicker! Things are getting desperate, here.

 

FEMALE 3

(standing behind both of them)

Don't mean to interrupt but there's another bathroom, downstairs. Everyone seems to gravitate to this one for one reason or another

 

FEMALE 1

Thanks for the suggestion but I'll lose my place if I check it out and I don't know if it's an improvement on this situation.

(ASIDE TO FEMALE 2) Perhaps if you would hold my place in line...?

 

FEMALE 2

Don't think that's a good idea. If you end up returning, they'll attack me figuring you're trying to cut in. You have to decide which is the better option

 

FEMALE 1

All I know is that I really gotta pee!

 

FEMALE 2

Even if I let you in front of me, it's not much of an improvement

 

FEMALE 1

It's better than nothing and I would be most appreciative. Things are really getting desperate!

 

FEMALE 2

I suppose I could...I mean, I've been where you have....

 

FEMALE 1

Oh thank you, thank you!

 

(FEMALE 1 moves in front of FEMALE 2)

 

(CONT'D. FEMALE 1) Almost there...just a few more to go...

 

(moving back and forth from foot-to-foot)

 

FEMALE 1

(to female in front of her)

'...such a long line up... and intermission is almost over... Really, really, have to go...you would do that for me? You're too kind...thank you...'

 

(FEMALE 1 moves up the line)

 

FEMALE 1

(to herself)

A person has'ta do what a person has'ta do...the flush of victory is at hand...

 

 



SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY TALK PLANTS

SCENE:  DEN, EVERYBODY HOUSEHOLD.

AT RISE:  MRS. EVERYBODY IS TALKING WHILE MR. EVERYBODY IS READING A NEWSPAPER. HER BACK IS FACING MR. EVERYBODY

MRS. EVERYBODY
Why? Why must you torture me like this? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment other than heap undying love and devotion to your upkeep?

(MR. EVERYBODY glances up and returns to reading his book)

MRS. EVERYBODY
You seem to be dying slowly right in front of my eyes and I'm at a loss what to do

MR. EVERYBODY
(looking around)
You talking to me?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Fed you top of the line nutritional supplements and this is the thanks I get

MR. EVERYBODY
You make fantastic meals, sweetheart, and really I'm in great shape

MRS. EVERYBODY
You're not aging well, little darling

MR. EVERYBODY

(gets up to examine himself in the mirror on the wall behind him)

For the record, I'm in better condition now than I was when we married. Sure there's a few extra inches on my stomach but that's due to your good cooking. I'm trying to work it off on the tread mill...

MRS. EVERYBODY
I fear it's time for us to part, sweetheart. You are halfway between this world and the next

MR. EVERYBODY
What are you saying? Is it something I said?

MRS. EVERYBODY
You've given me a lot of pleasure over the years. Your nightly performance kept me riveted and it's something I'll cherish all my life

MR. EVERYBODY
Hey! There's still a lot of life left in this body! Is there somebody else? I can change, y'know!

(MRS. EVERYBODY turns around and stares at her husband)

MRS. EVERYBODY
It's just so hard to say goodbye! Did you say something?

MR. EVERYBODY
You never said a word to me. No warning...nothing. I deserve to know who's the new love of your life!

MRS. EVERYBODY
What are you babbling about?

MR. EVERYBODY
You're leaving me! I heard it with my own ears

MRS. EVERYBODY
Are you insane? You thought that... That's really funny

MRS. EVERYBODY
There's nothing funny about being told your wife is leaving your for someone else. It's always the husband that's the last to know

MRS. EVERYBODY
Dear, dear husband - I was talking to my prayer plant, here. that is slowly croaking after 40 years and I'm about to replace her with a new one

MR. EVERYBODY
How was I supposed to know? There was only you and me in the room and I never guessed you were talking to a...a... house plant

MRS. EVERYBODY
I've raised this houseplant from a small little stalk. Fed her...coddled her...and she gave me years of pleasure but lately she seems to have taken a turn for the worst. The writing is on the wall...or in this case, in all those brown leaves.

MR. EVERYBODY
A plant is a plant is a plant. Don't know what the big thing is. Just empty the pot and replace it with a new one. Simple

MRS. EVERYBODY
How could you be so cruel and callous! You just can't...discard it like it that!

MR. EVERYBODY
I dunno. Never bothers you to do that with your clothes

MRS. EVERYBODY
Besides, I read an article that said plants can sense pain and they react to it. How could I betray my friend after all the years we've been together? I feel like a killer! Like I'd be ripping out her guts and tearing her apart

MR. EVERYBODY
Not that I pretend to feel what you feel but check this out

(MR. EVERYBODY shows her a page of the newspaper)

MRS. EVERYBODY
What's this? The Plant-a-atrium is having a sale on houseplants?

(turns to look at plant and at newspaper ad)

(MRS. EVERYBODY cont'd.)  'Parting is such sweet sorrow my formerly green friend. Go meet your other friends in the composter! Do not think badly of me for I shall remember you with great fondness.' I'm ready.

MR. EVERYBODY
Ready for...?

MRS. EVERYBODY
To make new friends at the Plant-a-atrium, silly! We all gotta go some time. I mean, it's just a silly plant for heaven's sake...

Elvis - the Real Story...maybe

A year-long celebration to commemorate Elvis Presley's first professional recording on July 5, 1954, is set to take place on Independence Day weekend in Memphis and Graceland. There are people who believe that "the King" is still alive and that he planned his disappearance. So let's say that this was the case and that a very old Elvis is living in anonymity, somewhere, but makes rare appearances at nondescript venues like gas station diners to relive the good, old days.

Elvis – The Real Story

                                                      By Eleanor Tylbor

 

 CAST OF CHARACTERS

 

TAMMY        40-something avid Elvis fan and wife of Len
LEN                40-something husband of Tammy
"THE" ELVIS, former big star/singer/performer

 

THE TIME
The present

 THE PLACE

Jackson’s 7-11 GAS BAR AND DINER

 

Photos of Elvis cover a large portion of one wall; Elvis songs play none-stop. There are a few tables with chairs on one side of the room, while the other side of the room has the usual gas station products and displays of motor oil, etc.

 AT RISE:

 TAMMY and LEN, two customers, are seated at a table looking around the room

LEN

(Scrutinizing the surroundings)

Um…who recommended this place?

 

 TAMMY

(reading book)

The restaurant guide write-up says it’s fine dining with a difference

 

LEN

Fine dining if you’re a rat! Did you happen to notice that a cockroach just crawled out of our bread basket? Must be one that escaped the Chef’s special catch-of-the-day

 

TAMMY

Stop being so negative and take in the atmosphere

 

LEN

You mean the aromatic scent of “eau du trash” coming from the back? Phee-ew!

 

TAMMY

You’re so…so…provincial in your thinking, sweetheart. It's about this authentic ‘60’s décor that gives the place its special caché!

 

LEN

More like early condemned. Every square inch of wall space is covered with faded Elvis photos and the man’s been dead for how many years?

 

TAMMY

That's the beauty of this place! It’s like a shrine devoted to “The King.” It's all too…wonderful

 

LEN

Are you saying that this…this gas station and three table diner was the King of Rock and Roll’s eatery of choice? Not!

 

TAMMY

For your information they say he used to eat fried chicken here and sometimes he even entertained diners

 

LEN

If I had known we were coming here to eat, I’d have checked to make sure my insurance policy was paid up

 

TAMMY

You know how long I hadda wait to get reservations for this restaurant…

 

LEN

…obviously not long enough…

 

 

TAMMY

…seven months! If you think I’m going to give up the chance to dine here…

 

LEN

…and a fine dining establishment it is – if you’re into salmonella poisoning

 

TAMMY

Get a grip! The waiter is coming so try to act normal, if that’s possible

               the waiter dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit struts over, swinging his hips in a

              typical Elvis-like walk. He smoothes the sides of his hair with his hands,

             frequently

 

WAITER

(swinging his hips between every word)

Evening folks’. Need a menu? Uh-huh – oh yeah…

 

LEN

No. We prefer to use ESP to order. Of course we need a menu!

 

TAMMY

Don’t mind my husband – I don’t. Leave the menu here and we’ll choose

 

LEN

So tacky. All the dishes are Elvis songs. 'Be-bop-a-lu-la' chicken wings…' The 'Love Me Tender' t-bone looks questionable and it comes with fries that are probably a couple months old and a 'I Did It My Way' salad. Look at this: says here on the menu that all their steaks are aged to perfection. Yesterday's road-kill most likely

 

TAMMY

Have you considered that your cranial spark plugs have stopped kicking in? I can’t make up my mind – so many choices…

 

               the waiter comes over to take the order

 

LEN

Are all those dishes served a la carte?

 

WAITER

(swinging hips)

No – on a plate. Uh-huh…

 

TAMMY

Just choose something already

 

WAITER

Want me to come back, folks? Uh-huh…

 

                                                                                                            LIGHTS DIM

 

TAMMY

Ssshhh! Quiet! The shows is gonna begin

 

                                                                                            SOUND: GUITAR TWANG

 

LEN

I don’t see why we hav’ta be quiet. Cheez – I can hear the sound of someone pumping gas outside, not to mention the smell. Mind you, it's hard to tell the difference between the food and the gas

 

              (The song from “2001: A Space Odyssey” is heard and the waiter now dressed

              in a mechanic’s uniform on the other side of the room walks in front of the

             counter holding a hand mic.)

 

VOICE OVER

“For your entertainment and pllllea-sure, the King has entered the building!”

 A very over-weight man dressed in a white jump suit enters, stopping to pose while leaning on a cane. A wide belt hangs well below a sagging stomach; black aviator glasses cover his eyes and a badly-fitting black wig sits lob-sided towards the front of his head

(VOICE-OVER)

“Direct from his engagement at the luxurious Pink Flamingo Laundromat and Bank Drive Thru in Tijuana, Mex-i-co, the management of Jackson’s 7/11 and Diner is proud to present, “the” King of Rock’n’Roll himself, the one – the only – El-vis!”

 

A bent over Elvis slowly makes his way to the other side of the room. He stoops  over to kiss Len, who pushes him way

 

ELVIS

“Whoops – sorry. Gotta get my eyes checked

 

he whips out a dirty handkerchief, spits on it and cleans his eyes and replaces it in a back pocket

 

ELVIS

(in weak squeaky voice)

Thank y’all very much! It’s the first time I been back this way goin’ on twenty years…or maybe it’s thirty…could be forty… Anyway… Good t'see y’all ain’t fergetten the King

              whips out his handkerchief again and blows his nose

 

ELVIS

Guess I ain’t the same Elvis you remember a ways back, huh? But then who is?

 

              starts coughing and choking. Scantily dresses nurses rush over to pat him on

             the back

 

ELVIS

See? I still got it but now I don’t know what to do with it! Thank y’all very much… Listen ladies – go see if you can find my extra set of dentures that I left in a steak yesterday.

 

              starts to choke again and a well-endowed female doctor wearing tight fitting

             clothing enters, with a stethoscope draped around her neck

 

DOCTOR

Now Mr. Elvis – honey – you know y'all gotta take it easy. Your ticker ain’t what it used to be

 

 

ELVIS

(laughing and staring at her breasts)

Yeah but ask me if I care. Thank you all very much. And now I’m gonna sing you a personal favourite of mine…at least I think it's a favorite...what's the name of the song now...nobody help me - it'll come back ...

 

              Elvis sings the first few lines of “My Way” completely off-key

 

LEN

(starting to get up)

Oh fer… We’re not gonna stay and listen to this…

 

              Sound of tires squeaking to a stop and the slam of car doors

 

ELVIS

Uh-oh…they’re coming back…I knew they’d find me… Damn aliens!

 

              Two males wearing white outfits move on either side of Elvis and take

              his arms

 

                                                                                                

MALE 1

C’mon pops. You got another gig at the Sunnyvale Nursing Home

 

ELVIS

But…but…I ain’t finished my set, yet!

 

MALE 1

(shaking his head and winking at Len and Tammy)

You don’t wanna be late for your big entrance.

 

ELVIS

Where’s my peanut butter and banana sandwich. I caint sing without it!

 

MALE 1

Here you are…

 

               the two men start to lead Elvis off the stage but Elvis stops and addresses the

              couple

ELVIS

Thank you all very much!

 

Elvis walks over, signs a piece of paper and hands it to Len and then exits with the men

 

LEN

(addressing waiter)

That was not “the” Elvis Presley now, was it? You got us here under false pretences. And that’s against the law, y’know!

 

WAITER

The guy is over 80 years old. Whad’ya expect? He’s got two hip replacements, a bad knee and now all that shaking he does is the real thing, poor guy. By the way, know that piece of paper he handed you?

 

LEN

I really couldn’t care less about the man’s autograph… In fact this is what I think of you AND your Elvis

               LEN rips up the piece of paper into small pieces

 

WAITER

You shouldn’t have done that. Uh-uh…

 

LEN

Elvis my a-s-s!

 

WAITER

That piece of paper would’a given you a free tank of gas with your meal. Oh well…uh-huh…

 

Len throws himself down on the floor picking up the pieces of paper trying to put them together

 

LEN

A tank of gas is a tank of gas is…

 

VOICE OVER

“The King has left the building”

 

LEN

(on his knees scooping up pieces of paper frantically)

Hang on a minute. I can stick these pieces together… Help me Tammy – at the price of gas these days…

 

 ©Eleanor Tylbor, 2009

ARKS TO GO: the flood sequel II

by Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE:  BEDROOM. 2 a.m. THE PHONE RINGS

FEMALE (ANGIE)

(groggy)

Hel-hello?

VOICE (NOAH)

Angie – it’s me

ANGIE

You…who?

NOAH

Don’t you recognize my voice?

ANGIE

It’s two in the morning and I’m not into guessing games

NOAH

(coughing and clearing his throat)

Think! Hasn’t been that long. Last year? Water? Two by two?

ANGIE

You’re one of those perverts, aren’t you? I’m hanging up…

NOAH

No! Please! If it’s my heavy breathing, I’ve got a cold. All this rain… Does that mean anything to you?

ANGIE

You’re a sick man. Get help!

(ANGIE hangs up. Phone rings again)

(cont’d. ANGIE)  Hello?

NOAH

(coughing and sneezing. Sound of elephant and monkeys in background)

It’s me again. I need your help. ‘Quiet guys! I’m trying to talk here!’

ANGIE

You wanna believe you do, but I’m not listening to what you wanna say! Are you aware that it’s illegal to keep wild animals?

NOAH

I got the word from someone high – really high up - to do this. As I was saying – I need your help

ANGIE

You’re a drug pusher, too! You sick-o. I’m hanging up now…

(sound of elephants)

NOAH

‘Didn’t I say to cool it?’ Oh just great. ‘Thanks for fertilizing the floor, guys!’ Took me two days to clean up their last mess. That’s what I get for forgetting to put diapers on them. So as I was saying before I was interrupted, I need your help

ANGIE

And as I told you, I’m ending this phone call

(ANGIE hangs up. Phone rings again)

NOAH

Time is of the essence here. I’m sure you’ve noticed all this rain we’ve been having. There’s a reason for it. Does this mean anything to you at all? Rain? Animals?

ANGIE

Hang on a minute…are you…

NOAH

Noah’s the name and rain is my game

(NOAH sneezes and coughs)

Allergy to lion hair. Is it coming back to you now? Remember last year when it rained like this and we worked together loading the ark?

ANGIE

How could I forget the boa constrictors. Nearly choked me

NOAH

Aw – they’re big jokers. They were just being friendly-like. They do that to all newcomers.

ANGIE

Just how many newcomers have there been and what happened to them?

NOAH

They weren’t the right type for the voyage, anyway. Getting back to this phone call. Seems there’s talk of another big flood. We gotta get prepared

ANGIE

That’s what you told me last time and nothing became of it

NOAH

But didn’t you meet a male like I promised you?

ANGIE

Like I said, nothing became of it

NOAH

You can lead a man to the water but you can’t make him come aboard, if you get my drift. Oh my – I made a joke…

ANGIE

Very humorous. Look – I’ve got a good job now…let me think on it.

NOAH

How long do you need? An hour?

ANGIE

Gimme a break! A day or two at least! This isn’t an easy decision

NOAH

You think I have nothing better to do? Come to think of it, actually I don’t

ANGIE

I’d have to give up a lot

NOAH

More than you know if you let this opportunity go by

ANGIE

How do I get in touch with you?

NOAH

I’ll get back to you. (sound of fighting in the background) Gotta go. The zebras are in the middle of two fueding lions and we know how that’s gonna turn out. 

TO BE CONTINUED

Scenes from Life: a Short Playette "THE LINE UP"

THE LINE UP

©BY ELEANOR TYLBOR

 

 

SCENE: An apartment parking lot. A female stands in front of parking spots, hands on hips. Her expression is one of deep contemplation and thought. A car pulls up and parks beside her.

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Hi there! Car won't start?

 

FEMALE CAR WATCHER (FCW)

Y'know - it's really upsetting

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Know where you're coming from. So upsetting when your car won't start especially when you have somewhere to be

 

FCW 

My car is fine. It's about those lines

 

(FEMALE DRIVER gets out of car and stands next to FEMALE CAR WATCHER)

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Sorry?

 

FCW

The parking lines. It's just not right

 

FEMALE DRIVER

(staring and studying parking lines)

Are they crooked? I mean, sometimes it must be hard to get them 100% straight...

 

FCW

Not that. What's wrong with those lines?

 

FEMALE DRIVER

They look okay to me...nice and straight...evenly spaced and all...

 

FCW

It's the color

 

(silence for 10 seconds as they both stare at the empty parking space lines)

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Yellow

 

FCW

Yellow! That's the problem!

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Can't say I've given the color of parking lines much thought lately

 

FCW

Bright canary yellow! They just...stand out!

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Aren't they supposed to? I mean, they're there to show people where to park their car

 

FCW

Do they have to be so bright?

 

FEMALE DRIVER

They just painted them a couple of days ago. Give them time and they'll get lighter

 

FCW

Why couldn't they have used white? White is unobtrusive

 

FEMALE DRIVER

(smiling)

Well - um - I would guess that somebody probably had a deal with a street paint company or perhaps there was some left over from the last time the lines were painted...

 

FCW

...we all know where to park our cars! They didn't have to use that color! Did you also notice that they made the lines wider, too?

 

FEMALE DRIVER

(looking down at lines)

You're right. Then again, we all aren't getting any younger! Bigger can be better

 

FCW

Everywhere! Yellow...yellow...yellow and more yellow lines.

 

FEMALE DRIVER

To be honest, I'm kind of partial to yellow. Honestly? Doesn't bother me

 

FCW

Oh... I see... Well I guess you won't be signing my petition to get the lines re-painted white, then

 

FEMALE DRIVER

Seriously? I mean, if it bothers you that much...

 

FCW

...well - I'll be off then. Some of us take the color of our parking lines seriously

 

(FCW turns on her heel upon spotting a male parking his car, leaving FEMALE DRIVER smiling and shaking her head)

 

FCW

(aside to driver getting out of car)

'Hello there! That's some beautiful car you're driving. there! Jaguar isn't it? What do you think of the color of the parking lines? So tacky, don't you think?'

 

 

Scenes from Life: a Short Playette "THE MEETING"

THE MEETING

©by Eleanor Tylbor

 

 

 

SCENE: a busy suburban street. Lots of heavy equipment involved in repairing road surface

 

Two women (strangers) walking slowly, one behind the other, holding shopping bags. The one in front stops, turns around and faces other female

 

 

FEMALE 1

So much going on here and all that traffic!

 

FEMALE 2

They're in a fixing mode

 

FEMALE 1

Have you tried crossing the street?

 

FEMALE 2

Not today but I have on other occasions

 

FEMALE 1

You take your life in your hands!

 

FEMALE 2

Very busy for sure

 

FEMALE 1

I almost got killed before!

 

FEMALE 2

Seriously?

 

FEMALE 1

Seriously. Twice, y'know!

 

FEMALE 2

I believe you

 

FEMALE 1

I crossed over there (points with finger) and had to run for my life! My heart is still beating. Here - feel it

 

FEMALE 2

I'll take your word. Don't we know each other? Your face looks familiar

 

FEMALE 1

...the cars kept moving and if I didn't know better, I swear they were aiming for me..

 

FEMALE 2

(laughing)

Do you have a lot of enemies? You don't mind if I walk with you? We'll watch each other's back so to speak

 

FEMALE 1

...I was really, really scared, let me tell you! Saw my life flash in front of me!

 

FEMALE 2

Was it interesting? Sorry - just joking. So...like... where do we know each other?

 

FEMALE 1

What's your name?

 

FEMALE 2

Betty Ann Baker and you?

 

FEMALE 1

No...don't know anybody by that name. Lots of people say they know me but they don't. They only think they know me

 

FEMALE 2

As I mentioned, your face strikes me as familiar. Do you belong to the Ladies Study Group?

 

FEMALE 1

I do! Are you a member?

 

FEMALE 2

No but I know lots of people who are. It's none of my business but why don't you cross at the traffic lights?

 

FEMALE 1

'Cause it's closer to cross here

 

FEMALE 2

So is death. The traffic lights are a two minute walk. That's what I do

 

FEMALE 1

Did I mention that I almost got killed twice? The drivers just don't care! Insane!

 

FEMALE 2

You can't blame them. They have the right of way and you don't

 

FEMALE 1

What happened to respecting the pedestrian, huh? And human decency? Last week I almost got run over by a cyclist. A cyclist no less and he wasn't even wearing a helmet! I tell you - civility is a thing of the past

 

FEMALE 2

People are in a rush, I suppose. No time for each other.

 

FEMALE 1

I've been living in this area 25 years and it was never busy like this back then. Too commercialized now. Too many buildings

 

FEMALE 2

Can't stop progress

 

FEMALE 1

The weekly Study Group meets today. Are you going?

 

FEMALE 2

Like I said, I'm not a member. Once in a while I drop by as a guest if they have an interesting topic that strikes my fancy

 

FEMALE 1

Don't blame you. Meetings are boring. Used to be interesting but not anymore. A lot of blah-blah-blah about nothing but they serve decent refreshments at the end

 

FEMALE 2

Do tell

 

FEMALE 1

They do. Do you know Peggy...Peggy...somebody. She's tall and thin

 

FEMALE 2

Don't know any Peggys

 

FEMALE 1

Anyway, she's in charge of the telephone list. Calls all the members to tell them about the next meeting. She always asks everyone, "how are you?" I mean, why does she say that? She doesn't really care

 

FEMALE 2

Guess she was just being polite and friendly. Sometimes we say things out of habit when we don't know what else to say

 

FEMALE 1

People make these trivial comments that don't mean a thing. You know, things like, 'nice talking to you' or 'how's your arthritis' Why would I tell her about my physical conditions, anyway? I mean, she's a complete stranger. My doctor told me I need a new knee. Pains me terribly...

 

FEMALE 2

This is where we part. I go the other way

 

FEMALE 1

God I was so scared I was going to get hit...

 

FEMALE 2

But here you are alive and kicking. Bye! Maybe we'll see each other again

 

FEMALE 1

...I put my hand out to tell the car to stop...thank goodness it did...

 

FEMALE 2

Take care! See you around sometime! Don't forget to cross at the traffic lights! The life you save could be your own!