SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE. AT THE COFFEE SHOP

SMALL TALK

 

SCENE:  SMALL COFFEE SHOP

AT RISE: A FEMALE (FEMALE 1) BRINGS A TRAY TO A TABLE, PULLS OUT A CHAIR,  SITS DOWN, STARTS TO UNWRAP A SANDWICH AND DRINK HER COFFEE

AN ELDERLY FEMALE (FEMALE 2) AT THE NEXT TABLE EATING A SANDWICH, TURNS AND STUDIES HER.

 

FEMALE 2

Your hair

 

FEMALE 1

Sorry?

 

FEMALE 2

Your hair is nice

FEMALE 1

(touching hair)

Thank you.

 

FEMALE 2

I mean, your hair is really nice. Who does it?

FEMALE 1

A local hair stylist where I live. I have it cut once a month and do it myself the rest of the time. Thanks again.

 

(Turns her attention to a cell phone)

 

FEMALE 2

My children and my grandchildren have those electronic gadgets

FEMALE 1

My cell?

FEMALE 2

Is that what it’s called?

FEMALE 1

Very handy. Pick up my mail…see what’s happening in the world…keeps me connected

 

FEMALE 2

Hmmm… I still like a good, old fashioned phone that stays in one place

 

FEMALE 1

Hardly use mine anymore

FEMALE 2

Mine is a black push-button phone but that’s okay. The way I see it, I don’t want the world to hear my conversations. Not that I have anything to hide.  Know what I mean?

FEMALE 1

Got’cha

 

(cell rings as FEMALE 2 watches FEMALE 1 speaking on the cell)

FEMALE 2

See? I heard everything you were saying. Not that I was trying to be nosy or anything. Point I’m making is there’s no privacy these days.

 

FEMALE 1

(staring down at her cell and involved in texting, somewhat ignoring FEMALE 2)

…uh-huh…

 

FEMALE 2

Know what? Before when I was in the bathroom, I heard a woman talking on those things while she was…well you know…peeing. That is like – so disgusting, don’t you think? I mean, couldn’t she live without that thing for the few minutes it would take to use the toilet? And she didn’t even flush! Probably didn’t even wash her hands, either, after!

FEMALE 1

…appointment tomorrow at 10 a.m. with John…

 

FEMALE 2

I’m sorry. You’re busy.

 

 (silence between them for 10 seconds)

 

(cont’d. FEMALE 2) You’re a coffee drinker I would guess?

FEMALE 1

Yup…

FEMALE 2

Don’t you find that coffee loses flavor in a paper cup?

FEMALE 1

...uh-huh...

 

FEMALE 2

People don’t have time to take care of the little things in life, anymore, like taking the time to really talk one-on-one. Human communication is a lost art

(FEMALE 1 loads her tray and starts to get up, preparing to leave, her focus on her cell)

FEMALE 1

Nice talking to you. Have a great day

 

FEMALE 2

Same here.  (calling as she walks away) ‘Love her your hair…’

 

(a female (FEMALE 3) sits down at the table next to FEMALE 2 , drinking coffee and reading a newspaper)

 

FEMALE 2

Always good to keep updated with the latest news. I would give up lots of things before giving up a newspaper that I actually touch and flip the pages. Mind you, I think our kind are dinosaurs

 

FEMALE 3
(inattentive)

Um – I guess…maybe…

 

(FEMALE 2 continues to talk waiting/hoping for a reaction from FEMALE 3)

 

FEMALE 2

Mind you, these days people get all their latest news and speak to each other on those cell phone gadgets but I don’t own one, though…  Don’t even have a computer…my kids wanted to get me one but then I’d have to learn to use it… By the way, your hair is really nice…who does it?

PHONE TALK
SHORT PLAY/COMEDY SKETCH

by Eleanor Tylbor



SCENE: Cell phones ring. SELMA and ELAINE, two seniors, conduct their daily conversation with each other to discuss…life.

ELAINE
Hello? Selma?

SELMA
Who are you and how d’ya know my name?

ELAINE
Gee – just lucky I guess! Get real, woman! It’s me!

SELMA
You…who? I don’t speak to people with no name. Goodbye!

(SELMA hangs up. Phone rings again)

ELAINE
Why’d you hang up on me?

SELMA
You called? When did you call?

ELAINE
Just now. Selma – it was me who called!

SELMA
I thought the voice sounded familiar

ELAINE
Oh fer… You don’t recognize the voice of your sister after all these years? I mean, really

SELMA
You sounded different

ELAINE
(sniffing a few times)
That’s ‘cause I got a cold

SELMA
It is you, Elaine! Why didn’t you just say so?

ELAINE
I tried – God knows I tried! Moving right along…

SELMA

You're moving? You never told me!

ELAINE

(coughs)

I'm not moving. I meant...anyway

SELMA
You’re sick? Stay away from me!

ELAINE
I can always count on you to have a sympathetic ear. Listen – I gotta go put drops in my nose so I’ll call you back

SELMA
Are you sure you should be talking to me? I mean – you could spread germs through the phone. These days you never know. Don't take too long 'cause I'm going out

(Both hang up. Phones ring again)

SELMA
Hello?

ELAINE
It’s me again. Sorry – hadda take some new pills

SELMA
Oh? What kind?

SELMA
Go know! I take so many these days. Some for my sinus (she sniffs)…some for my throat (she coughs)… Yeah – lots of pills…

ELAINE
So what’s new?

SELMA
What could be new?

ELAINE
I dunno. That’s why I’m asking

(pause for 2 seconds)

SELMA
I lead a very boring life and most of it is spent in doctor’s waiting rooms

ELAINE
You? I have five appointments this week with five different doctors! Even they can’t find out what’s the matter with me

SELMA
Doctor Michaels sent me for tests, today

ELAINE
Your back?

SELMA
I never went away. Oh…you mean the problem with my crooked spine that pains me so badly? The pain, Elaine - the pain! What should I expect having Dr. Sadist treating me…that quack!

ELAINE
That’s a new doctor?

SELMA
That’s not his real name. I just call him that. He keeps prescribing me pills that don’t work. I tell him, ‘doctor – gimme something that works!’ but does he listen? You should never know such pain. I suffer Elaine – I suffer plennnnnty!

ELAINE
You think that I don’t know pain? My neck is so sore, I can’t turn my head anymore

SELMA
So? Look straight ahead. Nothing much happens on the sides anyway

ELAINE
I’m serious! The back doctor gave me some free pill samples to try but they don’t work

SELMA
What kind of pills?

ELAINE
Lemme think a minute…they’re yellow…phila…feeda…fadda…something like that. Anyway, what do you care? You don’t have back problems

SELMA
So what? Maybe they’d be good for my shoulder. (moaning) Ohhhhhhhh….such pain…

ELAINE
This is new. You never mentioned shoulder pain before. Maybe try acupuncture. Freda Smith tells me that she goes to that Swedish guy, Hans Offer and it worked miracles for her

SELMA
(laughing)
I’ve seen Offer and believe me – needles aren’t the only things he gives her if you know what I mean. Look at the time

ELAINE
You’ve got an appointment?

SELMA
That’s later. I’m off to the shopping mall. Big sale today

ELAINE
What about you shoulder…and your neck pain…

SELMA
What’s a little ache between the bargains. You know what they say – when the going gets tough – the tough go shopping. So you’ll be ready in 10 minutes?

ELAINE
Make it fifteen. And Selma – bring along some of those new yellow pills