SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE SUPERMARKET - THE CHERRY DILEMMA


PLACE: SUPERMARKET, PRODUCE AREA. FEMALE SHOPPER STUDIES SHOPPER PICKING OUT CHERRIES, TASTING THEM AS HE PLACES THEM IN A PLASTIC BAG

FEMALE SHOPPER
Like cherries, huh?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Sorry?

FEMALE SHOPPER
I doubt that... So you really like cherries? Me too

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
These are particularly good. Nice and firm..

(male shopper takes two and slowly eats them, spitting out cherry pit on ground)

FEMALE SHOPPER
You seem to take great care in choosing just the right one's

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Only choose those that are firm to the touch

FEMALE SHOPPER
I see that. And you determine that by squeezing them all, I guess?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
(eating another cherry and spitting pit on floor)
It's the only way

FEMALE SHOPPER
Aren't you worried that they're not washed or anything. You know - germs from people's hands

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
I wipe them on my clothes before tasting them (tasting another cherry and spitting pit on floor)
Hmmmmmm...really good

FEMALE SHOPPER
Sweet are they?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Uh-huh! Very! Here - try one! Look at the time - gotta run!

(MALE CHERRY CHOOSER TIES PLASTIC BAG AND RUSHES OFF. FEMALE SHOPPER IS IN CASH LINE UP BEHIND CHERRY CHOOSER. SUPERMARKET CHECK-OUT CASHIER WEIGHS CHERRIES)

CASHIER
These look good enough to eat!

FEMALE SHOPPER
Oh he knows!

(MALE CHERRY CHOOSER LOOKS EMBARRASSED)

(CONT'd) Before you punch in the numbers, perhaps you should add another dollar to the total

CASHIER
I'm sorry?

FEMALE SHOPPER
By my estimate, this cherry lover must have sampled at least a dozen or two cherries that I saw him eating before finding the perfect one's for his bag. So perhaps you should factor in those dozen in his bill?

CHERRY CHOOSER
I...was just...tasting them to... um...make sure they're good...

FEMALE SHOPPER
Of course you did. We all love cherries, but who pays for those that are sampled, huh? We do!

CHERRY CHOOSER
Well...um...

CASHIER
You do have a point...nobody has ever brought this up before... Perhaps I should call the manager

FEMALE SHOPPER
No need to do that.

(FEMALE SHOPPER PRODUCES CLEAR PLASTIC PRODUCE BAG WITH CHERRY PITS INSIDE AND HOLDS THEM UP)

CONT'D. FEMALE SHOPPER
Let's see here...I count two dozen cherry pits that I picked up off the floor

CHERRY PICKER
Hey! How d'ya know they're all mine!

FEMALE SHOPPER
I watched where you spit them out and picked them up with a plastic produce bag. I mean, really, it's quite disgusting

(mumbles emitted by shoppers in line waiting to pay)

SHOPPER IN LINE
"...e-eww! You actually picked up his pits? That is like, soooo disgusting!"

ANOTHER SHOPPER IN LINE
"...the guy was stealing cherries...that's disgusting"

(A HEATED DEBATE ENSUES AMONG THOSE LINED UP REGARDING THE CHERRY PICKER AND THE MORALITY OF TASTING CHERRIES)

CHERRY PICKER
(leaning over and speaking softly to the cashier)
Just tell me how much extra I owe you and lemme get outta here

CASHIER
Fifty cents and we're even

FEMALE SHOPPER
(opens another clear plastic produce bag)
Now about those grapes you were tasting...

HELLO? PLAYWRIGHT NEEDS TO KNOW!

I've been thinking. Almost half-way through January and still haven't heard anything one way or the other about my play submitted in mid October. This is sort-of disconcerting especially since I requested ackowldgement that they received the play sent by e-mail  attachment. I'm always worried whether the dialogue ends up all over the place and whether this is held against a playwright (me).

"Not again!" a theatre reader might say to her/himself or out loud while shaking their heads, "yet another playwright who doesn't use a decent playwriting program."

Really - I worry about this aspect but still can't seem to be motivated enough to go out and spend $500 on a program for this prurpose.

So to return to my angst - actually I'm always in a state of playwriting angst - there has been no news or updates or anything whatsoever from said theater. Rather than send them another personal e-mail, which most likely will atrophy in the in-box, I'll share a public appeal. Actually, I'll go out on a limb and say/write that this sentiment is shared by many other playwrights.

Dear blah-blah (name protected just in case),

Not sure if you remember since you probably receive umpteen plays from desperate playwrights like me who are hoping to have their plays produced before they die, but I sent you my play in the middle of October. Still don't know whether you received it and/or  if you even read it. If you did, you already know that it's well-written and a very funny play. I laugh every time I read it over just in case it requires tweaking. I'm big on tweaking.

As an aspiring playwright who has yet to have a play produced but always hopeful, the waiting period to learn whether our literary jewels will be shared with theatre goers is very difficult. Frequently, and I hope is not the case with your theatre, we never hear back, or when we do, its a rejection notice years later.

I'm sure you are occupied with other projects that require your attention but any type of personal note from you or your theater would suffice.

Yours truly in perturbation,

Eleanor