Scenes from Life: a Short Playette THE CHERRY PICKER

SCENES FROM LIFE:  A SHORT PLAYETTE

THE CHERRY PICKER

by Eleanor Tylbor

 

SCENE:   PRODUCE DEPT. OF SUPERMARKET. PEOPLE ARE GATHERED AROUND A DISPLAY OF CHERRIES

AT RISE: A WOMAN APPROACHES THE CHERRY DISPLAY, STOPS AND STUDIES THE PEOPLE GATHERED AROUND

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Excuse me…um…can I get in here?

 (people ignore her)

 

(cont’d).  FEMALE SHOPPER

Excuse me, people…could you make space for me?

 (people continue to ignore her)

 

(cont’d.)  FEMALE SHOPPER

Hello? Earth to cherry pickers! An outsider would like to join you all!

 

(FEMALE SHOPPER moves her shopping cart forward and gently runs into someone)

 

CHERRY PICKER 1

Ouch! That hurt!

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

I tried asking politely to get close to the counter but everyone seemed deaf to my request, so I had to take things in my own hands or with my shopping cart as the case may be

 

CHERRY PICKER 1

You could have tapped me on the shoulder, y’know

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Would it have made any difference?

 

CHERRY PICKER 1

Probably not but you could have tried

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Good price for cherries. Guess that’s why there’s so many people hanging out here. Hmmmm…where are the plastic bags. ‘Anybody tell me where the plastic bags are?’ Anyone want to give an opinion?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

(mouth full of cherries and oozing juice)

…are…none…left… Have to…ask…manager for…more…bags

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Are those cherries you have in your mouth?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

…uh-huh…

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Would it be presumptuous of me to assume you didn’t pay for them?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

…hav’ta taste them, first…

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

You do realize that in some circles that would be considered stealing

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Everybody does it

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

And that makes it right? What are you doing! Did you just spit out that cherry pit back into the display?

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Yeah…I mean, I didn’t wanna dirty the floor or anything. Somebody could slip and hurt themselves. Anyway, everybody does it

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

But…your saliva has germs, which you are depositing on the cherries

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

What else am I supposed to do with the pits?

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

You could refrain from tasting the cherries or at the very least put them in your pocket and take them home with you or something

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Everyone else is doing it. Check out the display

 

(FEMALE SHOPPER looks down at the display of cherries)

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Oh Gawd! |You’re right! To think I was about to put my hand inside there

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

You’re in luck. Here comes the produce manager with a roll of new plastic bags

 

PRODUCE MANAGER

‘Okay everyone -  move aside! I’m gonna clean up all the cherry pits at the bottom! Not healthy.’

 

CHERRY PICKER 2

Aren’t you going to take a bag for cherries?

 

FEMALE SHOPPER

Somehow I’ve lost my taste for them. There’s a sale on strawberries on the other counter, if only I can get near it…

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE SUPERMARKET - THE CHERRY DILEMMA


PLACE: SUPERMARKET, PRODUCE AREA. FEMALE SHOPPER STUDIES SHOPPER PICKING OUT CHERRIES, TASTING THEM AS HE PLACES THEM IN A PLASTIC BAG

FEMALE SHOPPER
Like cherries, huh?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Sorry?

FEMALE SHOPPER
I doubt that... So you really like cherries? Me too

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
These are particularly good. Nice and firm..

(male shopper takes two and slowly eats them, spitting out cherry pit on ground)

FEMALE SHOPPER
You seem to take great care in choosing just the right one's

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Only choose those that are firm to the touch

FEMALE SHOPPER
I see that. And you determine that by squeezing them all, I guess?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
(eating another cherry and spitting pit on floor)
It's the only way

FEMALE SHOPPER
Aren't you worried that they're not washed or anything. You know - germs from people's hands

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
I wipe them on my clothes before tasting them (tasting another cherry and spitting pit on floor)
Hmmmmmm...really good

FEMALE SHOPPER
Sweet are they?

MALE CHERRY CHOOSER
Uh-huh! Very! Here - try one! Look at the time - gotta run!

(MALE CHERRY CHOOSER TIES PLASTIC BAG AND RUSHES OFF. FEMALE SHOPPER IS IN CASH LINE UP BEHIND CHERRY CHOOSER. SUPERMARKET CHECK-OUT CASHIER WEIGHS CHERRIES)

CASHIER
These look good enough to eat!

FEMALE SHOPPER
Oh he knows!

(MALE CHERRY CHOOSER LOOKS EMBARRASSED)

(CONT'd) Before you punch in the numbers, perhaps you should add another dollar to the total

CASHIER
I'm sorry?

FEMALE SHOPPER
By my estimate, this cherry lover must have sampled at least a dozen or two cherries that I saw him eating before finding the perfect one's for his bag. So perhaps you should factor in those dozen in his bill?

CHERRY CHOOSER
I...was just...tasting them to... um...make sure they're good...

FEMALE SHOPPER
Of course you did. We all love cherries, but who pays for those that are sampled, huh? We do!

CHERRY CHOOSER
Well...um...

CASHIER
You do have a point...nobody has ever brought this up before... Perhaps I should call the manager

FEMALE SHOPPER
No need to do that.

(FEMALE SHOPPER PRODUCES CLEAR PLASTIC PRODUCE BAG WITH CHERRY PITS INSIDE AND HOLDS THEM UP)

CONT'D. FEMALE SHOPPER
Let's see here...I count two dozen cherry pits that I picked up off the floor

CHERRY PICKER
Hey! How d'ya know they're all mine!

FEMALE SHOPPER
I watched where you spit them out and picked them up with a plastic produce bag. I mean, really, it's quite disgusting

(mumbles emitted by shoppers in line waiting to pay)

SHOPPER IN LINE
"...e-eww! You actually picked up his pits? That is like, soooo disgusting!"

ANOTHER SHOPPER IN LINE
"...the guy was stealing cherries...that's disgusting"

(A HEATED DEBATE ENSUES AMONG THOSE LINED UP REGARDING THE CHERRY PICKER AND THE MORALITY OF TASTING CHERRIES)

CHERRY PICKER
(leaning over and speaking softly to the cashier)
Just tell me how much extra I owe you and lemme get outta here

CASHIER
Fifty cents and we're even

FEMALE SHOPPER
(opens another clear plastic produce bag)
Now about those grapes you were tasting...