SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE At the supermarket

THE WAIT

 

 

SCENE: A BUSY SUPERMARKET.

 

AT RISE: A LONG LINE UP OF PEOPLE WAIT TO PAY FOR THEIR GROCERIES.

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER

(to herself)

 

Would you believe how slow this cashier is? I probably could check out myself faster

 

 

MALE CUSTOMER BEHIND HER
 

They should open more cashes

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

Sorry?

MALE CUSTOMER
 

They need more cashiers. Can’t open more cashes without cashiers. Only three on a holiday weekend doesn’t do it

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

So true. I mean, you would think that they would have thought of that. I hate waiting

MALE CUSTOMER
 

Who likes it

 

 (female customer searches the line ups)
 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

I just moved over to here from the other line. This one looks like it was moving faster but now the other one is better. Always happens. Wherever I move, the other lines are faster

 

MALE CUSTOMER
 

From what I can see, there are hardly any people in the first cash

 

 (they both look over to check it out)
 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

That’s only for eight items or less. I’ve got a lot more than that

 

MALE CUSTOMER

Maybe they would take you being that they’re so busy everywhere
 

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

Don’t like to take advantage, not to mention that the customers with just a few items get really upset when you try to push in with a full shopping cart. Can't say I blame them. Tried that a while back and everyone turned on me. “Are you blind?” they all yelled, pointing to the 8 items or less sign accompanied by insults. Wasn’t worth it – very embarrassing. Anyway, I’d lose my place here in line. Hey…you wouldn’t be trying to move up faster in the line here…

 

MALE CUSTOMER
 

Just trying to be helpful

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

Why don’t you try your luck at the first cash? Maybe you'll be luckier

 

MALE CUSTOMER
 

I’ll wait my turn. You were complaining

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

Actually, I was talking to myself and you overheard me

 

MALE CUSTOMER

Sorry to butt in your private conversation with yourself
 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

Merely pointing out to myself that they need more cashiers

 

MALE CUSTOMER
 

And I agreed. No ulterior motive intended

 

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

 Sorry - I tend to get impatient in line ups. Here we want to give them our hard-earned cash and we have to wait to hand it over. Not that I would ever want to be a cashier...

 

  (Throws her head back and looks at ceiling)
 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

Would you believe? Now they’re counting cash! This means another five minute delay at least

 

MALE CUSTOMER
 

Nothing we can do about it
 

 FEMALE CUSTOMER

 

Why, why does this always happen to me? Why couldn’t they have waited until they finished checking out my food items first?

 

MALE CUSTOMER
 

A conspiracy for sure. Relax – getting all worked up won’t make things work faster

 

(answers his cell phone) 

 

FEMALE CUSTOMER
 

On top of it all, they’ve put new cashiers on a day like today. I mean, really. Okay, they have to learn but today? Good - finished their cash count. Only one person in front of us, now. Should be out of here in five…maybe ten minutes at the most, for sure. I’ll just get ready to place my items here on the counter…they have some good specials today… I don’t believe it!   

 

 

MALE CUSTOMER

Something wrong?

 

 FEMALE CUSTOMER

Would you believe? There’s no price on some of her items and now they have to do a price check! That’s gonna put us back an extra ten minutes for sure. Is there no end to keep us customers waiting forever? (addresses customer in front of her) ‘Excuse me, but why didn’t you check your items before throwing them into your shopping cart? We've been waiting here for over fifteen minutes, y’know! Some of us have things to do, places to go.’ 

                        (male customer moves over to new cash that opens up) 
 

(cont’d.) Hey! I was in front of you
 

MALE CUSTOMER

You were and now I’m in front of you, first in line. You snooze – you lose. Patience is a virtue


FEMALE CUSTOMER

Hope you have a lot of it


MALE CUSTOMER

What do you mean?


FEMALE CUSTOMER

The head cashier is heading this way. Looks like the computer in your cash is down. They're motioning you move into our line. Like you told me - patience is a virtue



 

 

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE SUPERMARKET - KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE FRIES

SCENE: A SUPERMARKET.  Customer approaches the supermarket clerk, who is placing items on a shelf.

CUSTOMER
Hello? I have a problem

CLERK
Is it something on one of these shelves?

CUSTOMER
Um - no. Not really...

CLERK
Then it's not my responsibility

CUSTOMER

(looks around, leaves and then returns to speak to same clerk)

I don't seem to be able to find any other clerks. Perhaps you could help...

CLERK
What food item is it?

CUSTOMER
French fries

CLERK
Really can't help you if they're frozen

CUSTOMER
Duh! Do they come any other way? What I want to know...

CLERK
(focusing on stacking cans on shelves)
Sorry. You'll hav'ta speak to someone who works in that section

CUSTOMER
Look - if I could find someone who works for this store in the frozen food section, I would have gone to her or him, but unfortunately there's nobody to be found or seen

CLERK
That's 'cause they're all on their break

CUSTOMER
(looking at watch)
It's 1 p.m. They just came back from lunch for heaven's sake!

CLERK
Yeah but the union rules are afternoon breaks start at 1 p.m.

CUSTOMER
One shudders to think about the actual working hours here. At least listen to my problem ...

CLERK
Can't

CUSTOMER
Why not?

CLERK
I'm a stacker

CUSTOMER
Slacker would be a better description

CLERK
Huh - what? Us stackers have our own areas to cover. We just can't go over to another section and hone in on somebody else's territory

CUSTOMER
Of course. I'm so un-supermarket savvy. Okay. What time are their breaks over, she asked, wondering what the world is coming to these days

(clerk checks watch)

CLERK
They'll be back any minute now. Perhaps if you hang out at the frozen fries section...

CUSTOMER
Silly me! Of course I should, as you so quaintly phrase it, hang out in the frozen section. I just love freezing my...

CLERK
Gotta leave. Break time

(Clerk takes off. Customer goes to refrigerated section)

CUSTOMER
Excuse me - I wonder if you could assist me

CLERK 2
What's the item?

CUSTOMER
It concerns fries

CLERK 2
Fresh or frozen?

CUSTOMER
Does it make a difference and since when do you sell fresh fries?

CLERK 2
Can't really say since I'm an egg man myself...

CUSTOMER
...I know - and you can't discuss fries. So tell me - who can?

CLERK 2
Frozen products clerk over there

CUSTOMER
Where? You mean this person really exists in reality?

(Customer moves over to frozen foods)

CUSTOMER
I have a problem with frozen fries

CLERK 3
Returns are at the front counter

CUSTOMER
I only wish I had frozen fries to return. If you check your gigantic freezer, there are no 'Yummy Fries' to be found

CLERK 3
That's 'cause we have a big special on them

CUSTOMER
They just went on sale yesterday for heaven's sake! How could you sell them out, already?

CLERK 3
People buy them to stock up

CUSTOMER
That shouldn't be allowed, y'know. What about the rest of us who want a package or two? What about OUR needs?

CLERK 3
Get a rain check at the front

CUSTOMER
A rain check won't do it. I need them for a barbeque tonight

CLERK 3
There are other brands you can buy

CUSTOMER
They're more expensive. Perhaps go check in the back? Things always seem to magically appear from the back storage room...

CLERK 3
My mom makes really yummy fries from scratch. You could try that too

CUSTOMER
Well goody for your mom. About those sale fries, now? What are you gonna do about them?

CLERK 3
Rain check is all we can offer

(Clerk 3 listens to message over loud speaker)

Gotta go. They want me in produce

CUSTOMER
Before you disappear and being that we're sort-of friends and I'm a long-time shopper here, how about giving me the fries that aren't on sale, at the sale price. We can keep it between us - nobody has to know. I won't tell if you won't

CLERK 3
You'll have to talk to the person in charge of the frozen food. I'm not allowed to make big decisions like that

CUSTOMER
Why am I not surprised. Now this frozen head person, where would one find him or her?

CLERK 3
You can't

CUSTOMER
And why not, she asked stupidly

CLERK 3
He's on vacation. Won't be back 'til next week

CUSTOMER
Know what? Forget about it! I'll take a bag of the fries that aren't on sale

(CUSTOMER walks to front counter)

COUNTER CLERK
Can I help you?

CUSTOMER
Probably not. I'd like a rain check?

COUNTER CLERK
No can do

CUSTOMER
And this would be because...?

COUNTER CLERK
We ran out of rain checks. We ordered a new stack but they won't be in 'til tomorrow

CUSTOMER
You can't have run out of rainchecks! It's not legal

COUNTER CLERK
There's a big special on frozen fries. People want rain checks so they can stock up

CUSTOMER
This is outrageous! I'm reporting this to...to...head office!

COUNTER CLERK
They already know. They're the one's who supply us with rain checks

CUSTOMER
It's all very simple. I require those sale fries for a barbeque I'm having tonight. What are you gonna do to help?

COUNTER CLERK
You can have that bag of Mrs. Frys Fries at the same price as the sale fries

CUSTOMER
Why don't you specify that with a sign in the empty space that once held the frozen sale fries? You would make my shopping so much easier, not to mention keep my blood pressure down

COUNTER CLERK
Nobody asked me before.

CUSTOMER
I'd like three bags

COUNTER CLERK
Not possible. Only two per customer. We don't wanna run short and then have to offer a rain check and...

CUSTOMER
...I know. You don't have any more rain check pads. Shopping has become much too complicated these days... Tell me - is there really a supervisor of the frozen fries section?

COUNTER CLERK
Neh! We just tell people that