Characters encounter problems phoning home. A taste of "The Lemon"

As Roseanne Roseannadanna used to say, "it's always something."

Sometimes you write a play and although it seems like it has good-bordering-on-great possibilities, it languishes in the maybe-some-day file. The play at issue, "The Lemon", focuses on the trials and tribulations of a woman attempting to get help to remove her car, a "lemon"  stalled in a busy intersection blocking traffic.

A 15-minute comedy play-ette as I like to call my short but sweet stories, it has been tinkered with over the years including modifications to strengthen the flow of dialogue. The saga involves the use of a public pay phone and therein lies the problem.

In order to make my plays relevant, frequent updates are done, however - as frequently mentioned in my blogs, it's always the 'howevers' that get you in the end - this is a situation requiring a reappraisal of its viability.

Public pay phones are becoming a rarity and according to Wikipedia, "since 2007, the number of payphones in the United States in operation has declined by 48%. In July 2009, AT&T officially stopped supporting the Public Payphone service. Over 139,000 locations were sold in 2009."

In this play-ette, the main character (Penny) is attempting to convince the user of the pay phone to allow her to arrange for her "lemon" to be towed to a garage since her cell phone is dead. Here's what I mean:

PENNY
I don't believe this! How many more things can go wrong, today?

SOUND: car horns. PENNY looks off into the distance and makes an obscene gesture with hand

(cont'd. PENNY)  'Blow it out your nose, idiots! You'll get more out of that!' So typically me. Get a new cell phone and forget to charge it.

(aside to female in phone booth)

PENNY (owner of car/lemon)

'Scuse me - are you gonna be much longer?

FEMALE PHONE USER (FPU)
Do you mind? I'm almost finished. Why don't you use your cell phone?

PENNY
Duhhh! Don't you think I would if I could? Humor me for thirty seconds and perhaps you'll understand my dilemma. Over there in the middle of the intersection - see that car?

FPU
You mean the orange-colored wreck? You actually own that? I'd keep it to myself if I was you.

PENNY
I bought the rusting chunk of junk a week ago, why I don't know but the price was right, and it died on me, today. There's a sucker born every minute and the dealer saw a big red "S" right here on my forehead. Desperation causes one to make questionable decisions

FPU
Okay. I looked at your car. Now can I finish my conversation? The more you interrupt, the longer it'll take

(FPU turns away - PENNY taps her on the back)

PENNY
Perhaps I'm not making myself clear. I'm not a violent person by nature - not at all - but you're pushing my buttons. Wait - I made a joke...get it? Public phone booth...push the buttons... In my personal angst, I still manage to find humor. I'm a survivor alright.
Gotta take things in my own hands...

(PENNY reaches over, disconnects and grabs the phone)

FPU
How dare you! You...you...crazy woman. Get away from me!

PENNY
How dare I? How dare I, you ask? How many times did I tell you that I had to make a desperate phone call but did you listen? Nooooooo! Your phone conversation took precedent over my needs, so I took things into my own hands in the true sense of the word. If you don't mind and even if you do, my call needs privacy so block your ears and turn away. Better still, go away

FPU
'Scuse me? After the way you interrupted my conversation. I think not

PENNY
(rummaging through handbag)
Fine...whatever. Let's see here...where's my phone directory...course there's one on my cell if it was working... The handbag is so big, everything gets lost inside. Aha! So this is where my salami sandwich went. Phew! Mind tossing that into the trash over there?

FPU
I think not. Go  throw it in, yourself. It's a mere few feet away

PENNY
Surrrre - uh-huh... You think I'm an idiot?

FPU
The thought did cross my mind in addition to you being insane.

PENNY
I take one step away from here and you jump in and take control over the phone, again. Not! I'll just put it back in my handbag and toss it when you're gone. Nothing like the smell of rotting salami on a hot day (PENNY moves/waves her hand over the handbag in FPU's direction)

FPU
That is truly disgusting. You're gonna contaminate the phone

PENNY
So then you better not use it. Let's see here - where's the number of my dealership. I should'a filed it under 'losers'. Here it is...


And so their repartee continues, the two attempting to gain and retain control over the phone. The issue is if the play is still relevant and/or if it can be updated and relevant for today's society. Still, when it's all done and written, I do like this short play...  As mentioned at the beginning, it's always something.

 

SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY TALK PLANTS

SCENE:  DEN, EVERYBODY HOUSEHOLD.

AT RISE:  MRS. EVERYBODY IS TALKING WHILE MR. EVERYBODY IS READING A NEWSPAPER. HER BACK IS FACING MR. EVERYBODY

MRS. EVERYBODY
Why? Why must you torture me like this? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment other than heap undying love and devotion to your upkeep?

(MR. EVERYBODY glances up and returns to reading his book)

MRS. EVERYBODY
You seem to be dying slowly right in front of my eyes and I'm at a loss what to do

MR. EVERYBODY
(looking around)
You talking to me?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Fed you top of the line nutritional supplements and this is the thanks I get

MR. EVERYBODY
You make fantastic meals, sweetheart, and really I'm in great shape

MRS. EVERYBODY
You're not aging well, little darling

MR. EVERYBODY

(gets up to examine himself in the mirror on the wall behind him)

For the record, I'm in better condition now than I was when we married. Sure there's a few extra inches on my stomach but that's due to your good cooking. I'm trying to work it off on the tread mill...

MRS. EVERYBODY
I fear it's time for us to part, sweetheart. You are halfway between this world and the next

MR. EVERYBODY
What are you saying? Is it something I said?

MRS. EVERYBODY
You've given me a lot of pleasure over the years. Your nightly performance kept me riveted and it's something I'll cherish all my life

MR. EVERYBODY
Hey! There's still a lot of life left in this body! Is there somebody else? I can change, y'know!

(MRS. EVERYBODY turns around and stares at her husband)

MRS. EVERYBODY
It's just so hard to say goodbye! Did you say something?

MR. EVERYBODY
You never said a word to me. No warning...nothing. I deserve to know who's the new love of your life!

MRS. EVERYBODY
What are you babbling about?

MR. EVERYBODY
You're leaving me! I heard it with my own ears

MRS. EVERYBODY
Are you insane? You thought that... That's really funny

MRS. EVERYBODY
There's nothing funny about being told your wife is leaving your for someone else. It's always the husband that's the last to know

MRS. EVERYBODY
Dear, dear husband - I was talking to my prayer plant, here. that is slowly croaking after 40 years and I'm about to replace her with a new one

MR. EVERYBODY
How was I supposed to know? There was only you and me in the room and I never guessed you were talking to a...a... house plant

MRS. EVERYBODY
I've raised this houseplant from a small little stalk. Fed her...coddled her...and she gave me years of pleasure but lately she seems to have taken a turn for the worst. The writing is on the wall...or in this case, in all those brown leaves.

MR. EVERYBODY
A plant is a plant is a plant. Don't know what the big thing is. Just empty the pot and replace it with a new one. Simple

MRS. EVERYBODY
How could you be so cruel and callous! You just can't...discard it like it that!

MR. EVERYBODY
I dunno. Never bothers you to do that with your clothes

MRS. EVERYBODY
Besides, I read an article that said plants can sense pain and they react to it. How could I betray my friend after all the years we've been together? I feel like a killer! Like I'd be ripping out her guts and tearing her apart

MR. EVERYBODY
Not that I pretend to feel what you feel but check this out

(MR. EVERYBODY shows her a page of the newspaper)

MRS. EVERYBODY
What's this? The Plant-a-atrium is having a sale on houseplants?

(turns to look at plant and at newspaper ad)

(MRS. EVERYBODY cont'd.)  'Parting is such sweet sorrow my formerly green friend. Go meet your other friends in the composter! Do not think badly of me for I shall remember you with great fondness.' I'm ready.

MR. EVERYBODY
Ready for...?

MRS. EVERYBODY
To make new friends at the Plant-a-atrium, silly! We all gotta go some time. I mean, it's just a silly plant for heaven's sake...

Elvis - the real story

Today would have been Elvis "The King of Rock'n'roll " Presley's 80th birthday. It is generally believed by most that Elvis is no longer with us as in gone to that great jam session in the sky. However - love those howevers of life - there are those who believe he arranged for his disappearance and is out there somewhere, doing gigs. What if they're right? You just never know.

Elvis – The Real Story

 CAST OF CHARACTERS

 

TAMMY        40-something avid Elvis fan and wife of Len

LEN                40-something husband of Tammy
"THE" ELVIS, former big star/singer/performer

 

 THE TIME

The present

 THE PLACE

Jackson’s 7-11 GAS BAR AND DINER

 

Photos of Elvis cover a large portion of one wall; Elvis songs play non-stop. There is a table with two chairs on one side of the room, while the other side of the room has the usual gas station displays of motor oil, etc.

 

AT RISE:

TAMMY and LEN, two customers, are seated at a table looking around the room

LEN

(Scrutinizing the surroundings)

Um…who recommended this place?

 

TAMMY

(reading book)

The restaurant guide write-up says it’s fine dining with a difference

LEN

Fine dining if you’re a rat! Did you happen to notice that a cockroach just crawled out of our bread basket? Must be one that escaped the Chef’s special catch-of-the-day

TAMMY

Stop being so negative and take in the atmosphere

LEN

You mean the aromatic scent of “eau du trash” coming from the back? Phee-ew!

TAMMY

You’re so…so…provincial in your thinking, sweetheart. It's about this authentic ‘60’s décor that gives the place its special caché!

LEN

More like early condemned. Every square inch of wall space is covered with faded Elvis photos and the man’s been dead for how many years?

TAMMY

That's the beauty of this place! It’s like a shrine devoted to “The King.” It's all too…wonderful

LEN

Are you saying that this…this gas station and one-table-diner was the King of Rock and Roll’s eatery of choice? Not!

TAMMY

For your information they say he used to eat fried chicken here and sometimes he even entertained diners

LEN

Was that before or after he turned into the Goodyear blimp? If I had known we were coming here to eat, I’d have checked to make sure my insurance policy was paid up

 TAMMY

You know how long I hadda wait to get reservations for this restaurant…

LEN

…obviously not long enough…

TAMMY

…seven months! If you think I’m going to give up the chance to dine here…

LEN

…and a fine dining establishment it is – if you’re into salmonella poisoning

TAMMY

Get a grip! The waiter is coming to try to act normal, if that’s possible

 

               the waiter dressed in an Elvis jumpsuit struts over, swinging his hips in a

              typical Elvis-like walk. He smoothes the sides of his hair with his hands,
             frequently

WAITER

(swinging his hips between every word)

Evening folks’. Need a menu? Uh-huh – oh yeah…

LEN

No. We prefer to use ESP to order. Of course we need a menu!

TAMMY

Don’t mind my husband – I don’t. Leave the menu here and we’ll choose

LEN

So tacky. All the dishes are Elvis songs. 'Be-bop-a-lu-la' chicken wings…' The 'Love Me Tender' T-bone looks questionable and it comes with fries that are probably a couple months old and a 'I Did It My Way' salad. Look at this: says here on the menu that all their steaks are aged to perfection. Yesterday's road-kill most likely

TAMMY

Have you considered that your cranial spark plugs have stopped kicking in? I can’t make up my mind – so many choices…

               the waiter comes over to take the order

LEN

Are all those dishes served a la carte?

WAITER

(swinging hips)

No – on a plate. Uh-huh…

TAMMY

Just choose something already, will you?

WAITER

Want me to come back, folks? Uh-huh…

                                                                                                            SFX: LIGHTS DIM

TAMMY

Ssshhh! Quiet! The shows is gonna begin

                                                                                                           SOUND: GUITAR TWANG

LEN

I don’t see why we hav’ta be quiet. Cheez – I can hear the sound of someone pumping gas outside, not to mention the smell. Mind you, it's hard to tell the difference between the food and the gas

 

              (The song from “2001: A Space Odyssey” is heard and the waiter now dressed

               in a mechanic’s uniform on the other side of the room walks in front of the

              counter holding a hand mic)

VOICE OVER

“For you entertainment and pllllea-sure, the King has entered the building!”

 An over-weight bordering-on-obese man dressed in a white jump suit enters, stopping to pose while leaning on a cane. A wide belt hangs well below a sagging stomach; black aviator glasses cover his eyes and a badly-fitting black wig sits lob-sided towards the front of his head

(VOICE OVER)

“Direct from his engagement at the luxurious Pink Flamingo Laundromat and Bank Drive Thru in Tijuana, Mex-i-co, the management of Jackson’s 7/11 and Diner is proud to present, “the” King of Rock’n’Roll himself, the one – the only – El-vis!”

A bent over Elvis slowly makes his way to the other side of the room. He bends over to kiss Len, who pushes him way

ELVIS

“Whoops – sorry. Gotta get my eyes checked

He whips out a dirty handkerchief, spits on it and cleans his eyes and replaces it in a back pocket

ELVIS

(in weak squeaky voice)

Thank y’all very much! It’s the first time I been back this way goin’ on twenty years…or maybe it’s thirty…could be forty… Anyway… Good t'see y’all ain’t fergetten the King

              whips out his handkerchief again and blows his nose

ELVIS

Guess I ain’t the same Elvis you remember a ways back, huh? But then who is?       

Starts coughing and choking. Scantily dresses nurses rush over to pat him on

the back
 

ELVIS

See? I still got it but now I don’t know what to do with it! Thank y’all very much… Listen ladies – go see if you can find my extra set of dentures that I left in a steak yesterday.

He chokes again and a well-endowed female doctor wearing tight fitting clothing enters, with a stethoscope draped around her neck

DOCTOR

Now Mr. Elvis – honey – you know you gotta take it easy. Your ticker ain’t what it used to be

ELVIS

(laughing and staring at her breasts)

Yeah but ask me if I care. Thank you all very much. And now before the spaceship comes to take me away, I’m gonna sing you a personal favourite of mine…

              ELVIS sings the first few lines of “My Way” completely off-key

LEN

(starting to get up)

Oh fer… We’re not gonna stay and listen to this… The man is obviously senile

              Sound of tires squeaking to a stop and the slam of car doors

ELVIS

Uh-oh…they’re coming back…I knew they’d find me… Damn aliens!

Two males wearing white outfits move on either side of Elvis and take his arms

MALE 1

C’mon pops. You got another gig at the Sunnyvale Nursing Home

ELVIS

ut…but…I ain’t finished my set, yet!

 MALE 1

Shaking his head and winking at Len and Tammy

You don’t wanna be late for your big entrance.

ELVIS

Where’s my peanut butter and banana sandwich. I caint sing without it 

               the two men start to lead Elvis off the stage but Elvis stops and addresses the

               couple

ELVIS

Thank you all very much!

Elvis walks over, signs a piece of paper and hands it to Len and then exits with the men

 

LEN

(addressing waiter)

That was not “the” Elvis Presley now, was it? You got us here under false pretences. And that’s against the law, y’know!

WAITER

The guy is 80 years old. Whad’ya expect? He’s got two hip replacements, a bad knee and now all that shaking he does is the real thing, poor bastard. By the way, know that piece of paper he handed you?

LEN

I really couldn’t care less about the man’s autograph… In fact this is what I think of you AND your Elvis

               LEN rips up the piece of paper into small pieces

WAITER

You shouldn’t have done that. Uh-uh…

LEN

Elvis my a-s-s!

WAITER

That piece of paper would’a given you a tank of gas with your meal. Oh well…uh-huh…

Len throws himself down on the floor picking up the pieces of paper trying to put them together

LEN

Don't just stand there, Tammy. A tank of gas is a tank of gas is…

VOICE OVER

“The King has left the building 

LEN

(on his knees scooping up pieces of paper frantically)

Hang on a minute. I can put these pieces together… gimme some of that leftover barbeque sauce...

 

 

THE VISIT - a Christmas play-ette

Wrote this a while back but have done some editing and bringing it back for another round, being that it's almost Christmas.

 

THE VISIT

 

  CAST OF CHARACTERS:

 

Molly Rigby, 88, senior citizen

David Grey, 20-something reporter
Paul Seaton, camera man

 

SETTING:     Recreation hall of a senior's residence. A few seniors are dozing, some in wheelchairs, others are regular chairs.

AT RISE:       A reporter (DAVID) enters the room in preparation for an interview with MOLLY RIGBY, who claims to have communicated with whom she believes to be, Santa Claus

DAVID enters the room, taking notes and practicing his introduction

DAVID

"We're here at the Happy Hollows Seniors Home to interview resident, Molly Rigby, who claims to have been visited by old Saint Nick, himself. Come Christmas Eve, Molly has stated she will be leaving on an extended trip…”

 

                         PAUL enters, holding a TV camera

 

PAUL

So…what’s the story, here? I mean, it’s Christmas Eve! Couldn’t this one have waited?

 

DAVID

Hey – it’s not my decision! The brass wants us to do a holiday “feel-good” story and interview an old granny claiming to have met the real Santa Claus.

 

PAUL

Yeah and the tooth fairy is alive and well. Is she like…’all there’ if you get my drift?

 

DAVID

Who knows. It's one of those seniors sleeping over there.

 

DAVID approaches the trio, gently shaking each woman.

 

DAVID

Um…’scuse me… Misses… Ladies…Hello? Molly? Which one of you is Molly?

                          MOLLY stirs, sits upright

 

                                                                        MOLLY

Who wants t'know? That a TV camera? You’re another one of those TV wisenheimer news guys! Take a hike! I’m sleeping

                         

DAVID

Really – this will only take a few minutes. The world wants – needs - to know if it’s true!

 

MOLLY

Like I said – make like the wind and blow away

 

   MOLLY goes back to sleep. DAVID shakes her gently.

 

DAVID

Paul - this is the lucky lady we were discussing who’s met Santa

 

MOLLY

I was having such a nice dream ‘til your friend here came along and popped it. Me and Santa were dropping toys for good girls and boys - that wouldn't include youze two - from his sleigh

 

PAUL

Meet Dave Grey, Molly, the reporter that's made WGMZ the number one station in the market and a sucker for feel good stories

 

DAVE

I'm sure Molly doesn't care about those things

 

MOLLY

You're like all the others. You think I’m a little ‘cuckoo’ in the ‘woo-coo.’ Well I’m not, you know! Oh ‘ye of little faith!

 

DAVID

If you’ll stand next to me right over here and we’ll do the interview…

 

MOLLY

I know what I saw and no one’s gonna tell me diff’rent. Now lemme go back to sleep so’s I can be rested when he comes for me

 

DAVID

It’ll only take a few minutes and then we’ll be gone. Come on, Molly! It’s Christmas Eve! A time for miracles. Don’t you want to share your good fortune with everyone?

 

MOLLY

Think you're the first reporter to doubt me? I may be old and crotchety but I’m not crazy! Okay – go for it but only because you’ll be the last. Hey  - watch where you put that microphone.

 

DAVID

We’ll do the interview and then we’ll be outta your hair. Really

MOLLY

Better make it fast ‘cause I’m expecting my special visitor real soon now

 

PAUL

That would be a family member taking you home for Christmas?

 

MOLLY

I suppose you could call him that being that we’re very close friends now. He’ll be coming for me in a big, big sleigh that flies faster than the speed of light. We’re gonna go up, up and fly high in the sky. Just him and me and …

 

DAVID

(snickering)

This special ‘friend’ of yours… would he, like… be dressed all in red with a long white beard and wearing black shiny boots and white gloves?

 

MOLLY

Last time he was here, told me t’pack a couple of things for our long trip just the two of us is gonna take. and he'd be 'round to get me on Christmas Eve. Tonight is Christmas Eve, right?

 

PAUL

(laughing)

This… friend of yours, would he…like…have big white wings and wear a halo over his head or was he dressed in black and carry a big sickle…

 

DAVID

…don’t mind him. Thinks he’s funny. When did this… ‘friend’ first show up?

 

MOLLY

Can we sit down? I wanna save my strength for tonight. Yeah - he first dropped in ‘bout a month ago. ‘Why me?’ I asked him. ‘Why not you’, he says. Can’t argue with that logic…

 

DAVID

How'd you know he was the real one? I mean, there are a lot of people claiming to be Santa this time of year

 

MOLLY

…and y’know what else he said? ‘Molly - you never stopped believing in me.’ That’s what my friend told me., ‘Cause I believe!  

 

DAVID

How do you get in touch with him? 

MOLLY

I don’t get in touch with him, silly! He sends me messages

 

DAVID

How’d I know you were gonna say that?

 

MOLLY

Only I can receive his messages (points to head) – right here

PAUL

Oh fer… We’re wasting time. Let’s wrap up.

 

MOLLY

You think I’m crazy and hear voices, don’t you? I know-what- I-know! Wanna hear how we became friends? Last Christmas Eve at this very time, I sent him a letter asking if I could go along t’help deliver toys? I mean, being that I’m 88 years of  age, who knows if I’ll even be around next year so I told him in my letter that it was now or never

 

PAUL

This man…your friend answered your letter? Did it have a stamp and a post-mark?

 

MOLLY

Always with the questions – and doubts. You young people can’t accept that people can be nice to each other for no reason. I didn’t bother checking for a post mark. I don’t hav’ta because -

DAVID

- I know. You believe. You have to admit that there are a lot of phonies running cons at this time of the year

 

MOLLY

Oh ye of little faith, sonny boy! He never has asked me for anything. Not one cent! Wanna know how he introduced himself?

 

DAVID

By telephone and he asked you to make a donation to his toy campaign?

 

MOLLY

Found him sitting on the end of my bed, watching Seinfeld re-runs and laughing his head off. That old fart has a good sense of humor, y’know! Suppose he has to what with all the doubters he meets. I mean - you can imagine how shocked I was t’see a stranger watchin’ TV in my room. ‘

 

DAVID

He told you that he was Santa and you believed him?

 

MOLLY

You sound like all the rest and they doubted me, too. Why wouldn’t I?

 

DAVID

You hav’ta understand that it's not everyone who gets a visit from Santa in person

 

PAUL

We almost finished, here? I’d like to make it home to open gifts with my kids

 

MOLLY

Told me he was gonna take me away on his sleigh, t’stay with him...forever! Me! Molly Rigby, going t’ live with Santa Claus and his elves. I just couldn't believe it!

 

DAVID

Me neither. So, you took him up on his offer?

 

MOLLY

Are you serious? Wouldn't everyone?

 

DAVID

Are you're telling me that you went for a ride with…

 

MOLLY

…Santa Claus? You bet'cha your perfectly sprayed hair, I did

 

DAVID

(laughing)

And I suppose there were the reindeer parked on the roof, or maybe outside your bedroom window? How does an elderly lady – no disrespect intended – climb into a sleigh? I see you use a walker

 

MOLLY

Somehow  - and I don't know how he did it - I found myself floating in the air, right out of the window. It was one of those high tech sleighs with flashing lights…

 

DAVID

A…high…tech sleigh? Led by high tech reindeer too, I guess?

 

MOLLY

Now that I think about it - their antlers did look like antennas…and the sleigh had colored flashing lights all around

 

DAVID

And was this…Santa… on the - small-ish side with a big head, large black eyes and grey-ish white skin color?

 

MOLLY

Could be but then I'm color-blind. D’ya wanna meet him?

 

DAVID

Him – who? You mean, Santa? Why not? If nothing else it’ll make a good Christmas story and we can expose a holiday phony

 

MOLLY

Now you hav’ta promise me that you won’t try recording us leaving. Santa doesn’t like publicity or anything. He’s a very simple, private man

 

DAVID

Yeah…course…no recording… Right Paul?

 

MOLLY

Promise me you won’t!  Y’a gotta promise!

 

DAVID

I promise. Ready, Paul?

 

PAUL

We’re leaving? I’m ready when you are

 

DAVID

To capture the moment that Molly, here, leaves the rest home for the North Pole

 

PAUL

We’re getting nowhere fast, here

 

MOLLY

I never said he lived in the North Pole. He told me that everyone thinks he lives there but he really don’t. Too cold for him.

 

DAVID

So, will he be here soon, d’ya think? It’s getting late and I have a turkey with my name carved on a drumstick

 

MOLLY

Have patience - and believe!

 

                        Checks watch

 

Almost time…  any minute now and remember – no publicity and no recording. Hav’ta get ready… ‘Scuse me - move aside please

                         Shuffles along, picks up a small suitcase, placing   

                         it beneath a window. Stands at window, looking out

 

Should be here any second now…

                         Pushes away walker

 

Listen - d'ya hear that?

 

DAVID

Not really. I don't hear anything

 

MOLLY

That sound…he's coming! I see the sleigh up in the sky…'Hey Santa! I knew you'd come for me.’

 

DAVID

D’ya see anything or anyone, Paul?

 

MOLLY

‘They’re just two reporters from the local TV station who wanna meet you!’

 

DAVID

Just let the camera roll, Paul! Don’t stop…

 

MOLLY

(shaking her head sadly)

I’m very disappointed in you boys. Santa here feels that you're not ready for a visit from him. You gave your word you wouldn’t record and the first chance you get, you forgot all about your promise. It’s always the same

 

PAUL

Couldn't you just ask him to come over and say a few words on camera? Then we’ll leave - promise! He doesn’t even have to talk. We’ll just let the camera roll

 

MOLLY

Says he could but doesn’t want to. He’s telling me that we're gonna have t’leave ‘cause it's a long trip…

 

DAVID

Don’t you want people to see that Santa is real? I know I would

 

MOLLY

He says since it’s Christmas Eve and this being his last visit here for a while, he wants to shake your hand as an act of good faith

 

DAVID

He does? Of course but I don’t see him, anywhere.

 

MOLLY

He’s walking towards you, now. Standing right in front…

 

DAVID

(extending his arm)

…I still don’t see him…

 

                               DAVID jerks forward arms extended and attempts

                               to pull back from an invisible  force. MOLLY slowly floats

                               away, waving  

 

MOLLY

You won’t remember any of this, anyway. Nobody does. Remember – keep the faith! Bye…

 

DAVID

Molly just floated out of the window

 

PAUL

You started celebrating the holiday season, early?

 

DAVID

Tell me you didn't record any of it

 

PAUL

What are you talking about?

 

DAVID

But… she…just floated… away

DAVID looks around the room, rushes over to the window, picks up the walker

 

PAUL

Who’s this Molly person you were talking about? Like I said, there’s a nice, Christmas turkey waiting for my approval. Why are we here, anyway? If this isn’t the dumbest holiday story idea yet. The real Santa Claus – yeah – sure. What next? Interview Rudolph the red nose reindeer? I’m out’ta here. We’ll tell them back at the news room that everyone was sleeping and we couldn’t get the story

PAUL leaves followed by DAVID, who stops as if he hears                    something, glances at the window and exits