SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY TALK PLANTS

SCENE:  DEN, EVERYBODY HOUSEHOLD.

AT RISE:  MRS. EVERYBODY IS TALKING WHILE MR. EVERYBODY IS READING A NEWSPAPER. HER BACK IS FACING MR. EVERYBODY

MRS. EVERYBODY
Why? Why must you torture me like this? What did I ever do to deserve this treatment other than heap undying love and devotion to your upkeep?

(MR. EVERYBODY glances up and returns to reading his book)

MRS. EVERYBODY
You seem to be dying slowly right in front of my eyes and I'm at a loss what to do

MR. EVERYBODY
(looking around)
You talking to me?

MRS. EVERYBODY
Fed you top of the line nutritional supplements and this is the thanks I get

MR. EVERYBODY
You make fantastic meals, sweetheart, and really I'm in great shape

MRS. EVERYBODY
You're not aging well, little darling

MR. EVERYBODY

(gets up to examine himself in the mirror on the wall behind him)

For the record, I'm in better condition now than I was when we married. Sure there's a few extra inches on my stomach but that's due to your good cooking. I'm trying to work it off on the tread mill...

MRS. EVERYBODY
I fear it's time for us to part, sweetheart. You are halfway between this world and the next

MR. EVERYBODY
What are you saying? Is it something I said?

MRS. EVERYBODY
You've given me a lot of pleasure over the years. Your nightly performance kept me riveted and it's something I'll cherish all my life

MR. EVERYBODY
Hey! There's still a lot of life left in this body! Is there somebody else? I can change, y'know!

(MRS. EVERYBODY turns around and stares at her husband)

MRS. EVERYBODY
It's just so hard to say goodbye! Did you say something?

MR. EVERYBODY
You never said a word to me. No warning...nothing. I deserve to know who's the new love of your life!

MRS. EVERYBODY
What are you babbling about?

MR. EVERYBODY
You're leaving me! I heard it with my own ears

MRS. EVERYBODY
Are you insane? You thought that... That's really funny

MRS. EVERYBODY
There's nothing funny about being told your wife is leaving your for someone else. It's always the husband that's the last to know

MRS. EVERYBODY
Dear, dear husband - I was talking to my prayer plant, here. that is slowly croaking after 40 years and I'm about to replace her with a new one

MR. EVERYBODY
How was I supposed to know? There was only you and me in the room and I never guessed you were talking to a...a... house plant

MRS. EVERYBODY
I've raised this houseplant from a small little stalk. Fed her...coddled her...and she gave me years of pleasure but lately she seems to have taken a turn for the worst. The writing is on the wall...or in this case, in all those brown leaves.

MR. EVERYBODY
A plant is a plant is a plant. Don't know what the big thing is. Just empty the pot and replace it with a new one. Simple

MRS. EVERYBODY
How could you be so cruel and callous! You just can't...discard it like it that!

MR. EVERYBODY
I dunno. Never bothers you to do that with your clothes

MRS. EVERYBODY
Besides, I read an article that said plants can sense pain and they react to it. How could I betray my friend after all the years we've been together? I feel like a killer! Like I'd be ripping out her guts and tearing her apart

MR. EVERYBODY
Not that I pretend to feel what you feel but check this out

(MR. EVERYBODY shows her a page of the newspaper)

MRS. EVERYBODY
What's this? The Plant-a-atrium is having a sale on houseplants?

(turns to look at plant and at newspaper ad)

(MRS. EVERYBODY cont'd.)  'Parting is such sweet sorrow my formerly green friend. Go meet your other friends in the composter! Do not think badly of me for I shall remember you with great fondness.' I'm ready.

MR. EVERYBODY
Ready for...?

MRS. EVERYBODY
To make new friends at the Plant-a-atrium, silly! We all gotta go some time. I mean, it's just a silly plant for heaven's sake...

Arks to Go II - the Flood: a friendly re-call

 A FRIENDLY RE-CALL

by Eleanor Tylbor

 



 

 

SCENE:   ANGIE'S APARTMENT.

AT RISE:  ANGIE WATCHES TV, ALONE.  PHONE RINGS. NO INFO. AVAILABLE AS TO THE CALLER.

 

ANGIE
I may regret this but it could be somebody answering my on-line dating ad. Hello?

NOAH
Guess who?

ANGIE
You have the wrong number

(She disconnects. Phone rings once more)

(cont'd. ANGIE)
Not again... Hello?

NOAH
We seem to have been disconnected...

ANGIE
Actually...no. I recognized the voice

NOAH
This is Angie, right? The person who contacted me a while back about building an ark?

ANGIE
I remember that day only too well and have questioned my sanity since on numerous occasions

NOAH
I get it! You're joking with me, aren't you? Of course you are. 'hahahahahahah' See? I have a sense of humor

ANGIE
I'm not trying to be funny, I can assure you

NOAH
I thought you were. Anywaaaay... so whad'ya think about all the rain we've been having? Think somebody is trying to tell us something? Seems to me that...

ANGIE
Been there - heard that. I'm not in the mood for another one of your philosophical lectures, Noah. I'm gonna disconnect, now.

NOAH
I feel you're upset... Joe busy, is he?

ANGIE
I'm watching a movie. Alone. All by myself.  What does that tell you?    But since you asked, Joe, as  many have before him, moved on

NOAH
Would you like me to look up his new address? I have access to everyone's number on the planet...

ANGIE
I don't want to discuss this with you. Good-bye

NOAH
Your voice tells me something is wrong

ANGIE
Something wrong? You have to ask me if something is wrong? You interrupted what could have been the perfect romantic evening by showing up at my door

NOAH
It was merely a friendly visit. I thought we could get to know each other before embarking on our trip

ANGIE
Excuse me? A really old guy with straggly long hair and a white beard dragging on the floor, dressed in army fatigues and smelling of animal dung, shows up at my door and starts asking my date questions about the next flood and his experience in building arks. What did you think he'd do?

NOAH
Would you like me to call him and apologize? I will, y'know. Perhaps I could make it up to him by offering him a trip on my ark

ANGIE
What ark? You don't have an ark, Noah! Remember? Now if you don't mind and even if you do, I'm going to make some popcorn and...

NOAH
Popcorn? I LOVE popcorn. I'll be right over along with a friend or two...

ANGIE
I don't think so... Hello? Noah?

(DOORBELL RINGS. SOUND OF ELEPHANT AND MONKEY CAN BE HEARD)

(cont'd. ANGIE)  No...please no...

(Angie opens the door. Noah is standing outside)

NOAH
Hope you don't mind that brought along a few friends. They get a little crazy without supervision. So? Where's the popcorn? Tell me, Angie - have you ever thought about adopting a pet?

(TO BE CONTINUED)

 





Arks to Go II - The Plan

by Eleanor Tylbor

SCENE: LIVING ROOM OF AN APARTMENT. LATE EVENING

 

Angie and her male friend, Joe, evening together is interrupted by a knock on the door. Angie attempts to ignore the interruption but it continues, growing in intensity

 

 

JOE

Aren't you going to answer the door?

 

ANGIE

Knock? I don't hear a knock. Now where were we...

 

JOE

You're such a joker, Angie. It sounds urgent

 

ANGIE

Probably the neighbor upstairs, complaining again. She is such a pain. Bangs on the ceiling even when I sneeze. 'Get a life, Mrs. Plotnik!'

 

JOE

If you don't answer the door - I will!

 

ANGIE

O-kay...if you insist but I know I'm gonna regret this

 

(Angie opens the door to an elderly man (NOAH) with a very long white beard and hair down to the floor, dressed in army fatigues. He rushes by her)

 

NOAH

Hel-lo! Noah's my name and arks are my fame! A little frivolity always helps to break the ice in a social situation, don't you think? Angie - introduce me to your friend, here

 

ANGIE

Noah - remember I told you my carpets don't need cleaning? Call me in a few years - preferably longer. Now if you'll excuse me...

 

(she tries to lead Noah to the door, unsuccessfully)

 

NOAH

You're just joking, aren't you! We're old friends, remember?

 

ANGIE

How can I forget?

 

                                                                                                         SOUND: ELEPHANTS

 

JOE

What's that? Sounds like elephants

 

ANGIE

He comes with his own sound effects. Um - didn't I mention that Noah here, does sound engineering for movies?

 

NOAH

No I don't! Aw - you're just teasing, right? 'I'll be back soon, guys!' They don't like to be left alone. Elephants are such babies. They're afraid of the jackals and the monkeys love to tease them. You know - when the boss is away... So...Joe - whad'ya think of all the rain we've been having?

 

JOE

Haven't given it a lot of thought, to be honest

 

NOAH

Maybe you should. Could be the beginning of ...

 

ANGIE

...Noah here runs a zoo. Perhaps you should be getting back to your animals, Noah! Nice of you to visit...

 

(Angie attempts to move Noah towards the door but he resists)

 

JOE

You two seem like old friends. How did you meet?

 

NOAH

Well...Angie phoned me about six months ago and asked me about building an ark...

 

ANGIE

...as a gift for my nephew. He's into arks and I wanted to give him something unique

 

NOAH

...and we've been friends on-and-off

 

ANGIE

Good to see you again. Call me sometime

 

NOAH

Somehow we lost touch with each other. I came across her address while cleaning out the parrot cages the other day and here I am! Nothing like re-connecting in person. So Joe - do you like to sail boats, perchance, or maybe you build boats?

 

ANGIE

Stop with the questions, already, Noah! See you around...I'm sure you have lots to do back at the zoo

 

JOE

As a matter of fact, I'm handy with a hammer and nails

 

NOAH

No! What a coincidence. I'm looking for a person to help me with a project I'm working on that involves someone who knows how to put two pieces of wood together

 

JOE

Maybe I could help you

 

NOAH

You don't have to be an expert or anything. I have a set of plans laid out by Someone who makes building an ark as easy as 1-2-3

 

ANGIE

Hello? Joe? Remember me? I think I hear the elephants calling you, Noah.

 

JOE

Why don't I give you my cell number? We can discuss this further over lunch

 

NOAH

No need for that. I'll get in touch. Isn't this exciting, Angie? You, Joe...building a new ark together...think of the possibilities

 

ANGIE

My heart beats with eager anticipation at the aspect of spending time with wild animals. Why do I think my life is not my own, anymore...

 

NOAH

I know what you mean. It's going to be such fun. Now Joe - do you get sea sick?

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 







Arks to go: the prequels

Readers of this blog are aware that I've been sharing some short pieces focusing on an encounter between a human (Angie) and Noah, he of the ark fame. Basically, the story line focuses on Angie's observation of the none-ending rain falling everywhere and her decision that drastic steps must be taken to save herself.

Yesterday, I posted the third installment in the series (yes there will be more) but thought perhaps I'd provide the blog coordinates for the first two written a short time back.

Arks to Go: Angie meets the ark builder
http://a-playwrights-ramblings.blogspot.ca/2011/05/havent-decided-yet-whether-or-not-to.html

Arks to Go: the Flood Sequel II

http://a-playwrights-ramblings.blogspot.ca/2014/05/arks-to-go-flood-sequel.html

Enjoy.