Still waiting for the word - what does it all mean, she who pens plays ponders petulantly..

As mentioned on numerous occasions in this blog, patience isn't one of my strong points. This usually doesn't work in my favor especially when it comes to waiting for updates/news regarding the fate of my plays. Many of them took cyber trips to numerous geographical locations around the globe in the hope that they would see a stage but so far, no response one way or the other.

According to the various playwriting related sites where this topic is discussed and digested, this is not a good sign but perhaps no definitive decision has been made as to their stage-a-bility. At least that's what I tell myself.

There is a pattern as to my follow up process, which includes avowing to myself that I will wait to receive "the word."

"Gotta give it time," I tell myself. "People don't respond because you want them to. Your plays are among hundreds, maybe thousands, that are submitted with dreams of production."

Patience today, patience tomorrow, inevitably, and when experiencing a particularly discouraging "why do I bother" or "maybe my plays suck" period, a follow-up e-mail is sent out. Usually, the end result is no response followed by a period of "why didn't I wait."

Upon reflection, perhaps a follow-up questionnaire to the submitted theatres would facilitate the process. Something to the effect:

Dear blah-blah (insert theatre name/producer/to whom it may concern),

Recently, (insert date that play was submitted), you were the lucky recipient of my play, blah-blah (insert name of play).

It has been (number of days/weeks/months/years/who remembers) since there has been any updates as to whether said play strikes your fancy. Perhaps the lack of communication on your part is a result of (pick one) a) stunning  and dazzling dialogue requiring further thought b) seeking a period of time in which to program the play to optimize audience participation c) don't recall reading the play you mention  d) unable to open file.

When could a decision on its fate one way or the other be expected: a) days b) months c)years d) never (please circle one)

Yours forever in hope,

A. Playwright

It's worth a shot. Am I right?

Four People and a Playwright Looking for a Decent Play

This was a time-waster while developing characters in my play, "Gin..." As the playwright plodded along adding and deleting dialogue, the characters of the play began to show signs of rebellion - at least they thought it was rebellion since they weren't exactly sure what a rebellion was. It's a longer piece but an enjoyable light one. It's cut and pasted from Word so ignore the formatting.

By Eleanor Tylbor

 

 

AT RISE:      

 

Four women are seated on fold-up chairs around a card table, absorbed in adjusting the playing cards in their hands. Bowls of popcorn and soft drink cans litter the surface of the table. On the other side of the stage the playwright (JULIE) is sitting at a computer desk, arms bent at elbows, staring out into space. She works the keyboard as the characters recite their lines

 

BRENDA

In case anyone cares, something is about to happen…very soon now…could even be momentarily…I can feel it…

                         Lays cards down on the table and thrusts remaining card in the

                         air for all to see

 

(Cont’d.) Victory is at hand – or in my hand, in this case! Oh I’m a winner all right!

CHARLENE

                         Shoving a hand full of popcorn in her mouth

 

Goof fo' you. Paf me de drink, Miffi

 

BRENDA

Didn't your momma teach you it's not nice to eat and talk? Then again for some people, a full mouth is part of a lifestyle. Isn't that right Mitzi, honey?

 

MITZI

Jealousy will get you nowhere, sweetie.  At least I'm not a dried up where it counts!

 

BRENDA

Touchy! I was merely commenting to Charlene that well-bred people don't speak with their mouths full! But then being that you’re a multi-tasker…I mean handling more than one person at a time…

 

MITZI

Breeding comes naturally in your family, doesn't it? Did they forget to give you your cube of sugar today? Clop your hoof once for yes and two for no

 

CHLOE

(to herself)

Bicker, bicker…bicker, … It would be nice to have a quiet game of cards for a change without throwing verbal knives at each other

 

CHARLENE

I think I'm close to calling Gin…

 

BRENDA

I would stay out of this if I were you, Chloe. Is your brother eligible for parole, yet?

 

CHLOE

I'm gonna start calling you Bossy, along with the other "b" word that rhymes with itch, and usually associated with a female dog! I try to be nice to you and what do I get in return?

 

                         CHLOE stares into space for approx. 10 seconds in silence

 

What do I get in return? Does anybody know?

 

CHARLENE

Do we guess?

CHLOE

I don’t think so. My mind is a complete blank. Is that normal?

 

           Pause of 10 seconds while they all stare out into space

 

CHARLENE

I’m waiting

BRENDA

Me too. What are we waiting for?

 

MITZI

Some words and sentences I think

 

BRENDA

(puzzled)

Don't blame me for what comes out of my mouth. I just say the words. I don't create them. By the way, Chloe, what's your brother in for this time? Armed robbery or is it murder? I didn't mean to say that…or maybe I did…I’m not sure

MITZI

I really don't know why but I feel compelled to tell you…

 

                         Stands up and leans over the table towards BRENDA

 

BRENDA

(standing up)

What? Anybody?

 

MITZI

Why am I standing? I mean, what's my motivation? Could somebody tell me, please?

 

CHLOE

So sit down if you’re not sure. My philosophy is when in doubt – don’t

 

MITZI

Don’t what?

 

CHLOE

Um - I dunno. Take my word for it and just don’t. That’s all

 

CHARLENE

(excitedly)

Gin! What’s supposed to happen, now?

 

BRENDA

I’m not sure but I think something important is gonna happen. I can feel it in my bones. Does anybody have any ideas?

 

MITZI

Well…for starters, we’re all holding these hard pieces of paper in our hands

 

CHLOE

I wonder if that’s significant. What do yours look like, Brenda?

 

BRENDA

Let’s see… White background with red and black thingies…

 

MITZI

Thingies?

 

BRENDA

I dunno what you call them but they’re pretty, though. And there are numbers in the corners

 

CHLOE

Same here! Go figure!

 

MITZI AND CHARLENE TOGETHER

Ours too!

 

BRENDA

Okay. We’re making progress here. Hey! These are playing cards

 

 CHARLENE

You think?

 

 BRENDA

I know for a fact! Those words just popped into my head!

 

CHARLENE

So you say. You could’a just make them up on the spur of the moment to impress us

 

BRENDA

Have you ever heard me use them before?

 

CHLOE

I never heard them in my entire life and that’s the truth

 

BRENDA

Then you’re all just gonna hav’ta take my word for it! These things are called playing cards

 

MITZI

Let’s say you’re right. What about them?

 

BRENDA

I dunno…What comes next?

 

CHARLENE

Y’know - I’ve been wondering if I should be eating popcorn or maybe change it for something else like, candy for example or ice cream

 

MITZI

All you think about is food, food, food! There are more important things in life

 

BRENDA

Really? Like?

 

MITZI

Well…there just are. I feel it

 

CHLOE

Sometimes, I get the feeling like I'm a puppet on a string or something, bowing to someone's wishes. Do any of you ever get that feeling?

 

CHARLENE

I said, ‘Gin’! Hello? I'll try again. Gin… Gin… Gin!

 

ALL TOGETHER

So?

 

CHARLENE

Darned if I know. We show up every day and twice on weekends holding these playing cards in our hands. Why I keep asking myself. Why am I here? Why are we all here? Sometimes I yell out,  “Gin!” out loud but nobody answers. Shouldn’t somebody answer me? I’ve been screaming that word for the last six months. Always the same words and lines and then I call out, "Gin!"

                         Stares out in space and babbles to an invisible person

 (Cont’d.) ‘…she tries to make the others understand but they just stare at her blankly…she must determine the reason for her very existence…’

 

BRENDA

Who are you talking to?

 

CHARLENE

I really can’t say. Suddenly a bunch of words came tumbling out of my mouth for no reason. It's not the first time this has happened

 

BRENDA

Ask Mitzi. She knows all about objects in mouths

 

MITZI

I'm so sick of your sexual innuendoes, Brenda

 

CHLOE

Why do you react that way whenever the word “mouth” is mentioned?

 

MITZI

It’s not that I want to but I feel I have to. It’s as if I don’t have any choice in the matter

 MITZI stands up with hands on hips, leans forward until her face  is directly in front of Brenda

BRENDA

Yes?

 

MITZI

And…um…something else…

 

                         Moves away from table, hops up and down and starts

 shadow boxing, fists waving in the air

 

(Cont’d.) I took a self-defense course! My hands are lethal weapons!

 

                         Cuts the air with side of hand

 

CHLOE

And that means…?

 

MITZI

You are so not with it.  It means…it means…

 

BRENDA

Oh pllleeze! She doesn’t know

 

BRENDA

Let's settle this once and for all! C'mon – right here and now

 

MITZI

Fine with me…what are we supposed to do next?

 

BRENDA

Just… keep hitting the air and dancing around I suppose

 

                         BRENDA and MITZI spar, fists jabbing the empty air

 

CHLOE

                         Stands up and places her purse strap over her shoulder

 

That's it! Nobody seems to care that I have yelled “Gin!”…whatever that means, but I'm sure it's important.  I don't know about you all but I'm leaving! Anybody else gonna follow me?

 

 MITZI

                         Attempts to attract the attention of the playwright

 

Hello? You up there? Could you stop staring at that screen for a minute? This isn't working for me at all. I'm sick-and-and tired of being a slut with a one-track mind. This play of yours is a bunch of words with no plot or direction and it breaks every playwriting rule in the book. Where's the protagonist and antagonist?

 

CHARLENE

What are you complaining about? My character is insecure, indecisive and naive, and those are her strong qualities. How'd you like to have those? I'm smart, you know! I am very smart… I think

 

BRENDA

Off the top of my head, I would guess that part of your problem is that you're a minor character, while mine plays a major role and more attention is required to develop Brenda, properly

 

CHARLENE

See what I mean? How come I can't be the smart one for a change?

 

CHLOE         

With all due respect Charlene, honey, I don't think you have the emotional range to assume an analytical role of deep thinker, like we do. Right ladies?

 

                         CHLOE and BRENDA together:  ‘I dunno’

 

CHARLENE

It's just not fair! Every day I hav'ta play the part of a simple minded female when in reality, I got it up here (points to her head) I think this is what makes the words come out

 

CHLOE

You see, Charlene, sweetie, my background lends itself to being a character with class…one of the rich, beautiful people, while you – well dear - let's just say that you have interesting words in your sentences

 

CHARLENE

I'm as good as anyone here! You're all forgetting that we are the sum total of the playwright's vision. Hey – I can talk smart too! Why can't we take turns being each other?

 

MITZI

Let's not forget here that our origins are a computer memory chip. The only rich and famous person we're connected to is Bill Gates. I say…we walk. Are you with me, ladies?

 

VOICE OF PLAYWRIGHT (JULIE)

Is there a problem?

 

BRENDA

 

                         Hands on hips, facing direction of playwright

 

We got your attention, huh? We've had it with these crappy lines! We're bored of being portrayed as vacuous women with blank minds. We're people too! We have feelings and we hurt and…

 

JULIE

May I remind you that you're nothing more than a bunch of words strung together to make a sentence? I make you who and what you are and I can eliminate you all with a push of my forefinger and a delete button. You're only communicating with me now because I'm exploring dialogue choices. You're all a figment of my imagination

 

CHARLENE

No need for threats, here, dear. There's only so much that characters can take and we've reached the end of the line, so to speak. Do you like that, ladies? End-of-the-line?

 

CHLOE

Trés wit-ty, my dear

 

JULIE

What should I say? I've re-written and re-written you all at least two dozen times and no matter what I do, the dialogue sounds… wooden. And don't even ask about the plot, or lack of one, thereof

 

BRENDA      

That's because you really don't really believe in us, do you? Deep down inside you're toying with the idea of deleting the text and starting a whole new play that will move in a new direction. Do you know what it's like living under that threat? I'll tell you – it's very disturbing

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

Did I write that? I don't remember writing those words…

 

CHLOE

Now there's a perfect example of what I'm talking about! We never know where you're gonna take us next, right ladies? It's like…there's giant hands hanging over the stage dangling precariously, ready to strike at a moments notice.  It's the uncertainty of the delete button that gets us down!

 

MITZI

For example, why do you always make me as an over-sexed whore? Maybe it would be good to be an upright female for a change.  Not necessarily a nun or anything but an intelligent woman who has a direction and purpose in life. Not somebody who dresses in clothes three sizes too tight. Let Charlene assume that part for once. Wouldn't you like that, dear?

 

CHARLENE

I'll pass but I know where she's coming from! In spite of all your attempts at re-writes, you still make me out like an empty-headed - duh! I want to be respected like the rest of them, except Mitzi…no insult intended…

 

MITZI

None taken, dear. I'm used to it by now

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

I never realized you all felt this way

 

BRENDA

Have you ever taken the time to really think about it? Of course not! We're mere computer bytes that can easily fade off the screen into oblivion, right? Not! We're an integral part of your imagination and without us, you have nothing

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

But…you don't exist, other than the lives and personalities I give you!

 

CHLOE

Is it asking a lot for a few changes? A little respect? Some nice words and phrases? I don't think so! C'mon ladies, we're walking!

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

You can't leave…

 

BRENDA

Watch us!

 

                         They attempt to move but stay as they are

 

JULIE

Have you characters not realized yet that every word coming out of your mouths, every physical movement that you all make is being written even as we speak? By me! The playwright! Without me, you’re nothing!

 

CHLOE

So now it’s threats, is it? We're merely asking for are some small changes, a few adjustments and maybe a new story line? You've been writing this play for how long now? Maybe two years? More?

 

JULIE

Is it my fault it needs lots of editing?

 

BRENDA

There comes a time when you have to stop playing with words and either produce it or let it die a peaceful death

 

CHLOE

I'm sure we can all come to some kind of an agreement that would be mutually beneficial to all concerned

 

MITZI

Do me a favor and make her speak like normal people?

 

JULIE

What about me, huh? Does anyone care about my feelings? You can't imagine what it's like to stare at a white screen, day after day, write a couple of sentences, read them over and then realize it's garbage! Inane, stupid, drivel! Then you wonder if you've still got it or maybe you never had it! Maybe give up the idea of playwriting altogether

 

CHARLENE

That would be so sad, 'specially being that you're so passionate about it!

 

MITZI

Don't fall for her sob story, Charlene. Let's get down to our demands. I wanna be somebody else. Gimme some interesting qualities. Lines that make me appear strong with a direction in life…and make me memorable

 

CHARLENE

…and I want more lines. How is it that everyone else gets major scenes and I'm limited to a few quips and comments? That's not balanced writing. I also want more emotional range, so that I can make the audience feel. Could you write me like that?

 

MITZI

Know what? For a change maybe it would be nice to have maternal qualities. I want to experience what it's like to be loved – really loved - by a husband and children. I'd really like that…

 

PLAYWRIGHT

Tell you what. You all furnish the inspiration and I'll supply the story line. That way we all win

 

CHLOE

Will we get credit as co-writers? I mean, after all, we do contribute something to the play

 

PLAYWRIGHT

 

                         Keying computer keys

 

Suddenly, everyone's a playwright! Okay - act one, scene one…

 

Curtain

THREE DREADED R'S: REVISION, RE-THINKING, RE-WRITING OF "NEIGHBORS"

*UPDATE NUMBER 3

Do I sound frustrated? Trying not to be but am reaching that point (insert lots of sighs here).

Last night and this morning, did some more editing on "Neighbors." Can't call it a play - yet - since it's still in the revision stage. That in itself is a problem but there's also this on-going annoyance that gnaws at me like a dog with a bone.

Having reached and read and did some revisions until sixty pages, there is still no resolution. This makes me think as to whether there is a problem that can be resolved or whether there is a problem, period. It's obvious at this point that I'm going to have to do some major editing and change of direction. One of the characters may have to be eliminated since his contribution to the story line really isn't necessary. In other words - the story could survive without the character.

I've got a dramatic ending in mind but this can't be accomplished unless the story is shortened, somewhat, so it can play out naturally. The female character would play a major role along with one of the lead characters.

I'm also toying with the idea - strictly at the idea stage - of having something dramatic occur in the bar i.e. a hold-up...something. That means there are two possible endings. Perhaps one of the characters would save the life of the other, something totally out of character... Really - I don't know at this point.

Lots of choices and directions to go and time is marching on. But am I?

THE BBC WANT MY PLAYS

 

As is the case with many - I'll go out on a limb here and use the word 'most' playwrights - I submit to calls for submission or theatres that I feel would be a good fit for my literary output. To date the plays are still waiting to see the light of day or stage and I've shared some of the rejection letters or most often, form letters, in this blog, because all aspiring playwrights have "been there - read that." Right? Besides sometimes it just feels good to vent.

Anyway, today in my e-mail, I received an invitation to enter the BBC International Playwriting Competition. It's obviously a form letter sent out to all of us who entered their competition last year and were rejected. I submitted my one act, "Retribution" which in my humble opinion was damned good but then who am I? Actually, I adapted the play for radio adding sound effects but given that the play takes place in a hairstyling salon between a man and a hairdresser seeking revenge for a terrible act perpetrated on her by the very man who is now sitting in her chair, there really wasn't that much sound one could add. We're talking here about scissors snipping, old-fashioned hair dryers, the man choking and gasping for air - that type of stuff. Upon reflection perhaps it wasn't meant for radio but the dialogue was riveting! Not riveting enough, obviously.

Here is the form invitation for anyone outside the UK who is interested in trying their luck:

Dear writer (it's always so gratifying in a letter when you are addressed as: "dear writer"),

We are contacting you because you entered our International Radio Playwriting Competition in 2007. We’re delighted to be able to tell you that our biennial competition is launching again this year! For details of how to enter, exciting interviews with writers and handy tips, please visit our website on or after the 18th October at

www.bbcworldservice.com/radioplay

Once again, there are two first prizes: one for writers for whom English is a first language, the other for those with English as a second language. Each winner will receive £2,500 and a trip to London to see their play recorded at the BBC.

There will also be the prize of a digital or short wave radio for runners up (see rules for further details).

So, if you are resident outside the UK and have a new play to send us, please consider entering again. The competition opens with the broadcast of the fantastic award winning drama Cigarettes and Chocolate by Anthony Minghella - to give you further inspiration!
Please tune in, log on and send us your scripts. We look forward to reading them.
Kind regards World Drama, BBC World Service.

So now I'm going over my plays to see if any of them meet their criteria and/or are adaptable. One of them does include tea cups clinking a lot, which might hit a high note with British sensibilities and another one includes pigeons squawking. I mean, a digital or short wave radio would also be nice.

SUBMISSION OPPORTUNITY: AN ONGOING DIALOGUE WITH SELF
BY Eleanor Tylbor


PLAYWRIGHT
Oh look! The Blankety-Blank Theatre is asking playwrights for plays. Hmmmm...interesting... Wonder if they're accepting plays from outside the U.S. Probably not...

INNER VOICE
There you go again! Negative. Always negative! Maybe they are!

PLAYWRIGHT
Yeah... Could be. Neh. I mean, this is a well-known and substantial theatre. They have enough playwrights domestically

INNER VOICE
So? What does that have to do with anything?

PLAYWRIGHT
Nothing but somehow I have a feeling they don't

INNER VOICE
You and your dumb feelings! How many opportunities did you let slide by based on your "feelings"?

PLAYWRIGHT
Let me read the guidelines, here... Hmmm and mmm - course I'm right. All the people and judges involved are from the U.S. Why would they waste time reading a play from an un-American? I suppose it would be a similar situation if it were reversed. You know - a Canadian theatre holding a playwriting competition? 'Course I wouldn't know having never won...anything, anywhere, anyway at any time. Oh to see my work actually up on a stage!

INNER VOICE
It doesn't say anything one way or the other. Why don't you query them and find out at least?

PLAYWRIGHT
Yeah... I could... I suppose... Maybe... I guess it would be a good idea. Let's see if they have an e-mail address... Hmm... Says here they have a lot of people reading all the entries. Well - that just about screws me. Wonder if they specialize in drama...or comedy...

INNER VOICE
So query and find out!

PLAYWRIGHT
Know what? It really scares me that lots of people will be reading my play. People who don't even know me or anything about the history of my play! How can they judge the merit of my intellect?

INNER VOICE
Nobody in Canada knows anything about it - or you either, doofus!

PLAYWRIGHT
True... It's just the idea of strangers reading my play and passing judgment on it. 'Oh look', they probably say to each other. 'This is laughable! She calls herself a playwright?' I bet they do that! Have a good laugh at our expense!

INNER VOICE
You're creating barriers again!

PLAYWRIGHT
Perhaps...Let me read some more about this theatre. Just as I thought! I could end up having a reading and not a production!

INNER VOICE
So what's wrong with that?

PLAYWRIGHT
What do I have to gain from a mere reading? I want a production! No - I need a production! I could just as easy get a group together and have a reading of my play. I don't have to spend who knows how much on postage and wonder whether anybody even read it.

INNER VOICE
So do it! Stop complaining for heaven's sake and do something. Your play will never see the light of day by sitting at a computer reading theatre submission guidelines.

PLAYWRIGHT
I'm sick and tired of submitting and daring to hope that maybe - just maybe - the play will be produced! All the while waiting and waiting for news. Checking the mail and the Internet for some response and all the while doubt creeping in and over-taking hope. What else do playwrights have to live for but hope?

INNER VOICE
You're telling me this? Me who shares your anxieties?

PLAYWRIGHT
What happens though if I can't find anyone who wants to read?

INNER VOICE
What happens if you do find people who want to read? If you don't take the first step, you'll never know. Go for it!

PLAYWRIGHT
Oh look here... this looks like just the theatre I've been looking for. I got a good feeling about this one.

PLAYWRIGHTVILLE

(the imaginary level of consciousness where rejected playwrights address the characters in their play)

by Eleanor Tylbor

Ellie has to break the bad news - again.

FEMALE CHARACTER
Uh-oh... I sense bad news is on the way

MALE CHARACTER
How do you know?

FEMALE CHARACTER
How do I know? How-do-I-know? Do you hav'ta ask that? Can't you feel the bad vibes?

MALE CHARACTER
I thought it was just a bad case of indigestion from all the popcorn she ate last night. She always pigs out on popcorn when her plays are rejected

FEMALE CHARACTER
Yeah - don't we know it! At least it's the diet kind. Okay - steel yourself now! It's coming...

ELLIE
Um - people...characters from my play... No. Friends

FEMALE CHARACTER
Okay. We get the picture. Been there, heard that. Now just cut to the chase. So?

ELLIE
Well there's good news and bad news

MALE CHARACTER
Do we get a choice which one we wanna hear first?

FEMALE CHARACTER
Oh pleeze! Just let her divest herself of all her angst will you, so that we can get on with our so-called purpose in life?

ELLIE
Ahem... The good news is that I entered the BBC International Playwriting Competition

FEMALE CHARACTERThat's it? You entered a competition? That's all the good news you have to tell us? Oh gawd - here it comes...

ELLIE
Well...I didn't win

FEMALE CHARACTER
This dear playwright, is not news. You are aware that we have been in this state for years now waiting...waiting...waiting for the call that never comes. Y'know - it's not easy being characters from a play longing to share ourselves with theatre audiences. The stage! The lights! The applause! Never to hear applause...

ELLIE
What can I say? Maybe I should just do another re-write

MALE CHARACTER
A re-write? Is that...like really necessary? I mean...the play does make a strong statement

FEMALE CHARACTER
Wait a minute. You won't change our characters, will you? You do like us, right?

ELLIE
Of course. I just want to tighten up the dialogue, is all. You'll be happy to hear that I'm going to have a public reading

MALE CHARACTERFantastic! At last real people will get to know us and who knows where that could lead!

ELLIE
Now all I hav'ta do is find some people. It can't be just anybody off the street, y'know!

FEMALE CHARACTER
Why not? A body is a body is a body. At least they're real people

ELLIE
Yeah - I suppose. Now all I hav'ta do is spread the word and set it all up...

MALE CHARACTER
We'll be waiting. We're always waiting

FEMALE CHARACTER
Ain't that the truth!