Four People and a Playwright Looking for a Decent Play

This was a time-waster while developing characters in my play, "Gin..." As the playwright plodded along adding and deleting dialogue, the characters of the play began to show signs of rebellion - at least they thought it was rebellion since they weren't exactly sure what a rebellion was. It's a longer piece but an enjoyable light one. It's cut and pasted from Word so ignore the formatting.

By Eleanor Tylbor

 

 

AT RISE:      

 

Four women are seated on fold-up chairs around a card table, absorbed in adjusting the playing cards in their hands. Bowls of popcorn and soft drink cans litter the surface of the table. On the other side of the stage the playwright (JULIE) is sitting at a computer desk, arms bent at elbows, staring out into space. She works the keyboard as the characters recite their lines

 

BRENDA

In case anyone cares, something is about to happen…very soon now…could even be momentarily…I can feel it…

                         Lays cards down on the table and thrusts remaining card in the

                         air for all to see

 

(Cont’d.) Victory is at hand – or in my hand, in this case! Oh I’m a winner all right!

CHARLENE

                         Shoving a hand full of popcorn in her mouth

 

Goof fo' you. Paf me de drink, Miffi

 

BRENDA

Didn't your momma teach you it's not nice to eat and talk? Then again for some people, a full mouth is part of a lifestyle. Isn't that right Mitzi, honey?

 

MITZI

Jealousy will get you nowhere, sweetie.  At least I'm not a dried up where it counts!

 

BRENDA

Touchy! I was merely commenting to Charlene that well-bred people don't speak with their mouths full! But then being that you’re a multi-tasker…I mean handling more than one person at a time…

 

MITZI

Breeding comes naturally in your family, doesn't it? Did they forget to give you your cube of sugar today? Clop your hoof once for yes and two for no

 

CHLOE

(to herself)

Bicker, bicker…bicker, … It would be nice to have a quiet game of cards for a change without throwing verbal knives at each other

 

CHARLENE

I think I'm close to calling Gin…

 

BRENDA

I would stay out of this if I were you, Chloe. Is your brother eligible for parole, yet?

 

CHLOE

I'm gonna start calling you Bossy, along with the other "b" word that rhymes with itch, and usually associated with a female dog! I try to be nice to you and what do I get in return?

 

                         CHLOE stares into space for approx. 10 seconds in silence

 

What do I get in return? Does anybody know?

 

CHARLENE

Do we guess?

CHLOE

I don’t think so. My mind is a complete blank. Is that normal?

 

           Pause of 10 seconds while they all stare out into space

 

CHARLENE

I’m waiting

BRENDA

Me too. What are we waiting for?

 

MITZI

Some words and sentences I think

 

BRENDA

(puzzled)

Don't blame me for what comes out of my mouth. I just say the words. I don't create them. By the way, Chloe, what's your brother in for this time? Armed robbery or is it murder? I didn't mean to say that…or maybe I did…I’m not sure

MITZI

I really don't know why but I feel compelled to tell you…

 

                         Stands up and leans over the table towards BRENDA

 

BRENDA

(standing up)

What? Anybody?

 

MITZI

Why am I standing? I mean, what's my motivation? Could somebody tell me, please?

 

CHLOE

So sit down if you’re not sure. My philosophy is when in doubt – don’t

 

MITZI

Don’t what?

 

CHLOE

Um - I dunno. Take my word for it and just don’t. That’s all

 

CHARLENE

(excitedly)

Gin! What’s supposed to happen, now?

 

BRENDA

I’m not sure but I think something important is gonna happen. I can feel it in my bones. Does anybody have any ideas?

 

MITZI

Well…for starters, we’re all holding these hard pieces of paper in our hands

 

CHLOE

I wonder if that’s significant. What do yours look like, Brenda?

 

BRENDA

Let’s see… White background with red and black thingies…

 

MITZI

Thingies?

 

BRENDA

I dunno what you call them but they’re pretty, though. And there are numbers in the corners

 

CHLOE

Same here! Go figure!

 

MITZI AND CHARLENE TOGETHER

Ours too!

 

BRENDA

Okay. We’re making progress here. Hey! These are playing cards

 

 CHARLENE

You think?

 

 BRENDA

I know for a fact! Those words just popped into my head!

 

CHARLENE

So you say. You could’a just make them up on the spur of the moment to impress us

 

BRENDA

Have you ever heard me use them before?

 

CHLOE

I never heard them in my entire life and that’s the truth

 

BRENDA

Then you’re all just gonna hav’ta take my word for it! These things are called playing cards

 

MITZI

Let’s say you’re right. What about them?

 

BRENDA

I dunno…What comes next?

 

CHARLENE

Y’know - I’ve been wondering if I should be eating popcorn or maybe change it for something else like, candy for example or ice cream

 

MITZI

All you think about is food, food, food! There are more important things in life

 

BRENDA

Really? Like?

 

MITZI

Well…there just are. I feel it

 

CHLOE

Sometimes, I get the feeling like I'm a puppet on a string or something, bowing to someone's wishes. Do any of you ever get that feeling?

 

CHARLENE

I said, ‘Gin’! Hello? I'll try again. Gin… Gin… Gin!

 

ALL TOGETHER

So?

 

CHARLENE

Darned if I know. We show up every day and twice on weekends holding these playing cards in our hands. Why I keep asking myself. Why am I here? Why are we all here? Sometimes I yell out,  “Gin!” out loud but nobody answers. Shouldn’t somebody answer me? I’ve been screaming that word for the last six months. Always the same words and lines and then I call out, "Gin!"

                         Stares out in space and babbles to an invisible person

 (Cont’d.) ‘…she tries to make the others understand but they just stare at her blankly…she must determine the reason for her very existence…’

 

BRENDA

Who are you talking to?

 

CHARLENE

I really can’t say. Suddenly a bunch of words came tumbling out of my mouth for no reason. It's not the first time this has happened

 

BRENDA

Ask Mitzi. She knows all about objects in mouths

 

MITZI

I'm so sick of your sexual innuendoes, Brenda

 

CHLOE

Why do you react that way whenever the word “mouth” is mentioned?

 

MITZI

It’s not that I want to but I feel I have to. It’s as if I don’t have any choice in the matter

 MITZI stands up with hands on hips, leans forward until her face  is directly in front of Brenda

BRENDA

Yes?

 

MITZI

And…um…something else…

 

                         Moves away from table, hops up and down and starts

 shadow boxing, fists waving in the air

 

(Cont’d.) I took a self-defense course! My hands are lethal weapons!

 

                         Cuts the air with side of hand

 

CHLOE

And that means…?

 

MITZI

You are so not with it.  It means…it means…

 

BRENDA

Oh pllleeze! She doesn’t know

 

BRENDA

Let's settle this once and for all! C'mon – right here and now

 

MITZI

Fine with me…what are we supposed to do next?

 

BRENDA

Just… keep hitting the air and dancing around I suppose

 

                         BRENDA and MITZI spar, fists jabbing the empty air

 

CHLOE

                         Stands up and places her purse strap over her shoulder

 

That's it! Nobody seems to care that I have yelled “Gin!”…whatever that means, but I'm sure it's important.  I don't know about you all but I'm leaving! Anybody else gonna follow me?

 

 MITZI

                         Attempts to attract the attention of the playwright

 

Hello? You up there? Could you stop staring at that screen for a minute? This isn't working for me at all. I'm sick-and-and tired of being a slut with a one-track mind. This play of yours is a bunch of words with no plot or direction and it breaks every playwriting rule in the book. Where's the protagonist and antagonist?

 

CHARLENE

What are you complaining about? My character is insecure, indecisive and naive, and those are her strong qualities. How'd you like to have those? I'm smart, you know! I am very smart… I think

 

BRENDA

Off the top of my head, I would guess that part of your problem is that you're a minor character, while mine plays a major role and more attention is required to develop Brenda, properly

 

CHARLENE

See what I mean? How come I can't be the smart one for a change?

 

CHLOE         

With all due respect Charlene, honey, I don't think you have the emotional range to assume an analytical role of deep thinker, like we do. Right ladies?

 

                         CHLOE and BRENDA together:  ‘I dunno’

 

CHARLENE

It's just not fair! Every day I hav'ta play the part of a simple minded female when in reality, I got it up here (points to her head) I think this is what makes the words come out

 

CHLOE

You see, Charlene, sweetie, my background lends itself to being a character with class…one of the rich, beautiful people, while you – well dear - let's just say that you have interesting words in your sentences

 

CHARLENE

I'm as good as anyone here! You're all forgetting that we are the sum total of the playwright's vision. Hey – I can talk smart too! Why can't we take turns being each other?

 

MITZI

Let's not forget here that our origins are a computer memory chip. The only rich and famous person we're connected to is Bill Gates. I say…we walk. Are you with me, ladies?

 

VOICE OF PLAYWRIGHT (JULIE)

Is there a problem?

 

BRENDA

 

                         Hands on hips, facing direction of playwright

 

We got your attention, huh? We've had it with these crappy lines! We're bored of being portrayed as vacuous women with blank minds. We're people too! We have feelings and we hurt and…

 

JULIE

May I remind you that you're nothing more than a bunch of words strung together to make a sentence? I make you who and what you are and I can eliminate you all with a push of my forefinger and a delete button. You're only communicating with me now because I'm exploring dialogue choices. You're all a figment of my imagination

 

CHARLENE

No need for threats, here, dear. There's only so much that characters can take and we've reached the end of the line, so to speak. Do you like that, ladies? End-of-the-line?

 

CHLOE

Trés wit-ty, my dear

 

JULIE

What should I say? I've re-written and re-written you all at least two dozen times and no matter what I do, the dialogue sounds… wooden. And don't even ask about the plot, or lack of one, thereof

 

BRENDA      

That's because you really don't really believe in us, do you? Deep down inside you're toying with the idea of deleting the text and starting a whole new play that will move in a new direction. Do you know what it's like living under that threat? I'll tell you – it's very disturbing

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

Did I write that? I don't remember writing those words…

 

CHLOE

Now there's a perfect example of what I'm talking about! We never know where you're gonna take us next, right ladies? It's like…there's giant hands hanging over the stage dangling precariously, ready to strike at a moments notice.  It's the uncertainty of the delete button that gets us down!

 

MITZI

For example, why do you always make me as an over-sexed whore? Maybe it would be good to be an upright female for a change.  Not necessarily a nun or anything but an intelligent woman who has a direction and purpose in life. Not somebody who dresses in clothes three sizes too tight. Let Charlene assume that part for once. Wouldn't you like that, dear?

 

CHARLENE

I'll pass but I know where she's coming from! In spite of all your attempts at re-writes, you still make me out like an empty-headed - duh! I want to be respected like the rest of them, except Mitzi…no insult intended…

 

MITZI

None taken, dear. I'm used to it by now

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

I never realized you all felt this way

 

BRENDA

Have you ever taken the time to really think about it? Of course not! We're mere computer bytes that can easily fade off the screen into oblivion, right? Not! We're an integral part of your imagination and without us, you have nothing

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

But…you don't exist, other than the lives and personalities I give you!

 

CHLOE

Is it asking a lot for a few changes? A little respect? Some nice words and phrases? I don't think so! C'mon ladies, we're walking!

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

You can't leave…

 

BRENDA

Watch us!

 

                         They attempt to move but stay as they are

 

JULIE

Have you characters not realized yet that every word coming out of your mouths, every physical movement that you all make is being written even as we speak? By me! The playwright! Without me, you’re nothing!

 

CHLOE

So now it’s threats, is it? We're merely asking for are some small changes, a few adjustments and maybe a new story line? You've been writing this play for how long now? Maybe two years? More?

 

JULIE

Is it my fault it needs lots of editing?

 

BRENDA

There comes a time when you have to stop playing with words and either produce it or let it die a peaceful death

 

CHLOE

I'm sure we can all come to some kind of an agreement that would be mutually beneficial to all concerned

 

MITZI

Do me a favor and make her speak like normal people?

 

JULIE

What about me, huh? Does anyone care about my feelings? You can't imagine what it's like to stare at a white screen, day after day, write a couple of sentences, read them over and then realize it's garbage! Inane, stupid, drivel! Then you wonder if you've still got it or maybe you never had it! Maybe give up the idea of playwriting altogether

 

CHARLENE

That would be so sad, 'specially being that you're so passionate about it!

 

MITZI

Don't fall for her sob story, Charlene. Let's get down to our demands. I wanna be somebody else. Gimme some interesting qualities. Lines that make me appear strong with a direction in life…and make me memorable

 

CHARLENE

…and I want more lines. How is it that everyone else gets major scenes and I'm limited to a few quips and comments? That's not balanced writing. I also want more emotional range, so that I can make the audience feel. Could you write me like that?

 

MITZI

Know what? For a change maybe it would be nice to have maternal qualities. I want to experience what it's like to be loved – really loved - by a husband and children. I'd really like that…

 

PLAYWRIGHT

Tell you what. You all furnish the inspiration and I'll supply the story line. That way we all win

 

CHLOE

Will we get credit as co-writers? I mean, after all, we do contribute something to the play

 

PLAYWRIGHT

 

                         Keying computer keys

 

Suddenly, everyone's a playwright! Okay - act one, scene one…

 

Curtain

Reviewing the past to look to the future

It's nearing the end of the year and I'm feeling introspective. Usually, this is also the time when that "so what did you accomplish this year, Eleanor?" question starts slowly creeping into my psyche, goals yet to reach.

- theatres who were the lucky recipients of my plays still haven't discovered that my plays would be the perfect vehicle to attract new theatre patrons
Really, and at least in my humble opinion, my usage of words and story lines are good and I should know, seeing that most likely those plays were hibernating on/in my word file for years before they saw the light of day. It's merely a matter of time before somebody discovers that they are a perfect fit for their needs

- in spite of good intentions, still haven't submitted my one and only screenplay, "Skate!" written years ago. 
This children's script is languishing in never-never-land because most likely it requires yet another re-write. The story is based on a childhood experience and thinking back, I wrote it with the help of Syd Field's how-to-write-a-screenplay step-by-step. As a member of a writing forum at the time, I threw caution to the wind and shared a scene or two with other screenwriters for feedback. Reaction was mixed with advice that included not bad for a first shot, amateur effort, interesting story line and go back to the beginning, try again with a re-write, which I did. While going through a box of papers containing writing-related material produced over the years, I came across a manilla envelope, flap enclosed, with the word, "Skate" written across the front. Staring at it for a few minutes, I debated as to whether I should open the envelope flap and go through it .This most likely would result in angst-ing over what is written and what should have/could have been written. Amazing what perspective will do for a story.

- two of my still-in-progress start-up plays are making more-or-less steady if slow progress. 
Why is it that some plays almost write themselves and in others, there are barriers that suddenly arise? Some characters endear themselves to me and make the task easier while others are difficult to get to know.
If you want to see where you've come from and where you are now, browse through old writing projects, especially plays. In addition to hard copies, my Word file is filled with various versions and updates of plays. The problem is that many of them are identified merely by numbers, for example: "blah-blah, #1" or "blah-blah #2" and so on. It's those old insecurities that creep up causing me to question as to whether version one and subsequent re-written versions should be deleted in case they are superior to the latest updated version. I mean, version six could contain gems that could be used in version seven and so on. A while back and upon the realization that I submitted the incorrect version of a play to a theatre, I sent a follow up email apologizing for the mistake and re-sent the right version. Some things can't be undone and sending the wrong version is one of them. That has to be the only reason for the rejection.

What is progress, anyway, and how do you measure or quantify it? Finishing a play, for me, makes the effort a worthwhile endeavor. The big challenge being the production hasn't happened - as yet - note the words 'as yet' - but as I always tell myself, hope springs eternal. Is there anything else?

Yours forever in playwriting,

Eleanor

Re-thinking about re-tooling and re-evaluating

Second-guessing is not a good idea, especially when dealing with an established story line. As shared here in this blog ad nauseum, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to editing my plays. Actually, one play in particular ("you couldn't be referring to 'Old Soldiers' now, could you, Eleanor?") which could be but not necessarily so, depending on yet another read-through evaluation of the story line and dialogue flow.

The reason for this conclusion came as a result of a sleepless night and for whatever reason - it's better than counting sheep - started thinking about the characters in my various plays and whether they are believable. It's been my experience that the lack of sleep precipitates my old friend, creeping doubt, to make its presence known. The play, as anyone who has followed the saga of writing and finishing 'Old Soldiers' knows, has had many incarnations and updates. The uncertainty last night was that maybe the original story line, is in the end, the best one after all.

This conclusion was reached at two-thirty a.m. until four a.m. in the morning while staring up at the ceiling. That's when self-doubt works best providing visual images of the characters playing out their scenes. Questions arose to the surface as to the various re-writes and incarnations and the rationale behind making changes.

Issues like whether or not Daisy the dog character is relevant and is her inclusion necessary? What would happen if she was dropped? Given that the dog is featured in one scene only, does it play an integral part of the whole? More importantly, would Daisy be insulted?

"Why drop me?" Daisy would most likely ask if she could. "After everything that Joe and I have been through, together, over many years, my contribution is important."

In the first copy of the play, there was interesting verbal inter-action between Joe and a bus driver discussing the reason for Joe's trip. It was subsequently dropped in later re-writes but I'm toying with the idea of writing it in, again. My thoughts behind this is that perhaps it would provide more background information on the character.

When sleep finally took over, I was no further ahead than before other than the conclusion that this is a really good play - if it's ever really finished. Whether that feeling of not one more word can be added or deleted will ever be experienced.

And there-in lays the problem.

The "Old Soldiers" keeps marching along, slowly but surely.

"Old Soldiers" status update for those who have been keeping up with the continuing saga of a writer attempting to finish her short play.

Added some more dialogue/content to the play, yesterday. Read the play through in its entirety and it definitely held my interest. As expected, there were some necessary small - accent on the small - adjustments to be made. Still not sure if the play is adaptable for radio, though. That decision will be made once the play is completed.

The play is taking on a life of its own and the latest revision is leading me in a different direction. I've already changed the ending a few times in my mind and the latest update is giving me food for thought and something to chew on (sorry about the puns). I'm at the point where Joe (main character) has had a fateful meeting with two new characters, who could change his mind-set about his self-appointed task.  One of the new characters is a young boy and I want to use him as a positive influence.

Meanwhile, I'm sort-of using his army buddies as a comic foil tagging along for the ride unbeknownst to Joe. Given their friendship and shared past, it seems only logical that they would be part of the conclusion.

Thing is...the writing comes in spurts as my muse dictates. Sometimes it works and sometimes it don't but when it does as I've frequently shared, it's magic!