In submission mode...again

I'm in a submission, as in submitting one of my plays, state of mind.

As a Twitter-er or Tweeter or whatever it's called, came across a theatre that caught my attention. After reading the submission guidelines, decided my "Retribution" play might be a good fit.

Wrote this play a while ago and over time have tweaked it to the point where it's now "submission-ready", or at least in my opinion. A one-act play and a drama with a cast of three people, don't really know where the impetus for the idea behind the play came from. It definitely wrote itself and I was merely a means in which the words jumped on to the computer screen. Sometimes it just happens - that easy. It makes up for all the times that in spite of a concerted effort, a plot falls apart and the play is forever relegated to the "save for the future" file. Unforutnately, there are a number of these in this file.

Still haven't finished "Old Soldiers" (Eleanor holds her head down, shaking it sadly) in spite of choosing an ending. Perhaps my real psychological block is the decision to convert it to a radio play, a medium in which I'm not familiar. The dialogue, as I've shared here, is very strong as are the characters, but my concern is with the addition of sound-effects. Although the BBC stated on Facebook that there will be a competition this year, I'm still waiting for the announcement of a new deadline. Nothing like a deadline as an impetus.

In any case, it's been a while since submitting "Retribution" and maybe - just maybe - this time will be the right time.

Re-thinking and re-writing. "The Lemon" could be sweet

Go figure. Here I was under the impression that the BBC International Playwriting Competition was on hold or cancelled altogether. Much to my surprise, read on Facebook to stand by since they are about to announce the details of this year's competition.

While this is great news and under the assumption that the competition was cancelled, I've been re-thinking entering "Old Soldiers" as my entry.

"After all that waiting - you're going to abandon us?" Joe would probably ask. The issue is whether or not 'soldiers would be radio-friendly due to the necessity of sound effects.

A while back, I wrote a short play entitled, "The Lemon" focusing on the trials and tribulatiion of a female owning and trying to unload her car, which as the title infers, is a "lemon." A comedy, it's a fun story line and the characters would lend themselves to radio. At present it would run about 20-30 minutes but it wouldn't be difficult to add to the story.

This week I'm going to re-examine The Lemon with a critical eye to see if and how the story can be expanded. Meanwhile, I'm waiting for the announcement of the new deadline. Progress reports to come.

BBC International Playwriting Competition for 2013???

A short blog entry (where have you read that before?).

As shared here ad nauseum, I've been making a concerted effort to finish my "Old Soldiers" play that I started three years ago. It was and still is my hope to enter it in the BBC International Radio Playwriting Competition this year. However - it's always the 'howevers' in life that get in the way - can't find any link to a 2013 version being held.

Thing is...I'm almost finished the play at last and if the competition isn't being held this year, it will be a real downer. I mean, the play could always be submitted somewhere else but this competition has always been a personal challenge for me having never written for radio. There is still the concern that there's a lack of sufficient sound effects but I was (and am still, hopefully) going to go for broke and enter.

Just came back from the competition site in the hope of seeing the new deadline listed but to no avail. This does not bode well since the deadline is usually early Spring. Oh well... I'm still determined to finish it after which I'll 'put it to bed' for a while followed by a period of tweaking and finally hitting the 'submit' key.

Meanwhile, time is marching on. Joe and his friends would understand.

Another re-make of a re-make of another film remake

Just reading a piece about the release of the latest re-make of"The Great Gatsby." For whatever reason - lack of original ideas springs to mind - they're re-interpreting it again for this generation. Personally, a large proporation of the film remakes that I've seen rarely matched up to the original. This leads one - me - to wonder why producers/directors/film production companies feel the necessity to update a film that on the whole, was good.

In the way of background information and according to Wikipedia, the story, "narrated by Nicholas "Nick" Carraway, a 30 year old Yale graduate and WWI veteran from the midwest, who takes a job in New York as a bond salesman. He rents a small house on Long Island, in the (fictional) village of West Egg, next door to the lavish mansion of Jay Gatsby, a mysterious millionaiare who holds extravagant parties."

Checking further with IMDB, the first film version dates back to 1926 and starred Warner Baxter as Jay Gatsby and Lois Wilson as Daisy Buchanan. Furthermore, much to my surprise, a stage production opened at the Ambassdor Theater on February 26, 1926, ran for 112 performances and was directed by George Cukor.

The next film version in black and white, was made in 1949 starring Alan Ladd and Betty Fields. I always liked Ladd as an actor and although I never saw the film, most likely he did a decent job. The next incarnation in 1974 was the one that I watched and being an admirer/fan of Robert Redford, I thought it was...okay mainly because he was in it. Didn't particularly care for Mia Farrow as Daisy and thinking back, there was very little chemistry between the two stars.

Last but not least, it appears there was yet another version in 2000 (wasn't aware of this) with Mina Sorvino and one Toby Stephens in the lead roles.

That brings us up to the latest incarnation to be released in May 2013, starring Leonardo di Caprio and Carrie Mulligan. Somehow, di Caprio, at least in my mind, doesn't have that suave, sophisticated personna necessary to play Gatsby. Then again, who knows.

This is all leading up to the question originally posted here, as to the necessity of yet another re-make of the re-make of.... One re-make is acceptable or even two re-makes but five? The point being made is that script writers should be searching and coming up with their own ideas, rather than turning out scripts based on the story lines and scripts created by other script writers.

In as far as the newest and hopefully the last version of this story, I'm going to pass but for people who are intrigued to know what the film is about, here is the trailer: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1343092/?ref_=sr_1

Playwright makes some progress

It's becoming somewhat of an obsession but one in which Joe McKenna and his friends would most likely approve.

Added some more dialogue to "Old Soldiers" play today, although the ending is still up in the air. Wondering if it will ever have any solid substance.

"Really, Eleanor - we deserve better than this," Joe would comment upon my somewhat limited progress. "How much longer do we have to wait. It's been almost four years, now."

It's not for lack of trying. During sleepless nights, Joe and his friends plus the other characters pop in to say hello. Too bad that can't offer advice.

I'm fortunate to be a visual writer and see my words actually come to life and play out in the various scenes. Problems arise when I re-read the existing story line and the realization that something is awry. For example, my dilemma today was whether or not it's logical for a young character to be a great grandson and how old should he be? Then there is the issue of which war Joe and his friends were in.

This is followed by the dreaded 2-R's - Re-write and a Re-thinking - after which ennui sets in accompanied by self-doubt as to whether it will ever be finished. The problem is that I can't let it go for whatever reason. In writing my two other full plays that took approximately a year and-a-half to two years to complete, they seemed to write themselves. The two are so familiar to me that I can quote lines and passages from both.

One of my biggest concerns as expressed on numerous occasions that may be a contributing factor to the delay, is using the format for radio. The issue of having sufficient sound effects is always there. The dialogue is strong and if it was performed on stage would offer an interesting piece of theatre. However, my main objective is, as it always has been, to finish the play once and for all. And therein lays the problem.

Some thoughts about coffee mugs and inspiration

First another rant. Just returned from a coffee shop for a quick caffeine pick-me-up and once again encountered a coffee mug related problem. As a writer, a coffee or tea break is an important tool in the thinking process. If and whenever possible, I opt for a 'real' china mug rather than a paper cup. Somehow, and maybe it's my imagination, hot beverages including tea always seem to retain better flavor in a non-paper receptacle.

At this particular chain, customers are given a mug in which to pour their own coffee with unlimited refills. As the server handed over the mug, couldn't help but notice that the rim was slightly chipped.

ME
Excuse me but this mug is chipped

There was a thirty second silence between us while we stared into each other's eyes. Sort-of a coffee-shop-stare-down. Glancing down, she grabbed another mug, passed it to me and took off to chat with another server.

Meanwhile, walking over to fill up the mug with coffee, I saw there were stains inbedded on the sides.

ME TO SERVER
This mug is stained. See? Look at the sides...

SERVER
(grabbing another mug absent-mindedly)
This is as good as it's gonna get.

Let's just say it was passable but only just. 'As good as it's gonna get?' That's a good explanation?

The problem, in my humble opinion, is that a large portion of coffee drinkers have opted to be satisfied with a paper cup. We have turned into a population of mobile coffee drinkers who prefer to walk while they drink, rather than take the time to sit down and experience the pleasure of sipping coffee from a proper drinking receptacle. Proper drinking mugs and cups are becoming obsolete and coffee shops focus on their paper cup customers. Rant over and back to the real heart of the situation.


In spite of a concerted effort to work on my playwriting, my brain seems to be neutral. In assessing the situation, I'm thinking here that perhaps it's due to my physical location away from home base where ideas and dialogue seem to flow endlessly. Not that the current atmosphere isn't conducive to writing but the change, at least for me, isn't for the better. In my normal setting, there is a window next to the computer set-up and somehow staring out of the window at the passing scene inspires the part of my brain that produces ideas and concepts. Most of my time these days is spent staring at the computer screen, accompanied by the occasional line or two, which is frequently deleted shortly thereafter. Presumably and hopefully, upon my return to my usual environment, the words will flow like water. Or not.

“I tell my students there is such a thing as ‘writer’s block,’ and they should respect it. You shouldn’t write through it. It’s blocked because it ought to be blocked, because you haven’t got it right now.”
—Toni Morrison

Yup.

Joe McKenna has run into a problem and the playwright is angsting

I'm in angst - again.

In spite of a concerted effort to finish my "Old Soldiers" play in the hope of entering it in the BBC International Playwriting Competition, I've encountered a new and unexpected problem. Content is fine. Flow is fine. Story line is interesting.

"Now what, Eleanor?" Joe is asking me. "How much longer are you going to keep us waiting? We ain't gettin' any younger."

I know, Joe! I know!

Today for whatever reason, I decided to check the rules in as far as the number of pages and characters allowed.

"All scripts submitted must be a minimum of 45 pages of A4 paper (or equivalent) and a maximum of 65 pages (note, a rough guide is a minute per page; please read and time your play before you send it). The play should have a maximum of six central characters (there may be up to 3 small "doubling" characters too, who don’t have more than a few lines each). Your script must be accompanied by a short synopsis which outlines the complete story of the play. This must be no more than 400 words."

The way that I view it, there could be and then again, maybe not, more than six main characters. Thing is...it's all in one's definition of "main characters." Do main characters re-occur throughout the play? How does one define a "minor character?" There are, give or take a character, nine characters in total. The play opens with the four old army buddies, who definitely fall into the main character category. Then there are other lesser but not necessarily main characters who come-and-go but contribute to the over-all plot of the play. Eliminating one or two in my mind, would ruin the flow of the play. Everyone has a part to play - excuse the pun.

I've reached the 45 page mark, which is in itself an accomplishment. Really in a quandry as to how to proceed. Usually, when in doubt, I would send off an e-mail and ask for a clarification but after a check on the BBC site, this isn't an option. Maybe the best thing to do is to finish the play, submit it and put it in the hands of fate. Do I have a choice?

'Les Mis" is a miss for me

Let me preface my remarks before sharing my views on the movie version of "Les Miserables" that I saw the live version of the play, in addition to watching all the PBS specials over and over again. Love it that much.

There was some reservation on my part upon learning that there was going to be a film version of the popular musical play, which has played all over the world to rave reviews. Knowing that music and singing was the main focus, I naturally assumed that professional singers or at the very least actors with voices that could carry a tune, would be used. Unfortunately not. Instead, and it boggles the mind why the producer/director/whoever went in this direction, unknown actors were chosen for the most part. This in itself wouldn't be detrimental if they could carry a song.

For me, Anne Hathaway had the physical gaunt appearance of Fantine and although I've heard her sing and she can carry a tune, in the movie her voice doesn't make the grade. Even more surprising is that she was nominated for an Academy Award in the Best Supporting Actress category. A big mystery is why Russell Crowe ended up in the movie at all since his presence as Jalvert lent nothing to the role. Perhaps he should limit his vocal abilities to his rock band. The role of Cosette played by Amanda Siefried had the effect, to coin an old phrase, like squeaking chalk on a blackboard. Actually, gritted my teeth at some points. The only performer that was acceptable in my view was Hugh Jackman, nominated for an Oscar in Best Actor category, who seemed to be holding back on his vocals until the mid point of the film. He is a stage and Broadway performer and his experience in this area is obvious in the role of Jean Valjean. Also noted is that Colm Wilkinson, who was in the London and New York production of the play in the role of Jean Valjean, had a cameo role as the Bishop Myriel.

Overall, the movie didn't get started for me until the barricade scene. Until that point, it seemed to drag and plod along and is too long. Loved the chorus and this made the movie somewhat enjoyable as did the visuals. The movie version doesn't even begin to match the stage version and therein lies the problem. Some stories are best left as a play.

Old Soldiers are calling me again...and again...

A few months ago - maybe longer - vowing to finish the Old Soldiers play to anyone reading this blog who has kept up with this continuing procrastination, I'm still no further ahead.

"This is not news, Eleanor!" you're probably saying or thinking to yourself.

The play, forever in the 'unifinished-but-almost-there-file', based on a short story written a while back, has a magical effect on my psyche and although it has frequently been put on hold, the old soldier "gang" is always present, calling me.

"So when are you finally going to give us some type of resolution?" the characters asks me regularly, just before falling asleep at night."We've been in limbo for years now."

Don't I know it!

The dilemma is deciding upon a plethora of endings and possibilities, and which one would be best suitable for dramatic impact. The characters themselves are well defined and no tinkering is necessary in this area.

"You've changed directions so often, we're all getting dizzy!"old Joe scolds me whenever I'm reading over added dialogue. "You have to make a decision and stick to it."

Easier said or written than actually accomplished. There are so many possible endings and the dilemma is choosing the right one. 'Right one' key words here.

Then there is the issue of writing for radio, a challenge in itself.

Radio requires sound effects to propel the story along and although my dialogue is strong (IMHO), not sure whether there is sufficient sound or action. When writing the dialogue, I hear the characters speak and envision their movements but the challenge is how to translate this into audible action.

In any case and for no other reason than to force myself to make a decision, I've decided to make a choice and live with it, good or bad. Since the next deadline would be next April (2013), there is time to work out the details. Maybe too much time in my case...

The angst of indecision!

Will provide regular updates as to my progress. Where and when have you read that before?

Barbie goes Christmas shopping at the mall

BARBIE, KEN, G.I. JOE AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
A continuing saga of life among the plastic people

CHRISTMAS SHOPPING AT THE MALL

SCENE: BARBIE'S MANSION. BARBIE is absorbed in writing her Christmas/holiday gift list. The ever-present, GI Joe hovers nearby, hiding behind furniture

BARBIE
(her body in a semi up-right position, accross a chair)
So hard to write up my Christmas gift list like this. If only I was more flexible...

G.I. JOE
(darting out from behind the couch)
You're flexible where it counts, babe

BARBIE
Will you stop hiding behind furniture, Joe, and put down your stupid weapon. Bend me at the waist, please?

(Joe bends BARBIE at the waist)

(BARBIE cont'd) Now, just move my arm up a little and bend my wrist slightly...

(G.I. Joe attempts to move BARBIE's arm and it comes out of its socket)

G.I. JOE
Whoops...don't know my own strength

BARBIE
You've done it again! Now push it back in the arm pit hole...gently now... Joe - the arm is upside down now...

G.I. JOE
Holes are my specialty, y'know!

BARBIE
Don't I know it. I don't need air conditioning with all those openings you've created in my walls. You're totally uncontrollable

G.I. JOE
Thanks. I know. It ain't easy but I manage

BARBIE
So many people to buy for - so little time. Now we have to go to the mall, Joe. Like...try and act normal, 'kay? I don't want a repeat of last year's shopping disaster. Like...frisking all the sales clerks in the lingerie stores?

G.I. JOE
Can't take any chances, babe. The enemy is everywhere besides I bought some of them panty hose, didn't I? Y'know - they're real comfy-like. A little tight around the...

BARBIE
We're meeting up with the Bratz girls so I want you to be on your best behavior. Help me me stand up. It's not easy being a world-wide fashion icon with an unbendable body

G.I. JOE
Your body looks just fine to me, babe. Here - gimme your hand...

(G.I. Joe pulls BARBIE's hand and she goes flying accross the room. Her head pops out along the way)

BARBIE
Now you've really done it!

G.I. JOE
Thanks. It was nothing

BARBIE
Truly! Now gently pick up my head and place it on top of my neck. Don't push down so hard. Ohmygawd! You've messed up my beautiful, blond hair. Bend my arm so I can fix it. Is there no end to the chaos you create?

G.I. JOE
When it comes to chaos - I'm the best at that. By the way - what does chaos mean?

BARBIE
Look at the time! Go bring the jeep around

(the door bell rings)

(BARBIE cont'd.) Like...who could that be? I'm not expecting anyone. We're never going to get to the mall

G.I. JOE
(grabbing his machine gun and hiding behind the couch)
Don't worry, babe. I got'chu covered

BARBIE
Your paranoia is too much

G.I. JOE
Thanks - it ain't easy but I manage. Got it all here (he points to his head)

BARBIE
Like...really devoid of thought

(BARBIE hops to answer the door)

G.I. JOE
Thanks again

BARBIE
Ken! What are you doing here?

KEN
(holding a surf board)
Hi Barbie! It's me, Ken!

BARBIE
Like...I know who you are, Ken. What are you doing here and are you ever planning to get dressed?

KEN
Hav'ta be prepared for the big waves. I'm here to spend the holidays with you

BARBIE
Just what I need

KEN
I know. We're meant to be together

(G.I. JOE jumps out from behind the couch)

G.I. JOE
Hands up! I heard the enemy might be planning something big. Gotta frisk you, stranger...

BARBIE
Joe - it's Ken. You know Ken!

G.I. JOE
Maybe it is and maybe it ain't

KEN
Let him frisk me. I've got nothing to hide.

BARBIE
Ain't that the truth!

KEN
Did I hear you say you're going to the mall? I love the mall. Santa is at the mall. Last year I asked him for a new surf board. It's going to be such fun. The three of us, together again! Just like the old days!

BARBIE
This is going to be one fun Christmas... Um - Ken...you hav'ta leave your surf board here. It won't fit into the jeep

KEN
But...me and Charlene here - we're a pair. Where I go - she goes

BARBIE
Charlene? You...named...your surf board?

KEN
(caressing the surface of the board)
We do everything together. She even sleeps with me. "I love you, Charlene"

BARBIE
Y'know Joe - you're looking better and better.. You can come Ken but Charlene... I mean, the surf board, stays here

KEN
"I'll be back, Charlene." She's so sensitive. I hav'ta be careful how I talk to her

BARBIE
(shaking her head)
Uh-huh ...sure you do. Now I remember why we broke up


THE THREE LEAVE FOR A TRIP TO THE MALL, G.I. JOE WALKING BACKWARDS, DARTING FROM SIDE-TO-SIDE. KEN WAVING GOOD BYE TO HIS SURF BOARD. BARBIE, WEARING SUN GLASSES, WALKS IN FRONT, HER HEAD DOWN

"Retribution" , one act play

This is my one and only one-act play. Submitted it to a few places to no avail but I think it's one of my best. Then again, I feel that way about most of my plays. My apologies about the spacing and non-play formatting.

It's a story focusing on patience.
“Revenge is an act of passion; vengeance of justice. Injuries are revenged; crimes are avenged.”      
(Samuel Johnson)

Sharing first two scenes. Comments always welcome and wanted. Listing the characters that are in these scenes.

 

                     RETRIBUTION

 

CAST OF CHARACTERS

 

Sue Ellen Parker, 34,    Manicurist

Lily, 37,               Owner of hair styling salon

Mrs. Clemens, 60’s       Salon client

 

 

THE TIME

 

The present

 

THE PLACE

 

Western U.S.A. during a mid-summer heat wave

 

SETTING: Interior of Lily's Hair’n’Things Styling Salon.

 

A manicurist's table in centre stage, accented with a small lamp. The table surface is covered with a white towel and a tray filled with colored nail varnish bottles. An empty barber chair is located directly opposite the manicure table. An old freezer sits on a dolly, at a door entrance/exit.

The interior layout of the salon is circa 1950's/1960's. There are two work stations against a wall on which hang two large mirrors. On another wall are two well-worn chairs with two chrome-colored, dome hair dryers attached. It is a salon that exhibits neglect and long past its prime.

An elderly woman sits under one of the dryers.

 

Manicurist/stylist, SUE ELLEN PARKER, wearing a light blue uniform is seated on a stool behind the manicure table. Her shoulder-length blond hair is tied back with a ribbon and she wears a uniform consisting of pants and a zippered top

 

The salon owner, LILY, dressed in a black micro-mini skirt and tight sleeveless blouse, enters, fanning herself with a magazine as she approaches Sue Ellen, who is examining bottles of nail varnish

 

RETRIBUTION

 

SCENE I

 LILY

(glancing at wrist watch)

It's gone five already and I'm willing to call it a day. This heat sucks the life out'ta me

 

SUE ELLEN

I still have to comb Mrs. Clemen’s hair and she'll want her nails done, like always. You'd think she had something special going on than a night in front of the TV

 

LILY

Kind’a reminds me of someone I know ‘cept she’s got a half-century on you 

 

SUE ELLEN

Don't start in on me again!

 

LILY

The lady’s old but what's your excuse?

 

MRS. CLEMENS, lady under the dryer, signals for someone to come over

 

     SUE ELLEN

(signaling to MRS. CLEMENS)

ASIDE TO MRS. CLEMENS: ‘Too hot, Mrs. Clemens? I’ll-make-it-cooler, o-kay?’

 

(cont’d.) Don’t know how anyone can stand being under there, anyway, in this heat. Course if we had air conditioning…

 

LILY

With the amount of customers we get, you're lucky I don't close up shop all together

 

SUE ELLEN

Maybe they'd come if you'd invest in central air

 

LILY

We’re back to that again?

SUE ELLEN

When you gonna move into this century, girl? Your hairdryers are older than electricity

 

LILY

Better think seriously ‘bout selling this place, before wasting money on extras like air. What’s with you, today?

 

SUE ELLEN

It’s the heat, is all. Forget I said anything

 

LILY

Sure it’s just the heat? Nothing you wanna talk about, maybe?

 

SUE ELLEN

Usual crap. Life in general and everything that goes with it. Nothing new

 

LILY

I’ll tell you what’s wrong. You need’a get out more. All work and no sex makes a person edgy. We’ll close up after you finish with your friend, there

 

SUE ELLEN

Aside to Mrs. Clemens: 'Coming Mrs. Clemens!'

 

(cont'd. SUE ELLEN) The sign in the front says we're open to six and we gotta respect that. Shoot! It’s so friggin’ hot!

 

LILY

Do yourself a favor. Go home and take a shower, preferably with someone else

 

SUE ELLEN

Talk about a one-track mind! I’ll rest after finishing Mrs. Clemens. Shouldn’t take long combing the dozen hairs on her head

 

LILY

No reason to stay open so lemme know when you’re done and I’ll come lock up

 

SUE ELLEN

How 'bout if I close for you, tonight? Nothing for me to do at home and I'd just as soon hang around here for a last minute client

 

LILY

Don't much like the idea of leaving you alone on a Friday night, 'specially with all them refinery workers hittin' the bars

 

SUE ELLEN

They don't bother me, none. It's the guys sitting across the table from me acting all genteel and polite-like, trying to cop a feel under the manicure table that bug me. I'm more than able to take care of myself and I don't mind hanging around.

 

LILY

Lemme think on it while I cool off outside

 

               LILY EXITS




 

SCENE II

 

           AT RISE: SUE ELLEN removes hair dryer and helps MRS.CLEMENS up
                             and into the styling chair

  

SUE ELLEN

You’re dry

 

MRS. CLEMENS

(feeling her scalp)

On fire, more likely

 

SUE ELLEN

The usual?

MRS. CLEMENS

How ‘bout an upsweep for a change. I’m tired of the same old, same old

 

SUE ELLEN

You know what they say – if it ain’t broke – don’t fix it

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Don’t get me wrong dear – I love the way you do my hair but a person needs to restart the engine now and then, if you get my drift. My friend Rosie? She went out and dyed her hair fire-engine red and it makes her look ten years younger. Okay, maybe five but at our age we need all the help we can get and you know what else?

 

SUE ELLEN

Turn your head to the right a bit. So what else did Rosie do?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

This is embarrassing to even say but…she found herself an m-a-n at a church social, of all places. A good looking young stud she tells me. Course her idea of young might be different from ours. How ‘bout adding a couple of blond streaks here on the side…

 

SUE ELLEN

How young?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Doubt whether she even bothered to ask. She tells me that Hal - that’s what he goes by – is the 'be-all-and-end-all'.

 

SUE ELLEN

Does Hal have a second name? She could have him checked out

 

MRS. CLEMENS

You kidding? She don’t wanna know the truth!

 

SUE ELLEN

You think he’s lying?

MRS. CLEMENS

Could be one of them there con men tryin’ to bilk a stupid old woman out’ta money. Why else would a decent looking guy pay attention to an eighty year old woman with a face that looks like a dried up prune?

 

SUE ELLEN

(laughing)

Don’t hold back now. Tell me your real feelings

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Anyway, if he’s after money, he’s got a big surprise coming. She lives on the money her late husband left her and a small pension. Like they say, there’s no fool like an old fool. Ouch! Careful dear. You’re gonna pull out the last few hairs I have

SUE

Sorry. I hate it when a guy tries to take advantage of a woman. Nothing gets me madder. What’s even worse is when they get away with it!

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Rosie uses a walker to get around and now she’s gone bought herself a whole new wardrobe AND a mini skirt. She should be covering up instead of showing off them blue veins of hers!

 

SUE ELLEN

Some women will believe anything. I’m getting the feeling you don’t like the idea of her dating, period

 

MRS. CLEMENS

It’s not like I’m not happy for her or anything but she’s like a teenager in heat, struttin’ around wearing blue eye shadow and red lipstick. Not decent, a woman of her years

 

SUE ELLEN

(laughing)

Could be you’re a little jealous of your friend? Now that Rosie has red hair – well - Hal probably thinks she’s hot-to-trot

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Honey – sex is a memory for us and Rosie never was one to go in for that type of stuff. No – he’s probably after her money for sure. Now about some blond here and maybe some in front here…

SUE ELLEN

Some people hide from the truth all their lives. There – we’re finished! So?

 

               LILY ENTERS

 

                                                                        LILY

You have a last minute customer

 

SUE ELLEN

I thought you wanted to close up early?

 

LILY

I know but things have been so slow lately. Every dollar counts

 

               LILY EXITS

 

MRS. CLEMENS

What about my nails? Look at ‘em! All chipped and broken

 

SUE ELLEN

You heard Lily. I have another client

 

MRS. CLEMENS

I can’t go ‘round with these. A quick manicure won’t take long

SUE ELLEN

Tell you what, how ‘bout forgetting a manicure this week, and I’ll give you a special nail strengthener treatment, free, on your next appointment?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Can’t be seen in public with these claws, honey. Make an old lady feel good?

 

SUE ELLEN

               
                               (examining MRS. CLEMENS nails)

They are in bad shape…

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Do it just for me this time. Please? I’ll make it worth your while

 

SUE ELLEN

It’s not the money, you know that… Damn! Never could say no to you

 

MRS. CLEMENS

You just made my day

 

SUE ELLEN

Been digging in the earth, again, huh? How many times have I told you t’go and hire somebody to take care of your garden?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

You think I’m gonna pay a stranger to come in and ruin all the good work I done over the years? Took me forever to get it lookin’ like it does and I ain’t gonna let nobody lay a finger on one flower. I don’t need help from nobody

 

SUE ELLEN

Everyone needs help at some point in their life. How’s that cat of yours?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

We just celebrated her fifteenth birthday, bless her. Lives better than a lot of people I know

SUE ELLEN

Still a beast at heart, though. In the end her real nature comes through - just like a lotta guys I know

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Ouch! Know what you’re missing? The love of a good man

 

SUE ELLEN

(laughing hard)

Oh yeah - just what I need right now. A male in my life to make me complete

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Don’t sneer at the idea, honey. Notice I said a good man. I was married three times and all of ‘em were fine samples of manhood

 

SUE ELLEN

You been a widow a long time?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Widow hell, girl! Divorced ‘em all. I didn’t waitress all those years saving up my hard-earned cash for them to throw it away on poker and liquor. I’d marry again tomorrow if the right man came along but like they say, a good man is hard to find, but a hard man is good to find

SUE ELLEN

Judging by the males I’ve seen in these parts, I’ll stay single

 

MRS. CLEMENS

It ain’t good t’be distrustful at your age. Someone could walk through that door this very minute and steal your heart away. Happens all the time

 

SUE ELLEN

The man of my nightmares more likely

 

MRS. CLEMENS

So there was a special someone in your life? Anyone I know?

 

SUE ELLEN

Unlikely you’ve crossed paths with the creep

 

MRS. CLEMENS

He hurt you that bad?

 

SUE ELLEN

Now listen up – you have to wear gloves when you do dirty work or your nails will keep breaking. I keep telling my customers that the only way to keep nails proper is to keep them covered. Your hands deserve to be taken care of

MRS. CLEMENS

You’ve gone changed the topic on me!

 

SUE ELLEN

That I have

MRS. CLEMENS

When it comes to nail manicures you’re the best in these here parts but take it from someone who’s been there and seen a lot. Work ain’t everything. Don’t let life pass you by and end up old and wrinkled with nothing but memories to keep you going

 

SUE ELLEN

              

               Helps MRS. CLEMENS out of the chair

 

I got a lotta memories. That’s why I’m single. Pencil you in for next week, same time?

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Your personal life is none of my business but...

 

SUE ELLEN

You got that right. Don’t wanna rush you out but Lily is waiting

 

MRS. CLEMENS

Okay if we settle up next time? I swear, I’d forget my head if t’wern’t attached to my neck

 

SUE ELLEN

A lot of people forget things - or try to. No problem. Pay me next time

MRS. CLEMENS

Now you remember what I told you. Gotta keep an open mind and be ready when love enters the door