Decisions...decisions...and hope for a brighter future

Once again as has been the case on too many occasions, a rejection slip slipped in my email 'in' box. Somehow, in spite of nice, genteel words of apology by the theatre or whoever is in charge of the rejection notices, it doesn't get easier.

Really, given my former position as a freelance newspaper columnist/writer for many years, rejection slips aren't an unusual occurrence, but receiving playwriting-related rejections is a downer.

This time the recipient of the rebuff was one of my favorite short plays, "The Lemon." A short comedy, it focuses on the trials and tribulations of a woman attempting to contact a towing company in order to get her car removed, while trying to convince a public phone user to make the call.  In spite of the usual assurances that the theatre will keep the play for possible future use, it was a disheartening notice. Dejection, as any writer will attest, never gets easier.

Looking back, none of my plays have yet to be produced in spite of witty dialogue, interesting plots and good spelling and punctuation. Look - gotta look for positive points where I can find them! Had high hopes for "The Shrubs", which didn't materialize and my short plays came back home without a successful showing.

Today while skimming through potential submission opportunities, came across a notification that the deadline for the BBC International Radio Playwriting Competition is coming up at the end of January 2016. In the past on two occasions, attempts to convert a play and a short story into radio format met with rejection. I'm toying with the idea - that's as far as it's progressed - of trying to convert "The Lemon" into a radio play. Given the fast approaching deadline, starting a new play isn't practical and it would be a personal challenge to see what can be accomplished in a month. Who knows...

Meanwhile, old soldier Joe McKenna and his vet pals are still meeting at the neighborhood bar, waiting for a new direction from the playwright. This play keeps calling me back in spite of self-declarations to let it die in peace. But it won't. There is something about the characters and the story line that is compelling and begging to be told.

"We ain't gettin' any younger," they all keep reminding me.

Neither are any of us, guys. Neither are any of us...

A play-ful taste of "The Lemon"

As shared in a previous blog, I'm working on tweaking or re-writing one of my current short plays, "The Lemon."  A comedy, I've always liked this play-ette and it's for this reason I'm providing an excerpt. As always, comments welcome.

The story focuses on a woman (PENNY), whose newly acquired more-than-gently used car is stalled and her saga to get it moved out of a busy intersection. Her cell phone dead and unable to contact the car dealer, she is forced to use a public phone that is otherwise in use by a female, and a verbal battle of wits ensues between them.



THE LEMON
by Eleanor Tylbor


CAST OF CHARACTERS

PENNY FLOWERS, Owner of “the lemon

FEMALE PHONE USER, (‘F.P.U.’) user of public phone stand

 

THE TIME: The present. Mid-afternoon. Hot summer day

 

SETTING:  A public telephone stand at a busy intersection.

 

AT RISE:   A female, (PENNY) paces outside a public phone stand, waiting for person using the phone to leave. She is holding a cell phone in one hand and repetitively hits it against her leg, then puts it to her ear. She is tense since her car ("the lemon") is stalled in the middle of a busy intersection

 

PENNY

I don’t believe this! How many more things can go wrong, today?
Aside to Female Phone User: 'Scuse me, lady, but I gotta use that phone!’

 

SOUND: CAR HORNS

         PENNY looks off into the distance and makes obscene gesture with finger

 ‘Blow it out your nose, idiots! You'll get more out of it!' This is so typical. Finally, I get a cell phone and forget to charge the battery.

SPEAKING TO PERSON USING PHONE:

‘Scuse me? Are you going to be much longer?’

FEMALE PHONE USER (F.P.U.)

Do you mind? I’m almost finished. Why don’t you use your cell phone?

PENNY

Uh duhhh! Don'cha think I would if I could? It's broken –just like your fingers could be if I can’t use that phone like… now

F.P.U..

Are you threatening me with bodily harm? Oh gawd – a nut case! I attract them all!
ASIDE TO PERSON ON PHONE: ‘I think somebody wants to hurt me, Chloe!’

PENNY

I’m merely venting, silly lady, at least for the time being but things could change if I don’t get to use that phone! Perhaps I should explain so you’ll be sympathetic to my dilemma. D'ya see that car over there?

F.P.U.

Like, who cares, you crazy woman!
ASIDE TO PERSON ON PHONE: “Chloe, if anything happens to me, call my parents and tell them that I love them. Oh and you can tell my sister she can have my Manolo Blahnik Shoes.’

PENNY

Humor me for thirty seconds. Over there – see the car?

F.P.U.

You mean that orange-colored wreck? That’s - yours? I’d keep it to myself if I was you

PENNY

I bought the rusting chunk of junk a week ago and it died on me, today. There’s a sucker born every minute and the dealer saw a big red “S” right here on my forehead

F.P.U.

Okay. I see your car. Now can I finish my conversation? The more you interrupt – the longer it’ll take

           F.P.U. turns away. PENNY taps her on the back

PENNY

Perhaps I’m not making myself clear. I'm not a violent person by nature - not at all but you’re pushing my buttons! Wait – I made a joke - get it? Public phone stand? Push the buttons? In my personal angst, I still manage to find humor. I’m a survivor alright!

F.P.U.

(talking into phone softly)

‘Chloe? Don’t hang up on me, yet! I want proof if this nut case attacks me.’

PENNY

You strike me as a relatively sensible person…um…um… You do have a name?

F.P.U..

Like I would tell it to a weirdo like you, who not two minutes ago threatened me with bodily harm

SPEAKS ON PHONE: ‘Are you still there, Chloe? I might need you to call the police’

PENNY

Do you appreciate how much time that has been wasted? Precious time I could have spent speaking to my car dealer but you insisted on staking out your territory here

F.P.U.

SPEAKS ON PHONE: ‘Get ready to call 911! I mean it!’

PENNY

There's no need for that. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that I'm normally a sane person who rarely loses my temper, but my back’s against the wall!

           PENNY reaches over and grabs phone

PENNY SPEAKS ON PHONE: ‘Hello Chloe? She’ll call you right back.’

There! Your conversation is now over

F.P.U.

How dare you!

PENNY

How dare I? How dare I, you ask? How many times did I tell you that I hadda make a desperate phone call, but did you listen? Nooooo! Your phone conversation took precedent over my needs, so I took things into my own hands in the true sense of the word. If you don’t mind, I’d like some privacy so block your ears and turn away. Better still, go away

F.P.U.

Excuse me? After the way you interrupted my conversation? I think not

PENNY

Let me see here…where’s my phone directory? This purse is so big, everything gets lost inside… So this is where my salami sandwich went. Phew! Kind’a stinks. Then again, it is two weeks old. Would you mind tossing it into the trash can over there?

FPU

I think not! Why don’t you go throw it in yourself? It’s only mere few feet away. Wouldn’t take you long

PENNY

You think I’m an idiot?

FPU

The thought did cross my mind in addition to being insane

PENNY

I take one step away from here and you jump in and take over control of the phone, again. I think not! I’ll just put it back in my purse and toss it later on, when you’re not around

FPU

That is like, so disgusting! You’re gonna contaminate the phone! I’m gonna vomit!

PENNY

Don’t let me stop you. Let’s see here…where is the number of my dealership. I should’a filed it under “losers”. Here it is

          PENNY pushes buttons        

PENNY

TALKS ON PHONE:

‘Tony please. Tony Mozarelle. He what?’

ASIDE TO F.P.U.:

This is just my luck! They’re telling me my salesman has disappeared. Flown the coop. Taken wing as it was

F.P.U.

Oh well. Tough luck. Is it my turn, now?

PENNY

Not yet but soon. Oh the angst of it all!

          PENNY continues her phone conversation

PENNY

TALKS ON THE PHONE: ‘I'm a client of that place you laughingly call a dealership. Oh they warned me not to buy anything from you but did I listen? Nooo! Instead I go ahead and end up with this…this…clunker blocking the middle of a busy intersection! I-demand-satisfaction! Hello? Hello?’

ASIDE TO F.P.U:  Do you believe she hung up on me? People are so rude these days                                                                            

PENNY

(softly and politely)

ON THE PHONE: ‘Please don’t hang up. It’s been a day in hell and I’m asking for your indulgence and forgiveness. Now, would it be possible to speak to your wonderful manager? And his name would be…? Mr. Anthony Blackburn. Would this helpful Anthony person be free to talk to me now? Thank you so much… Miss…Miss…Jenkins – and you have a good day. ‘Ciao bella.’ Mr. Blackburn? Hi there...my name is….’

VOICE OVER: “Hello. You’ve reached my voice mail because I’m too busy selling people cars at the most unbelievable bargain prices! Every hour on the hour, we lower the prices of our gently used ve-hi-cles so that our customers can save their bucks to pay for gas. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you…whenever.”   

I can’t take it! This…this… woman transferred me to an automated answering system! What ever happened to live conversation with a real person? Gone with the wind just like service in general!

F.P.U.

Why don’t you just march right over there and give that manager a piece of your mind, right now! I would.

PENNY

I’m distraught and demoralized and all you can think about is to continue your stupid, insipid conversation with Chloe! On top of it all, the automated machine spat out names and phone locals and I don’t even have a pencil! Is there no end to the frustration I must deal with?

ASIDE TO F.P.U.:(genteel sweet voice:) _­ Um - friend? I feel we’ve gotten to know each other in the short time we’ve both been standing here - two travelers on the super phone highway, dialing to communicate our needs. I’m wondering here if I could, like, ask a little fa-vor? It's not a biggie or anything that could put you out. Do you - would you… by any chance have a pen or pencil I could borrow? I don’t seem to have anything to write with 

F.P.U.

After the way you treated me? You really have nerve!

PENNY

Just desperate. Check in your purse. Perhaps you’d like me to check in there for you?

F.P.U.

You wanna rob me, don’t you? That’s it, isn’t it? Ohmygawd! I'm hyperventilating...

PENNY

Look, whatever-your-name-is - let's start all over and pretend we just met. Isn’t that a good idea? Make believe I'm a close but needy friend who happened along and is asking you to - nay – begging you to please check for a pen or pencil that I could borrow. D'ya think you could do that? As one sister to another? All you hav’ta do is open that bee-u-ti-ful designer pocketbook, stick your hand inside and feel around. I'll even take an eyeliner or eyebrow pencil…anything with lead will do…

Looking back to look forward

During my daily check-in of my various blogs, somehow this blog always makes me feel guilty. There is always a lengthy gap between updates because, basically, I'm a procrastinator. My writing is always full of big intent but then for whatever reason, it passes and rather than force a personal confrontation, it falls by the wayside.

"So what have you been doing, Eleanor?" you might be wondering.

I've finally decided on an ending to "Old Soldiers" but now I'm having doubts as to whether pursue this play, given its subject being an aging, very-old soldier who wants to make his last stand count. Although there is no violence, recent turn of events are making me think twice about its suitability.

Here we have Joe McKenna, a man who did his part for his country, saw action in WWII and now as an aging, frail veteran with a failing body, wants to make a point, a plea actually, on behalf of all vets. It's the culmination of his desire to leave his mark and an unexpected meeting with two strangers that influences the final outcome. Throughout the play, there is comic relief with the interaction of Joe and his buddies. Thing is...I love the dialogue and the premise of the play.

Having not read, "The Lemon", a 20-minute comedy play-ette I wrote a while back (why are all my plays in the "written a while back" state?) for a while, I'm attempting to turn it into a one-act play. Also planning to work on another started-but-semi-abandoned play, "Dead Writes" in which I've written three scenes.

In the way of positivity and progress, I've submitted my one act play, "Retribution" to a theatre and hoping that it will meet with an acceptance. Not saying/writing anymore about it because I'm superstitious and it could jinx the end result.

Hopefully, the next update will be sooner than later but one never can predict these things. Most likely... Maybe... Soon for sure...

Re-thinking and re-writing. "The Lemon" could be sweet

Go figure. Here I was under the impression that the BBC International Playwriting Competition was on hold or cancelled altogether. Much to my surprise, read on Facebook to stand by since they are about to announce the details of this year's competition.

While this is great news and under the assumption that the competition was cancelled, I've been re-thinking entering "Old Soldiers" as my entry.

"After all that waiting - you're going to abandon us?" Joe would probably ask. The issue is whether or not 'soldiers would be radio-friendly due to the necessity of sound effects.

A while back, I wrote a short play entitled, "The Lemon" focusing on the trials and tribulatiion of a female owning and trying to unload her car, which as the title infers, is a "lemon." A comedy, it's a fun story line and the characters would lend themselves to radio. At present it would run about 20-30 minutes but it wouldn't be difficult to add to the story.

This week I'm going to re-examine The Lemon with a critical eye to see if and how the story can be expanded. Meanwhile, I'm waiting for the announcement of the new deadline. Progress reports to come.