Wanted: one stripper. Experience not necessary

by Eleanor Tylbor

A theatre company in Norfolk (England) is in desperate need of a thespian... Perhaps acting experience isn't even necessary for this role.

The Boo and Hiss Company (catchy name!) requires the services of a stripper - in the name of art of course - for its fall production of "Fur Coat and No Knickers."

Keith Gilbert, one of the 20-strong players, said: "It's not a difficult role. There are no words, just the stripping down to the underwear bit. "But we can't find a woman to take some of her kit off as part of a stag-night party scene.

"The company made the appeal after one of the group who was pencilled in for the role pulled out because the performance clashed with her 30th birthday party.

Mr Gilbert, who is also mayor of Watton Town Council, added: "There is nothing erotic about it. It's just very, very comical."

The play, written by Mike Harding, tells the story of Deirdre Ollerenshaw and Mark Greenhalgh's wedding and includes the disastrous drunken exploits of a stag night.

Fur Coat and No Knickers will be performed at the Queens Hall, Watton, between 18 and 20 September.

Anyone who is interested in the part should contact Boo and Hiss Company in Watton.

The Boo and Hiss Theatre Company previously staged comical productions including 'Allo! 'Allo! and Are you Being Served?”

“All the money we raised went to the Norfolk and Norwich Scope (NANSA) charity which helps people suffering with cerebral palsy and associated disabilities,” Mr Gilbert said. “Last year we managed to raise £500 for them and we hope to get even better results this year.”Fur Coat and No Knickers will be performed at Watton's Queen's Hall from September 18 to 20.

Think you fit the bill?

For more information contact Keith Gilbert on 07730375986.

Writers & Friends

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In God We Trust. How do you spell that?
by Eleanor Tylbor

Perhaps he means well but somehow changing one's name to "In God We Trust" is bound to have interesting or at least humorous results. If the court allows him to do this.

Steve Kreuscher wants a judge to allow him to legally change his name. He wants to be known as "In God We Trust."

Kreuscher says the new name would symbolize the help God gave him through tough times. The 57-year-old man also says he's worried that atheists may succeed in removing the phrase "In God We Trust" from U.S. currency. He recalls that the phrase "God Reigns" was removed from the Zion city seal in 1992 after Illinois courts deemed it unconstitutional. Zion was founded as a theocracy - by a sect that believed the Earth was flat. The school bus driver and amateur artist in the northern Chicago suburb says he has filed a petition to change his name in Lake County Circuit Court.

************************************************************************************

So let's say he is allowed to change his name to In God We Trust.

Let's say it's time for him to sign his signature.

IN GOD WE TRUST
(paying for food at restaurant)
Do you take major credit cards?

WAITER
Of course, sir

IGWT
Okay...here. Take this one

(waiter walks away examining credit card. Returns a few minutes later)

WAITER
Um... Sir... We seem to have a problem here

IGWT
Oh? Did I put the wrong amount or something?

WAITER
That's fine. Um... It's about your signature?

IGWT
What about it?

WAITER
Um... You signed the motto written on a coin. I'm sure it was a mistake

IGWT
Not!

WAITER
We require a name, sir.

IGWT
In God We Trust!

WAITER
I'm sure you do - we all do, sir. However, we need a real name

IGWT
That is my real name

(Manager joins him)

MANAGER
Is there a problem here?

IGWT
Your waiter won't accept my credit card!

MANAGER
That's right. I told him not to! Sir - we need a name. A real name! Not a political statement or something... In God We Trust cannot in any way be considered a name. So if you'll just show us some other piece of identification...

IGWT
All my identification has In God We Trust. Do you believe in God?

MANAGER
What's that have to do with anything?

IGWT
Well - do you?

MANAGER
My personal beliefs have nothing to do with the present situation at hand. How about paying with some cold cash, instead?

IGWT
See? It's your "who cares" attitude that could cause "In God We Trust" to be removed from our coins!

MANAGER
So you admit that's not your real name! I knew it!

IGWT
I beg your pardon! FYI - that IS my legal name! Here... I'll show you my driver's license...and my vehicle registration...

MANAGER
(reading pieces of identification)
Well, I thought I've seen it all! Forgive me sir. I was wrong and you're right! However, you must admit that this is a bit unusual

IGWT
Let's just say it's my own personal political statement

MANAGER
Fine with me. Now if you'll just sign the bill here... I can't seem to read your second name.

IGWT
E Pluribus Unum. Is there a problem?

ANNA NICOLE SMITH: the opera(?)

by Eleanor Tylbor

It was Andy Warhol who said in the future, everybody will be famous for 15 minutes. If that's the case then ex-Playboy centrefold, Anna Nicole Smith, will have had her share of being a celebrity, and then some.

Her life will soon be the focus of an opera by the co-creator of the cult musical, "Jerry Spring: The Opera" if all goes as planned.

Composer Richard Thomas is writing the libretto for a contemporary piece, to be staged at the Royal Opera House no less, in 2010. He said the tragic life story of Ms Smith, a former stripper who died from an overdose of prescription drugs a year ago, was "a classic American tale about celebrity" which was "intrinsically operatic".

Perhaps he meant soap opera-ish.

The production, still in the early stages of development, is intended to be shown on the main stage at the Royal Opera House, accompanied by a 90-piece orchestra. Mr Thomas admitted that he was fascinated by stories which might seem "trashy".

He told The Independent newspaper: "It's an incredible story. It's very operatic and sad.
She was quite a smart lady with the tragic flaw that she could not seem to get through life without a vat of prescription painkillers."

However, his choice of subject, a woman labelled "the queen of trailer trash" by American tabloids, is unlikely to appeal to diehard fans of classical opera, some of whom have accused the Royal Opera House of dumbing down.

Read the backgrounder about the soon-to-be-(soap)opera here:

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.jhtml?xml=/news/2008/04/04/nsmith404.xml


Personally, I wouldn't waste my money on this show and why anyone would want to do a show based on the life of Anna Nicole Smith is beyond stupid or inane.

Yawn... Pass... Not for nothing...

STRANGERS
(a silent play with no words spoken whatsoever)
By Eleanor Tylbor


GUY1 walks across the stage and is approached by GUY2.


GUY1 waves at GUY2 but GUY2 doesn't wave back.


GUY1 waves at GUY2 again, smiling.


GUY2 ignores him and turns his head sideways.


GUY1 rushes over to him and taps him on the shoulder, forcing GUY2 to acknowledge his presence


GUY2 turns to face him, pushes him backwards and attempts to rush away


GUY1 blocks his departure with an extended arm and moves his face close to GUY2's face, and points to his face


GUY2 backs up and attempts to flee


GUY1 chases after him but GUY2 moves too quickly.


GUY 1 drops his head and shakes it slowly and his shoulders droop indicating dejection


A FEMALE APPROACHES.


GUY1 lifts his head and focuses his attention on her. He scans her body with his eyes, taking in her figure. He smoothes his hair, fixes his shirt collar and adjusts his pants. She is reading while walking and he makes a point of bumping into her.


FEMALE, startled, drops book and takes step backward.


GUY1 smiles and bends over to pick up book. He glances at title and points at her - then at himself.


FEMALE grabs book out of his hand and attempts to move on, obviously leery of GUY1.

GUY1 extends his arm and touches her shoulder. She whirls around and hits him squarely across his face. He reels backwards and places his hand on his face, shaking his head in bewilderment and shrugs his shoulders


FEMALE removes her purse that is hanging on her shoulder and hits him on his shoulders - then focuses her attention on the book and moves on


GUY1 drops down on to the floor, drops his head and it's obvious by his heaving shoulders that he is sobbing. He shakes his head in frustration while pounding the floor with his fists.

He suddenly jumps up after spotting a CLOWN, who is puffing away on a cigarette. GUY1 jumps up and down in excitement, runs towards clown in an attempt to communicate with him

(END OF SCENE 1)

The Play's the Thing - Even If No Words are Spoken by Anyone

by Eleanor Tylbor

To say that Austrian playwright, Peter Handke is a man of few words is truly an understatement.

In fact he has written a play entitled, "The Hour We Knew Nothing of Each Other" to be performed at the National Theatre from March 31 to April 12 for 30 performances. What makes his play "special" is that not one word will be spoken by the actors.

For 1 hour and 40 minutes, 450 characters will be silent.

According to a blurb on the National Theatre site:

http://www.nationaltheatre.org.uk/thehour

The play is best described: "For a moment, a bright, empty town square. And then a figure darts across, and another and another – businesspeople, roller-bladers, a cowboy, several street-sweepers, a halfdressed bride, a film crew, a line of old men, a tourist, a beauty in a mirrored dress, Abraham and Isaac, a family of refugees, a fool – more and more people, the bizarre and the humdrum, fleetingly connected by proximity alone."

The idea apparently came to Handke as he sat at a cafe on an Italian piazza watching strangers come and go. Even if not a word is spoken, the play is not sound-less. The silence is punctuated by snatches of music, the occasional scream and the recorded sounds of an aeroplane or workmen drilling.

A National Theatre spokeswoman said: "It is a great piece of work, challenging and something that we should be doing. Tickets are selling well - not like hotcakes, but they are doing well. It is appealing to younger people. We think our more traditional audiences will wait until the reviews."

If this is a success, I shall re-read and re-edit my plays with the possibility of eliminating the dialogue. Perhaps I'll re-name the wedding play, "Make Me a Wedding and Let's Keep It Between Ourselves." Given that it's a comedy, there will be lots of body language and gesturing. Since my play has a mere 9 characters, it shouldn't be too difficult to fill the various roles.

If anyone attends this play, please pass on your impressions and review.


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