Fall forward - plays take cyber trips

Perhaps it's the result of the ending of summer and the arrival of autumn, but it's play submission mode time. Somehow, the summer heat plus the sun shining down prompts the brain to enter into a state of lethargy, at least it does mine. All this is to say or write that now it's time to actively seek out homes for my literary 'babies."

Before the actual act of hitting the key that will send them off to parts unknown, they've been receiving a once-twice-and more evaluation for any necessary changes or modifications. Frequently, this assessment results in a re-examination of a/some play(s) followed by muttering of bad words, the end result of which is yet more revisions. Some of the plays have been updated to the point where it's difficult to recognize the original story line and conduct an objective assessment as to which version works best.

So where is all this sharing of inner angst and trepidation leading you may well be asking yourself. I've been in a play submitting state of mind these days.

Came across a competition for a ten-minute play with the focus being "The Urban Jungle." A while back I wrote a piece entitled, "Waiting for Roach" featuring the end result of a meet up of a young punk-mode adult male and a female senior citizen, which works perfectly for the competition. The play-ette as I call short offerings, has never been submitted anywhere before having waited for the right occasion and right opportunity to share it with the world, or at least with the people running the competition.

In addition, I decided to share one of my favorite plays, "Neighbors" now re-named "The Shrubs" with a theatre. Upon reflection and somewhat interesting, this two-act play started out as a short 10-minute play as many of them do. After years of ignoring it for the most part, while scanning over the play titles,  it jumped out at me. Somehow, something seemed to be lacking in the shorter version and after reading it through, a new angle to the story began to develop resulting in a re-working and its development into a full play. In any case, it has left home with my best wishes and hopes not to mention prayers, that others will enjoy the contents as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Meanwhile, my wedding play, "Make Me a Wedding" has also taken a few cyber trips. A comedy, this was my first endeavor in playwriting and my favorite but then I say that about all my plays. It was almost performed a while back but had to be abandoned due to a breakdown in the production. Let's just say that the undertaking was akin to "Noises Off" and leave it at that. To get back to the play, it elicits laughter every time I read it through and I do frequently. Here's hoping.

Last but certainly not least, my second-favorite play, "Gin: an Allegory for Playing the Game of Life" is still seeking new digs as they say. A comedy, the two-act play focuses on the long-time friendship of three women who discuss their lives and those of people their lives touch upon, during their weekly card game. When writing plays, I always envision the actors who would best suit the various roles and today decided that Barbra Streisand, "the" famous Barbra would be ideal for the role of Becky. Barbra if you're reading this, the role is yours for the taking when it finds a new home. Or if Barbra is too busy, in as far as high-profile comediennes are concerned, Tina Fey would definitely be a good fit and Ellen DeGeneres would have fun with the role. There are two other juicy and fun parts in addition to supporting roles requiring further thought for another blog piece. Now all that's necessary is a theatre or producer to see the creative potential of the play.

It all starts with a dream and if you're gonna dream, you have to dream big. Barbra, Ellen and Tina would understand.

Another tasty morsel of "Neighbors"

Another snippet from "Neighbors."

Following yet another verbal confrontation, Portman has invited neighbor, Taylor, for a friendly drink at the neighborhood bar. Enter Joseph Martini, a customer, who after catching the drift of their conversation focusing on the controversial shrubs, makes them an offer that they agree to accept.

The place is Patty's Place, the bar co-owned by Patty and Portman.

MARTINI

I think I got the big picture. Don't know how'd you feel about this, but would you consider using the services of a mediator?

 

PORTMAN

Ain't that a person who makes street dividers – what's that gonna do for us?

 

TAYLOR

You'll have to forgive my good friend here, since his vocabulary is somewhat limited. A mediator, dear neighbor, is a person who's not familiar with the parties involved, who listens to two sides of a story and then presents an unbiased opinion. Do you happen to know anyone who could do that for us? I’ve already contacted somebody who knows somebody at City Hall but if you you’ve got someone you could recommend… Of course she or he would have to have some experience with property disputes…

 

MARTINI

Believe it or not, it so happens that I'm a semi-retired land surveyor by trade, and I've listened to hundreds, maybe thousands, of stories involving issues like yours. I'd be willing to investigate in the way of thanks for your warm welcome here

 

PORTMAN

Go on! Now you tell me that this ain't fate, Taylor! Here we are in the middle of tryin' to find an answer to our problem and Martini here just happens to drop by for a drink. I mean – what are the odds of that happening, huh?

 

TAYLOR

Indeed. A little too convenient if you ask me

 

PORTMAN

Chalk it up to fate, is all

 

TAYLOR

I dunno - a supposed stranger shows up out of the blue and…

 

MARTINI

I can assure you, sir, that this is the first time I've visited this bar. If you'd rather pass on this opportunity…

 

PORTMAN

Of course he wants to get your legal opinion. Listen Taylor, if Martini here says he made a living settling arguments like ours, then he's the man for the job

 

MARTINI

I'll need to examine the house plans first…

TAYLOR

It's just too convenient for my liking. Do you have anything that says you’re a surveyor?

 

PORTMAN

Do you ask your trash collector for identification or the local delivery guy? Why should our new friend here, have to prove to you that he is who he says he is? Don't pay no attention to him. The man’s got no manners whatsoever

MARTINI

I understand your suspicions and need to know more about me professionally but I have to tell you that I'm very busy doing contract work. So if you're not interested…

PORTMAN

Hang on a minute – I'm willing to let Martini here study the situation - and I'll even go along with his findings. How's that for blind faith, huh?

 

TAYLOR

The only thing I'll agree to is that he can listen to both sides and offer an opinion, period. Let’s see what he comes up with

 

PORTMAN

You were the one who threatened to call a land surveyor just this very morning. Well – here he is! Any land surveyor you call in is gonna be a stranger. D'ya want this man to medicate our dispute, or not?  We're here to fix fences, not build new ones

TAYLOR

You mean mediate our dispute…

 

PORTMAN

See what I mean? There he goes again. Medicate…mediate…what's a 'c' between friends?

TAYLOR

I didn't mean to insult your professional integrity, Mr. Martini

 

PORTMAN

Well, I happen to believe that friends take each other at their word, so I say - let's get on with it! Why don't we drink to…Mr. Martini's -

 

MARTINI

- Joey -

 

PORTMAN

- Joey's findings. Line 'em up Miss Patty and lemonade again for you Joey boy? And whatever my neighbor wants here

 

MARTINI

That's it for me or I'm gonna have to swim outta here. So, how we gonna do this?

 

PORTMAN

Listen – here's a plan. Why don't we wait 'til early evening, once the sun goes down, when it'll be cooler for you to measure our land.  We could hang 'round here for a while and catch the bodacious babes playing volleyball on TV

 

TAYLOR

I haven't agreed to Mr. Martini becoming involved yet

 

PORTMAN

Of course you have! You wanted a meditator and now you got one! What more could a person ask for?

 

MARTINI

Sounds good to me. It'll certainly make my job easier waiting until things cool down a bit

PATTY

In more ways than one

 

PORTMAN

So, it's agreed? We might as well stay here. Patty here will take good care of us

 

TAYLOR

I suppose it can't hurt. As much as I would love to hang here with you guys, my green peppers need staking and my tomato patch needs de-weeding. How 'bout we meet later, say about…seven?

PORTMAN

We won't have to worry about workin' in the dark since my neighbor installed flood lights near his garden, to scare away veggie thieves

TAYLOR

It's to discourage a family of groundhogs that steal at night. I don't spend all those hours to have all my stuff eaten by animal

 

PORTMAN

You do know that you're insultin' me again, Taylor. We're supposed to be getting' to know each other and I'm being ditched for some peppers and tomatoes? 

TAYLOR

It's not that I don't appreciate your invitation, but I've got a lot to do around the house. Like I said, we'll meet in my back yard if that's okay with you, Mr. Martini?

 

MARTINI

Sounds like a plan to me

PORTMAN

Perfect-o-mundo!. Me and Joey...I mean, Mr. Martini will get to know each other better, right guy?

PORTMAN

Then it's settled. We meet at seven on your territory. By the way, I'm out of salad. If 'ya happen to have an extra head or two lyin' around…

 

TAYLOR

Nice meeting you Mr. Martini

 

PORTMAN

You into beach volleyball, Joey boy? Wait 'til you get a look at those babes. Mama mia!

MARTINI

Do they carry volleyball on basic cable?

 

After switching on the television, PATTY brings over two drinks. TAYLOR lingers for an instant and then leaves

Hanging in there - playing around

At long last, "Old Soldiers" has left the building in a manner of speaking. After choosing an ending to this play that has been in the creative process for more than a year, I finally bid it a fond adieu, wished it well and submitted it to the BBC International Playwriting Competition.

As people reading this blog are aware, the play had its beginning as a short story that evolved into play based on the strength of its main character, Joe McKenna. There was something about Joe that begged to be explored further as described in a blurb taken from the synopsis:

"As an ex army man and soldier, 85-year old Joe McKenna is a man of habit. He is a widower whose only companionship is his 12-year old dog, Daisy. The aging process has taken its toll physically and emotionally, turning him into an embittered man full of resentment towards society and what he perceives to be life's injustices. He is a lonely soul with too much time to think about the past and knowing that the future will leave him dependent on the kindness of others."

As a play, Joe was joined by three ex-army buddies along with some other interesting characters that helped propel the story along. Having never written for radio, the big challenge was to incorporate sound effects. In any case, Joe's fate - and mine - are in the hands of the judges since the competition closed on January 31st.

Meanwhile, another play, "Retribution" is taking an interesting turn. Submitted it to the Sundog Theatre, "... a performing arts organization in Staten Island that provides entertainment for adults and children in the form of contemporary and original theatre." It was selected to be part of a play reading series - all being well - to take place in summer. The drama focuses on Sue Ellen Parker, a hairdresser, who exacts revenge for a horrific past crime committed against her in the past. Must have re-written this play at least a dozen times until it felt "right."

At present, I'm at the finishing stage of completing "Neighbors" a comedy, two-act play that had its beginning as a 10 minute play. The story line focuses on two neighbors and their long-standing feud over what one believes to be the erroneous placement of shrubs, which divide both their properties. Very enjoyable to write and with definite production potential. Will put it to sleep for a while and then re-read it and start the re-writing process. Amazing what time can do for one's perspective. I've completed plays that I thought couldn't be improved only to realize that the content was garbage, which in turn caused a complete re-write of the play(s).

As usual, will keep readers of this blog and/or others who drop by from time-to-time updated.

A playette and short version of "Neighbors" - in honor of National Good Neighbors Day

Some calendars note that today being September 28th, has been put aside to celebrate National Good Neighbors Day. The origin of this  not-so-well-known holiday (I wasn't aware of its existence) dates back to the early 1970's, when one Mrs. Becky Mattson from Lakeside, Montana, recognized the importance of good neighbors, and started the effort to make this a National day. Assisted by congressman Mike Mansfield, she succeed in getting three presidents (Nixon, Ford, and Carter)  to issue proclamations, along with numerous governors. In 2003, the U.S. Senate passed a resolution, sponsored by Montana.

To mark this interesting holiday, I'm sharing the short/playette version of my play, "Neighbors" It's based on the real life feud between two neighbors that lived next door to each other down the street from where we lived, over the placement of shrubs on what both believed to be on their property. Never did find out the end result but their verbal updates inspired the play.

NEIGHBORS

By Eleanor Tylbor

CAST OF CHARACTERS

 

John Taylor, 35,     Perfectionist and fussy next door neighbor of PORTMAN

Robbie Portman, 37,  Easy-going neighbor of TAYLOR

 

THE TIME

Mid-summer. Morning

THE PLACE

Back garden
 

 

TAYLOR digs in his vegetable patch clad in dress slacks, a short sleeved dress shirt and tie

PORTMAN wearing creased shorts and t-shirt, relaxes in a hammock, beer bottle in hand

SOUND: LAWNMOWER

TAYLOR

              Wipes sweat with handkerchief, leans on

              rake while talking to TAYLOR, pausing for

              a reaction after every statement

Too hot for digging, today. Must be a hundred degrees in the shade for sure. 'Course some people don’t care ‘bout how their lawn looks… Take you for example – somebody – anybody - please?

 

PORTMAN

Is that neighbor Taylor tryin’ to be a comedian? Neh! More likely a squirrel in heat

TAYLOR

Does the thought ever cross your mind to do something useful like - work, perhaps?

PORTMAN

               PORTMAN holds beer bottle up to the light

               and bends down to pick up another

My bottle is empty and I gotta bend down and get me another in this heat, but somebody's gotta do it. Might as well be me

TAYLOR

You have to be the laziest person in the whole neighborhood AND an alcoholic to boot. I won’t even talk about your lawn...

PORTMAN

…so don’t…

TAYLOR

…not to mention the dilapidated exterior of your house is the worst eyesore on the block

PORTMAN

Like it? It’s a new look I’m trying out. I call it lawnmower-free-expressive

TAYLOR

Condemned-modern more likely. When you gonna do something useful for a change?

PORTMAN

But I did. I reached down for a beer

TAYLOR

You are aware that your property is lowering the value of mine and everyone else. Some of us take pleasure in having a decent looking garden -

PORTMAN

- and some of us couldn’t give a damn. Looks just fine t’me

 TAYLOR

When you gonna join the real world and become a contributing member of society?
 

PORTMAN

(ignoring TAYLOR)

Always with questions and more questions. Hey – I get it! You’re practicin' for a quiz show. Right? ‘Potent potables for a thousand.’ Don’t mind if I do

               PORTMAN takes a sip of beer

‘Down the hatch and over the tongue – look out stomach  – down it comes!’ Here’s mud in both your eyes

 TAYLOR

Guess now's a good time as any. About those shrubs of yours…

 PORTMAN

Take a hike - preferably in the middle of the street in oncoming traffic

TAYLOR

I know I've warned you about them in the past but this time I really mean it. They could – like - mysteriously burn down one night. Know what I mean? Fires start so easily in dry hot weather

PORTMAN

They ain’t botherin’ me none but you do!

TAYLOR

They’re blocking the sunlight from shining on my side of the garden and my tomato crop needs sun to ripen them

PORTMAN

You're bugging me. Make like a bee and buzz off

TAYLOR

You must be blind not to see they’re a good two feet on my side of the fence. Here - lemme show you the city plan so you can see once and for all that I know what I’m talking about
 

PORTMAN

No need to! You probably paid off someone at City Hall to measure in your favor. Now where’d I put those ear plugs to block out the sound of your nagging…

TAYLOR

See, thing is, I got plans for those extra couple of feet you stole

PORTMAN

Gimme a break! Wait! I get it now! You wanna make a par-3 golf course and charge people t’get in. Get lost. I’m trying to read this book

TAYLOR

And what are we reading these days? The latest in the “See Spot Run” series? Listen you lazy son-of-a-bitch -

PORTMAN

Omyheavens! Such bad words! Your wifey is gonna hav'ta wash your mouth out with soap

TAYLOR

Cut them down by tomorrow, Portman, or I’m gonna take things into my own hands if you get my drift

PORTMAN

In your dreams, veggie boy! I got better things to do with my time than dig up ten foot shrubs

TAYLOR

While I have your attention span, which lasts about as long as a flea hunting for dog's fur, the branches of your rotten apple tree are hanging over on my side of the fence, again

PORTMAN

Don’t stop you from pickin’ up all them apples that happen t'land in your yard

TAYLOR

Why would I want them since they’re full of worm holes, like your brain. Obviously, threats don’t work so I guess I'll have to go hire me a lawyer and take you to court. We’ll let a judge decide who owns what

PORTMAN

Got a particular liar – um – lawyer in mind? Try Mitch Cassidy. I hear he specializes in lost causes

TAYLOR

That’s right, man. Make jokes and drink away your problems. Your brain is so fermented, you don't realize the ramifications of legal action
 

PORTMAN

I'm so scared! Can't you tell how scared I am? All that hot air comin’ from your side of the fence has given me a ragin’ thirst. To my health!

TAYLOR

If you’d simply have checked your house plans before you moved in, all of this antagonism between us could have been avoided and we wouldn't have to waste time being at each others throats

PORTMAN

The plan would’a told me what I already know is true. The bushes are on my side! Go stroke your cucumbers or somethin'

 TAYLOR

I need to cut my grass but I can’t because you never returned my lawnmower you borrowed a month ago!

PORTMAN

You could always use a cow. Wait a minute! You’re married to one!

TAYLOR

Shut your – your - filthy mouth! You’re treading on dangerous ground, now, so be very careful what you say next
 

PORTMAN

'Oh Mommy – save me!’ What a joke you are, man!

TAYLOR

Fine. If that's the way you want it. I’m finished with the threats. You can expect a registered letter in the mail from my lawyer

PORTMAN

You sendin’ me a love letter? Always had my doubts ‘bout you if you get my drift. Now I know why there’s so many of them there panty hose hangin’ on your line

TAYLOR

Why your wife hasn’t left you is beyond me but like they say, love is blind. How is the lovely Harriet anyway? Still working? Thank goodness, since someone has to pay the mortgage payments

PORTMAN

That new car o’yours fixed yet? Too bad your Julie ran it into the garage door. Got a problem with her reverse and drive but it’s understandable being married to you and all

TAYLOR

At least we have a car that runs unlike that bundle of rust that’s been rotting in the driveway for who-knows-how-long. Then again it matches the rest of your house

PORTMAN

Don’t bother me none

TAYLOR

I’m feeling ambitious today. Just might go rent me one of those big tree cutters and do the job myself

 

PORTMAN

Over my dead body you will!

TAYLOR

That can easily be arranged. Just stick your head through the shrubs while I’m cutting. That way you can save money on a hair cut

PORTMAN

Keep your slimy hands off’a my shrubs or…

TAYLOR

…or you’ll what? Stop me? You’re so out of shape you can’t lift one leg over the fence

PORTMAN           

               PORTMAN jumps up, runs to the fence and

               grabs TAYLOR’s shirt through the fence slats 

Wanna see what these hands can do? They can squeeze your throat ‘til you turn blue

TAYLOR

Let go my shirt! If you tear it…

PORTMAN

…you’ll go cry to Julie how the bad man next door ripped it?

               PORTMAN releases his hold

Forget it. You’re not worth the trouble

               PORTMAN returns to his hammock

TAYLOR

Go on! Go back to what you were doing…what you always do,

nothing. Zippo. Nada. Don’t be surprised if you hear a loud noise in the middle of the night and wake up to find a bunch of holes where your shrubs used to be!

PORTMAN

Blah-blah-blah - been there, heard it all before

TAYLOR

Don’t think I won’t do it – ‘cause I will! I mean it!

PORTMAN

Sure you mean it. You’ll do it like you’ve been doing since we’ve lived next door to each other. By the way and because I'm a nice guy and all - it’s gone nine o'clock already

TAYLOR

Shoot! You made me miss my morning train commute! Now I gotta wait another hour for the next one. Somehow, you always manage to bring out the worst in me

PORTMAN

And you know you love every minute of it. There’s a word for people like you
 

TAYLOR

And what would that be, he asked, afraid to hear the answer

PORTMAN

Pain-in-the-butt neighbor. Uh-oh - you’re gonna miss the next one if you don't move your butt

TAYLOR

Are you planning to watch the big game tonight?

PORTMAN

Wha'cha wanna know for? You ain’t gonna call the cops on me again

TAYLOR

Hey! I thought someone was robbing your house and I was just looking out for your best interests

PORTMAN

Bull-doo-doo! So how come when they asked you if I was the owner of the house, you told them no. I ended up spending half the night in jail. Thank goodness Harriet came t'bail me out

 

TAYLOR

Doesn't she always in more ways than one. Anyway, it was a case of mistaken identity. Pure and simple. I was thinking here that maybe –um - we could, like, watch the game together?

PORTMAN

Since when do you like sports?

TAYLOR

I’ll have you know I used to play on my company’s croquet team
 

PORTMAN

Croquet. Now that's a serious contact game. You’re serious. You wanna watch the game - together?

TAYLOR

I wouldn’t ask if I didn’t mean it. I’ll even bring over some beer

PORTMAN

You mean that yellow-colored pissy-crap you drink? Lemme bring over some real stuff. If we’re gonna watch together, you gotta drink my brand

TAYLOR

You know - we've been bickering like this for how many years, now? Twenty? Maybe more? Yet somehow, can’t figure out how, we've managed to stay talking to each other. That has to mean something. Something binds our friendship

PORTMAN

Maybe friendship would be pushin' it a bit but you're right. You talk – I gotta listen

TAYLOR

By the way you can tell Harriet the tomatoes are ripe. Left a bag on your front porch. Ask her if I supply the apples if she'll make another one of her delicious pies. Your wife is one great baker!

PORTMAN

Don't hav'ta tell me that. Gained ten pounds this year with all them apples you been supplying her with. You tryin' to gimme a heart attack?

TAYLOR

Oh and Portman - maybe during half time, we could – like – discuss the shrubs? I mean, it doesn't hurt to talk about them calmly. Right? After all – at the heart of all, there's a deep brotherly love for each other. So are we still on for tonight?

PORTMAN

Brotherly love and shrubs. Why do I even bother?

TAYLOR

Figured it was worth a shot. Anway,I’m out’ta here. Don’t stay out in the sun too long ‘cause it’ll fry whatever brain you have left. Some of us gotta work for a living...

PORTMAN

…and some of us like to watch our shrubs grow tall.


© 2013 Eleanor Tylbor