Fall forward - plays take cyber trips

Perhaps it's the result of the ending of summer and the arrival of autumn, but it's play submission mode time. Somehow, the summer heat plus the sun shining down prompts the brain to enter into a state of lethargy, at least it does mine. All this is to say or write that now it's time to actively seek out homes for my literary 'babies."

Before the actual act of hitting the key that will send them off to parts unknown, they've been receiving a once-twice-and more evaluation for any necessary changes or modifications. Frequently, this assessment results in a re-examination of a/some play(s) followed by muttering of bad words, the end result of which is yet more revisions. Some of the plays have been updated to the point where it's difficult to recognize the original story line and conduct an objective assessment as to which version works best.

So where is all this sharing of inner angst and trepidation leading you may well be asking yourself. I've been in a play submitting state of mind these days.

Came across a competition for a ten-minute play with the focus being "The Urban Jungle." A while back I wrote a piece entitled, "Waiting for Roach" featuring the end result of a meet up of a young punk-mode adult male and a female senior citizen, which works perfectly for the competition. The play-ette as I call short offerings, has never been submitted anywhere before having waited for the right occasion and right opportunity to share it with the world, or at least with the people running the competition.

In addition, I decided to share one of my favorite plays, "Neighbors" now re-named "The Shrubs" with a theatre. Upon reflection and somewhat interesting, this two-act play started out as a short 10-minute play as many of them do. After years of ignoring it for the most part, while scanning over the play titles,  it jumped out at me. Somehow, something seemed to be lacking in the shorter version and after reading it through, a new angle to the story began to develop resulting in a re-working and its development into a full play. In any case, it has left home with my best wishes and hopes not to mention prayers, that others will enjoy the contents as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Meanwhile, my wedding play, "Make Me a Wedding" has also taken a few cyber trips. A comedy, this was my first endeavor in playwriting and my favorite but then I say that about all my plays. It was almost performed a while back but had to be abandoned due to a breakdown in the production. Let's just say that the undertaking was akin to "Noises Off" and leave it at that. To get back to the play, it elicits laughter every time I read it through and I do frequently. Here's hoping.

Last but certainly not least, my second-favorite play, "Gin: an Allegory for Playing the Game of Life" is still seeking new digs as they say. A comedy, the two-act play focuses on the long-time friendship of three women who discuss their lives and those of people their lives touch upon, during their weekly card game. When writing plays, I always envision the actors who would best suit the various roles and today decided that Barbra Streisand, "the" famous Barbra would be ideal for the role of Becky. Barbra if you're reading this, the role is yours for the taking when it finds a new home. Or if Barbra is too busy, in as far as high-profile comediennes are concerned, Tina Fey would definitely be a good fit and Ellen DeGeneres would have fun with the role. There are two other juicy and fun parts in addition to supporting roles requiring further thought for another blog piece. Now all that's necessary is a theatre or producer to see the creative potential of the play.

It all starts with a dream and if you're gonna dream, you have to dream big. Barbra, Ellen and Tina would understand.

Arks to Go II - the Flood: calling Noah

SCENE: ANGIE'S APARTMENT.

ANGIE scans the telephone directory

ANGIE
Good I kept this old phone directory. Let's see here... H....J...N...What would he be listed, under? Duh! I'm so dense! Logically, has'ta be under boat building. If only I could remember the name of his company. The Ark Store? Try that. Good a name as any. Nope - not listed. How about...Arks for All... This is  ridiculous. They're a gazillion possibilities. Maybe he gave up his land phone, which would make this search an exercise in futility. Should have been nicer to him. I mean, he is old and all and meant well I suppose...and he did introduce me to a decent guy even though it didn't work out...What did I do in return in the way of thanks? Told him to take his ark and...

Phone rings. ANGIE answers

ANGIE
Hello?

She hears heavy breathing

ANGIE (cont'd.)
Anybody there?

Still more heavy breathing

ANGIE
Do we have us a pervert, here? Really, your type are so obvious. Disgusting, vile, dregs of the earth...

NOAH
Guess who?

ANGIE
...sewer slime... Noah? That you?

NOAH
Bad cold...

(he sneezes and coughs)

ANGIE
Good that you stopped me. I was about to direct some very bad language at what I thought was one of those heavy breather pieces of garbage that pollute the earth...

NOAH
(sneezes)
I understand you were trying to reach me?

ANGIE
I misplaced your number and was trying to touch base with you again, but how did you know?

NOAH
(coughing)
Let's just say that - (sneezes) -

ANGIE
...bless you...

NOAH
I am that. As I was saying...I have connections. What's up?

ANGIE
I've been thinking things over and - well - perhaps I've been too rash in my judgement of your project

NOAH
(coughing and blowing his nose)
As I recall in our last conversation, you made it clear that you didn't want to hear from me ever again

ANGIE
That was then. This is now. Sometimes my mouth gets the better of me and things roll out of my mouth that I don't mean

NOAH
As in?

ANGIE
Not giving you the benefit of the doubt and questioning your authenticity. I should have trusted in you but nooooo... Instead I gave you your walking papers or in this case, your sailing papers...

NOAH
Are you trying to say you've re-considered helping me rebuild the ark?

ANGIE
You got it - if you'll have me

NOAH
How do I know that you won't lose interest like before. Time is marching on and bad weather is just around the corner.

ANGIE
 Let's just say that I've come to the realization that there are more important things in life than finding mister right

NOAH
(sneezing repeatedly)
No time like the present to get back to work.

ANGIE
Where do we start?

NOAH
There are some conditions, though

ANGIE
I knew it was too good to be true

NOAH
Nothing that you can't handle

ANGIE
Like?

NOAH
Your duties will include keeping the interior of the ark clean, when it's built of course

ANGIE
You have to be joking. All those animals...

NOAH
I'm not finished. You will also have to play the roll of peace maker

(NOAH sneezes)

ANGIE
Bless you!

NOAH
I am

ANGIE
But...there are so many species. How do I communicate with them?

NOAH
Darn if I know but I have every confidence you'll find a way. Time is marching on and there's a lot to do. I'll  send Roger to come pick you up

ANGIE
Would this be the male representation to me? I better wash my hair...and pick my wardrobe to take with me...don't want to give a first bad impression...

NOAH
Really - Roger doesn't care about those things

ANGIE
Has he seen a photo of me, perchance?

NOAH
I did show him the one that we took together. Roger never forgets a face

ANGIE
Oh really?

NOAH
I'm sending him over to pick you up. He should be there in ten minutes.

ANGIE
Hello...? Noah...? Better get dressed for the occasion. Want to make a good impression

(Ten minutes later the doorbell rings. ANGIE opens the door)

ANGIE (cont'd)

Just a minute...com-ing! I've heard so much about you...

(Angie opens the door and jumps back)

ANGIE (cont'd.)
You're...Roger?

(TO BE CONTINUED)

Play-ing around: plays prepare to leave home

Whereas the plays are bid goodbye

 

 

"Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodnight 'til it be morrow."

William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet 

SCENE: A work space with a computer set up

AT RISE: A playwright sits in front of a computer, proof reading plays. A rebellion is in the works

CAST:
THE PLAYWRIGHT and characters from her plays

SADIE GREENBERG , character from "Make Me a Wedding!"
KEN, Barbie's ex-significant-other
BARBIE, famous vinyl/plastic fashionista
JOE MCKENNA, from "Old Soldiers"
SHERLEEN, from "The Bra"
ROBBIE PORTMAN, from "The Shrubs"
GARRY GOAT, from "A Thief on the Beach"
PENNY FLOWERS, from "The Lemon"


PLAYWRIGHT
One last change...dot the 'i's' and cross the 't's"... Just thinking...perhaps 'and' would be better than 'in addition to...'

SADIE GREENBERG
Oh pleeze! When are you gonna stop making excuses not to send us out? I've been planning this wedding going on twenty years now and the wedding will cost me a mint

PLAYWRIGHT
It's gotta feel right. The words have to flow like a river-let of water tumbling down rocks...

KEN
Did somebody mention water? What's that I hear? Surf's up, everybody!

BARBIE
Oh Ken! Not everything is about surfing, you silly surfer boy. There are more important things in life like being a famous fashionista and being cosmetically perfect. Joe - be a good soldier and move my vinyl arm up to my head so I can stroke my perfect coiffed hair

GI JOE
Yeah. Whatever she says. Here babe - is that okay? How am I doing?

JOE MCKENNA
Crap - that's how you're doing. Who are these minor characters, anyway?

BARBIE
Come again? I'll have you know our story lines got lots of hits when she wrote us in. You can put my arm down now, Joe. I'm a legend, y'know!

JOE MCKENNA
In your own mind. Anyway....the playwright will do anything to keep us to herself. We need to see the world! I'm tired of always hanging out at the bar with a bunch of old, decrepit soldiers discussing on our decaying bodies

SHERLEEN
What are you complaining about! I've been stuck at a bra counter in a store for going on ten years, now, discussing a broken bra strap for heaven's sake. I mean, c'mon - why doesn't she just let me throw it in the trash and get a new one? And I'm only a short play

ROBBIE PORTMAN
You guys should chill out and do what I've been doing for a while now...

JOE MCKENNA
...a while would be how long? Five years...ten years...

ROBBIE PORTMAN
Can't really say. She's edited me so many times, I lost count. Anyway, as I was sayin', I've been spending my entire life in a hammock, drinking beer. It ain't so bad

GARRY GOAT
Has anybody got any trash they don't want? What about some unguarded picnic food? I'll eat anything!

PENNY FLOWERS
How about a cell phone I can use? My car has been stuck in an intersection for years now...

PLAYWRIGHT
Enough! All I hear are complaints from you all! I want to make you the best characters along with a strong story line. That takes time

SUE ELLEN
There has to be a point where the plays have to stand on their own merit and the only way that can be achieved is to submit them to theatres. Keeping things to yourself isn't healthy. Trust me on that

PLAYWRIGHT
I hear you all loud and clear. This is it. You're all being sent on your way as these words come up on the computer screen. With a click of this mouse...

PENNY FLOWERS
Hang on! Maybe I could borrow a phone from somebody. I mean, perhaps we shouldn't be too hasty

JOE MCKENNA
Yeah - she's right. A few more edits couldn't hurt

PLAYWRIGHT
You all made your feelings very clear and you're right. It's time to share you all with the world. In any case, there is always the possibility that you could end up back home, unfortunately

SADIE
Oh well, then...hit the submit button. What do you have to lose?

PLAYWRIGHT
(she sighs deeply)
Indeed...

A new day - a new play. First scene of "Storm Warning"

Sometimes, when all the stars are in alignment and conditions are right, a play writes itself. This was the case with "Retribution" and it seems it's repeating itself in my latest project, "Storm Warning." I'm toying with the idea of possibly making it a dinner theatre piece but will wait to make a final decision, depending on how the story progresses. The character, Linda Stevens, introduced in the next scene, is instrumental in helping to scrutinize some strange goings-on. More characters are added in later scenes. Fun undertaking and an interesting challenge, having never written a mystery-type piece before. Comments both pro and con always welcome

SCENE: Interior of a train. LEONARD WILSON stares out of the train window, his eyes transfixed on the sky. Sitting next to him is, GRANT SCOTT, another passenger, who is absorbed in reading a book.

LEONARD WILSON – NERVOUS PASSENGER

GRANT SCOTT – WEATHER PERSON, KMJO TV

MARY WILLIAMS – SENIOR WITH AN AGENDA

LINDA STEVENS – REPORTER, TODAY’S NEWS MEDIA


LEONARD
(softly to himself)
Snow sky. Just what I need

GRANT
Sorry?

LEONARD
I was talking to myself that it looks like snow

GRANT
It's February.  Gotta expect the white stuff

LEONARD
They called for sun - not snow. Then again , they have an accuracy rate of maybe 25%

GRANT
Actually...statistically, they get it right 50% of the time

LEONARD
Maybe  but never when you need an accurate forecast

GRANT
People think that we have an inside track with  the big guy upstairs. We interpret changing weather systems and fronts. Even then, Mother Nature likes to play tricks on us

LEONARD
By "we" does that mean you're one of them?

GRANT
If you mean do I predict the weather, I work for KMJO. Does that mean we stop talking to each other, now?

(GRANT laughs)

LEONARD
So I’m sitting next to a media personality?

GRANT
Nobody ever called me that but I'll take it

LEONARD
Are you on-camera? I mean, would I recognize you?

GRANT
If you watch the weather at the end of our news and sports broadcast, my face might strike a familiar chord

LEONARD
So...like...how'd you end up doing this? Did you go to weather college or something? Wind is picking up. Not good…not good…

GRANT
Relax, pal.  Ain’t nothing you can do about it. I have a degree in meteorology. As a kid, I was fascinated how heat and cold affect people and animals. Went tornado hunting when I got older and almost got swept away by one.  There’s something about the rawness of nature – you know - the unpredictability that has always interested me. Anyway, now I'm the official excuse for not going into work on snow days or cancelling picnics when it rains. You'd be surprised how many nasty phone calls we get when we're wrong. People take their weather predictions very seriously.

LEONARD
(staring out of the window looking up at the sky)
Your guess would be snow?

GRANT
Most likely. Don't take this the wrong way but you seem very tense about the possibility of a storm on the way. Guess you have an important appointment

LEONARD
(distracted)
Uh-huh...

GRANT
Wouldn’t worry too much. We're travelling by train. Never heard of a train getting stuck in a snow storm, at least not in these parts

LEONARD
But I am. Snow could cause a delay and I can’t afford that

GRANT
You might as well take it easyand enjoy the trip. Worrying won't make things go any faster or better. A teacher once told me that

LEONARD
Look - don't wanna be rude but I don't feel like talking anymore

GRANT
No problem-o. Got’cha loud and clear. It’s my media background that makes me gabby. I'll go back to reading my book

(silence for a few minutes)

(Cont'd. GRANT)
Really looks like we're in for some kind of bad weather for sure

LEONARD
Shoot! Really don't need this!

GRANT
Sorry. I'm blabbering again, aren't I? Not one more word will come out of my mouth

LEONARD
...hadn't counted on snow... Changes things...

GRANT
Look. You're working yourself up for nothing. It's gonna snow whether you like it or want it. The worst that can happen is that we'll arrive late. I'm Grant by the way and you are...

LEONARD
Pissed off. Like I told you, not in a talking mood

(LEONARD pulls at his shirt collar and wipes his forehead with the back of his hand)

GRANT
Really man - you're gonna give yourself a heart attack if you keep on like that. I was only trying to pass the time

LEONARD
Who cares! I gotta get out’ta here

(LEONARD stands up and pushes his way past GRANT and storms down the train aisle
An elderly woman, MARY, seated in the seat on opposite side of the aisle, watches and listens to their conversation)

MARY
Hostile, isn't he?

GRANT
(stretching the upper part of his body, watching LEONARD disappear)
You better believe it!

MARY
You were only trying to make small talk

GRANT
Obviously picked the wrong person to sit next to

MARY
Rude too! Some people have no manners

GRANT
Never mind manners. How about plain, old civility

MARY
Did I hear you say you're a weatherman on TV? Am I sitting next to a gen-u-ine celebrity?

GRANT
(laughing)
Wouldn't go as far as to call myself a celebrity but I do forecasts on TV

MARY
I'm a weather forecaster too, y'know

GRANT
You don't say. Which station?

MARY
Not a fancy prognosticator like you, of course, but when my legs ache, it's a sure sign there's gonna be something

(MARY rubs her knees)

GRANT
And is it gonna snow?

MARY
Major snow I would say by all the pain I’m feeling. Mr. Crazy Man there is gonna freak out for sure

GRANT

The guy’s obviously got somewhere to be. Tough luck. Mother Nature has other ideas

MARY

You know what they say: y’can’t mess around with mother nature! I’m Mary, by the way. Darn! Dropped a stitch. Now I’m  going to have to unravel this and try to pick it up. Oh well. Lots of time to do it
 

GRANT

Leonard.... Leonard Wilson. Friends call me Lenny.  The people that watch me call me a lot of other not-so-nice names when we make mistakes on the forecast. That’s a lot of scarf you’re making there

MARY

People have such high expectation of each other these days.  No room for errors or leniency. You make one mistake and… Listen to me go on. There. Found it.  Not a scarf. An afghan. It’s a cover for a bed

GRANT

You travelling alone? There I go being nosy again. That’s what I get from working in the media. How about the two of us continuing our conversation over a coffee? Maybe we'll meet up with our up-tight friend along the way

MARY
Unless he jumped off the train...

(Conductor interrupts their conversation)

CONDUCTOR

‘Scuse me...sorry folks but I'm going to have to ask you not to leave your seats

MARY
(staring out of the window)

It’s starting to snow. I really hope we’re not delayed… Have to be somewhere by tonight. People are waiting to meet me at the other end. Delay is not acceptable at all… Not at all… Why do we have to stay seated, by the way?

CONDUCTOR (INTERRUPTING)
They’re calling for a major snow fall but it  has nothing to do with the weather

GRANT
Don't tell, me, the state police have come aboard looking for bank robbers....

MARY
…or an axe murderer …

CONDUCTOR

(nervous)

Pesky mechanical problems is all.
 

GRANT

Sorry but I don’t get why we have to stay put. How does our moving around affect repairing the train?

CONDUCTOR

We need to stop over in Timmersville for a spell to get a part. Not sure how long it’s gonna take. What with a storm on its way, it would be better if you don’t wander around
 

GRANT

Say what?  You expect us to sit here for who knows how many hours while a spare train part is found? Ridiculous!  We’re not planning to leave the train or anything

(starts to get up)

(GRANT cont’d)

I need to stretch my legs

MARY

Me too…these old legs can’t stay in one position for long

CONDUCTOR

(blocking them leaving)

Can’t let you do that

GRANT

Let us pass, please. You have no right to stop us

CONDUCTOR

No can do
 

GRANT

Why not?

 CONDUCTOR

Look – they told me to do this and that’s what I’m doing

GRANT

They would be, who?

MARY

You better level with us if you want us to stay put

CONDUCTOR

For your own safety, don’t ask questions

"Retribution" - the play was read with positive feedback

As a playwright, the overall goal when crafting a play, is to create a scenario that will carry the story to an engaging conclusion. Once the story is completed, it is the hope of the playwright that the story will have legs so to speak and find the right home, in order to share the playwright's vision with the public.

It's always gratifying when one's aspirations are rewarded with the opportunity to realize this goal when actors bring the play to life.. On Thursday, August 7, "Retribution" had its first date with the public via Sundog Theatre's, "Summer Reading Series" and by all accounts having not been in attendance, it was well received.

In the way of background information, the one-act play was born in a writing forum as part of a playwriting challenge a number of years ago. The only stipulation was that the subject matter had to focus on revenge. Before embarking on all writing projects, I always start with two words, "what if..." Initially, "Retribution" began as a short 10-minute play called, "A Close Shave" focusing on a barber and a man receiving a shave. Over time and during the editing process, it took on a life of its own with an adaption of the story and taking a different angle. The play itself can best be described in the quotation, "revenge is a dish best served cold"  or this line from the synopsis: "After years of patiently waiting and planning for their paths to cross, she has an opportunity to exact revenge for a past crime committed by a former acquaintance that had gone unpunished."

In as far as reaction to the play is concerned, Sundog Theatre's Eric Petillo, Curator of New Works and Administrative Assistant, wrote of the actors reaction when reading the play that "they all raved about your play. They told me that it had taken them all by surprise when the script suddenly took a left turn. One of the audience members said that it was a cross between "Steel Magnolias" and a Quentin Tarantino revenge fantasy."

Ask me if I'm happy.

My story being compared to a Quentin Tarantino revenge fantasy AND 'Steel Magnolias', which is a favorite film, is some compliment! The only complaint was that it was difficult to visualize the graphic imagery accompanying the dialogue with the  reading of my stage directions, The overall conclusion was that the whole play would benefit more from a full-scale production. Agree whole-heartedly.

For the record and in case anyone reading this is interested, the play is ready for its debut and if Mr. Tarrantino is interested, my people can speak to your people...or something.

Four People and a Playwright Looking for a Decent Play

This was a time-waster while developing characters in my play, "Gin..." As the playwright plodded along adding and deleting dialogue, the characters of the play began to show signs of rebellion - at least they thought it was rebellion since they weren't exactly sure what a rebellion was. It's a longer piece but an enjoyable light one. It's cut and pasted from Word so ignore the formatting.

By Eleanor Tylbor

 

 

AT RISE:      

 

Four women are seated on fold-up chairs around a card table, absorbed in adjusting the playing cards in their hands. Bowls of popcorn and soft drink cans litter the surface of the table. On the other side of the stage the playwright (JULIE) is sitting at a computer desk, arms bent at elbows, staring out into space. She works the keyboard as the characters recite their lines

 

BRENDA

In case anyone cares, something is about to happen…very soon now…could even be momentarily…I can feel it…

                         Lays cards down on the table and thrusts remaining card in the

                         air for all to see

 

(Cont’d.) Victory is at hand – or in my hand, in this case! Oh I’m a winner all right!

CHARLENE

                         Shoving a hand full of popcorn in her mouth

 

Goof fo' you. Paf me de drink, Miffi

 

BRENDA

Didn't your momma teach you it's not nice to eat and talk? Then again for some people, a full mouth is part of a lifestyle. Isn't that right Mitzi, honey?

 

MITZI

Jealousy will get you nowhere, sweetie.  At least I'm not a dried up where it counts!

 

BRENDA

Touchy! I was merely commenting to Charlene that well-bred people don't speak with their mouths full! But then being that you’re a multi-tasker…I mean handling more than one person at a time…

 

MITZI

Breeding comes naturally in your family, doesn't it? Did they forget to give you your cube of sugar today? Clop your hoof once for yes and two for no

 

CHLOE

(to herself)

Bicker, bicker…bicker, … It would be nice to have a quiet game of cards for a change without throwing verbal knives at each other

 

CHARLENE

I think I'm close to calling Gin…

 

BRENDA

I would stay out of this if I were you, Chloe. Is your brother eligible for parole, yet?

 

CHLOE

I'm gonna start calling you Bossy, along with the other "b" word that rhymes with itch, and usually associated with a female dog! I try to be nice to you and what do I get in return?

 

                         CHLOE stares into space for approx. 10 seconds in silence

 

What do I get in return? Does anybody know?

 

CHARLENE

Do we guess?

CHLOE

I don’t think so. My mind is a complete blank. Is that normal?

 

           Pause of 10 seconds while they all stare out into space

 

CHARLENE

I’m waiting

BRENDA

Me too. What are we waiting for?

 

MITZI

Some words and sentences I think

 

BRENDA

(puzzled)

Don't blame me for what comes out of my mouth. I just say the words. I don't create them. By the way, Chloe, what's your brother in for this time? Armed robbery or is it murder? I didn't mean to say that…or maybe I did…I’m not sure

MITZI

I really don't know why but I feel compelled to tell you…

 

                         Stands up and leans over the table towards BRENDA

 

BRENDA

(standing up)

What? Anybody?

 

MITZI

Why am I standing? I mean, what's my motivation? Could somebody tell me, please?

 

CHLOE

So sit down if you’re not sure. My philosophy is when in doubt – don’t

 

MITZI

Don’t what?

 

CHLOE

Um - I dunno. Take my word for it and just don’t. That’s all

 

CHARLENE

(excitedly)

Gin! What’s supposed to happen, now?

 

BRENDA

I’m not sure but I think something important is gonna happen. I can feel it in my bones. Does anybody have any ideas?

 

MITZI

Well…for starters, we’re all holding these hard pieces of paper in our hands

 

CHLOE

I wonder if that’s significant. What do yours look like, Brenda?

 

BRENDA

Let’s see… White background with red and black thingies…

 

MITZI

Thingies?

 

BRENDA

I dunno what you call them but they’re pretty, though. And there are numbers in the corners

 

CHLOE

Same here! Go figure!

 

MITZI AND CHARLENE TOGETHER

Ours too!

 

BRENDA

Okay. We’re making progress here. Hey! These are playing cards

 

 CHARLENE

You think?

 

 BRENDA

I know for a fact! Those words just popped into my head!

 

CHARLENE

So you say. You could’a just make them up on the spur of the moment to impress us

 

BRENDA

Have you ever heard me use them before?

 

CHLOE

I never heard them in my entire life and that’s the truth

 

BRENDA

Then you’re all just gonna hav’ta take my word for it! These things are called playing cards

 

MITZI

Let’s say you’re right. What about them?

 

BRENDA

I dunno…What comes next?

 

CHARLENE

Y’know - I’ve been wondering if I should be eating popcorn or maybe change it for something else like, candy for example or ice cream

 

MITZI

All you think about is food, food, food! There are more important things in life

 

BRENDA

Really? Like?

 

MITZI

Well…there just are. I feel it

 

CHLOE

Sometimes, I get the feeling like I'm a puppet on a string or something, bowing to someone's wishes. Do any of you ever get that feeling?

 

CHARLENE

I said, ‘Gin’! Hello? I'll try again. Gin… Gin… Gin!

 

ALL TOGETHER

So?

 

CHARLENE

Darned if I know. We show up every day and twice on weekends holding these playing cards in our hands. Why I keep asking myself. Why am I here? Why are we all here? Sometimes I yell out,  “Gin!” out loud but nobody answers. Shouldn’t somebody answer me? I’ve been screaming that word for the last six months. Always the same words and lines and then I call out, "Gin!"

                         Stares out in space and babbles to an invisible person

 (Cont’d.) ‘…she tries to make the others understand but they just stare at her blankly…she must determine the reason for her very existence…’

 

BRENDA

Who are you talking to?

 

CHARLENE

I really can’t say. Suddenly a bunch of words came tumbling out of my mouth for no reason. It's not the first time this has happened

 

BRENDA

Ask Mitzi. She knows all about objects in mouths

 

MITZI

I'm so sick of your sexual innuendoes, Brenda

 

CHLOE

Why do you react that way whenever the word “mouth” is mentioned?

 

MITZI

It’s not that I want to but I feel I have to. It’s as if I don’t have any choice in the matter

 MITZI stands up with hands on hips, leans forward until her face  is directly in front of Brenda

BRENDA

Yes?

 

MITZI

And…um…something else…

 

                         Moves away from table, hops up and down and starts

 shadow boxing, fists waving in the air

 

(Cont’d.) I took a self-defense course! My hands are lethal weapons!

 

                         Cuts the air with side of hand

 

CHLOE

And that means…?

 

MITZI

You are so not with it.  It means…it means…

 

BRENDA

Oh pllleeze! She doesn’t know

 

BRENDA

Let's settle this once and for all! C'mon – right here and now

 

MITZI

Fine with me…what are we supposed to do next?

 

BRENDA

Just… keep hitting the air and dancing around I suppose

 

                         BRENDA and MITZI spar, fists jabbing the empty air

 

CHLOE

                         Stands up and places her purse strap over her shoulder

 

That's it! Nobody seems to care that I have yelled “Gin!”…whatever that means, but I'm sure it's important.  I don't know about you all but I'm leaving! Anybody else gonna follow me?

 

 MITZI

                         Attempts to attract the attention of the playwright

 

Hello? You up there? Could you stop staring at that screen for a minute? This isn't working for me at all. I'm sick-and-and tired of being a slut with a one-track mind. This play of yours is a bunch of words with no plot or direction and it breaks every playwriting rule in the book. Where's the protagonist and antagonist?

 

CHARLENE

What are you complaining about? My character is insecure, indecisive and naive, and those are her strong qualities. How'd you like to have those? I'm smart, you know! I am very smart… I think

 

BRENDA

Off the top of my head, I would guess that part of your problem is that you're a minor character, while mine plays a major role and more attention is required to develop Brenda, properly

 

CHARLENE

See what I mean? How come I can't be the smart one for a change?

 

CHLOE         

With all due respect Charlene, honey, I don't think you have the emotional range to assume an analytical role of deep thinker, like we do. Right ladies?

 

                         CHLOE and BRENDA together:  ‘I dunno’

 

CHARLENE

It's just not fair! Every day I hav'ta play the part of a simple minded female when in reality, I got it up here (points to her head) I think this is what makes the words come out

 

CHLOE

You see, Charlene, sweetie, my background lends itself to being a character with class…one of the rich, beautiful people, while you – well dear - let's just say that you have interesting words in your sentences

 

CHARLENE

I'm as good as anyone here! You're all forgetting that we are the sum total of the playwright's vision. Hey – I can talk smart too! Why can't we take turns being each other?

 

MITZI

Let's not forget here that our origins are a computer memory chip. The only rich and famous person we're connected to is Bill Gates. I say…we walk. Are you with me, ladies?

 

VOICE OF PLAYWRIGHT (JULIE)

Is there a problem?

 

BRENDA

 

                         Hands on hips, facing direction of playwright

 

We got your attention, huh? We've had it with these crappy lines! We're bored of being portrayed as vacuous women with blank minds. We're people too! We have feelings and we hurt and…

 

JULIE

May I remind you that you're nothing more than a bunch of words strung together to make a sentence? I make you who and what you are and I can eliminate you all with a push of my forefinger and a delete button. You're only communicating with me now because I'm exploring dialogue choices. You're all a figment of my imagination

 

CHARLENE

No need for threats, here, dear. There's only so much that characters can take and we've reached the end of the line, so to speak. Do you like that, ladies? End-of-the-line?

 

CHLOE

Trés wit-ty, my dear

 

JULIE

What should I say? I've re-written and re-written you all at least two dozen times and no matter what I do, the dialogue sounds… wooden. And don't even ask about the plot, or lack of one, thereof

 

BRENDA      

That's because you really don't really believe in us, do you? Deep down inside you're toying with the idea of deleting the text and starting a whole new play that will move in a new direction. Do you know what it's like living under that threat? I'll tell you – it's very disturbing

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

Did I write that? I don't remember writing those words…

 

CHLOE

Now there's a perfect example of what I'm talking about! We never know where you're gonna take us next, right ladies? It's like…there's giant hands hanging over the stage dangling precariously, ready to strike at a moments notice.  It's the uncertainty of the delete button that gets us down!

 

MITZI

For example, why do you always make me as an over-sexed whore? Maybe it would be good to be an upright female for a change.  Not necessarily a nun or anything but an intelligent woman who has a direction and purpose in life. Not somebody who dresses in clothes three sizes too tight. Let Charlene assume that part for once. Wouldn't you like that, dear?

 

CHARLENE

I'll pass but I know where she's coming from! In spite of all your attempts at re-writes, you still make me out like an empty-headed - duh! I want to be respected like the rest of them, except Mitzi…no insult intended…

 

MITZI

None taken, dear. I'm used to it by now

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

I never realized you all felt this way

 

BRENDA

Have you ever taken the time to really think about it? Of course not! We're mere computer bytes that can easily fade off the screen into oblivion, right? Not! We're an integral part of your imagination and without us, you have nothing

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

But…you don't exist, other than the lives and personalities I give you!

 

CHLOE

Is it asking a lot for a few changes? A little respect? Some nice words and phrases? I don't think so! C'mon ladies, we're walking!

 

PLAYWRIGHT JULIE

You can't leave…

 

BRENDA

Watch us!

 

                         They attempt to move but stay as they are

 

JULIE

Have you characters not realized yet that every word coming out of your mouths, every physical movement that you all make is being written even as we speak? By me! The playwright! Without me, you’re nothing!

 

CHLOE

So now it’s threats, is it? We're merely asking for are some small changes, a few adjustments and maybe a new story line? You've been writing this play for how long now? Maybe two years? More?

 

JULIE

Is it my fault it needs lots of editing?

 

BRENDA

There comes a time when you have to stop playing with words and either produce it or let it die a peaceful death

 

CHLOE

I'm sure we can all come to some kind of an agreement that would be mutually beneficial to all concerned

 

MITZI

Do me a favor and make her speak like normal people?

 

JULIE

What about me, huh? Does anyone care about my feelings? You can't imagine what it's like to stare at a white screen, day after day, write a couple of sentences, read them over and then realize it's garbage! Inane, stupid, drivel! Then you wonder if you've still got it or maybe you never had it! Maybe give up the idea of playwriting altogether

 

CHARLENE

That would be so sad, 'specially being that you're so passionate about it!

 

MITZI

Don't fall for her sob story, Charlene. Let's get down to our demands. I wanna be somebody else. Gimme some interesting qualities. Lines that make me appear strong with a direction in life…and make me memorable

 

CHARLENE

…and I want more lines. How is it that everyone else gets major scenes and I'm limited to a few quips and comments? That's not balanced writing. I also want more emotional range, so that I can make the audience feel. Could you write me like that?

 

MITZI

Know what? For a change maybe it would be nice to have maternal qualities. I want to experience what it's like to be loved – really loved - by a husband and children. I'd really like that…

 

PLAYWRIGHT

Tell you what. You all furnish the inspiration and I'll supply the story line. That way we all win

 

CHLOE

Will we get credit as co-writers? I mean, after all, we do contribute something to the play

 

PLAYWRIGHT

 

                         Keying computer keys

 

Suddenly, everyone's a playwright! Okay - act one, scene one…

 

Curtain