SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE GARDEN CENTRE

SCENE: CUSTOMER STANDS AT THE RETURN COUNTER IN GARDEN CENTRE, HOLDING A PAPER BAG OPEN AT THE TOP


GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
"Number 14...who's number 14?"

CUSTOMER
Here! That would be me! See? Here's my ticket. Number 14

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Now that we've agreed on that, what can I do for you?

CUSTOMER
I'd like to return these plants, please

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Flowering or green?

(customer opens bag, removes contents and places them on counter earth spilling everywhere)

CUSTOMER
These plants. They're annuals as you can tell...then again, maybe you don't garden...not everyone likes to play in dirt. That's a little garden humor, there!

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Come again? You want to return...dead garden plants. Now I've heard it all

CUSTOMER
You have a money-back-no-questions-asked policy?

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Yes but...

CUSTOMER
...well - these former, vibrant living things are no longer in this world. Gone to see their maker. Never to feel the heat of the sun, again. I have the bill here...

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Lady - those plants are dead!

CUSTOMER
Right - and that's why I'm returning them! Oh the angst and guilt of garden passings!

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
That doesn't include plants!

CUSTOMER
Show me where it says that. Money back is money back. Besides, how do I know that you don't sell defective or sick plants?

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Lady - we have a reputation to uphold.

CUSTOMER
Thinking back, they died almost immediately. That should tell you something!

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
When did you plant these? They're a collection of black mush. Can't even tell what they were

CUSTOMER
They were dahlias. Planted them the week that you started selling them. Sometime in March...I think... Yup - March

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
March? You planted these in...March? The ground was still frozen! How did you even get a spade in the ground

CUSTOMER
I managed. We garden lovers can make the impossible happen. So are you going to give me back my money?

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Damn - there's ants crawling all over the counter...

(garden center employee smashes ants with her hand and fingers)

CUSTOMER
Even more reason to return me my money as soon as possible. Oh look - there goes a earwig. Boy those bugs sure can move fast...right accross the counter there...

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Let's settle this before the place is invaded by ants. How about I replace those...whatever -

CUSTOMER
- dahlias...once beautiful...dahlias...

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
...whatever with brand new live plants? Would that be acceptable?

CUSTOMER
That would be perfectly okay with me. You could be a little more sympathetic to my predicament. By the way, what should I do with these dearly departed?

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
'I will not open my mouth to a customer...I will be polite to a customer...' Um - just leave them here. I'll take care of them

CUSTOMER
Is it okay if I say good-bye? I'm very attached

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Whatever... 'They don't pay me enough...'

CUSTOMER
(touching plants)
'Plants - friends - I'm very sorry that my TLC didn't save you from extinction. I tried - I really tried! Go now - go meet your friends in the garden in the sky!'

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
Good. Said your goodbyes?

CUSTOMER
Yes. It's always so hard to deal with plant deaths

GARDEN CENTER EMPLOYEE
(grabbing dead plants and tossing them in trash can)
Not really. "Number 20 - who's got number 20?"

FLOWER POWER
by Eleanor Tylbor

CHARACTERS:
FLOWER LOVER AND ADMIRER
OWNER OF FLOWER GARDEN

SOUND: STREET TRAFFIC


SCENE: Lush garden filled with flowers, in particular large, colorful flowers in along garden path. Woman walks by, stops, smiles and shakes her head in admiration. Owner of the house and garden, is absorbed in tweaking the various species.

FLOWER LOVER
You have a beautiful garden

(Owner of garden appears not to hear her, is absorbed touching flowers)

FLOWER LOVER
Hello there! I want to compliment you on your garden!

GARDEN OWNER
(caught off guard)
Oh....thank you. I try my best

FLOWER LOVER
Whatever you're doing - keep at it! Every time I walk by, I always stop to admire all the flowers. Your roses in the Spring are spectacular! Never saw such color - and so many of them!

GARDEN OWNER
My husband looked after them. Roses were his favorite

FLOWER LOVER
I could tell but all your flowers are perfection! These are new one's (she touches flower)

GARDEN OWNER
I brought them back from Florida. My cousin gave me a piece and I never thought they would last through the winter

FLOWER LOVER
They did - and then some. I forget the name of them...it's on the tip of my tongue...

GARDEN OWNER
She told me the name but I forget....I should have written it down

FLOWER LOVER
(distracted)
...what is the name now...b-b-b-b-b...no - not B. C-c-c-c-c-c-...It'll come to me soon... Anyway. You do the gardening by yourself or get a professional?

GARDEN OWNER
My husband always did it by himself. You know, we won awards for our garden, two years running!

FLOWER LOVER
I'm not surprised. Perfection and not an insect in sight. Give your husband my congratulations

GARDEN OWNER
I can't

FLOWER LOVER
It doesn't have to be now. Whenever

GARDEN OWNER
My husband died last year

FLOWER LOVER
Oh - I see...I'm so sorry. So you do this all by yourself?

GARDEN OWNER
I hired a gardener. It was just too much for me. I try to handle the weeds but the gardener cuts the grass and takes care of the flowers.

FLOWER LOVER
How do you like having a gardener? I had one and he never did what I wanted him to do. Ended up firing him and doing it by myself. Less aggravation

GARDEN OWNER
I have no choice. I just don't have the strength...my husband used to take care of it all but...

FLOWER LOVER
....D-d-d-d-d-d-... It's no use - I can't think of the name of this flower! Whew - really getting hot! Better finish my walk or the heat will finish me off! Listen - If I think of the name, I'll ring your bell and tell you

GARDEN OWNER
That would be nice. Maybe you want a cutting of the flower?

FLOWER LOVER
I can't - live in a condo. My gardening days are over. I do patio pots now

GARDEN OWNER
You can keep it in a pot for next year

FLOWER LOVER
Thank you but I'll pass. Nice meeting you and keep up the good work!

GARDEN OWNER
(turning around to walk along path)
Lots of weeds...how come the weeds grow so much and so fast...

(garden owner slowly walks down path and disappears through door)

FLOWER LOVER
(starts to walk and stops suddenly)
Hisbiscus! That's it - hisbiscus! The answer always comes when you don't need it anymore. I'll just write it on a piece of paper and drop it off the next time I walk by. Some people really have a green thumb - I should have told her that. Why didn't I tell her?

(FLOWER LOVER exits)