SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE

THE COFFEE QUANDARY

 

 

SCENE:  COFFEE SHOP. A HALF-DOZEN PEOPLE LINE UP TO ORDER COFFEE. PERSON ENTERS AND CREATES ANOTHER LINE, NEXT TO THE EXISTING LINE.

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Hello? We're all waiting to be served, too

 

(COFFEE DRINKER 2 IGNORES COFFEE DRINKER 1)

 

(CONT'D.) COFFEE DRINKER 1

 'Scuse me but he line begins and ends here. Feel free to join us - at the back of course

 

COFFEE DRINKER 2

I want a coffee! Nothing else

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Me too!

 

COFFEE DRINKER 2

You would make me go to the back of the line for one cup of coffee?

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Why not? That's why we're here but we wait our turn!

 

(COFFEE DRINKER 2 reluctantly and slowly moves to back of line, talking to people as she walks,  shaking her head)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 2

This is so dumb! One lousy coffee that would take less than thirty seconds to order. Ridiculous!

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Not really. A line up is a line up is a lineup. We all gotta abide by the rules. I mean, what would the world be like without structure. Utter chaos. Right people?

 

COFFEE DRINKER 3

Y'know...I'm not in a rush. You can go before me

 

(steps aside to allow coffee drinker 2 to move up)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 4

Me too. Gotta lotta time to kill

(steps aside to allow COFFEE DRINKER 2 to move in front of her/him)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Thank you so very much for backing me up, people! This is a perfect example why the world is in the condition it's in. Nobody cares! Rules are the glue that solidifies civilization!

 

COFFEE DRINKER 3

Give her a break! You're in front so why do you care?

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

That's not the point, my friend. Why do I care you ask? I care because we must retain some semblance of order in society. There are societal rules that are accepted norms and lining up and waiting our turn to be served is one of them. Can you imagine - and I'm sure it would never happen because you people seem civilized - if everyone pushed in and demanded to be served? There would be chaos!

COFFEE DRINKER 2
It's a coffee! That's it! Nothing to go along with it. No danish or pastry or anything that will take more time.

COFFEE DRINKER 1
That's what you say now but how do we know we can believe you?

COFFEE DRINKER 3 AND OTHERS LINING UP
'I believe her...'

COFFEE SHOP SERVER

Can I serve anyone over here?

 

(People rush over to the other line. COFFEE DRINKER 2 waves and smiles at COFFEE DRINKER 1)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

I tried. Can't teach everyone to have manners. 'A large regular coffee - in a china mug, please'

SERVER
Only paper cups. Our dishwasher is broken

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Say what? You expect civilized people, like me to...to drink coffee out of a paper receptacle? This is absolutely unacceptable. Paper is so..banal. Wash a mug out by hand, for goodness sake!

SERVER
Look over there. See the big pile of dishes in the sink? You expect me to wash out a mug for you? I think not!

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Do I have a choice - but don't expect me to enjoy it!

(COFFEE DRINKER 1 takes paper cup and looks for a table. She sees COFFEE DRINKER 2 seated by herself at the only available table)

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Excuse me...but would you mind if I join you? In my discussion with the coffee server person regarding the non-availability of china coffee mugs, it appears all the chairs and tables are taken. You would think that they would keep extra mugs on hand for people who can't tolerate drinking their beverage out of paper.

COFFEE DRINKER 2
Well...now. How 'bout that. Go figure. There is justice in this world. Why don't you line up, patiently, and wait for someone to vacate a table.

COFFEE DRINKER 1
But that could take who knows how long. You on the other hand, are all alone

COFFEE DRINKER 2
I like my space

(COFFEE DRINKER 3 approaches the table)

COFFEE DRINKER 3
Do you mind if I join you?

COFFEE DRINKER 2
Be my guest.

ASIDE TO COFFEE DRINKER 1: Like you said, there are rules and waiting our turn is one of them.  I think I just may order another refill...or maybe two...
 

 

 



SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE COFFEE SHOP: THE TEA CUP DILEMMA

SCENE: A popular coffee shop/stand. Woman (TEA LOVER) is standing in long line waiting to order

TEA LOVER
How long do we have to wait to get a lousy tea?

PERSON IN FRONT
Sorry?

TEA LOVER
I was commenting on the slow service, here. Seems like I've been waiting forever

PERSON IN FRONT
Did you say, 'tea'?'

TEA LOVER
Uh-huh. Why?

PERSON IN FRONT
Just sort-of weird that you're ordering tea at a coffee stand

TEA LOVER
How so?

PERSON IN FRONT
I mean, they're known for serving coffee, here

TEA LOVER
So where should we tea drinkers get our beverage of choice? Or perhaps we should drink it only at home?

PERSON IN FRONT
I didn't mean... Wasn't trying to offend or anything...

TEA LOVER
They do serve tea here, ergo, it's a place in which to indulge in a hot cup of tea. Accent on the hot

PERSON IN FRONT
Sor-reee! I was just thinking out loud... Didn't mean anything by it. Look - if you want to order tea, far be it for me to stand in your way. By all means, order tea! Oh look - we're at the front of the line, thank goodness. Have a nice day, lady!

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Can I help you?

TEA LOVER
I certainly hope so but I won't hold my breath

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Sorry?

TEA LOVER
A green tea, please?

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Sorry - we're out of green tea

TEA LOVER
Out...of...green...tea... How did this happen?

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Well - between you and me, there's not a big demand for green tea so we don't stock a lot of it

TEA LOVER
Tell me - how is your coffee selection? Do you have a lot of blends?

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
You name it - we have it! It's our thing!

TEA LOVER
Uh-huh... Obviously, we tea drinkers of the world are of secondary importance to your coffee customers. There appears to be a coffee prejudice at hand, here

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Of course we value, even treasure, our tea drinkers just as much, m'am! Perhaps consider choosing another tea. We're due to re-stock our tea supplies. It's been six months.

TEA LOVER
Okay. How about Earl Grey?

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Does he work here?

TEA LOVER
Earl Grey is a tea selection. Very delicate and perfume flavor. Quite delightful, actually

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
I knew that! Just joking! A little tea humor! No - we don't have him - I mean, Earl Grey... Try again

TEA LOVER
Oolong?

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Water's boiled. All I have to do is drop in the tea bag...

TEA LOVER
Oolong is another type of tea.

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
(laughing)
I thought you meant how long will it take? No  - don't have that kind, either.

TEA LOVER
This is ridiculous! What do you have, she asked stupidly

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
You know - your regular tea bag, orange pekoe I think they call it

TEA LOVER
Oh the angst of having to settle for pedestrian tea! Fine! I'll take it!

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Here or to go?

TEA LOVER
Here of course. How could I possibly walk around holding a mug of hot tea? I could spill it on myself or bump into people

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
No probloem-o. We provide a sleeve for the cup

TEA LOVER
Sleeve?

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
(pouring hot water into a paper cup and dropping in tea bag, and adding a sleeve around top)
Your tea, m'am!

TEA LOVER
(shocked)
Paper cup? One does not drink one's tea in a paper cup

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
What you sees is what you get! If it's good enough for coffee drinkers...

TEA DRINKER
We tea drinkers are a different breed, sir!

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
You can say that again.

TEA DRINKER
I shall report this to cooperate headquarters

(sipping tea)

Paper cup - so uncivilized... This water is not boiled! Look at the foam on top indicating it never came to a full boil!

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
Oh look! Seems that somebody ordered an extra scone and we'll have to throw it away. Perhaps you can help out by taking it off my hands as a gift?

TEA DRINKER
Silly me! My eyes are deceiving me. Not foam at all (removing glasses and cleaning them). My glasses just needed cleaning. Your orange pekoe tea is just delicious, especially accompanied by this scone.

(gives COFFEE SHOP SERVER something in his hand and walks away)

COFFEE SHOP SERVER
A whole quarter! Tea drinkers - all alike!