Life imitates art

On occasion during our run of the mill existence here on planet earth, life imitates art. This was the case during a recent visit from a plumber to unblock a bathroom drain. The visit was routine but there came a point during a conversation that seemed straight out of my play, “Gin: an Allegory for Playing the Game of Life.” You know how it is – that Twilight Zone/déjà vu feeling we’ve all experienced at some point where a conversation seems familiar and you’re not sure if you’ve heard it before.  

Here is the scene from the play where Lyle, the super, arrives to address the blocked sink of Becky, the main character and the cynic. SARAH, another character is one of those people who always sees the good in everyone and everything. I cut and pasted parts so the formatting isn't ideal. This is one of my favorite plays but then that's what I say about all of them.

                         BECKY opens the door to LYLE, the super, who is leaning on

                         the side of the door, engrossed in music coming out of earphones.

                         His dress is grunge with long stringy hair and grimy

                         clothes

BECKY

Well, well. Look who the wind blew in. Hello up there? Anybody home?

                         BECKY taps him on the shoulder and he jumps in response

Forgive me but you do remember why you're here? To unblock my pipes? Lyle super - me tenant?

LYLE

I know that

BECKY

Of course you do and I'm Madonna

LYLE

Hey – and they tol’ me your name was Becky Bitch. Oh… I see. Becky Bitch Madonna!

                         LYLE pushes Becky aside

Okay…what and where's the problem?

BECKY

You for a start but I gotta take what I can get. My sink has been blocked since last week

LYLE

Okay… hold it a sec…this is a good part

                         Lyle starts gyrating and playing an invisible guitar

BECKY

My God – the kid has overdosed on drugs right here in my apartment. Call 911

LYLE

(stops abruptly)

That was the best part of the CD. Bet'chu wash your hair in this sink, don't you

BECKY

And your point is? Most normal people wash their hair, Lyle, but there are exceptions, like you for example

LYLE

Ladies your age never wanna admit it but we supers know better. If I had a dollar for every time I've unblocked a sink and removed a big blob of the stuff, I’d be a gazillionaire. Wait a sec’…

                         LYLE begins gyrating

BECKY

I hope I'm not disturbing your musical interludes or anything. Listen, there's no way, my hair, blocked that drain. Maybe you don't clean the pipes often enough, did that occur to you? So? Fix it. Hello? Lyle!

LYLE

This band is like… fab-u-lo-so… We'll try chemicals first and if that don't work, we'll use the snake

BECKY

You're gonna use strong chemicals in my sink? Come to think of it, you're probably no stranger to chemical mixes

SARAH

OhmyGod! They use poor defenseless snakes to clean out drains, now? But I'm sure you use the non-poisonous type, right? Do the animal welfare people know about this?

BECKY

Sarah dear, count your cards or something. Just do what you have to do and unblock it?

LYLE

Got some news you won't wanna hear, lady

BECKY

If it means you're quitting your job after unblocking my sink, it's good

LYLE

I'm wrong about the blockage

BECKY

Told you it wasn't hair. I'm not a plumber and even I knew as much

LYLE

It's deep down in the main pipe system, under the sink

BECKY

And this means that…

LYLE

…it's gonna cost. Might hav'ta call in a plumber

BECKY

Can't you fix it? What are they paying you for?

LYLE

I'll try but I ain't making no promises. I'm gonna go look for my tools, downstairs. Whoever you get to do the job will take a half a day, at least. Maybe more

BECKY

This is really good. A handyman with no tools