ZOO DIARY
SCENE: CITY ZOO. DAWN'S EARLY LIGHT
Some of the zoo denizens are gathering together in preparation for the daily opening of the zoo. A whistle breaks the morning silence. The whistle is repeated again and again. A boa constrictor (MR. SQUEEZE) slither's out from the shadows.
MR. SQUEEZE
Hello? Anyone?
RAT
Oh fer… That wasn`t the signal! It was supposed to be a bird call
MR. SQUEEZE
I think not! As I recall during the last meeting, we took a vote and decided on a whistle.
RAT
You left before the meeting ended. Remember?
MR. SQUEEZE
Perhaps…my memory isn’t what it used to be. Um…Ratty dear – you do have a lovely body…so smooth….so tempting…not a blemish anywhere… I mean, you keep yourself in such good shape. Your tail is especially attractive as a nice, little snack… I mean to say, located right there on your back
RAT
(running his hands up and down his tail)
You think so? I have been told that by many… Why are you staring at me like that?
MR. SQUEEZE
How about a nice hug, from one friend-to-another?
RAT
You have had supper, right?
MR. SQUEEZE
If you can call cat food supper. The financial cutbacks here at the zoo leave me hungry and wanting more
RAT
(backing up)
Where is everyone, anyway?
MR. SQUEEZE
Is there any more news about the zoo being on the verge of bankruptcy? What will happen to us? It’s getting to the point that everyone is looking very – um – appealing – in the looks sense of course
RAT
There’s no limit to what changes they’ll make to save a buck. We’re at the top of the list for sure.
(A shadow emerges into the zoo light)
(cont'd.) RAT
Well it’s about time!
ZEBRA
I was memorizing my lines my dear man. We must emote. We must open our mouths to properly enunciate the words like this: “loooo-loooo-loooo…la-la-la-la…Me-me-me…” That’s the secret in being an adept thespian, like me. I’ll be doing a solo in the show tonight so I have to be ready
RAT
You haven’t heard? The show is cancelled
ZEBRA
Say what?
MR. SQUEEZE
Um…zebra - has anybody told you that you have a striking body structure? Do you mind if I lick you a bit? I mean, to say of course, what makes you tick as an actor?
ZEBRA
Why thank you! Appearance if very important for an actor, y’know! Body appeal and all…audiences expect it, unlike other animals who shall remain unmentioned
RAT
Let's practice in case they want us to perform for the paying customers. Who has the script, anyway?
MR. SQUEEZE
The cheetah was supposed to make copies for everyone
CHEETAH
(bouncing out from behind a tree)
Somebody talking about me? Cheetah’s my name and running is my game
ZEBRA
Where are the scripts or did you use them to line your den, again?
CHEETAH
A cheetah needs to make renovations now and then! You are looking particularly delicious tonight, zebra baby…that is to say, very fat and luscious… Of course I mean to say, so masterful in a leadership kind of way
ZEBRA
You forgot to take your appetite depressants again, didn’t you? Ohmygawd! Run and hide!
CHEETAH
He’s at it again, accusing me that I’m off my meds! Anybody tell you you’re very appealing – in an intellectual sort of way, zebra? Why don’t we go back to my den and discuss it? I’d like to show you my etchings…
ZEBRA
Oh you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Just like the last actor you invited up. All we found of him was a paper fragment with the word HELP! You disgusting beast!
RAT
Enough! Everyone – back to your cages. It’s almost dawn and the visitors will soon be arriving. Does everyone know their parts?
MR. SQUEEZE
I lay around and look hungry. No problem there.
ZEBRA
I’m supposed to run back and forth and chew what is left of the one pathetic patch of grass. The ground is almost bare and my bones are beginning to stick out
CHEETAH
I like to suck bones… I mean, that is so sad!
RAT
And we rats will be…rats. A few fights - a few deaths… Okay – places everyone. The zoo is opening
CHEETAH
Mmmmmmm – that young visitor looks quite delicious…of course I’m referring to that cotton candy he’s eating
RAT
Now Cheetah, let’s not have a repeat of last week’s incident. Okay everyone – look cute! The paying customers are here! Places everyone! The show must go on!
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