Seeds - the big shoe story continues

A SNIPPET FROM SEEDS

 

 

"So Eleanor - anything new happening with Sylvia and, her plight to get recognition for pigeons and best friend, M. Bird, in particular?"

The play is moving along and although I've arrived at the half-way point and slightly beyond, plotting the story line requires focus and imagination. Not that I lack either one but getting into the head of M. Pigeon is a challenge. I mean, human psyches are difficult enough to figure out but pigeon minds require a special type of thought process.

In discussing the play with acquaintances who, most likely ask out of politeness, what I'm writing, the expression on their faces says it all.

"I'm actually writing two plays, "Seeds" and "Spider"," I tell them, thrilled that anyone is asking for an update. "Seeds' is about the friendship between a woman and her  best friend who happens to be a pigeon, who may or may not exist and her devotion to pigeons everywhere. The other play focuses on a spider who's been sharing a house with a female resident, and its (i.e. the spider) effort to understand the reason for her fear. They're both semi-comedic and their conversations are very entertaining."

By the time the brief synopsis is over, their focus has drifted. Talking pigeons and spiders may not be high on people's wanna-know-about list.

Be that as it may, here is yet another snippet of the play. In an effort to help deal with oncoming cold weather, Julie (Sylvia's new-found friend) has offered to give her a pair of her winter boots. Upon seeing her try them on, M. Bird expresses a desire to acquire a pair for himself. All, including Hal, the park supervisor, who has his own motive for finding Sylvia, head for a pet store accompanied by a flock of pigeons, to buy winter boots. Chaos ensues. As always, comments welcome. Cut and paste directly from Word.

JULIE

They’re back!

PET STORE OWNER

Not in my store, they ain't. This isn't Capistrano and they’re not swallows.

SYLVIA

You're acquainted with some local swallows living in the area?

 

PET STORE OWNER

Lady, it’s time for you and your feathered friends to take flight, fly away home, up-up-and-away, out’ta my store

SYLVIA

You can’t make me leave. I’m not doing anything wrong and me and my friends, here, are possible paying customers

PET STORE OWNER

I can live with the guilt. Wherever you go, your friends and their poop will follow. You’re scaring away customers

SYLVIA

What about shoes for my friend?

PET STORE OWNER

My eyes ain't what they used to be but I don’t see anyone else here except the four of us. Perhaps when your friend comes back...

JULIE

The man has a point, Sylvia. You did say that M. Bird is away for the time being. Why don’t we go back to my place and wait for him? You know – I think I have some more nuts...

SYLVIA

No way am I leaving. We have as much right to be here as everyone else

PET STORE OWNER

And since this is my store, I can serve you or not. Could you do something to remove the pigeons!

                                      FX: PIGEON SOUNDS

SYLVIA

Will you let us stay if I get them to go?

PET STORE OWNER

Maybe. That’s more than an outright no

SYLVIA

I’ll see what I can do. They tend to be stubborn when they believe they’re in the right

SYLVIA stands up on a chair and motions to the pigeons with her hands and arms to gather close to her.

SYLVIA

‘Dear, dear, friends. This is not the first time we’ve encountered resistance from human-kind and it certainly won’t be the last. We must try to make our plights known not through confrontation, but through passive resistance. There will be other times and occasions when we will be in a position to make our plight known. You must leave here now and return to the park...’

HAL

Let them move on to another part of the city altogether

SYLVIA

This is their home. Where I am, they are and will be

          SYLVIA places one arm around JULIE and

          the other around invisible friend (M. Bird)

          and sings “We Shall Overcome” 

TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE: “You’ve heard that they want

us to leave but we will resist. You agree, then. I knew
you would.”

PET STORE OWNER

Look lady. I tried to be understanding, really, but I have a business to run. I’m an animal lover, too, but you gotta go

SYLVIA

So you’re refusing to serve us?

PET STORE OWNER

There’s another pet store down the street and the owner, I hear, is a great bird lover. I’m sure he carries shoes for pigeons. My stock of bird shoes is down to nothing

SYLVIA

TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE: “That a fact? I’ll tell him…”

You do realize, sir, that it’s illegal to refuse service

PET STORE OWNER

It’s not that I don’t want to serve you but my supply of bird shoes is negligible. In any case and being close buds with your pigeon pals, you’ll clean up all their poop of course

          A loud noise interrupts their conversation,

         increasing in volume revealing a chorus of
         voices singing: “We shall, We shall be
         moved..."

A man walks in holding a placard that reads: ‘birds of a feather, we stick together’

SYLVIA

I was hoping you’d come to our rescue

CRAPP

We never abandon our friends in their time of need

SYLVIA

Thank goodness for all you CRAPP people

PET STORE OWNER

Tell me you’re not looking to buy bird shoes

CRAPP REP.

Our presence, here, is to support Sylvia and all avian species.

PET STORE OWNER

And you are?

CRAPP REP.

We are CRAPP

JULIE

Excuse me? Not exactly an endorsement for your group

CRAPP REP.

We’re a legitimate lobby group looking out for the well being of the pigeon population. More specifically, Council Representing All Rights of Pigeons. We act whenever and wherever pigeon rights are threatened

HAL

Seriously? As a person who sees the repercussions of your so-called protectionism, children are at risk of picking up disease because of the pigeon poop they leave

SYLVIA

I keep telling him it’s not their fault. They merely respond to the call of nature. Perhaps if there were places specifically created for pigeons to do their thing…

HAL

Brilliant idea. I’ll be sure to bring that up at the next park commission board meeting. I’m sure members will want to put aside money for pigeon bathrooms

SYLVIA

That would be great! I new that if we put our heads together, we could come up with a solution

TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE: “You heard what he said. Bathrooms just for us! What? Of course he meant it. Didn’t I tell you we have to believe that there is good in people?”

PET STORE OWNER

Can we get back to the situation, here?

SYLVIA

Of course. Now how shall we go about this? Perhaps you could show us some shoe samples?

PET STORE OWNER

Let me make this perfectly clear. I have never, nor do I ever plan to stock shoes for birds of any kind, including pigeons. This is the most ridiculous request I’ve ever heard of or likely to hear. What next? Squirrel slippers?

SYLVIA

I could spread the word throughout the park, if you’d like

PET STORE OWNER

Look lady. I don’t know who told you that I sell bird shoes but I don’t and never will, so you and your feathered…whatever take yourselves out of here or I’m gonna call in some hunter friends of mine to handle the situation, if you get my drift

 

 



"SEEDS" - the Continuing Story of Pigeons and Friendship

Slowly adding more material to the play, "Seeds: the Story of Pigeons and Friendship." I'm about at the half-way point, which always presents a challenge. Still, I plod on. Meanwhile, here's another snippet. Comments always welcome. Format is cut-and-paste strictly to make it an easier read.

SYLVIA, the ultimate pigeon lover, has left JULIE's apartment, having heard a phone message left by the park supervisor, who has his own agenda in finding Sylvia.

SETTING:  PARK. EVERYTHING IS SNOW-COVERED

AT RISE: A WORRIED JULIE SEARCHES FOR SYLVIA
 

                                     SFX: COOING PIGEONS

JULIE

Where there’s pigeons, Sylvia and Mr. B can’t be far away. Oh fer – now she’s got me believing. ‘Sylvia! Where are you!’

JULIE spots SYLVIA distributing pieces of bagel to pigeons

Thank goodness. I’ve been worried sick thinking I’d find you huddled somewhere, frozen to death. How nice they appreciate my bagels meant for you.

SYLVIA

Enough for everyone…

JULIE

Except you. Do you at least have one for yourself?

SYLVIA

I ate a few bites

SYLVIA opens a bag and distributes nuts to the birds

JULIE

Excuse me? Those nuts don’t come cheap! Let them peck for acorns under the snow! ‘Users!’

JULIE rushes in the direction of the pigeons and they scatter

                                SFX: SOUND OF BIRD WINGS

                                   

SYLVIA

What are you doing? They’re my friends – my only friends! ‘I’m here for you, my flock!’

JULIE

Believe me – they’ll be back, especially when foods around

SYLVIA

What did they ever do to you?

JULIE

My care package wasn't meant for them. Pigeons can make out on their own

SYLVIA

How could you be so callous?

JULIE

You call caring more about you than – them, callous?

SYLVIA

I'm so naive. Here's me thinking you were my friend and understood our predicament. Obviously, I was wrong

JULIE

My only motive is your welfare. The fact that I opened up my apartment to you should tell you that

SYLVIA

(TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE) “You’re right. They just don’t get it, but she seemed so sincere - different from the others…”

JULIE

Please - let’s get past this. Blame it on a momentary lapse of judgement. Look – they’ve all re-grouped.

JULIE bows and addresses pigeons

‘Sorry birds. Didn’t mean to separate you from your free food source’ Okay? I apologized. We started out so well and I don’t want to jeopardize our relationship. I shouldn’t have put any conditions on your bagels and seeds care package. If you wanna share it with - them – you go right ahead. Perhaps I haven’t gotten to know them all well enough, yet. I mean, doubt whether I’ll ever call them by name, but I’m willing to try. That should mean something. Feels like there’s a cold wind moving in. How ‘bout I go get us some nice hot coffees?

SYLVIA

I’m okay
 

JULIE

Before I forget, I've got boots for you. At least wear them as a personal favor so I can sleep nights

SYLVIA

 

(TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE) “That’s true – I’ll ask”

 

Mr. Bird is wondering if possibly you might have an extra pair for him, too? He’s not getting any younger and feels the cold these days

JULIE

I’m not sure how I would go about this or even if it's possible. If I could talk – or see - Mr. Bird to get an idea of his foot size. I’ve never given any thought about foot wear for birds. Cats, dogs - yes - but birds no. What size would he take?

SYLVIA

Well – I would say, this big

SYLVIA uses her hands to indicate a large size

Does that help?

JULIE

Really big. Doubt whether a pet store carries outfits for pigeons and even if they do, Mr. B has one set of huge feet

SYLVIA

See what I mean? Prejudice. Forget that I asked

JULIE

Lemme at least, try. Meanwhile, try on these boots while I check out pet shops on my cell phone. (to herself) What next - boots for an invisible bird. How and why did I get myself into this? (Speaking on cell phone) ‘Hi there. I’m just wondering – you may think this a little unusual – can’t believe I’m asking this - but do you carry boots for pigeons? Hello?’ They disconnected. Can’t say I blame them…

SYLVIA

Perhaps we should all go in person. I’ve always found that personal contact works best

(TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE): “Of course you can come! How are you going to make sure they’re the right size?”

JULIE

Like I said, I’m not sure they keep pigeon boots in stock. Then, there's the issue of Mr. Bird’s gigantic size and the possibility he could injure his feet along the way without proper covering. How 'bout I call the pet store so they can prepare for - so they can check their stock

SYLVIA

Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Mr. Bird has to try them on in person. What happens if they don’t fit and the pet store won’t take them back?

JULIE

A few phone calls before-hand will save time

SYLVIA

No – we must shop in person
 

(TURNS HER HEAD TO THE SIDE:) “You’re right – it will be an adventure for us!”

SYLVIA cont’d: Mr. Bird is very excited. He’s never worn anything on his feet before

JULIE

It’ll be an experience for sure, for all of us

                                       FX. BIRD WINGS



As they start to leave, they are followed by the rustling of pigeon wings. JULIE whips around in response

Hang on a dog-gone minute! They’re not joining us 

SYLVIA

But they’ll want a pair too

JULIE

I am not walking down the street with a flock of pigeons following behind, and no way are they coming inside the pet shop with us
 

SYLVIA

You’re prejudice and really don’t care about the plight of those who must depend on life’s food rejections to sustain themselves

JULIE

It’s not that I don’t sympathize, somewhat, with the plight of pigeons but there are people living on our planet, who are starving to death and like your friends, have no shelter, living from hand-to-mouth, going through trash cans to stay alive

SYLVIA

So which shoe stores should we start? This is such a new experience for all of us. We’re very excited

Getting seedy - another snippet of "Seeds" - the play in the making

"Seeds", the play, is coming along although there is always the escalation of anxiety while approaching the half-way point that the story line will lose direction and it will end up in storage, along with too many other plays-in-the-making. I become infatuated with the dialogue and wit being uttered by the characters (IMO at least) without working out the direction the play is taking. Hopefully, it'll all work out in the end...

Sharing another snippet of dialogue - can't really call it a play, yet. The scene is Julie's apartment with Sylvia and the mysterious Mr. Bird discussing their living conditions while waiting to eat bagels. Comments always welcome.

JULIE

Something to drink? Coffee…tea…soft drink?

SYLVIA

Water is fine

          Starts nibbling on bagel, caressing the side

 So…seedy. I might want another one - or maybe two.

          Lifts up glass of water to eye level

This water is really clear. We’re used to it being cloudy with things floating around, being that we get it from the park pond

JULIE

You drink pond water? Why not from the fountain?

SYLVIA

The park workers turned it off after people complained about my feathered friends using it. I mean, where do they expect them to go? They like to cool off in summer like everyone else

JULIE

Not everyone would agree with you on that. Wouldn’t include me, of course. Please don’t take this the wrong way but now that I feel we’ve become friends, I‘d like to get to know more about you…

SYLVIA

…good news. Mr. Bird is back.

JULIE

How long have you – and Mr. Bird of course - been living in the park?

SYLVIA

Don't remember but a while. I don’t live there all the time, only between… Not all the time

JULIE

So you do live indoors on occasion. Relatives, friends…?

SYLVIA

When it’s stormy, we take refuge in buildings ‘til someone discovers us. During that big rain last year, we slept under the park administration steps

 (turns head to the side)‘Were they ever surprised when they found us! Remember?’ (laughs)

JULIE

You could have froze to death -

SYLVIA

- but we didn’t. We’re survivers, me and Mr. B. There’s a van that travels the streets and park offering food and clothing. We take the food but I’m okay with what I’m wearing

JULIE

You’re not serious – at least you could use a new coat –and a real pair of shoes, not sandals. Aren’t you worried about diseases the birds could carry?

SYLVIA

Careful how you talk about my friends. At least they don’t stare and make mean comments like park visitors. “Look at the filthy birds” they say and “don’t touch them – they carry disease”. Mean stuff like that. They think I don’t hear but Mr. Bird has the best hearing around

JULIE

Perhaps…Mr. Bird misinterprets their comments. I mean, it’s possible

SYLVIA

We know what we hear. Can’t get enough of these bagels

SYLVIA grabs two more and places them on her plate

 It’s so rare to find bagels with so many seeds. You wouldn’t happen to have any peanut butter? There’s always peanut butter on the table back at the… Anyway, it’s my favorite

 

JULIE

I just might. Have to check the date though. Not sure how old it is

SYLVIA

We’re not fussy about those things. Take your time

JULIE EXITS. SYLVIA grabs the bagels and stuffs them in the pockets of her raincoat

JULIE re-enters

JULIE

There’s still a week left on it… Didn’t I bring out more bagels?

SYLVIA

We ate them. Mr. Bird prefers the seeds more than the bagel

JULIE

Do tell. He's a super light eater for sure. Here - enjoy the peanut butter

SYLVIA

The park flock will love it. Expiry dates don’t matter to them

JULIE

I’ll make a going away package for when you leave. Would Mr. B prefer one pillow or two?

SYLVIA

(turns her head to the side)’Don’t be judgmental. She doesn’t understand our needs.’

 Actually, Mr. Bird doesn’t like being indoors, him being a free spirit and all. Finds it too confining, as do I

JULIE

Take a look at what’s going on outside. Wind is building  - looks like the skies are going to open up. Stay for the night, at least? Why don’t you consult with Mr. B?

SYLVIA

Thing is…he travels back and forth during the night to keep an eye on the flock. Lots of stray cats and other beasts around. Sometimes he even sings the birds to sleep

JULIE

(laughs)

What song does he sing to them? Lullaby of Birdland, perhaps

SYLVIA

I’m not familiar with that song but I’ll suggest it to him

JULIE

So whad’ya say?

SYLVIA

Maybe…we wouldn’t want you to think we aren’t grateful for your hospitality and all…

(turns head to the side) “Everything okay? Errol’s missing, again? It’s not the first time he hasn’t checked in…You know he likes to wander around at night…  ”

JULIE

Something wrong?

SYLVIA

Seems that Errol hasn’t been seen for a day. Always flying off somewhere without telling anyone

JULIE

And Errol would be one of those…a flock regular?

SYLVIA

Gets the urge to roam before trash pickup day. Too many good pickings. No need to go look for him. He’ll be back

Why write a play? Good question

As mentioned in my previous post in which I shared the very embryonic beginnings of my new play, it's been a while since I embarked upon a completely new project. This particular subject is a departure from previous main-stream play topics and has caught my imagination so for this reason alone, there's hope that it will evolve into a full and more importantly, finished, play. Frequently - all too frequently - things will move along at a rapid pace only to slow down at the quarter or half-way point, followed by a complete lack of progress. Why? Who knows. Anyway...

Write, kvetch and complain - it's a constant.

This is all leading to some thoughts about play writing. It occurred to me while writing my newest play and digging deep in the psyche of my characters, one of which is a spider, that perhaps it's pointless to turn out new plays, when existing plays are waiting to be shared with the world.  Speculating further, perhaps:

a.   the plays aren't well written, or...
b.   the subjects don't match the interest of the general public, or...
c.   the story line is boring, or...
d.  the theatre producers are sticking to well-known and proven playwrights and/or plays that are bank-able, financially.

One would hazard a guess that d. plays a big part in the final decision.

Actually, doing a count, I've written four full two-act plays, which have been edited to death over the years in hope that each re-write will make the difference between acceptance and rejection, one one-act play that at least has had a play reading, plus a number of short plays. Even if a play is fantastic, the competition "out there" in the playwriting world is significant, hence the rationale behind the contemplation and introspection bit. As any writer, playwright and anybody who writes will attest, once a writer - always a writer. There may be periods of self-doubt in which one questions the rationale behind choosing this craft...correction: you don't choose to be a writer/playwright/whatever. You just are because you have to be.

In one of his blogs in "The Producer's Perspective" Broadway producer, Ken Davenport, a Tony winner who knows the ins-and-outs of getting produced, offers playwrights five tips on how to get a producer to read a play. You can read his suggestions here: https://www.theproducersperspective.com/my_weblog/2009/02/how-to-get-a-producer-to-read-your-script.html. I've picked up some great advice and tips and recommend it.

Meanwhile, it's back to spide-y and the lady, who are waiting for the word. Hey - isn't this what it's all about in the end?

https://www.theproducersperspective.com/first-time-on-the-blog-start-here

SPIDER: the play

Finally, after a long-ish drought, started a new play that is coming along nicely, if I may say so myself and I do. The theme of the play is unusual, at least for me, focusing on a chance encounter between a spider and a female. Or is it a coincidental encounter?

Here is a small spin of "Spider" - an introduction.



'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly,
''Tis the prettiest parlour that ever did you spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I have many curious things to show when you are there.'
'Oh no, no,' said the little Fly, 'to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again.'

SPIDER

 

SCENE                      A bedroom.

AT RISE                    Female sleeping in her bed. A 'spider' slowly crawls up

                                   on to the bed from the foot of the bed and stops in the       middle. Staring at the sleeping woman causes her to stir to consciousness.

FEMALE

Sits up, turns on lamp

Wow! Weird dream! A nightmare, really. Ugh… black furry thingies…crawling everywhere…  Must be those tacos laying on my chest.

                        Covers herself and suddenly jolts to an upright position

 (Female cont’d) Now I can’t go back to sleep. Every time I close my lids, I keep seeing eyes watching me.

SPIDER

Hello there!

WOMAN

                        Woman looks around room, under bed for source of voice. Moving her head

                        to a normal position, she catches the sight of the spider. She brings her knees

                        up to her chest level in a fear response

Agh! OmyGaw-d! A spider! What am I supposed to do? Nobody around to get rid of it! Where’s a spider slayer when you need one! Oh Gaw-d! I know – I’ll swat it with today’s paper… Wait! I threw it out! Oh Gaw-d-oh-Gaw-d… Gotta calm down - just get up and get the bug spray on the veranda. That means I have to push back the covers and what happens if it - if it jumps on me! I’m gonna die!

SPIDER

Such melodrama, my dear. You do realize that you're considerably larger than my miniscule dimensions. The only defence I have are – well – eight legs in which to escape enemies and venomous sac to…

WOMAN

Stop! Too much information!

SPIDER

It’s unfathomable as to why you humans fear we tiny and defenceless arthropods to such a degree. We live a quiet life in a web, not bothering anyone and yet your kind is determined to destroy our existence. Why?

WOMAN

We just do – ‘kay? Now how am I gonna get off the bed to get something to –

SPIDER

- kill me? Squash me into a black mass? Tear off my legs?

WOMAN

Something like that…

SPIDER

What did I ever do to deserve such murderous intent?

WOMAN

You’re…you. A spider. The enemy. Something to be feared

SPIDER

But here we are, talking to each other in a civilized fashion and yet you have homicidal thoughts running through your head

WOMAN

(opening a night table drawer)

I think there’s a Home and Garden magazine in here somewhere… It’s got weight, which will be perfect –  

SPIDER

- let’s not be so hasty. Perhaps we can open a dialogue so that we can examine our situation and see if we can arrive at a mutual understanding we both can live with…

WOMAN

…darn! Where’d I put that magazine...

SPIDER

…it seems by your choice of reading matter that you are a lover of the outdoors…

WOMAN

…here, somewhere...

SPIDER

…what’s the rush? Let’s at least open a discussion…

WOMAN

There’s nothing to talk about. You’re a spider that hast'a be eliminated

SPIDER

To be honest, I didn’t just arrive here, now. In fact, I’ve been hanging around in the true sense of the word (chuckles) for months, out of sight, watching and studying you

WOMAN

Where? I mean, I never spotted you

SPIDER

Oh here, there, everywhere… In the bedroom, kitchen but mostly in a corner in the den

WOMAN

Like, how long are we talking here? A week…days…

SPIDER

Much longer than that. Try a whole year, which is quite a personal accomplishment given you humans penchant for instant spider elimination the minute you catch sight of us

 

WOMAN

Why are you still here?

SPIDER

I ask myself the same question given the odds against survival. Fascination, I guess, not to mention your house is quite an agreeable place to hang out, if you’ll excuse the pun, again. I’m especially taken with your extensive collection of house plants, many of which I’m attracted to

WOMAN

Used to have more but somehow they always ended up being attacked by bugs and I’m personally against using those anti-insect sprays. Not environmentally friendly

SPIDER

That’s very considerate of you being an insect lover myself, but for a different reason

WOMAN

And that would be

SPIDER

Let’s just say that I help control the bug population

WOMAN

Like, that is so cannibalistic. Where’s that magazine…

SPIDER

A spider has’ta eat, y’know

WOMAN

Stop! I’m feeling nauseas! I don’t wanna know anything more. I know it’s here somewhere…

SPIDER

That it on the lamp table over in the corner?

WOMAN

Must’a left it there a couple of months ago.

                        they sit staring at each other for a minute, immobile

SPIDER

Changed your mind? A reprieve for me, perhaps?

WOMAN

I’m just wondering… What happens if I…like…push the covers back and make a run for the magazine?

SPIDER

Definitely do-able. Let’s examine the possibility. You would throw back the covers thereby covering me up and causing me to be temporarily immobile and I, in turn, in an effort to avoid being squashed, would creep away and hide. There are so many good places to avoid being seen and we may not meet again in person for a long time.

WOMAN

Hide? Where?

SPIDER

Can’t say for sure. Somewhere in the house, out of view but within sight of you

WOMAN

In this room?

SPIDER

Perhaps. Then again, maybe not. Maybe in the basement in your laundry basket…or perhaps in your food cupboard, or in the den. Who knows!

 

WOMAN

But I have to pee and the bathroom is on the other side of the room

SPIDER

Oh I do love the bathroom. So nice and damp, especially the bathtub

WOMAN

Look – I’m not kidding – I really have to go

SPIDER

Hey – don’t let me stop you. All you have to do is get off the bed and walk to the bathroom. Such an easy move

WOMAN

                        Grabs the magazine and rolls it up

 

Okay… Concentrate… One smack…

                        Slides down bed towards the spider, who starts moving towards her

Stop moving! I – I can’t look at your eyes. Stop!

SPIDER

Do you really expect me to do nothing in the way of avoiding imminent death?

WOMAN

How about a temporary truce?

SPIDER

We could open a discussion.

WOMAN

Okay. The reality is I gotta go to the bathroom and in order to get there have to get off this bed.and by you, which isn't physically difficult. I’ll put down this magazine, at least for now, if you stay exactly where you are

SPIDER

How do I know I can trust you?

WOMAN

How do I know I can trust YOU?

SPIDER

Given your size compared to my miniscule dimensions, seems I have more to lose than you

WOMAN

Size isn’t necessarily an indicator of bravery. Things are getting desperate here. Do we have a deal?

SPIDER

Hmmmm. Depends

WOMAN

On what?

SPIDER

The terms of our temporary arrangement

WOMAN

Like - can we please get this discussion over with?

SPIDER

How long would this truce last?

WOMAN

I dunno. Fifteen minutes… Things are really at the desperate stage now

SPIDER

Fifteen minutes? That’s it? I have to stay here, immobile, trusting that you’ll use the magazine strictly for reading purposes? No deal

WOMAN

Fine. Okay. How about an hour, then?

SPIDER

Let's go for four hours. That'll give us enough time to discuss our situation and try to arrive at a favorable solution to our impasse