The Best of Friends have returned home

Over the years, my children's manuscript, "The Very Best of Friends" a.k.a. "A Thief on the Beach" must have been tweaked at least a dozen times, if not more. The original story was written a while back - this means at least twenty years ago - but the basic story line remains the same.

The tale focuses on two best of friends, Jeremy Goat and Freddy Fox, who compliment each other but not necessarily in a positive way. The young goat has an uncontrollable, voracious appetite for just about everything and the sly fox lives to play pranks on the community of animals living in Pottersville, located "a half mile down from the best beach around."

The story has always remained close to my heart and hence the reason for the various updates over the years. When it comes to updating, I'm the 'queen of tweaking." The pattern is to "fix" it, put it away for a year or more, pull it out of storage periodically, "fix" it again and so on. It's been a while since the friends have seen the light of day in the true sense of the word and a read-through brought with yet more changes.

Reading through it, I found some inconsistencies along with one or two superfluous characters that were eliminated. No sooner had they disappeared then they were brought back in a different form. I spent the weekend updating/tweaking/fixing - call it what you want - and managed to re-write four pages. So far, so good but then I always say that. There are a lot of positive messages within the story line, which is one of the main reasons I've stuck with it, in addition to light humor.

This time round I'd really like to seek out a publisher, electronic or print, not sure yet. Being that it's for young children although adults would also enjoy the story, it would require illustrations.

It also lends itself to a cartoon, given the dialogue and characters but first things-first, the priority of which is to finish the last re-write.

More progress reports to follow. To paraphrase the mischievous Freddy: "what are we waiting for?"

A play-ful taste of "The Lemon"

As shared in a previous blog, I'm working on tweaking or re-writing one of my current short plays, "The Lemon."  A comedy, I've always liked this play-ette and it's for this reason I'm providing an excerpt. As always, comments welcome.

The story focuses on a woman (PENNY), whose newly acquired more-than-gently used car is stalled and her saga to get it moved out of a busy intersection. Her cell phone dead and unable to contact the car dealer, she is forced to use a public phone that is otherwise in use by a female, and a verbal battle of wits ensues between them.



THE LEMON
by Eleanor Tylbor


CAST OF CHARACTERS

PENNY FLOWERS, Owner of “the lemon

FEMALE PHONE USER, (‘F.P.U.’) user of public phone stand

 

THE TIME: The present. Mid-afternoon. Hot summer day

 

SETTING:  A public telephone stand at a busy intersection.

 

AT RISE:   A female, (PENNY) paces outside a public phone stand, waiting for person using the phone to leave. She is holding a cell phone in one hand and repetitively hits it against her leg, then puts it to her ear. She is tense since her car ("the lemon") is stalled in the middle of a busy intersection

 

PENNY

I don’t believe this! How many more things can go wrong, today?
Aside to Female Phone User: 'Scuse me, lady, but I gotta use that phone!’

 

SOUND: CAR HORNS

         PENNY looks off into the distance and makes obscene gesture with finger

 ‘Blow it out your nose, idiots! You'll get more out of it!' This is so typical. Finally, I get a cell phone and forget to charge the battery.

SPEAKING TO PERSON USING PHONE:

‘Scuse me? Are you going to be much longer?’

FEMALE PHONE USER (F.P.U.)

Do you mind? I’m almost finished. Why don’t you use your cell phone?

PENNY

Uh duhhh! Don'cha think I would if I could? It's broken –just like your fingers could be if I can’t use that phone like… now

F.P.U..

Are you threatening me with bodily harm? Oh gawd – a nut case! I attract them all!
ASIDE TO PERSON ON PHONE: ‘I think somebody wants to hurt me, Chloe!’

PENNY

I’m merely venting, silly lady, at least for the time being but things could change if I don’t get to use that phone! Perhaps I should explain so you’ll be sympathetic to my dilemma. D'ya see that car over there?

F.P.U.

Like, who cares, you crazy woman!
ASIDE TO PERSON ON PHONE: “Chloe, if anything happens to me, call my parents and tell them that I love them. Oh and you can tell my sister she can have my Manolo Blahnik Shoes.’

PENNY

Humor me for thirty seconds. Over there – see the car?

F.P.U.

You mean that orange-colored wreck? That’s - yours? I’d keep it to myself if I was you

PENNY

I bought the rusting chunk of junk a week ago and it died on me, today. There’s a sucker born every minute and the dealer saw a big red “S” right here on my forehead

F.P.U.

Okay. I see your car. Now can I finish my conversation? The more you interrupt – the longer it’ll take

           F.P.U. turns away. PENNY taps her on the back

PENNY

Perhaps I’m not making myself clear. I'm not a violent person by nature - not at all but you’re pushing my buttons! Wait – I made a joke - get it? Public phone stand? Push the buttons? In my personal angst, I still manage to find humor. I’m a survivor alright!

F.P.U.

(talking into phone softly)

‘Chloe? Don’t hang up on me, yet! I want proof if this nut case attacks me.’

PENNY

You strike me as a relatively sensible person…um…um… You do have a name?

F.P.U..

Like I would tell it to a weirdo like you, who not two minutes ago threatened me with bodily harm

SPEAKS ON PHONE: ‘Are you still there, Chloe? I might need you to call the police’

PENNY

Do you appreciate how much time that has been wasted? Precious time I could have spent speaking to my car dealer but you insisted on staking out your territory here

F.P.U.

SPEAKS ON PHONE: ‘Get ready to call 911! I mean it!’

PENNY

There's no need for that. Ask any of my friends and they’ll tell you that I'm normally a sane person who rarely loses my temper, but my back’s against the wall!

           PENNY reaches over and grabs phone

PENNY SPEAKS ON PHONE: ‘Hello Chloe? She’ll call you right back.’

There! Your conversation is now over

F.P.U.

How dare you!

PENNY

How dare I? How dare I, you ask? How many times did I tell you that I hadda make a desperate phone call, but did you listen? Nooooo! Your phone conversation took precedent over my needs, so I took things into my own hands in the true sense of the word. If you don’t mind, I’d like some privacy so block your ears and turn away. Better still, go away

F.P.U.

Excuse me? After the way you interrupted my conversation? I think not

PENNY

Let me see here…where’s my phone directory? This purse is so big, everything gets lost inside… So this is where my salami sandwich went. Phew! Kind’a stinks. Then again, it is two weeks old. Would you mind tossing it into the trash can over there?

FPU

I think not! Why don’t you go throw it in yourself? It’s only mere few feet away. Wouldn’t take you long

PENNY

You think I’m an idiot?

FPU

The thought did cross my mind in addition to being insane

PENNY

I take one step away from here and you jump in and take over control of the phone, again. I think not! I’ll just put it back in my purse and toss it later on, when you’re not around

FPU

That is like, so disgusting! You’re gonna contaminate the phone! I’m gonna vomit!

PENNY

Don’t let me stop you. Let’s see here…where is the number of my dealership. I should’a filed it under “losers”. Here it is

          PENNY pushes buttons        

PENNY

TALKS ON PHONE:

‘Tony please. Tony Mozarelle. He what?’

ASIDE TO F.P.U.:

This is just my luck! They’re telling me my salesman has disappeared. Flown the coop. Taken wing as it was

F.P.U.

Oh well. Tough luck. Is it my turn, now?

PENNY

Not yet but soon. Oh the angst of it all!

          PENNY continues her phone conversation

PENNY

TALKS ON THE PHONE: ‘I'm a client of that place you laughingly call a dealership. Oh they warned me not to buy anything from you but did I listen? Nooo! Instead I go ahead and end up with this…this…clunker blocking the middle of a busy intersection! I-demand-satisfaction! Hello? Hello?’

ASIDE TO F.P.U:  Do you believe she hung up on me? People are so rude these days                                                                            

PENNY

(softly and politely)

ON THE PHONE: ‘Please don’t hang up. It’s been a day in hell and I’m asking for your indulgence and forgiveness. Now, would it be possible to speak to your wonderful manager? And his name would be…? Mr. Anthony Blackburn. Would this helpful Anthony person be free to talk to me now? Thank you so much… Miss…Miss…Jenkins – and you have a good day. ‘Ciao bella.’ Mr. Blackburn? Hi there...my name is….’

VOICE OVER: “Hello. You’ve reached my voice mail because I’m too busy selling people cars at the most unbelievable bargain prices! Every hour on the hour, we lower the prices of our gently used ve-hi-cles so that our customers can save their bucks to pay for gas. Leave me a message and I’ll get back to you…whenever.”   

I can’t take it! This…this… woman transferred me to an automated answering system! What ever happened to live conversation with a real person? Gone with the wind just like service in general!

F.P.U.

Why don’t you just march right over there and give that manager a piece of your mind, right now! I would.

PENNY

I’m distraught and demoralized and all you can think about is to continue your stupid, insipid conversation with Chloe! On top of it all, the automated machine spat out names and phone locals and I don’t even have a pencil! Is there no end to the frustration I must deal with?

ASIDE TO F.P.U.:(genteel sweet voice:) _­ Um - friend? I feel we’ve gotten to know each other in the short time we’ve both been standing here - two travelers on the super phone highway, dialing to communicate our needs. I’m wondering here if I could, like, ask a little fa-vor? It's not a biggie or anything that could put you out. Do you - would you… by any chance have a pen or pencil I could borrow? I don’t seem to have anything to write with 

F.P.U.

After the way you treated me? You really have nerve!

PENNY

Just desperate. Check in your purse. Perhaps you’d like me to check in there for you?

F.P.U.

You wanna rob me, don’t you? That’s it, isn’t it? Ohmygawd! I'm hyperventilating...

PENNY

Look, whatever-your-name-is - let's start all over and pretend we just met. Isn’t that a good idea? Make believe I'm a close but needy friend who happened along and is asking you to - nay – begging you to please check for a pen or pencil that I could borrow. D'ya think you could do that? As one sister to another? All you hav’ta do is open that bee-u-ti-ful designer pocketbook, stick your hand inside and feel around. I'll even take an eyeliner or eyebrow pencil…anything with lead will do…

Re-thinking about re-tooling and re-evaluating

Second-guessing is not a good idea, especially when dealing with an established story line. As shared here in this blog ad nauseum, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to editing my plays. Actually, one play in particular ("you couldn't be referring to 'Old Soldiers' now, could you, Eleanor?") which could be but not necessarily so, depending on yet another read-through evaluation of the story line and dialogue flow.

The reason for this conclusion came as a result of a sleepless night and for whatever reason - it's better than counting sheep - started thinking about the characters in my various plays and whether they are believable. It's been my experience that the lack of sleep precipitates my old friend, creeping doubt, to make its presence known. The play, as anyone who has followed the saga of writing and finishing 'Old Soldiers' knows, has had many incarnations and updates. The uncertainty last night was that maybe the original story line, is in the end, the best one after all.

This conclusion was reached at two-thirty a.m. until four a.m. in the morning while staring up at the ceiling. That's when self-doubt works best providing visual images of the characters playing out their scenes. Questions arose to the surface as to the various re-writes and incarnations and the rationale behind making changes.

Issues like whether or not Daisy the dog character is relevant and is her inclusion necessary? What would happen if she was dropped? Given that the dog is featured in one scene only, does it play an integral part of the whole? More importantly, would Daisy be insulted?

"Why drop me?" Daisy would most likely ask if she could. "After everything that Joe and I have been through, together, over many years, my contribution is important."

In the first copy of the play, there was interesting verbal inter-action between Joe and a bus driver discussing the reason for Joe's trip. It was subsequently dropped in later re-writes but I'm toying with the idea of writing it in, again. My thoughts behind this is that perhaps it would provide more background information on the character.

When sleep finally took over, I was no further ahead than before other than the conclusion that this is a really good play - if it's ever really finished. Whether that feeling of not one more word can be added or deleted will ever be experienced.

And there-in lays the problem.

Have sketches - will perform

Every second Tuesday afternoon, our Writer's Corner group meet to share our latest creative writing output. Interestingly enough, the participating writers are also talented artists, all of whom know each other on a personal friendship basis. It's sort-of an interchange and exchange of creative abilities. I've always believed that people in the various creative arts will find each other i.e. like-attracts-like.

In any case and rather than produce a new writing piece to add to my extensive collection, made a decision to give my comedy (at least I believe they are) sketches/play-ettes shared in this blog, a chance to be heard. To this end, I've selected three favorites to be performed in front of the group, assisted by a fellow member of the writer's group. We've worked together in the past a while back when there were plans to present my two-act comedy, "A Wedding!" Although the play never got beyond the rehearse and read-out-loud stage, the two of us have remained friends over the years and she likes the idea of doing the sketches, be it read out loud from sheets. It will be interesting to gauge the reaction of the listeners and I'll share the end result here. The intention, depending on the reaction, is to possibly perform the sketches in front of groups to get my plays "out there."

Speaking of plays, sent a submission query to the Theatre Unbound in Minneapolis, MN, having found a call for plays a general "submissions wanted" section of a playwriting site. They responded with, "Due to a staffing shortage we are not able to accept script submissions as we had originally intended.  Please check our website in 6 months for change to this status and for script requirements."
Will follow up in six months. Oh well... We live in hope.