THE MYSTERY OF THE SOCKS
SCENE: THE KITCEN OF MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY. MRS. EVERYBODY IS LOADING THE DISHWASHER
AT RISE: MR. EVERYBODY ENTERS THE KITCHEN CARRYING HIS SOCKS
MR. EVERYBODY
What's wrong with these socks?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Just a sec - I'm loading the dishwasher...this new dish set we bought is too large. Takes up too much space...
MR. EVERYBODY
You had to have them, remember?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Excuse me? May I remind you that you also were very anxious for me to get them 'cause they were on sale. Why are you holding two socks? Are you making hand puppets? 'Get...in...there...dishes...or...you're...gonna...feel...so...sorry...'
MR. EVERYBODY
Like I said before, what's wrong with these socks?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Just another sec...let me start the dishwasher. Okay. Now you have my full attention. So I see two socks...navy blue to be exact. Look to be your size. I'll go out on a limb and say that they're yours Oh look! I made a play on words. Out on a limb...sock...leg... Get it?
MR. EVERYBODY
You should get your own comedy show. Now take a good look at them. Come closer. What do you see now?
MRS. EVERYBODY
What do I get if I give you the right answer?
MR. EVERYBODY
Stop with the snarky remarks and look closely at them
MRS. EVERYBODY
Here - hand them over. Okay. Like I said before, "a" pair of socks. Should I be look for something else? Are they socks from outer space?
MR. EVERYBODY
Do you notice something...off, perhaps?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Hmmm...can't say that I do... The left one is worn out a bit at the toe?
MRS. EVERYBODY
(holding up a sock in each hand)
Now what do you see?
MRS. EVERYBODY
One sock in the left hand and another in the right. What's this big mystery?
MR. EVERYBODY
How about the size of both of them?
MRS. EVERYBODY
I dunno...you take a size 10 shoe. I'll go out on a limb here and say that those socks, those very socks are size 10. Can we stop playing quiz show and get to the heart - or toe in this case - of the sock issue?
MR. EVERYBODY
You're right that these socks are navy blue but something is off
MRS. EVERBODY
Of course! You're barefoot. Put them back on and the mystery is solved.
MR. EVERYBODY
Getting closer to the point I'm trying to make. What do you think would happen if I put them back on?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Your feet would be warm? I dunno!
MR. EVERYBODY
Here - let me show you
(MR. EVERYBODY puts socks on his feet)
(Cont'd.) Now what do you see?
MRS EVERYBODY
Uh-huh...I see now... One of your legs has shrunk. That happens in old age.
MR. EVERYBODY
Not! They do not match. Not partners. Single socks. Looking for mates. Get the picture?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Now I see what this is all about. You know - your pant legs cover up the socks. Nobody knows and I can assure you I won't tell
MR. EVERYBODY
That's not the point. Somewhere in the sock drawer...
MRS. EVERYBODY
...or sock bag. There are a lot of single socks looking for a partner...
MR. EVERYBODY
You mean, there could be a matching sock to this one? Last week I wore a black sock on the left foot and a blue one on the right
MRS. EVERYBODY
I'm sure nobody noticed. Did anyone say anything?
MR. EVERYBODY
They were probably too polite to mention anything especially since I was wearing a grey suit at the time!
MRS. EVERYBODY
These things do happen. You should check more carefully next tme
MR. EVERYBODY
"I" should check?
MRS. EVERYBODY
Uh-oh! Darn dishwasher is acting up again. Sounds like somebody is playing a set of drums. When are you gonna call a repair guy? The neighbor upstairs is gonna complain again and there she goes, right on time! 'Okay Mrs. Bud-inski! I know!' I better go upstairs and calm the poor woman down.
MR. EVERYBODY
What about the sock situation?
MRS. EVERYBODY
What about it? Why don't you go take a look in the sock bag in the cupboard and maybe you'll get lucky and find your sock's mate. Then they can live happily ever after
MR. EVERYBODY
The last time you went up to calm down Mrs. Bud-inkski, you disappeared for a couple of hours
MRS. EVERYBODY
Is it my fault she makes yummy strawberry cheese cake and buys off my silence?
NEXT TIME: AT THE MALL: THE EVERYBODYS' LOOK FOR A PARKING SPOT
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