Wednesday, November 29, 2006

THE APPOLOGIZER...a Python-esque short-short-short playette
by Eleanor Tylbor




CAST OF CHARACTERS
CLIENT
PROFESSIONAL APPOLOGIZER (PA)

SCENE:
A small office. A man is seated behind a desk, absorbed in writing something

CLIENT

Excuse me...

PROFESSIONAL. APPOLOGIZER (OR PA)
You're looking for a job, right?

CLIENT
Not really...

PA
Well it's a natural assumption you dropping by here

CLIENT
Sorry?

PA
There you go again!

CLIENT
I beg your pardon?

PA
See what I mean? You're a real natural!

CLIENT
Come again?

PA
Oh you're good alright!

CLIENT
Let me explain. I'm looking for the Appologies'R'US Enr.

PA
That would be us

CLIENT
Good. So I'm in the right place

PA
You would be correct. I am an ARSE

CLIENT
If you say so

PA
ARSE...? That's what we call ourseves. Arses

CLIENT
O-kaaaaay...

PA
What can we do for you?

CLIENT
I'm looking for someone to appologize for me

PA
That can be arranged. And what will we be appoligizing for?

CLIENT
A late return of a library bookPAOh that's a bad one alright. How late are we talking here?

CLIENT
Well...um...

PA
Come now - don't be shy!

CLIENT
Okay. Twenty years

PA
Twenty years? Oh that's gonna cost you big bucks

CLIENT
I know. What with interest and everything

PA
Hmmm... This will be a challenge for sure. Okay. We'll do it! We ARSES can handle any task. There is no job too small or too bigfor an ARSE

CLIENT
I'm so relieved. When can you start?

PA
Perhaps next week...maybe the week after. Then again, it could be a few months

CLIENT
Is there a problem?

PA
No problem-0. Did I mention that we are the official chapter of Procrastinators Anonymous? I mean, what's a few more years between friends? Right?

(Like to use this short playette or any of the other plays posted in this blog? Send me an e-mail: ejul1@yahoo.com)

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

A BRA STRAP. A PLAIN OLD BROKEN BRA STRAP could be the key to success. Maybe. Hopefully.

Over the years I wrote two full plays, both comedies. Over the years I tweaked the plays to the point where I felt contented and assured enough to send them "out there" to various theatres and competitions. They have yet to be produced but it was always my belief that sombody, somewhere would produce at least one of them.

Over the years I've also written some short-shorts, one of which is entitled, "The Bra." It's based on my personal experience of trying to find - actually there is no real name for it - a plastic piece that attaches to a bra strap, which adjusts the tension of the bra and keeps boobs uplifted. In my play-ette I call it "a thingie."

It was a relatively new bra and this plastic thingie broke. No problem-o I think to myself and return it to point of purchase for a replacement part or perhaps with luck, a new bra. However (the howevers in life are so annoying!) there is a policy that bras can't be returned. Something about the fact that they're worn against the skin...unhegienic or something to that effect. To make matters worse neither they nor any other lingerie store carried the plastic "thingie" I required. Based on my frustrating experience, The Bra was born.

Only once has it been seen in public in a reading of my short-shorts but for some reason or another it has caught the imagination of the public. Wherever I go friends and aquaintances make a point of asking me about "the bra."

"I heard about your play...something to do with a bra..." people will tell me.

So the word is out: my bra is "in."

As an aside I still have "the bra" in question and bring it along as a prop. Even more interesting to me is how everyone wants to examine it. I mean, a bra is a bra is... Mind you, someone recently told me that she experienced the same problem and asked advice as to what she could do. Suddenly I'm a bra advocate!

You just never know what will catch the imagination of people. Imagine - my bra and the thingie of course. In case anybody reading this is interested, I also have a short-short based on my experience trying to get a free tea refill at a well-known fast food chain.