AT THE MALL
SCENE: PARKING LOT OF A LARGE, BUSY MALL. BEFORE CHRISTMAS.
AT RISE: MR. AND MRS. EVERYBODY SEARCH FOR A PARKING PLACE
Told you we should have left earlier. Now there’s wall-to-wall cars. We’re never going to find a spot
Excuse me? Were you or were you not talking on the phone to Chloe for a good 45 minutes?
First of all – it wasn’t 45 minutes and second of all, we had important things to discuss
Like what? Which stores have the best prices?
So? Those are important things. Don’t you want me to save you money?
Come again? How do you figure that buying stuff saves me money?
Well, take today for example. Everything in the mall, the entire mall mind you, is twenty-five percent off! This is a bigggg saving. If I hadn’t spoken to Chloe, I would never have know that. Listen – they’re playing Silver Bells now over outdoor speakers. Don’cha just love that song? Puts you in a Christmas mood
We’ve been going in circles for so long, I’m getting dizzy. You mean the “spend-spend-spend” songs
Try and get close to an entrance. You’re so cynical
You’re fussy where you want to park? Beggars can’t be choosers
Let me put it another way. Try not to park a thousand feet away in no-mans-land. It’s cold out
And let me make this perfectly clear. This car will turn in to wherever there’s an empty space
You could at make an effort to look
And what am I doing now? As far as I can see, there are no empty parking spaces near a mall entrance, or anywhere else for that matter. Maybe we should just go home and forget about it…
Not! And miss the sale of the year? Okay. How about this. One more time around and then you can go park in Siberia like always
One more time …here we go again…
Hang on! There’s a car pulling out. Quick – get over there or that guy is gonna grab it before us
It’s in the next lane over. I’ll have to drive around to get thee and. I’ll never make it
Just put your foot on the gas and cut the car off! Simple!
This is not the wild west and I have no intention of being part of a showdown. If we don’t get it – we don’t get it
Mr. Philosophical has spoken. Just…hurry! You’re not going fast enough! The other car is closing in from the other direction…
You are obsessed and possessed – you do realize that, right?
We’re talking about a primo parking spot right near the front, no less! This is indeed our lucky day! You gotta be aggressive if you wanna grab a good place. Trust me. I know about these things.
You and your knowledge of parking spaces wouldn’t happen to know anything about the nice scratch in the front right fender by any chance, would you?
I’m getting so forgetful these days. Meant to tell you about that. Y’see…last week, me and Chloe were here for the Fashion Flare Shop Going-Going-Gone Out of Business sale and there was a parking space and I was really sure this car could fit but unfortunately, I misjudged the size of the spot against the size of the fender and like…the fender somehow ended up sliding against a cement pillar that was in my way. Why they put pillars in the middle of parking lots is a mystery, anyway. Hurry – that other car is getting ready to turn in!
Perhaps it’s a plot by the mall to get drivers like you to scratch your fenders against them and decorate the cement. They’re light standards, to light the way for evening shoppers like you and Chloe, FYI. Guess it matches the scratch on the left fender… Uh-oh both our cars are there at the same time. I’ll let the other car park. Doesn’t mean that much to me
You’re just giving in? Hold your ground for a few minutes. Show the other car we mean business!
We’ll go to the back of the parking lot. Plenty of space there
But…I’ll have to walk!
What’s this world coming to? You’ll have to walk a few extra feet. I mean, really…
Open the window and let me speak to the driver and explain the situation. I’m sure he’ll understand and let us park
You’re not serious
I’m very convincing.
‘Hello – it looks like we both want the same parking spot. Could I, as a fellow citizen of this planet, prevail upon you to allow us to have this precious parking spot? As you probably know, there is a twenty-five-percent off sale and I have been waiting to buy these divine shoes that have finally been reduced and gone on sale… What? Of course ... I see… Have a good day.’
(Cont’d.) Just drive.
What happened to your convincing sales personality?
The woman sitting next to him has crutches. Broke her leg and ankle skiing so I couldn’t very well justify taking the spot given all the snow on the ground
You're all heart. You do know what that means -
- Siberia here we come… Know what? I got a great idea. Why don’t you leave me off in front of an entrance – any entrance - and park? Or better still, drive around for an hour or so and when I’m finished, I’ll call you on my cell phone and you can pick me up? Isn’t that a good idea? It’s a win-win for both of us. Right here will do…see you later…
(calling out of the car window)
Wait a minute! Hello? You have my cell! You forgot yours at home!