I've shared bits and pieces of it here before but here is the latest incarnation. The cast list will most likely grow slightly. I've adapted it for this blog but the cutting and pasting isn't ideal. As usual, comments welcome.
The story: Sometimes lessons in life come at a cost especially when the cost involves sacrifice on behalf of another.
DEAD
WRITES
By Eleanor
Tylbor
CHARLOTTE
PEMBROOK: 50-something;
former reporter, deceased
JOSIAH: Heavenly "Spiritual Adviser - Disembodied Souls Division:
MIA STEVENSON: Ambitious young reporter
THE
TIME
PRESENT
DAY, MORNING
THE PLACE
Anywhere
SETTING:
A funeral parlor
AT RISE: A group of people are seated in a funeral
chapel, socializing for the most part, while waiting for the service to begin.
A coffin is situated on an elevated stand in the middle of the room.
CHARLOTTE PEMBROOK, wearing a diaphanous flowing dress sits on a bench - eyes closed - to the side of the coffin. Gaining consciousness, she sits up, looks around in a confused slightly-stunned state. Touching her arms, legs and body parts, she stands up and pulls at the material of her dress
FX: SOMBER MUSIC
CHARLOTTE
Really
must'a tied one on last night. Weird....no hang-over like usual.
Stands upright, moves closer to coffin, straining to see inside. A funeral organizer passes by without acknowledging her presence. She pokes him in the back, to no avail.
'Scuse me…hello'? Could you tell me…? Hello! Wait a minute, sir. Don't ignore me. You are so rude!’
He
focuses his attention on the coffin
Lemme be blunt like the real me: who's the corpse?
Man continues to ignore her
What is
your problem? A name - that's all I want! It's not a lot to ask. Fine. Suit yourself. I'll find out on my own…creep!
A man, JOSIAH, enters and stands directly
behind CHARLOTTE. Dressed entirely
in white, he glitters from head to toe including hair and skin
JOSIAH
May I? No need to yell. I can provide you with that information
Startled, she whirls around to face him
CHARLOTTE
You could give person a heart attack sneaking up like that. And I thought I looked bad in this outfit? If you don't mind me saying, sir, you look like a bad case of indigestion after eating too many Halloween candies. I've been trying to find out what's going on but the guy over there is ignoring me. Some people don't have any manners
JOSIAH
He can't
hear you
CHARLOTTE
It’s not
like me not to remember some details of the night before but my mind is a
complete blank. Not even a few flashes. Nothing
JOSIAH
Not
surprising
CHARLOTTE
I get it now! This
place is one of those new theme clubs and you're the bartender, right? Explains
a lot especially the look. So – like - you doing Liberace? That would explain
my dress, too. Wouldn't be caught dead wearing this. Go figure a funeral parlor would double as a club. So where’s
the booze?
JOSIAH
The one
thing I can assure you is that this is not a nightclub. You know…if you really want,
I
could tell you who's in that coffin
CHARLOTTE
What’s wrong with me? Here's me going on about nothing and you're burying someone who means a lot to you. That’s it, isn’t it? Sometimes I'm so dense. My deepest sympathies. Hard to lose a loved one. Last year my cat, Annabelle passed on to that great kitty litter box in the sky
JOSIAH
You could
say I’m related to that dead person. In fact - I'm close with most people that
pass through
CHARLOTTE
You work here,
then?
JOSIAH
In a way.
Death is the human equalizer, don't you think? Everyone is on an equal plane no
matter how important your life was or how much money you had or how much power
you wielded
CHARLOTTE
I suppose
so - can't say I've given it much thought, lately. You wouldn’t happen to know
how I ended up here, though, would you? Did somebody drop me off or did I come here on my own...mind you, can't imagine why I'd want to hang out at a funeral parlor. Lots of empty chairs
JOSIAH
Do these
mourners strike a familiar chord?
CHARLOTTE
glances at the mourners
Vaguely familiar...I think...
Hang on a minute! These people work with
me!
She strains to see
in the coffin again without results
CHARLOTTE
You seem
to know a lot about this person. Was it Don McGrath or Pete Winston? Don't know how
many times I warned them both to slow down, but did they listen? ‘Course not!
What does an old broad like me know, right? Burn the candle at both ends and
you’re gonna burn your light out, I told them time and time again. Everyone
thinks they’re gonna live forever
JOSIAH
How right you are. It wasn't
either one of them
CHARLOTTE
That's a
relief 'cause we're the last three old farts left at The Sentinal. Started out
together at the same time and we've seen 'em come and we seen 'em leave. Some
on to bigger and better and some like this here person, in a wooden box. Things
are sure different now. Back when we were in our prime, the only thing we
had'da know was a keyboard. Nowadays everything is electronic - cyber this,
cyber that. They'll soon find a way to replace us all with computer systems and
you know what? Nobody will give a damn
JOSIAH
They'll
always be a need for the human touch
CHARLOTTE
Look at
'em all…young kids just out of J-school. What do they know about getting a
story? How can you write about life if you never experienced it?
JOSIAH
So true
CHARLOTTE
Guess you
were a friend of the corpse or related?
JOSIAH
I'm
friends with a lot of people. You can say that I help them through a difficult
period
CHARLOTTE
So you're
one of those - what do they call them - grief councillors? Bet you go to a lotta
funerals
JOSIAH
I can
honestly say that I've never missed one
CHARLOTTE
Never? Not even one by mistake?
JOSIAH
Not one in
all the years I've been assigned here
CHARLOTTE
Have we
met somewhere before, maybe a long while back? The more I look at you, the more
familiar your face seems to me. Wait a minute! It’s so obvious as the nose on my
face. You're a new bartender at Pat's watering hole. I'll pay my tab next week,
I swear, it's just that I've been running a little short lately…
JOSIAH
We've had
a few close encounters in the past, Charlotte, but this is the first time we've
met one-on-one. My drinking days are history in the true sense of the word but
you seem very caught up with alcoholic beverages
CHARLOTTE
Got it
now. You own the new funeral parlor down the block and you're here to scope out
the competition. Smart move on your part
JOSIAH
Not…exactly
but you could say I'm in the funeral business since I make a point never to
miss any. In fact, funeral parlors are where I first connect with…
CHARLOTTE
(backing away)
Hey! You're
not one of those slimy creeps who pick up rich, lonely women at funerals.
Listen bud, I'm not rich and certainly not in the market to add a new man in
my life. Been there, done that, too many
times. Know what I mean?
JOSIAH
(laughing)
You're
quite priceless, my dear. Trust me when I say my interest in you is anything
but corporeal in nature. You do like games, don't you, with all your questions
that I would be glad to answer. There really is no secret
CHARLOTTE
It's my
nature to snoop and dig for answers
JOSIAH
You don't
have to. I'd be most happy to supply you with the necessary information but if
you insist. Have it your way
CHARLOTTE
Strikes
me that this corpse wasn't too popular in life judging by the amount of people
who showed up here
JOSIAH
It's all quite
sad, actually. She believed she never needed people and in the end, seems that
people weren't there when she needed them most
Mourner moves to
front of room and stands in front of coffin
So the departed
is a female. Looky who's here! It’s
my friend and co-worker, Janice. Hey girl, we were supposed to meet for lunch
yesterday! I showed up but what happened to you?
JANICE
Miserable,
lying witch! At last you made a useful contribution to the world and left it!
Good riddance to bad rubbish
CHARLOTTE
Is that
the way to talk about the dearly departed? Even dead people deserve respect
from the living. Your mama never taught you any manners?
JANICE
touches the coffin and returns to her seat
(aside to JANICE): ‘Janice? You-hoo! It's me.’
(aside to JOSIAH) I'm not surprised! She was always
a grudge holder. We better take a
seat…the minister is here
Gives Janice "the
finger" while passing her by and sits with others, accompanied by JOSIAH
(Cont’d. CHARLOTTE - aside to male, PETE): ‘Heeeey Pete-eee! So, how things
goin' with you? Sorry 'bout that story, but I just couldn't help myself. In fact,
I did just that. I'll return the favor in the future. You know how it is in our
biz’
(PETE) ignores CHARLOTTE and talks
to female on other side
(Cont’d. CHARLOTTE) Still mad at me, huh? See if I
care! That’s the last time I share a lead with him, let me tell you
JOSIAH
He can't hear you
CHARLOTTE
What are
you talking about? Of course he can but he's busy chatting up the new
receptionist. Real lizard that guy. Hits on all the new reporters. Anyway, he's probably still pissed 'cause I stole a lead on the story he was
after! Far be it for
me to beg forgiveness. He knows
that's the way things work. First come - first served!
JOSIAH
And you
certainly helped yourself, a lot, didn't you?
CHARLOTTE
Listen,
if something falls into my hands, who am I not to take advantage? I needed a
lead and Pete was nice enough to do the legwork for me. We're old friends
anyway. He'll come around, won't you lizard boy?
JOSIAH
You find
a way to justify everything. Has it dawned on you, yet, why you're here and
that people are ignoring your presence?
CHARLOTTE
What
other reason would I be in a place like this than to pay my respects to someone in the paper 'biz. Really
bugging me, though, how I got here and landed up next to a coffin. I've
covered practically every kind of story but I can't ever remember spending the
night in a funeral parlor. Maybe I was after a story but why is my mind blank?
JOSIAH
Merely a
temporary fog that will clear after you -
CHARLOTTE
- sssh! Talk
softer. We're gonna get kicked out and I'll never find out who's in the coffin
MINISTER
steps behind podium
MINISTER
Friends…
Voice calls out:
'She didn't have
any, so move on!'
MINISTER
..we are
here to bid goodbye to one…
Another
voice:
'Good riddance to
bad rubbish!'
MINISTER
…a…good
reporter, a good friend and colleague.
CHARLOTTE
This dead person must'a really
screwed them over but good, but she – you did say it was a woman? Like I was
saying, the dead deserve some respect too.
CHARLOTTE stands up and addresses
everyone
'That's no way to speak about the dead, you bunch of parasites. Have some respect!'
MINISTER
Is there anyone here who has something positive
to say, about the departed? Surely there must be one person in this entire room
that could say a few nice words about the late Charlotte Pembrook?
CHARLOTTE
Excuse
me? I can speak for myself, thank you very much… What's with this
"late" Charlotte Pembrook?
MINISTER
No one?
Then we'll proceed with the service
CHARLOTTE
What in
the hell is he talking about? 'I'm still among you, in the flesh! Look!
I’m here’
SFX: FLASHING LIGHTS
JOSIAH
Please
try to control using that "H" word, which is quite deplorable where I come from. I've been trying to tell you that
no one can hear you – or see you, either
CHARLOTTE
They're
doing it on purpose to teach me a lesson. ‘Well, it won't work people! I'm on
to you all! Can’t pull the wool over old Charlotte's eyes'
CHARLOTTE stands up
on chair, waves and screams on top of her lungs
CHARLOTTE
‘Charlotte
is here! Look! The old witch is alive and kicking. You can't ignore me forever’
JOSIAH walks to the
front of the room and stands behind the coffin
JOSIAH
I'm the only person who can see you, at least
for now
CHARLOTTE
Calm
down, Charlotte. There’s a very simple explanation for all of this. I’ve had
too much too drink and this is just a nightmare. Soon I'm gonna wake up and
everything will be like it should. That’s it. A nightmare.
JOSIAH
What’s
the last thing you can remember?
CHARLOTTE
Food! I
was at The Rib Rack gnawing on a rib. Must’a been a bad rack or something to
give me a nightmare like this. Alright – gotta calm down. I’m okay…gotta will
myself to wake up…time to wake up now… C’mon body – wake up!
JOSIAH
Come over
here and take a peak inside
CHARLOTTE moves
slowly to the front of the coffin and peers down. She jumps back
CHARLOTTE
If this
is a bad joke, I don't have a good sense of humor, today. Enough is enough,
already. I don't know how you did this, Joey or whatever your name is to make a
person look just like me. A dummy - it's a dummy, right? Hey - it's been a
blast meeting you, but I got things to do, places to go…
Aside to mourners:
JOSIAH
My dear, it's you in there, for real
