Barbie, Ken & the Rest in Plasticville: at the Olympics

THE CONTINUING STORY OF LIFE AMONG THE PLASTIC SET

SCENE: Barbie, Ken and G.I. Joe have arrived at the Olympics. They arrive at a high-end hotel and are joined by the Bratz', who have been invited as celebrity guests

YASMIN

Like...yeah Barbie. Like...where's your invitation, like

CLOE

I think that she doesn't have one

BARBIE

Like...you shouldn't think too much, CLOE. It's no good for your brain

JADE

Don't be bitter, Barbie. It's like...not your fault you're not popular

BARBIE

Come again? I've got mansions all over the world. I've got a huge reputation!

CLOE, YASMIN, JADE, SASHA (together)

So we hear. Like...are you still - um - dating - that Australian dude?

G.I. JOE

Hey! She gave him up when she started going with me. Hey Bratz! Wanna see my weapon? It's really strong and big! I'll even let you touch it if youze want. It's right here...

CLOE

Like...you are sooo disgusting. We're outta here!

(the Bratz storm off)

G.I. JOE

Who cares! They're big sissies anyway. Talking about sissies, what happened to Ken?

BARBIE

Like...who knows...who cares. He's always embarrasses me with his wardrobe. Like...I'm a star! I have to be surrounded with people who wear designer names

(a loud shout is heard accompanied by "surf's up!")

(cont'd.) OhGawd! Like...it's Ken. 

(KEN is wearing swimming trunks and slides up to BARBIE on a surf board through the hotel lobby)

KEN

Hi pretty lady! Have we met? My name is Ken!

BARBIE

Like...it's me, Ken. Barbie...your one and only? Remember?

KEN

Your face looks familiar... Oh my and who is this handsome dude? Do you have a name, soldier?

G.I. JOE

Ten-shun! Get down on your stomach and give me fifty!

KEN

We hardly know each other but if that's your little game...

BARBIE

Ken...Ken...Ken...you definitely have swallowed too much water and it's affected your brain. 

(BARBIE's cell phone rings)

'Hello? Who? I can hardly hear you...Blaine? Is it really you? You sound so far away... You're where?

(BARBIE looks across the hotel lobby and spots BLAINE, who runs across the lobby to greet her. They embrace)

BLAINE

Like...I figured you would be 'ere... I never stopped thinkin' 'bout you, darlin

BARBIE

I missed you, too!

KEN

And I missed you too, Blaine!

BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE: at the Olympics

The continuing story about life among the plastic people

SCENE: BARBIE and her entourage, KEN and GI JOE, arrive at the Olympics. Ken is in charge of carrying suitcases

BARBIE
Like...bring me my cosmetic case, Ken. I have to beautify myself for the press. Stop dragging your feet!

KEN
(crawling on his knees)
I can't help it, beach babe. Your luggage is weighing me down

BARBIE
Oh plleeze! You're always making excuses to get out of work and stop calling me beach babe!

GI JOE
Yeah sissy boy! Real men don't talk like that. A hundred push-ups will take care of your shoulder problem, soldier. Down on your knees and start pumping

KEN
Did you have something special in mind for you and me?

BARBIE
Did I tell you to leave your stupid surf board back in Malibu, Ken?

KEN
No can do. Me and my board here are close buds. Where I go - he goes. Right, Shane?

(KEN caresses his surf board)

(Cont'd. Ken)
...mmmmmm.....

BARBIE
You gave your board a name? Like...that is so...like...really sick and lame

GI JOE
We should'a lost him at the airport, babe. What good is he if he can't even carry suitcases?

BARBIE
The world knows us as Barbie and Ken. We're always gonna be together even when we break up. Barbie and Ken...Barbie and Ken... 'Oh look - Barbie and Ken have a new fashion line.' I'm sick of it! I mean, of course, it's sickening how close we are

KEN
...I love you, Shane...

GI JOE
All you gottta do is give the word and Ken and his wooden friend will surf the waves forever, if you get my drift.

KEN
Somebody say surf's up?

(cups his hand behind his ear)

BARBIE
What are you doing, Ken?

KEN
Surf's up! I can smell it! Time to hang ten off the top!

BARBIE
Like...put your clothes back on. There are no waves here

KEN
Must be the smell of the salt water taffy that's confusing me

BARBIE
Or all that water that's gone to your brain. Oh no! What are they doing here?

(The BRATZ approach)

BARBIE
What are YOU pathetic pieces of plastic doing here?

YASMINE
We were invited.

JADE
Yeah...we have an official invitation.

(extends invitation to show BARBIE)

(cont'd) Where's yours, Barbie

BARBIE
Like...um...well... Oh look, Ken! Our taxi has arrived

KEN
(waxing his surfboard)
Just a sec - I gotta shine my board. Never know when I'm gonna need it...gotta be surfing-ready

JADE
You bought...him, along?

BARBIE
You know he's my one and only! Like...we're together forever!

GI JOE
Hey! What about me?

BARBIE
GI Joe here guards by body. It's insured for five million dollars, y'know

GI JOE
That's not all I do for her, right babe?

(unknown to BARBIE, reporters are standing behind the group, taking notes. They all get on their cell phones upon hearing GI JOE's statement)

REPORTER
I just got a big scoop right here at the Olympics games. Not new medals. GI Joe and Barbie are testing mattresses again.

BARBIE, KEN & THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE: THE CONTINUING SAGA OF LIFE AMONG THE PLASTIC PEOPLE

"THE BREAKUP"

SCENE: KEN has shown up at Barbie's beach house where BARBIE, G.I. JOE and her friends are...partying. BARBIE has convinced G.I. JOE to stay back and keep watch over the house and the party while she i.e. BARBIE, take a walk on the beach with KEN.


KEN
Wow! This is nice. Just like the old days, babe! Me...you...

BARBIE
Um...Ken... I think we should talk

KEN
...the water and our surfboards. Remember, Barbie, before HE came along?

BARBIE
I think our problems go back much further than that

KEN
...we bought matching surfboards... Remember that? Then I got a tattoo to tell the world who I love.; It's still there, Barbie - read it - and remember

BARBIE
(moving her head side-ways to read it on KEN's arm)
"I Love Bra-B"? 

KEN
So the tattoo guy was dyslexic and a little hard of hearing. His heart was in the right place, though! Surf's up! I hear it!

BARBIE
Focus Ken! Try and focus!

KEN
But those were such great times! You hav'ta admit they were great times... Okay. I'm focused now

BARBIE
Listen - true we were...

KEN
Hear? Is that a bigggg wave coming in? I think it is! Why don't we go get our surfboard and...

BARBIE
Forget about the wave, 'kay? Now look into my eyes, Ken. Like...we hav'ta talk!

(BARBIE holds KEN's head between her extended plastic hands but KEN attempts to move his plastic head towards the ocean)

(cont'd BARBIE) Ken! Pay attention! Things have changed. I've changed and evolved! Like...now I have a whole new line of clothing and...I'm a big celeb

KEN
Me too! I can hang out with your gang! I use'ta be a star! Remember?

BARBIE
Like...see...that's the problem, Ken. You used to be a somebody but now you're just like...normal. Average. Blah and blech. Get it?

KEN
Um...yes... No - not really

BARBIE
Okay. Like...listen. See - I'm this really big well-known celebrity with this fantastic designer wardrobe and you - well - you're merely a guy who's in love with a surf board. Period. It just won't work!

KEN
What if I...give up surfing?

(KEN pivots as if he's on a surf board while talking to BARBIE)

BARBIE
Like...it can't be, Ken. Look at the way you dress. You've been wearing those same surfing trunks ever since we met. It's like - disgusting!

KEN
Hey - I hit the waves every day so they're always clean!

BARBIE
Ken...Ken...Ken... My poor Ken. Hit one too many times on the head with your surf board. You just don't get it, do you?

KEN
Huh? Get what? You want I should go back and get our surfboards, 'cause if that's what you want, I'll go get us twin surf boards...

BARBIE
I give up! Let's go back

KEN
Are you sure you don't wanna ride the waves? You use'ta like that

BARBIE
No Ken - I do-not-want-to-ride-the-waves with you

KEN
Are you riding the waves with somebody else 'cause if you are... I mean to say, if you is... Is there someone else? Is it G.I. Joe?

BARBIE
G.I. is just a friend, Ken, although he doesn't want to believe it.

(As they walk back, the sound of loud bangs resembling gun shots breaks the stillness of the night)

KEN
Uh-oh...I don't like the sound of that

BARBIE
Like...ohmygawd! I just hope it isn't...I pray that it isn't...

KEN
Yeah. Me too. Nothing spoils a night of surfing like a thunder storm. The last time I surfed during a storm, my board got hit with a bolt of lightning. I was unconscious for a good two minutes.

BARBIE
That would explain a lot. Uh-oh...is that G.I. Joe out there on the lawn?

(As they near BARBIE's beach house, BARBIE and KEN spot GI JOE shooting away wildly at...something)

(BARBIE cont'd) G.I. Joe! What are you doing?

G.I. JOE

It's okay, babe! Spotted an intruder and I took care of the problem. He'll never bother you again

(BARBIE, walking on tippy-toes with KEN lagging behind, rushes over and after several unsuccessful attempts at trying to get down on her knees, she bends over at the waist to see who the intruder is)

BARBIE
(gasping)
Like...omygawd! You've shot...

G.I. JOE
Yeah. No need to thank me, babe! I'm a trained sharp-shooter!

BARBIE
You...you...idiot!

G.I. JOE
Aw babe! You always say the nicest things!

BARBIE
You shot Blain, the Australian surfer dude.

G.I. JOE
He's the enemy, babe! A guy has'ta do what a guy has'ta do!

BARBIE
Ken - call the beach rescue

KEN
Uh-oh! Surf's up! Gotta go!

(KEN rushes off, leaving BARBIE and G.I. JOE alone)

G.I. JOE
No need t'thank me, babe

(BARBIE opens her Barbie carry-all purse and produces her cell phone)

BARBIE
'Hello - send an ambulance right away to Barbie's Fun'n'Famous Beach House right away!'

Question du jour: Will Barbie be able to save Blain (Australian dude and former love of her life) or is it too late? To be continued)..



BARBIE, KEN & THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE: the continuing saga of life among the plastic people
By Eleanor Tylbor

Our story so far:

BARBIE, KEN, G.I. JOE and their plastic "sisters" and "brothers" were relegated by circumstances beyond their control to live out their lives in relative obscurity, packed away in boxes in a warehouse…somewhere. At the point G.I. Joe, always the soldier was about to blast their way out of the warehouse, they were set free due to some unexpected legal proceedings and a court case. Once again, they continue to live out their lives in Plasticville.

SCENE:
BARBIE, ever the fashionista, is in her designer bedroom filled to capacity with designer clothes, trying to decide what to wear

BARBIE
Like…I can't believe I'm actually back in my designer home again with all my designer outfits, waiting to be tried on! Bend my arms a little, Ken. That's better. Now pass me those Dolce and Gabanna outfits. No – gimme the Gucci… No – I'm in a Stella McCartney-ish mood…

(G.I. Joe and Ken rush over to grab a handful of new outfits and fight each other to be thee first to hand them to her)

G.I. JOE
Get…out'ta…my…way…surfer…stupid-o! She was talking to ME!

KEN
Stupid-o? Look who's calling me stupid-o. Mr. Soldier Boy who blew off his own foot with a grenade! I'm her favourite and always will be! Right Barb babe?

G.I. JOE
Hey! That was an unforeseen accident. Anyway, I got another one. She wants a real man and that's why I'm here!

KEN
(distracted, looking off in the distance)Is that a wave I hear? Is surf up?

BARBIE
Ken…Ken…Ken… Like - life does not begin and end with surfing! There is more to life like clothes and being seen with the right people in the right places in the right time


G.I. JOE
(laughing)
Ha! See what I mean? She's not hanging-ten on your board anymore. She wants a real man and that's why I'm here! The time is right babe for you and me! Wanna go blow up something, babe?

KEN
Oh yeah? We go back like…forever, right Barb? We always were and we always will be and there's nothing that you can do about it. We've always been boyfriend and girlfriend – always. Course there was a time when we broke up… I was like…so depressed… Didn't come out of the water for weeks… Hadda get a whole new plastic skin transplant…and the smell!

G.I. JOE
You pathetic piece of plastic! You're nothing but… Press the red button on my back, sissy-boy. My new leg replacement has molded together, again

KEN
Maybe I will…and maybe I won't. Hmmmm….let me see now…

G.I. JOE
Oh fer… Okay. Tell 'ya what. Help me out and I'll give you a ride in my jeep. Your new surfboard there would fit in the back seat just perfectly. You'll be a big hit with your surfer pretty boys. I mean friends

(KEN hops over – on tip-toes – and attempts to lift G.I. JOE's shirt but his arms won't bend)

KEN
Tough luck, soldier. No bend-o, no button push-o!

BARBIE
(laughing)
Like…you two! You're like…so-so…

G.I. JOE
…army tough?

KEN

…your best beach boy?

BARBIE
Silly guys! Weird of course! Always fighting over…moi. Didn't your mommies teach you how to share?

(Doorbell rings)

BARBIE
Now who could that be? Maybe…more designer outfits? Or perhaps an invitation to a club opening? Hmmmmm….

(BARBIE hops over to the door on tip-toe and opens it)

BARBIE
(gasping in shock)
Like…what are YOU doing here?

SASHA BRATZ
Like…hi! Like…is that the way to welcome your friends. Right girls?

(SASHA barges past BARBIE followed close behind by YASMIN, CHLOE BRATZ)

YASMIN, CHLOE
Yeah – like…is that the way to treat us? Ooooooo – new clothes! Be our best friend and let us try them on?

BARBIE
You have-got-to-be-kidding! Like…why would I, Barbie, world-famous fashionista, let you, my former best friends who stabbed me in the back, like…try on these beautiful new outfits created for ME!

SASHA
How about because we're here to tell you something very important!

BARBIE
Like…who cares?

YASMIN
You will when we tell you that…that...

BARBIE

That...what?

G.I. JOE

Want me to squeeze the truth outta her, babe? Huh? I can y'know! Just say the word

(TO BE CONTINUED. WHAT IMPORTANT INFO. DO THE BRATZ'S HAVE TO TELL BARBIE? WE'LL FIND OUT DURING OUR NEXT VISIT TO PLASTICVILLE)

BARBIE AND BRATZ GO TO COURT


Seems that things are not cozy or even chummy in Barbie's world these days since Bratz dolls have taken the market share from the fashionista. As if things weren't bad enough with the Mattel family of dolls over the past couple of years, now they have to add a legal challenge to their pot of problems. Here's the sad story so far:

The maker of Barbie dolls, Mattel, has argued that it should own the rights to Barbie's younger rivals, the popular Bratz dolls range. The toy giant argued at the start of a court case that the 10-inch characters were created by a former employee while he was still working for Mattel. It wants competitor MGA Entertainment to stop selling Bratz products. But MGA contends that Carter Bryant came up with the Bratz designs when not working for Mattel. The smaller rival says Mr Bryant first had the idea in 1998, when he had been out of Mattel's employment for eight months, and that the dolls were developed by MGA engineers in late 2000 and 2001.

Here are some doll statistics regarding the group:

June 2001: Bratz dolls launchedMain characters: Cloe, Yasmin, Sasha and Jade dressed in urban fashions
September 2004: Bratz outsell Barbie in the UK
September 2005: Bratz animated TV series airs
August 2007: Bratz online community launched

But in the opening day of evidence in California, an attorney for Mattel said Mr Bryant's sketches were done on Mattel notepaper and that he worked on the designs for a year while still working for the company.

"MGA didn't hire him straight away," said Mattel attorney John Quinn. "They polished the fashion doll design using Mattel resources and Mattel personnel."

Earlier this month, Mattel dropped its claim against designer Carter Bryant for $35m in royalties he had been paid by MGA Entertainment for his work on the Bratz dolls. MGA said Mattel's claims against it were "equally baseless" and said it intended to counter-sue for $1bn in damages at the end of the current court case. Barbie has slipped in popularity since the launch of the Bratz franchise in 2001. As well as dolls, the Bratz product range includes clothes for young girls, stationery and a feature-length movie featuring the characters.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/7423435.stm

Extra: Barbie comments on the case!

In a recent interview with the newly released Barbie from her cardboard prison located in a warehouse... somewhere, the glamorous symbol of the vinyl set for her part, says that she only wants what is rightfully hers. Whatever that is once the dust settles.

"Designer shoes...designer outfits...designer purses...limos...my needs are simple," Barbie said, when asked for a reaction to what is happening, "especially compared to those Bratz girls! I hear they even got their own TV series! That's it! I'm suing!"

GI Joe who happened to be sitting next to her, came to her defence.

"Yeah - she only wants what's hers! D'ya think it was easy having to live in a cardboard box? Well I can tell 'ya - it wasn't! It was hard! Read hard! No bullets...no tanks... Nothing! No way to defend everyone from the enemy. Right babe?"

More updates as they occur.

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