Friday, February 14, 2014

BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE: at the Olympics

The continuing story about life among the plastic people

SCENE: BARBIE and her entourage, KEN and GI JOE, arrive at the Olympics. Ken is in charge of carrying suitcases

BARBIE
Like...bring me my cosmetic case, Ken. I have to beautify myself for the press. Stop dragging your feet!

KEN
(crawling on his knees)
I can't help it, beach babe. Your luggage is weighing me down

BARBIE
Oh plleeze! You're always making excuses to get out of work and stop calling me beach babe!

GI JOE
Yeah sissy boy! Real men don't talk like that. A hundred push-ups will take care of your shoulder problem, soldier. Down on your knees and start pumping

KEN
Did you have something special in mind for you and me?

BARBIE
Did I tell you to leave your stupid surf board back in Malibu, Ken?

KEN
No can do. Me and my board here are close buds. Where I go - he goes. Right, Shane?

(KEN caresses his surf board)

(Cont'd. Ken)
...mmmmmm.....

BARBIE
You gave your board a name? Like...that is so...like...really sick and lame

GI JOE
We should'a lost him at the airport, babe. What good is he if he can't even carry suitcases?

BARBIE
The world knows us as Barbie and Ken. We're always gonna be together even when we break up. Barbie and Ken...Barbie and Ken... 'Oh look - Barbie and Ken have a new fashion line.' I'm sick of it! I mean, of course, it's sickening how close we are

KEN
...I love you, Shane...

GI JOE
All you gottta do is give the word and Ken and his wooden friend will surf the waves forever, if you get my drift.

KEN
Somebody say surf's up?

(cups his hand behind his ear)

BARBIE
What are you doing, Ken?

KEN
Surf's up! I can smell it! Time to hang ten off the top!

BARBIE
Like...put your clothes back on. There are no waves here

KEN
Must be the smell of the salt water taffy that's confusing me

BARBIE
Or all that water that's gone to your brain. Oh no! What are they doing here?

(The BRATZ approach)

BARBIE
What are YOU pathetic pieces of plastic doing here?

YASMINE
We were invited.

JADE
Yeah...we have an official invitation.

(extends invitation to show BARBIE)

(cont'd) Where's yours, Barbie

BARBIE
Like...um...well... Oh look, Ken! Our taxi has arrived

KEN
(waxing his surfboard)
Just a sec - I gotta shine my board. Never know when I'm gonna need it...gotta be surfing-ready

JADE
You bought...him, along?

BARBIE
You know he's my one and only! Like...we're together forever!

GI JOE
Hey! What about me?

BARBIE
GI Joe here guards by body. It's insured for five million dollars, y'know

GI JOE
That's not all I do for her, right babe?

(unknown to BARBIE, reporters are standing behind the group, taking notes. They all get on their cell phones upon hearing GI JOE's statement)

REPORTER
I just got a big scoop right here at the Olympics games. Not new medals. GI Joe and Barbie are testing mattresses again.

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