SPIDER: the play

Finally, after a long-ish drought, started a new play that is coming along nicely, if I may say so myself and I do. The theme of the play is unusual, at least for me, focusing on a chance encounter between a spider and a female. Or is it a coincidental encounter?

Here is a small spin of "Spider" - an introduction.



'Will you walk into my parlour?' said the Spider to the Fly,
''Tis the prettiest parlour that ever did you spy;
The way into my parlour is up a winding stair,
And I have many curious things to show when you are there.'
'Oh no, no,' said the little Fly, 'to ask me is in vain,
For who goes up your winding stair can ne'er come down again.'

SPIDER

 

SCENE                      A bedroom.

AT RISE                    Female sleeping in her bed. A 'spider' slowly crawls up

                                   on to the bed from the foot of the bed and stops in the       middle. Staring at the sleeping woman causes her to stir to consciousness.

FEMALE

Sits up, turns on lamp

Wow! Weird dream! A nightmare, really. Ugh… black furry thingies…crawling everywhere…  Must be those tacos laying on my chest.

                        Covers herself and suddenly jolts to an upright position

 (Female cont’d) Now I can’t go back to sleep. Every time I close my lids, I keep seeing eyes watching me.

SPIDER

Hello there!

WOMAN

                        Woman looks around room, under bed for source of voice. Moving her head

                        to a normal position, she catches the sight of the spider. She brings her knees

                        up to her chest level in a fear response

Agh! OmyGaw-d! A spider! What am I supposed to do? Nobody around to get rid of it! Where’s a spider slayer when you need one! Oh Gaw-d! I know – I’ll swat it with today’s paper… Wait! I threw it out! Oh Gaw-d-oh-Gaw-d… Gotta calm down - just get up and get the bug spray on the veranda. That means I have to push back the covers and what happens if it - if it jumps on me! I’m gonna die!

SPIDER

Such melodrama, my dear. You do realize that you're considerably larger than my miniscule dimensions. The only defence I have are – well – eight legs in which to escape enemies and venomous sac to…

WOMAN

Stop! Too much information!

SPIDER

It’s unfathomable as to why you humans fear we tiny and defenceless arthropods to such a degree. We live a quiet life in a web, not bothering anyone and yet your kind is determined to destroy our existence. Why?

WOMAN

We just do – ‘kay? Now how am I gonna get off the bed to get something to –

SPIDER

- kill me? Squash me into a black mass? Tear off my legs?

WOMAN

Something like that…

SPIDER

What did I ever do to deserve such murderous intent?

WOMAN

You’re…you. A spider. The enemy. Something to be feared

SPIDER

But here we are, talking to each other in a civilized fashion and yet you have homicidal thoughts running through your head

WOMAN

(opening a night table drawer)

I think there’s a Home and Garden magazine in here somewhere… It’s got weight, which will be perfect –  

SPIDER

- let’s not be so hasty. Perhaps we can open a dialogue so that we can examine our situation and see if we can arrive at a mutual understanding we both can live with…

WOMAN

…darn! Where’d I put that magazine...

SPIDER

…it seems by your choice of reading matter that you are a lover of the outdoors…

WOMAN

…here, somewhere...

SPIDER

…what’s the rush? Let’s at least open a discussion…

WOMAN

There’s nothing to talk about. You’re a spider that hast'a be eliminated

SPIDER

To be honest, I didn’t just arrive here, now. In fact, I’ve been hanging around in the true sense of the word (chuckles) for months, out of sight, watching and studying you

WOMAN

Where? I mean, I never spotted you

SPIDER

Oh here, there, everywhere… In the bedroom, kitchen but mostly in a corner in the den

WOMAN

Like, how long are we talking here? A week…days…

SPIDER

Much longer than that. Try a whole year, which is quite a personal accomplishment given you humans penchant for instant spider elimination the minute you catch sight of us

 

WOMAN

Why are you still here?

SPIDER

I ask myself the same question given the odds against survival. Fascination, I guess, not to mention your house is quite an agreeable place to hang out, if you’ll excuse the pun, again. I’m especially taken with your extensive collection of house plants, many of which I’m attracted to

WOMAN

Used to have more but somehow they always ended up being attacked by bugs and I’m personally against using those anti-insect sprays. Not environmentally friendly

SPIDER

That’s very considerate of you being an insect lover myself, but for a different reason

WOMAN

And that would be

SPIDER

Let’s just say that I help control the bug population

WOMAN

Like, that is so cannibalistic. Where’s that magazine…

SPIDER

A spider has’ta eat, y’know

WOMAN

Stop! I’m feeling nauseas! I don’t wanna know anything more. I know it’s here somewhere…

SPIDER

That it on the lamp table over in the corner?

WOMAN

Must’a left it there a couple of months ago.

                        they sit staring at each other for a minute, immobile

SPIDER

Changed your mind? A reprieve for me, perhaps?

WOMAN

I’m just wondering… What happens if I…like…push the covers back and make a run for the magazine?

SPIDER

Definitely do-able. Let’s examine the possibility. You would throw back the covers thereby covering me up and causing me to be temporarily immobile and I, in turn, in an effort to avoid being squashed, would creep away and hide. There are so many good places to avoid being seen and we may not meet again in person for a long time.

WOMAN

Hide? Where?

SPIDER

Can’t say for sure. Somewhere in the house, out of view but within sight of you

WOMAN

In this room?

SPIDER

Perhaps. Then again, maybe not. Maybe in the basement in your laundry basket…or perhaps in your food cupboard, or in the den. Who knows!

 

WOMAN

But I have to pee and the bathroom is on the other side of the room

SPIDER

Oh I do love the bathroom. So nice and damp, especially the bathtub

WOMAN

Look – I’m not kidding – I really have to go

SPIDER

Hey – don’t let me stop you. All you have to do is get off the bed and walk to the bathroom. Such an easy move

WOMAN

                        Grabs the magazine and rolls it up

 

Okay… Concentrate… One smack…

                        Slides down bed towards the spider, who starts moving towards her

Stop moving! I – I can’t look at your eyes. Stop!

SPIDER

Do you really expect me to do nothing in the way of avoiding imminent death?

WOMAN

How about a temporary truce?

SPIDER

We could open a discussion.

WOMAN

Okay. The reality is I gotta go to the bathroom and in order to get there have to get off this bed.and by you, which isn't physically difficult. I’ll put down this magazine, at least for now, if you stay exactly where you are

SPIDER

How do I know I can trust you?

WOMAN

How do I know I can trust YOU?

SPIDER

Given your size compared to my miniscule dimensions, seems I have more to lose than you

WOMAN

Size isn’t necessarily an indicator of bravery. Things are getting desperate here. Do we have a deal?

SPIDER

Hmmmm. Depends

WOMAN

On what?

SPIDER

The terms of our temporary arrangement

WOMAN

Like - can we please get this discussion over with?

SPIDER

How long would this truce last?

WOMAN

I dunno. Fifteen minutes… Things are really at the desperate stage now

SPIDER

Fifteen minutes? That’s it? I have to stay here, immobile, trusting that you’ll use the magazine strictly for reading purposes? No deal

WOMAN

Fine. Okay. How about an hour, then?

SPIDER

Let's go for four hours. That'll give us enough time to discuss our situation and try to arrive at a favorable solution to our impasse