OLD SOLDIERS - for Memorial Day

 

OLD SOLDIERS DON'T DIE - THEY  FADE AWAY

 

 

 

In recognition of Memorial Day, the first few pages of "OLD SOLDIERS."

 



OLD SOLDIERS

 

THE TIME:

 THE PRESENT. MORNING.

 

SETTING:

 A PUB/BAR.

 

AT RISE:

SERVICE VETERAN, JOE MCKENNA, SITS AT A TABLE READING A NEWSPAPER, WHILE WAITING FOR HIS BUDDIES TO ARRIVE. A WHITE DOG LAYS ON THE FLOOR BY HIS FEET. BACKGROUND MUSIC SUPPLIED BY AN OLD JUKE BOX

 

JOE

(to himself)

Yup…yup…yup… The way things are goin’, won’t be long before we’re all gone. Poor old, Perce. Died alone without anyone there to see him on his way to the big battlefield in the sky. ‘Here’s to you, Perce! You’ll be missed for sure!’

 

                                    Lifts glass in the air and lowers it

 

‘Refill, Vince.’

JOE’S FRIEND, MIKE, DRESSED IN FULL UNIFORM JOINS HIM AT THE TABLE

 

MIKE

Freezing out there. Wind cuts like a knife. See you got a head start. Buying us a round?

 

JOE

You just got here and already trying to mooch a free drink?

MIKE

When it comes to mooching, bud, you got that covered and then some. When’s the last time you paid?

 

JOE

(pretends to take out imaginary book)
 

Lemme’ check my diary here…last Wednesday, three in the afternoon. You buying or not?

 

MIKE
 

Not. How come you’re not in full dress?

 

JOE

 

What for? I don’t need no uniform to remind myself what we went through

 

MIKE

 

Just don’t seem right, is all

 

JOE

Got it stored away in the back of the cupboard, along with a lot of mothballs. Anyway, the jacket buttons don’t close properly

 

MIKE
 

You reek bad, Joe! Obviously, you tried on the jacket. Smell sticks to your clothes

 

JOE

 

I’ll warn you in advance the next time I try it on. You buying, or what?

 

MIKE

 

Like I told you, not

JOE

You are a cheap bastard! I’m stuck paying, again. ‘Vince – two whiskeys’

 

MIKE

-         Joe here is paying by the way -

 

JOE

-         whatever. See you’re in full regalia.

 

MIKE

If I don’t wear it today, when then? Take it out once a year

 

                                    VINCE, the bartender, brings over drinks

 

VINCE

One of you guys forget to wash?

 

MIKE

 

Joe here uses moth balls to store his uniform

 

JOE

Why should I share it with the moths?

 

VINCE
 

No insult intended but you’re stinking up my bar. Wouldn’t hurt to go and air yourself out a bit. You paying cash, Joe, he asked hopefully

 

JOE

Put it on my tab. Mike here’s as cheap as they come. You’d think for a special occasion he’d spring for a round but noooo….  that would be asking too much for his old friend

 

VINCE
 

Nice if one of you would pay cash for a change. Joe - your tab goes back more than a year. Let’s see here …you owe me $1500.34. I’m feeling generous today so drop the thirty-four cents and make an even $1500

 

JOE

You’re all heart. Where d’ya expect me to find that kind of money on my service pension?

 

VINCE

At least give me something towards it. Anything! I have bills to pay, too, y’know

 

JOE

Next check. I’ll give you a couple of bucks. May have to give up some food items and my dog here will have to get used to eating just a few days a week…

 

VINCE

Why don’t you lay on the guilt a bit more. Listen - about your Daisy… You know I’ve never objected to you bringing her here. She’s a good dog and I like her a lot but as I said, dogs aren’t allowed in bars. I’ve closed my eyes up until now but there’s a new inspector and word has it that he goes by the letter of the law

 

JOE

She’s a service dog. Aren’t you girl?

 

                                    Daisy picks up her head responding to hearing her name

 

She goes where I go. Calms my nerves and watches out for me

 

MIKE

How old is she, anyway? Getting’ on in years

 

JOE

What’s the difference? She’s there when I need her

 

VINCE

She better be legally registered when or if the inspector comes ‘round

 

JOE

Don’t worry ‘bout my Daisy. I’ll just explain there’s extenuating circumstances

 

VINCE

Don’t say I didn’t warn you

 

JOE

Mac’s supposed to meet us here

 

MIKE

Seriously? The man doesn’t drive and uses a walker. How’s he getting here?

 

JOE

He wants to join us for Percy’s funeral

 

MIKE

Amazing. Never lets his condition stop him from doing anything. Sometimes I wonder how he gets around but he manages. Mind over matter I guess. It’s either that or give up and die. Mind you, sometimes when pain takes over, it don’t seem like such a bad idea

 

JOE

He just walked in. Poor guy can hardly move. ‘Over here, Mac!’

 

MIKE

None of us are peppy anymore, in case you hadn’t noticed. My glass is empty by the way

 

JOE

Yeah and? I bought last time

 

MIKE

So what. You owed me from all the rounds I bought before

 

JOE

It’s your turn, el cheapo!

 

MAC

(gasping to catch his breath)

Really…windy… out… there – and cold. Hope the wind… dies…down… for later. Hard to get around in this kind of weather, ‘specially with my walker. What times the funeral, anyway?

 

MIKE

You really planning to attend, Mac? Not trying to discourage you or anything but it’ll be hard pushing your walker on grass and that wind…

 

MAC

I’ll manage. Old Percy was one of the last few members of our group. He deserves our respect and he’d do the same for any of us. Can’t believe he’s gone… Really cold out

 

JOE

You look like an ice cube and your hands are blue. Why didn’t you wear gloves? How’d you get here, anyway?

 

MAC

By bus. Took me forty-five minutes if you don’t count standing at the bus stop waiting for twenty minutes. Damn busses never stick to their schedule

 

MIKE

You shouldn’t even be out in this cold. Didn’t the doctor warn you to stay home in extreme temperatures. This sure qualifies

 

JOE

What’s in the package?

 

MAC

Got a treat for Daisy

 

                                    MAC takes a bone out of a bag

 (cont’d. MAC) Found it in the trash in back of the supermarket on the way here. Look at it – a perfectly good bone with lots of meat. Probably even good enough for us to eat. You should see all the food they toss out there. Fruit and veggies with a couple of bruises and piles of bread. Cakes too!

 

                                    DAISY struggles to get up as MAC gives her the bone

 

MIKE

The dog eats better than we do. You… don’t take things from the trash…do you?

 

MAC

I personally don’t but what if I did? There are people in third world countries that wouldn’t think twice about eating it. ‘There you go Daisy. A perfectly good bone for you. Enjoy. ’Ouch…trouble standing up…back is out again. Stupid bus trip didn’t help none

 

JOE

Why didn’t you take a cab?

 

MAC

You hav’ta be kidding. Like I can afford a taxi? I’m here now so stop jabbering and order me something warm. No – make that hot. Gonna be freezing at the cemetery for sure. Not too many people will show up ‘specially at our age

 

MIKE

There ain’t that many at our age, left. We don’t get to choose the kind of weather t’get buried. Funeral’s called for noon. No uniform?

MAC

Can’t do up the buttons, hands shake that badly. At least I’m wearing my cap

 

 

  

A taste of "ACORN FARM"

A small sampling from a play written as a joint project, which started out as an add-to-the-story writing exercise with bits and pieces added over time. Like most of my plays, it's a comedy but with dramatic overtones.  Listed only the three main characters in this snippet.

 

By Eleanor Tylbor

and

Jeff Slater

 

CAST OF CHARACTERS

 

BESS MALONE, 50’s, Widow

LEANN WALKER, 17, spoiled niece of Bess

WAYNE SMITH, 60’s, physically-disabled old grouch and owner of dilapidated cabin in the woods

 

THE TIME

The present. Autumn

AT RISE
Bess's arms are filled with kitchen equipment while Leann holds a cell phone extended in the air, in an attempt to get a signal.



 

BESS

(stopping to glance at LEANN)

Don’t offer to help or anything. Of course it’s totally understandable. Strain your arms and you won’t be able to iron your hair or whatever you do with it

LEANN

My cell phone’s not working and I forgot to bring a charger. D’ya have one I can borrow?

BESS

Of course! Doesn’t everyone carry a spare phone charger.  Just a minute – I’ll check my purse…

 

LEANN

Good ‘cause I promised Jeremy I’d call him as soon as we arrived. How much longer ‘til we get to where we’re supposed to be? I’m getting hungry

BESS

Forget about touching base with your Jeremy. You’re far, far away from civilization and there’s not a hope that your cell phone will work here, anyway

LEANN

I’m sure they’ll be some kind of phone connection at the place we’re staying. Can’t wait to take a hot shower and get out of these grungy clothes. Hey – maybe there’ll be a Jacuzzi, or even an indoor pool

 

                        BESS drops the pots and pans at the front door of the cabin

BESS

In these parts? ‘Ya gotta be kidding! Where do you think we’ll be staying? At a five-star hotel?

LEANN

Wha’cha do that for? I mean, let’s get back in the car and get there already
 

BESS

We’re – here – or there

LEANN

(looking around, panic-stricken)

Tell me this isn’t the place. It’s a joke, right? To teach me a lesson? Of course it is. Nobody in their right mind would stay... here. C’mon – it’s getting dark already and I could fall and break a heel on my new shoes

BESS

Be it ever so humble, kiddo!

LEANN

You-you can’t expect someone like…me to stay…in a place like... that. I’ll catch a fatal disease or something

BESS

You wanna knock on the front door or should I?

LEANN

There’s has’ta be a hotel around here. I’ll even stay in a bed-and-breakfast. Maybe if we go back on the main road…

BESS

I didn’t see any buildings for miles around driving up here Look at it this way: it’ll build character and heaven knows you need some of that.

                        BESS searches the door frame for a doorbell and then knocks

(cont'd) Hello?

                        Moves back and examines the house from all angles

(cont'd) A palace it ain’t

LEANN

Nobody’s home. Let’s turn around and call whoever from a hotel

                        LEANN turns around and starts walking

BESS

We’re not going anywhere, unless you feel like hiking through the woods alone in the dark with all those bears and mountain lions out there, not to mention snakes

LEANN

You're just saying that to scare me, aren't you? Y'know...I could borrow your car and go get help.

BESS

Over my dead body you will! I promised your parents that you’re spending the summer with me and that’s exactly what you’re going to do

LEANN

They’re punishing me for dating Jeremy! Think they can keep us apart but they’re wrong. One phone call from me and he’ll rush up here and take me away from all of…this. You’ll see

BESS

Face it, sweetie – there isn’t a cabin or means of communicating with lover boy for miles and miles. From what your parents told me, he drives an old motorcycle and that sure won’t make it up here

LEANN

(starting to cry)

Why are you doing this to me? I’m not the type that can survive without my cell and friends and…

BESS

Believe me, by the time this is over, you’ll thank me for the experience

                        BESS knocks on the door again

(Cont.d) Why doesn’t he answer? Wha’cha gonna live on, anyway? Love? Baby girl – love don’t pay the rent or buy groceries or pay your cell phone bill. I understand that Jeremy doesn’t have a pot to piss in

LEANN

He has job prospects. Last week he had an interview with a company to demonstrate toys in a shopping mall

BESS

(banging on the door)

Real career move that is. Maybe you can join him and the two of you can spend your lives window shopping. Where the heck is Wayne? Hel-lo? How old are you now, anyway?

LEANN

Seventeen next month and we won’t have to worry ‘bout money ‘cause I’ll be bringing in money too

BESS

You? Work? Wha’cha gonna do? Be a nail polish tester? Look – I haven’t got the patience to fight with you. I’m too tired and getting more frustrated by the minute. ‘Hello! Wayne!’

LEANN

Let’s go back, then.  Maybe…maybe the person who lives here went away. I mean, what human being could stay in a dump like this?

BESS

I understand he’s in a wheelchair so he’s gotta be inside. Not the friendly type either, his son told me so we’ll just have to figure another way to get in Maybe…

                        Lifts a mat in front of the door and picks up key

Why would anyone hide the key to get in here? I can imagine what it’s like on the inside

                        Opens door

As bad in the inside as it is on the outside…worse

LEANN

Eeee-uuuu! Tell me we’re not sleeping here

BESS

Well sweetness and light, unless there’s a tent tucked away in that designer suitcase of yours, this is home for a while

LEANN

Like…you gotta be joking! There’s no way. I’m calling my parents to come pick me up

BESS

First of all, your parents are on a cruise ship. Second, before they left, your mom and dad insisted that I take you with me to experience real life, so I doubt they’d even spring for bus fare, let alone come rescue you. Might as well give up on getting in touch with the outside world for a while

LEANN

Where I live, they would condemn a place like this. Gross!

BESS

Where you live, maxing your credit card is considered a hardship

LEANN

I figured this was a shelter for people who get lost in a storm or something

BESS

Surprise! A real live person lives here. Go grab that box with the kitchen stuff

LEANN

Darn! I broke a nail and I just had a French manicure yesterday. D’ya have an emery board? I can’t do anything unless I file down this nail. The last thing I need is jagged edges

BESS

Oh no! We wouldn’t want that! Hold on a minute while I look through my suitcases here. Shoot! Must’a left it back on my manicure table A nail file no less… Now move it, girl!

                        She looks around the room. Dirty dishes cover the surface of the table;

                        clothes litter the floor and a torn curtain hangs from a broken rod and
                        blackened pots and pans sit on top of the stove

Filth! Absolute filth

                                                                                                SFX: person coughing
 

WAYNE
(V/O)
 

Whoever you are, don’t even twitch or blink an eye. I got a shotgun pointed directly at your heart so’s you might as well start sayin’ your prayers now

BESS

(piling dishes one on top of the other, responding to WAYNE)

And you must be Wayne? Geez – when was the last time you washed these? There’s over an inch of mold growing all over them

WAYNE

                        At entrance of room in front of open door in a wheelchair with oxygen tank

                        Attached

I’m warning ‘ya – I’m a crack shot

BESS

Of course you are and I’m Martha Stewart, here to remodel your home. Not a good idea to use a gun ‘specially since you’re dragging oxygen around with you

                        WAYNE slowly wheels himself into the room, one hand on wheelchair

                        control lever and the other holds the shotgun supported under his armpit

WAYNE

You think I don’t know how to use this don’cha, woman? Lemme tell you something lady, this here baby (taps rifle) has seen lots of action over the years. Bagged me plenty of deer in my day and a couple of bears. If you don’t believe me, look up at the wall over there

                        Glances up at wall displaying mounted bear and dear heads – looks away

BESS

Disgusting! Shooting defenceless creatures that can’t fight back

WAYNE

It was either them or me. I was defending myself

BESS

I bet. That deer looks really vicious. Threatened to nibble your hand, right? If I’m gonna stay here, it’ll all hav’ta go, along with a lot of other crap you’ve accumulated

WAYNE

Over my dead body!

BESS

The way you look pal that could be sooner than you think. Go back to the other room and let me do my thing

WAYNE

Just who the hell are you, lady, paradin’ yourself in here like you own my place? You answer my ad for a wife? If ‘ya did, you ain't what I had in mind. Lift your skirt and lemme see your legs…

BESS

Not. Whad’ya think I am? A horse? No – don’t answer that. I don’t know much about guns and don’t take this the wrong way, but one twitch of your trigger finger and your foot is history. God knows you have enough problems without adding missing toes to the list

WAYNE

You’re here to rob me, ain’cha? Heard ‘bout your type. Come on to me all sweet like and then you’ll knock me out and steal everything I own after having your way with me…

BESS

…which adds up to a fat zero. For your information, your son hired me as a housekeeper, so we’d better learn to co-exist with each other. Believe me, if I didn’t need some extra cash… In fact, I’m gonna get in touch with him and ask for more money, especially since it means living here with the likes of you

 

WAYNE
(coughing and choking)

Sure. My money-grabbing kid gets word through the grapevine that I’m an helpless old man in a wheelchair and he sees dollar signs floatin’ in front of his eyes! Damn kids – bring ‘em up to be God-fearin’ Americans and then they try to knock you off... Where are my cigarettes...

BESS

You think that your children want to inherit…this? You’re a joke, Wayne! There is no way you're going smoke in my presence so you can forget about your cancer sticks. What else? You can barely talk from coughing, not to mention carrying around an oxygen tank

WAYNE

We'll see about that. Go back and tell my sonny boy, I don’t need nobody’s help and that includes yours. Tell him…I ain’t ready to kick the bucket, yet! Get out’ta here. GET OUT – and take your helper with you. I don't need no old battle-axe tellin' me how t'live my life. And don't come back. Hear?