BARBIE CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY:
BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON
BY ELEANOR TYLBOR

SCENE: WAITING ROOM OF PLASTIC SURGEON'S OFFICE.

BARBIE, "THE" PLASTIC FASHIONISTA, THUMBS THROUGH THE PAGES OF ELLE MAGAZINE. SHE IS WEARING LARGE SUNGLASSES THAT COVER A LARGE PORTION OF HER FACE AND A LARGE HAT COVERS HER HEAD. SITTING NEXT TO HER IS KEN, HER ON-AGAIN, OFF-AGAIN BOYFRIEND, WHO IS DRESSED AS PER USUAL IN SURFING TRUNKS. A SURFBOARD LEANS AGAINST THE WALL BEHIND HIM.

DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Barbie and Ken. The doctor will see you now. By the way – um - Barbie, do you have a last name for my records?

BARBIE
Like…don't you know who I am, nurse? I'm Barbie! I mean, I'm everywhere in better toy retail outlets – and of course Walmart. Everyone knows me! I don't need a last name!

DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Everybody has a last name. You can't see the doctor until my file is complete

KEN
Tell her, Barbie! You're half a century old for crying out loud

BARBIE
Oh? Since when do you have an opinion, surfer boy? If I'm a half-century – so are you!

KEN
Am not!

BARBIE
Are too!

KEN
Fibber!

BARBIE
Surfer stupid-o!

DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
'Scuse me but I still don't have a last name. No last name- no see doctor

KEN
I've kept this secret because I love you, babe but I gotta tell someone. Her real name is Barbara Millicent Robert

BARBIE
(sobbing)
Ken – how could you?

KEN
There's nothing wrong with your name

BARBIE
It's so…plain and normal. I'm Barbie, fashionista! If the Bratz ever find out…

KEN
I hadda share… Wait a minute…I hear something… I smell water…

DR. MAK. M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Oh shoot! Don't tell me the toilet's running over again. I swear, plumbers these days…

KEN
(grabbing surf board and running out of waiting room)
Surf's up!

BARBIE
(composing herself)
…he promised he would keep our secret forever…

DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
There…there…Ms Robert…

BARBIE
It's Barbie! Got that?

DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG'S NURSE
Whatever… Dr. Mak M.E. Young will see you now

(another patient walks in. Looks around the office and stares at Barbie)

PATIENT
Hey! Aren't you… You know… I forget her name…

BARBIE
Yes…go on… You see me everywhere…? I'm into high-fashion…?

PATIENT
Paris Hilton! Like...ohmygawd! I can't believe it's you!

(BARBIE jumps up and hops quickly on tip-toes into the doctor's office)

BARBIE
I need help!

DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
So what can I do for you today…Miss Martin? Please sit down

BARBIE
Must I? I mean, I'd rather stand up

DR. MAK ME YOUNG
All my patients have to sit across from me because…because… Just because

BARBIE
Easier said than done… Wait a minute… Maybe if I just…

(BARBIE attempts to manoeuvre into a sitting position without success. She ends up laying on her back, across the chair)

BARBIE
I'm 50 years old, doctor! Half a century! My skin is saggy and soggy and I need to re-invent myself. Those Bratz girls are just too popular

DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
You know the Bratz too? You should see what I did for them! They look gor-geous!

BARBIE
Whad'ya gonna do for me?

DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
(examining her with a magnifying glass)
Well… too much sun-tanning…and too many late nights clubbing… It's wear-and-tear on your face, y'know! I keep telling you celebs to wear sun protection but do you listen?

BARBIE
I'm a fashionista… Like...I hav'ta do those things! Please! You have to help me! I mean, you are a plastic surgeon!

DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG
Let me consult with my golfing buddies… I mean, let me talk about your case with other plastic surgeons. Go home and I'll get back to you

BARBIE
Please doctor – I'm desperate. Don't wait too long

(BARBIE attempts to get up without success. Finally after several ties, she manages to get in a standing position)

I hate it when this happens… If you could just move my arms down… Now push me up on my bum…

(DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG helps her, then opens the door. He extends his hand to say goodbye)

BARBIE
Just lift my arm up a little… Remember – I'm desperate – and I pay cash!

(TO BE CONTINUED… Will BARBIE receive the plastic surgery she believes she needs? Will DR. MAK M.E. YOUNG get a hole in one? These questions will be answered in the next instalment of "BARBIE CELEBRATES HER 50TH BIRTHDAY: BARBIE AND KEN VISIT THE PLASTIC SURGEON")

JURY RULES IN FAVOR OF MATTEL. BARBIE MIFFED - KEN INDIFFERENT

by Eleanor Tylbor

"Barbie and Bratz dolls are sisters, a jury has decided in a major victory to Mattel Inc., the world's largest toymaker, in its copyright infringement lawsuit against rival MGA Entertainment Inc.

The federal jury decided Thursday that the designer of MGA's Bratz characters conceived the idea for the dolls while working for Mattel — a ruling that could mean millions of dollars for the Barbie maker when the jury considers possible damages during a separate proceeding.

"http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080718/ap_on_bi_ge/mattel_bratz


Word has it that Barbie and the Bratz' do not accept the reality that they are related.

"Like - how can...they be related to someone so...so...famous like me?" Barbie was quoted as commenting after the decision. "It's just not possible, that's all I have to say. Please make sure to photograph my best side."

For their part the Bratz girls aren't surprised with the verdict.

"We knew we were Mattel," Yasmine Bratz said. "I mean, we always felt - you know - Mattel-ish. We have our own site now and you can join us at http://www.bratz.com/ for fun and games and fashion advice."

"Fashion advice! What do...they know about fashion?" Barbie interjected. "No sense of color...or style...or...""Oh yeah? Well...girlfriend, at least we have joints that bend, which is more than can be said for you! I mean, who wants to spend their entire lives walking on tip-toe!"

"That is like...so mean!" Barbie said. "Isn't that a mean thing to say, Ken?" Barbie asked and then nudged her some times significant-other."Well isn't it?" Barbie asked once again.

"Surf's up!" Ken responded, throwing down his surfboard on the ground and attempting to surf ride the waves.

At that point the press conference was over and Barbie and the Bratz girls left arm-in-arms.

"Like...how can you go out with him?" Sasha Bratz asked, shaking her head incredulously watching Ken balancing on his surfboard.

"It's the price I must pay for being a famous personality and fashionista," Barbie sighed.

"Hey - this is a good wave!" Ken yelled, his arms flaying wildly on the floor.

THREAT OF STRIKE FOR WRITERS/PRODUCERS - TV COULD GET A WHOLE LOT WORSE

"With their current deal set to expire on June 30, Hollywood actors and producers had yet to sign a new contract by June 13. And with each passing day, the likelihood of an actors’ strike—while practically unthinkable so soon after the Writers Guild of America strike turned the 2008 development season on its head—seems increasingly possible, especially with both sides sparring so publicly.

SAG president Alan Rosenberg has said the American Federation of TV and Radio Artists, which signed a tentative deal with producers last month, had made no headway on those points. SAG, representing about 120,000 actors, singers, dancers and stunt men, staged a rally last week to persuade the 44,000 or so of its members who also belong to AFTRA to delay ratifying their new contract until after SAG had completed its negotiations with the Alliance of Motion Picture and TV Producers."

Given the current TV schedule and programs that passed for entertainment this season, things could be a whole lot worse.

Read the entire story here: http://www.mediaweek.com/mw/content_display/news/national-broadcast/e3i5597024fecf11e332dbcd600b1e07895

Some further thoughts about playwriting and "the craft."

There is a lot written by playwrights, playwriting authors and the like regarding form when submitting plays. This is something that has been on my mind since encountering problems numbering the pages of a play. Try as I might/may the computer and/or my latest Explorer version refuses to number the play in Roman and Arabic numerals. Like...life is complicated enough writing a play, period! I wonder if William Shakespere had the same concerns. Doubtful since he used a quill and ink. Wonder what would happen if a/theatres received a play submission written in pen and ink.