SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE

THE COFFEE QUANDARY

 

 

SCENE:  COFFEE SHOP. A HALF-DOZEN PEOPLE LINE UP TO ORDER COFFEE. PERSON ENTERS AND CREATES ANOTHER LINE, NEXT TO THE EXISTING LINE.

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Hello? We're all waiting to be served, too

 

(COFFEE DRINKER 2 IGNORES COFFEE DRINKER 1)

 

(CONT'D.) COFFEE DRINKER 1

 'Scuse me but he line begins and ends here. Feel free to join us - at the back of course

 

COFFEE DRINKER 2

I want a coffee! Nothing else

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Me too!

 

COFFEE DRINKER 2

You would make me go to the back of the line for one cup of coffee?

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Why not? That's why we're here but we wait our turn!

 

(COFFEE DRINKER 2 reluctantly and slowly moves to back of line, talking to people as she walks,  shaking her head)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 2

This is so dumb! One lousy coffee that would take less than thirty seconds to order. Ridiculous!

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Not really. A line up is a line up is a lineup. We all gotta abide by the rules. I mean, what would the world be like without structure. Utter chaos. Right people?

 

COFFEE DRINKER 3

Y'know...I'm not in a rush. You can go before me

 

(steps aside to allow coffee drinker 2 to move up)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 4

Me too. Gotta lotta time to kill

(steps aside to allow COFFEE DRINKER 2 to move in front of her/him)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

Thank you so very much for backing me up, people! This is a perfect example why the world is in the condition it's in. Nobody cares! Rules are the glue that solidifies civilization!

 

COFFEE DRINKER 3

Give her a break! You're in front so why do you care?

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

That's not the point, my friend. Why do I care you ask? I care because we must retain some semblance of order in society. There are societal rules that are accepted norms and lining up and waiting our turn to be served is one of them. Can you imagine - and I'm sure it would never happen because you people seem civilized - if everyone pushed in and demanded to be served? There would be chaos!

COFFEE DRINKER 2
It's a coffee! That's it! Nothing to go along with it. No danish or pastry or anything that will take more time.

COFFEE DRINKER 1
That's what you say now but how do we know we can believe you?

COFFEE DRINKER 3 AND OTHERS LINING UP
'I believe her...'

COFFEE SHOP SERVER

Can I serve anyone over here?

 

(People rush over to the other line. COFFEE DRINKER 2 waves and smiles at COFFEE DRINKER 1)

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1

I tried. Can't teach everyone to have manners. 'A large regular coffee - in a china mug, please'

SERVER
Only paper cups. Our dishwasher is broken

 

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Say what? You expect civilized people, like me to...to drink coffee out of a paper receptacle? This is absolutely unacceptable. Paper is so..banal. Wash a mug out by hand, for goodness sake!

SERVER
Look over there. See the big pile of dishes in the sink? You expect me to wash out a mug for you? I think not!

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Do I have a choice - but don't expect me to enjoy it!

(COFFEE DRINKER 1 takes paper cup and looks for a table. She sees COFFEE DRINKER 2 seated by herself at the only available table)

COFFEE DRINKER 1
Excuse me...but would you mind if I join you? In my discussion with the coffee server person regarding the non-availability of china coffee mugs, it appears all the chairs and tables are taken. You would think that they would keep extra mugs on hand for people who can't tolerate drinking their beverage out of paper.

COFFEE DRINKER 2
Well...now. How 'bout that. Go figure. There is justice in this world. Why don't you line up, patiently, and wait for someone to vacate a table.

COFFEE DRINKER 1
But that could take who knows how long. You on the other hand, are all alone

COFFEE DRINKER 2
I like my space

(COFFEE DRINKER 3 approaches the table)

COFFEE DRINKER 3
Do you mind if I join you?

COFFEE DRINKER 2
Be my guest.

ASIDE TO COFFEE DRINKER 1: Like you said, there are rules and waiting our turn is one of them.  I think I just may order another refill...or maybe two...
 

 

 



SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE. At the coffee shop

POST PLAY DISCUSSION #1

 

SCENE: Coffee shop

AT RISE: Two friends discuss a theatre performance they have just seen
 

 FRIEND 1

(perusing menu)

Decisions…decisions… I just started seeing a dietician but I absolutely adore their chocolate-chocolate-and-more-chocolate molten lava cake… One more time couldn’t hurt.
 

 FRIEND 2

Given that it’s past eight o’clock and the worst time for weight gain, I, on the other hand, will stick to my usual expresso
 

FRIEND 1

You’re so holy-holy, perfect, human being
 

FRIEND 2

Jealousy is futile. It’s my genes. Everyone in my family is thin, going back generations

You do realize I could eat whatever I wanted without guilt but I don’t, because I respect my body
 

 FRIEND 1

Hey! Me too! My body tells me regularly, “feed me chocolate-chocolate-and-more-chocolate molten lava cake’ and I’ll make you feel real good!”
 

FRIEND 2

Anywaaay…So what did you think of the show?
 

FRIEND 1

Well…it had its moments
 

FRIEND 2

You didn’t like it, I take it?
 

 FRIEND 1

I never said that
 

 FRIEND 2

What are you saying?
 

 

FRIEND 1

It had its moments

 

FRIEND 2

Which means?
 

 

FRIEND 1

 

Kind of dragged in parts
 

 

FRIEND 2

I dunno. Made me laugh – a lot
 

 

FRIEND 1

That’s ‘cause you’re easily amused
 

FRIEND 2

Is it necessary to insult me, just because you consider yourself (makes quotation marks with her fingers) “a playwright”?
 

FRIEND 1

It’s the words and how they’re put together that interest me
 

FRIEND 2

Seemed like one great show, overall, in my eyes
 

 

FRIEND 1

You didn’t find that the first act seemed to never end?
 

FRIEND 2

I go to the theatre to be entertained. Period. I don’t agonize over whether the first act is better than the second because really, I don’t care! If the actors can provide a couple of hours of escapism, then they’ve done their job
 

 

FRIEND 1

We obviously view the entertainment through different eyes. I’m interested in the flow of the dialogue…the inter-action of the performers…things of interest to a person who writes plays -
 

 

FRIEND 2

- remind me how many of your plays have been produced –
 

 

FRIEND 1

So? What does that have to do with anything? It’s not for lack of trying. Have you any idea how many playwrights are out there all over the planet, hoping that someone will share them with the world? Gazillions I can tell you – including me! I mean, well known one’s, too! One day – one sweet day – someone, somewhere will read one of my plays and say, “this is the winner we’ve been waiting for!” One day, you and I, will sit here as we do after a night at the theatre, and discuss the merits of one of my plays. You’ll tell me how witty the dialogue was and how it made you laugh and how lucky that our friendship has maintained over the years…
 

 

FRIEND 2

So, are we ordering or what?
 

 

FRIEND 1

I’m thinking here perhaps it is too late for something heavy like the chocolate-chocolate-and-more-chocolate molten lava cake
 

 

FRIEND 2

Good idea - think healthy

 

(waitress approaches to take order)

 (cont’d.)We’ll have two expresso coffees, please…
 

 

 FRIEND 1

…hang on…
 

 FRIEND 2

I thought you decided against the cake
 

 

FRIEND 1

The cake is on the heavy side but a small butter pecan muffin wouldn’t even register on the scale. Now about the play…the acting was adequate but then they didn't have much to work with...

(To be continued...)



SCENES FROM LIFE - A SHORT PLAYETTE. AT THE COFFEE SHOP

SMALL TALK

 

SCENE:  SMALL COFFEE SHOP

AT RISE: A FEMALE (FEMALE 1) BRINGS A TRAY TO A TABLE, PULLS OUT A CHAIR,  SITS DOWN, STARTS TO UNWRAP A SANDWICH AND DRINK HER COFFEE

AN ELDERLY FEMALE (FEMALE 2) AT THE NEXT TABLE EATING A SANDWICH, TURNS AND STUDIES HER.

 

FEMALE 2

Your hair

 

FEMALE 1

Sorry?

 

FEMALE 2

Your hair is nice

FEMALE 1

(touching hair)

Thank you.

 

FEMALE 2

I mean, your hair is really nice. Who does it?

FEMALE 1

A local hair stylist where I live. I have it cut once a month and do it myself the rest of the time. Thanks again.

 

(Turns her attention to a cell phone)

 

FEMALE 2

My children and my grandchildren have those electronic gadgets

FEMALE 1

My cell?

FEMALE 2

Is that what it’s called?

FEMALE 1

Very handy. Pick up my mail…see what’s happening in the world…keeps me connected

 

FEMALE 2

Hmmm… I still like a good, old fashioned phone that stays in one place

 

FEMALE 1

Hardly use mine anymore

FEMALE 2

Mine is a black push-button phone but that’s okay. The way I see it, I don’t want the world to hear my conversations. Not that I have anything to hide.  Know what I mean?

FEMALE 1

Got’cha

 

(cell rings as FEMALE 2 watches FEMALE 1 speaking on the cell)

FEMALE 2

See? I heard everything you were saying. Not that I was trying to be nosy or anything. Point I’m making is there’s no privacy these days.

 

FEMALE 1

(staring down at her cell and involved in texting, somewhat ignoring FEMALE 2)

…uh-huh…

 

FEMALE 2

Know what? Before when I was in the bathroom, I heard a woman talking on those things while she was…well you know…peeing. That is like – so disgusting, don’t you think? I mean, couldn’t she live without that thing for the few minutes it would take to use the toilet? And she didn’t even flush! Probably didn’t even wash her hands, either, after!

FEMALE 1

…appointment tomorrow at 10 a.m. with John…

 

FEMALE 2

I’m sorry. You’re busy.

 

 (silence between them for 10 seconds)

 

(cont’d. FEMALE 2) You’re a coffee drinker I would guess?

FEMALE 1

Yup…

FEMALE 2

Don’t you find that coffee loses flavor in a paper cup?

FEMALE 1

...uh-huh...

 

FEMALE 2

People don’t have time to take care of the little things in life, anymore, like taking the time to really talk one-on-one. Human communication is a lost art

(FEMALE 1 loads her tray and starts to get up, preparing to leave, her focus on her cell)

FEMALE 1

Nice talking to you. Have a great day

 

FEMALE 2

Same here.  (calling as she walks away) ‘Love her your hair…’

 

(a female (FEMALE 3) sits down at the table next to FEMALE 2 , drinking coffee and reading a newspaper)

 

FEMALE 2

Always good to keep updated with the latest news. I would give up lots of things before giving up a newspaper that I actually touch and flip the pages. Mind you, I think our kind are dinosaurs

 

FEMALE 3
(inattentive)

Um – I guess…maybe…

 

(FEMALE 2 continues to talk waiting/hoping for a reaction from FEMALE 3)

 

FEMALE 2

Mind you, these days people get all their latest news and speak to each other on those cell phone gadgets but I don’t own one, though…  Don’t even have a computer…my kids wanted to get me one but then I’d have to learn to use it… By the way, your hair is really nice…who does it?

SCENES FROM LIFE: A SHORT PLAYETTE
AT THE COFFEE SHOP
THE CINNAMON BUN SITUATION

SCENE: Seating area outside a well-known coffee shop chain. A female customer brings over a coffee and a cinnamon bun. She sits down, staring at bun.

FEMALE
I dunno... This doesn't look fresh to me

MALE
How can you tell? I mean, what does a fresh roll look like?

FEMALE
Should look shiny and moist on the surface. This doesn't

(she uses a fork to break a piece off)

(cont'd.) Blech! This is not fresh! I knew it!

MALE
You're going to take it back, aren't you?

FEMALE
Yup. I'm not paying to eat stale food items. I'll be back...

(she takes the roll and returns to the coffee shop counter. Server approaches her, staring at bun)

(FEMALE cont'd.)
This is stale!

(FEMALE hands over plate with bun)

SERVER
Stale? We got it in this morning

FEMALE
Well then...you received a stale bun. Touch it and see for yourself

(server puts finger on bun and presses it)

SERVER
Feels fresh to me. I'll have to get the manager

(FEMALE waits at counter for manager. Manager approaches and server speaks softly to him)

FEMALE
The bun is stale

MANAGER
Impossible!

FEMALE
Maybe to you but to me, it's stale

MANAGER
I get fresh deliveries every morning. This is not stale!

FEMALE
Sorry but it is

MANAGER
Lady - you wanna come here 9 a.m. in the morning and see my deliveries?

FEMALE
Not really

MANAGER
It has to be fresh I'm telling you!

FEMALE
And I'm telling you it isn't! It's from yesterday

MANAGER
Lady - I don't sell stale stuff! I'm in the food business!

FEMALE
I'm not accusing you of selling stale food items but somehow, some way, this slipped by

MANAGER
(highly indignant and defensive)
I've been manager here for a long time and I'm telling you this is fresh! I know! So whad'ya want me to do, huh? You want a new one, I suppose. Right? Or maybe you want something else? Is that it? You wanna exchange it? Give the bun to me!

FEMALE
Take it easy! Everything is cool! Relax. It's only a cinammon bun!

MANAGER
Only a cinammon bun for you. You come here 9 a.m. in the morning and...

FEMALE
I have absolutely no desire to be here at 9 a.m. to monitor your delivery order. That's your business! Remember I'm the customer?

MANAGER
So...whad'ya want?

FEMALE
(looking over the display case)
So many items...hmmm... Okay. I'll take the cranberry-lemon muffin

MANAGER
Here. Enjoy

FEMALE
By the way - is it fresh?

SCENES FROM REAL LIFE

A SHORT PLAYETTE: THE COFFEE CUP


SCENE: WELL-KNOWN COFFEE SHOP/CHAIN. MAN RETURNS WITH TWO MUGS, ONE FILLED WITH COFFEE AND THE OTHER WITH BOILED WATER FOR TEA


MAN
(placing mug on table)
Here's your boiled water


(woman peers into cup and stares for 5 seconds)


MAN
Aren't you going to drop in your teabag? The water's gonna get cold and you know how you are about water being boiling hot


WOMAN
I have a problem here

MAN
Now what? The water's luke warm, I suppose?


WOMAN
Nope. The water is dirty


MAN
You're kidding! Dirty as in...


WOMAN
Look inside. There are black thingies floating around


(man lifts mug and peers inside)


WOMAN
...and the rim of the mug is dirty. What do they use to wash their dishes? A cat's tongue?


MAN
You're right - there are thingies floating around. You go bring it to their attention. It's your water


(there is a small line-up of people waiting to be served. Woman waits at end of line holding mug of water. Female/customer in front turns around looks at mug and then at woman)


WOMAN
Dirty water. Horrible


CUSTOMER
Oh.. That's too bad...


WOMAN
Yes it it and look - thingies floating inside


CUSTOMER
(peering into mug)
Yup - I see them, too. Look - why don't you move in front of me. You should be first since you were already served


WOMAN
Thank you. That's very considerate. It's just so...blechy to get a dirty mug.


CUSTOMER
Why don't you ask them for a paper cup, instead?


WOMAN
That's okay for coffee but for tea, one must have a china mug


CUSTOMER
It's your turn now... give him hell!

WOMAN
(to person serving coffee)
This water has thingies floating around in it and the mug is dirty. Check it for yourself.


CUSTOMER
She's right, y'know. Check it out! Really - you guys should make a better effort to wash your cups better


(SERVER TAKES MUG FROM WOMAN, LOOKS INSIDE, THROWS HER A DIRTY LOOK, EMPTIES WATER AND RE-FILLS MUG. WOMAN TAKES IT FROM SERVER AND CHECKS WATER AND MUG)


WOMAN
This looks okay but I'll have to take it back and look under the light


SERVER
Dishwasher is broken


WOMAN
Then don't use china mugs! I mean, really... If you had told me in advance, I would have settled for coffee today and used a paper cup


SERVER
Of course. You're right. The customer is always right. I should have known better... Your mug of water is clear now and there are a lot of people waiting to be served


WOMAN
(turning to people in line)
'Their dishwasher is broken! Stick to paper cups!'


WOMAN
(aside to server)
Have a great day. Tea in paper cups - what next...