Friday, January 23, 2015

Snippet from Dead Writes - revised

Started writing this play a while back and have been slowly - accent on the slowly - adding-to and tweaking the play over time. Recently gave it yet another read and after deep thought and concentration, have finally come to what I believe and hope to be, a good ending. Still not finished, yet, but I've been making progress, which in itself is a good omen. Sometimes omens are all we have to propel us along.

I've shared bits and pieces of it here before but here is the latest incarnation. The cast list will most likely grow slightly. I've adapted it for this blog but the cutting and pasting isn't ideal. As usual, comments welcome.

The story: Sometimes lessons in life come at a cost especially when the cost involves sacrifice on behalf of another.




DEAD WRITES
By Eleanor Tylbor

 
CAST OF CHARACTERS

 
CHARLOTTE PEMBROOK:         50-something; former reporter, deceased

JOSIAH:                 Heavenly "Spiritual Adviser - Disembodied Souls Division:

MIA STEVENSON:          Ambitious young reporter

 
THE TIME  
                        
PRESENT DAY, MORNING

 
THE PLACE

Anywhere


SETTING:   A funeral parlor

 
AT RISE:   A group of people are seated in a funeral chapel, socializing for the most part, while waiting for the service to begin. A coffin is situated on an elevated stand in the middle of the room.

 
CHARLOTTE PEMBROOK, wearing a diaphanous flowing dress sits on a bench - eyes closed - to the side of the coffin. Gaining consciousness, she sits up, looks around in a confused slightly-stunned state. Touching her arms, legs and body parts, she stands up and pulls at the material of her dress

 
                                  FX: SOMBER MUSIC

 
CHARLOTTE

Really must'a tied one on last night. Weird....no hang-over like usual.
 
Stands upright, moves closer to coffin, straining to see inside. A funeral organizer passes by without acknowledging her presence. She pokes him in the back, to no avail.

'Scuse me…hello'? Could you tell me…? Hello! Wait a minute, sir. Don't ignore me. You are so rude!’

He focuses his attention on the coffin
 
Lemme be blunt like the real me: who's the corpse?
 
         Man continues to ignore her

What is your problem? A name - that's all I want! It's not a lot to ask.  Fine. Suit yourself. I'll find out on my own…creep!
          

A man, JOSIAH, enters and stands directly behind CHARLOTTE. Dressed entirely in white, he glitters from head to toe including hair and skin

JOSIAH


May I? No need to yell. I can provide you with that information
 
          Startled, she whirls around to face him

 
CHARLOTTE

You could give  person a heart attack sneaking up like that. And I thought I looked bad in this outfit? If you don't mind me saying, sir, you look like a bad case of indigestion after eating too many Halloween candies. I've been trying to find out what's going on but the guy over there is ignoring me. Some people don't have any manners

 

JOSIAH


He can't hear you

 

CHARLOTTE


It’s not like me not to remember some details of the night before but my mind is a complete blank. Not even a few flashes. Nothing


JOSIAH


Not surprising

 

CHARLOTTE


I get it now! This place is one of those new theme clubs and you're the bartender, right? Explains a lot especially the look. So – like - you doing Liberace? That would explain my dress, too. Wouldn't be caught dead wearing this. Go figure a funeral parlor would double as a club. So where’s the booze?

 

JOSIAH


The one thing I can assure you is that this is not a nightclub. You know…if you really want, I could tell you who's in that coffin

 

CHARLOTTE


What’s wrong with me? Here's me going on about nothing and you're burying someone who means a lot to you. That’s it, isn’t it? Sometimes I'm so dense. My deepest sympathies. Hard to lose a loved one. Last year my cat, Annabelle passed on to that great kitty litter box in the sky


JOSIAH


You could say I’m related to that dead person. In fact - I'm close with most people that pass through

 

CHARLOTTE


You work here, then?
 

JOSIAH


In a way. Death is the human equalizer, don't you think? Everyone is on an equal plane no matter how important your life was or how much money you had or how much power you wielded

 

CHARLOTTE


I suppose so - can't say I've given it much thought, lately. You wouldn’t happen to know how I ended up here, though, would you? Did somebody drop me off or did I come here on my own...mind you, can't imagine why I'd want to hang out at a funeral parlor. Lots of empty chairs

 

JOSIAH


Do these mourners strike a familiar chord?


CHARLOTTE glances at the mourners

 

Vaguely familiar...I think... Hang on a minute!  These people work with me!

 
(Aside to mourners): ‘Hey guys - who's watching the store! We got a deadline! This is a surprise party, right? It's all a big joke. I should have known. Whose birthday is it? 'Ya don't hafta worry 'bout me giving it away!  Hello? People? I’m talking to you all!’
 
Weird. They're all ignoring me like I wasn’t here or something. Dumb…dumb…dumb. Ignorance, thy name is Charlotte! This is a "for real " funeral. That has'ta be it and this here is a real body in a real coffin! Okay –so – then - why am I here? Must be somebody I knew…

She strains to see in the coffin again without results

CHARLOTTE


You seem to know a lot about this person. Was it Don McGrath or Pete Winston? Don't know how many times I warned them both to slow down, but did they listen? ‘Course not! What does an old broad like me know, right? Burn the candle at both ends and you’re gonna burn your light out, I told them time and time again. Everyone thinks they’re gonna live forever

JOSIAH


How right you are. It wasn't either one of them

 

CHARLOTTE


That's a relief 'cause we're the last three old farts left at The Sentinal. Started out together at the same time and we've seen 'em come and we seen 'em leave. Some on to bigger and better and some like this here person, in a wooden box. Things are sure different now. Back when we were in our prime, the only thing we had'da know was a keyboard. Nowadays everything is electronic - cyber this, cyber that. They'll soon find a way to replace us all with computer systems and you know what? Nobody will give a damn

 

JOSIAH


They'll always be a need for the human touch

 

CHARLOTTE


Look at 'em all…young kids just out of J-school. What do they know about getting a story? How can you write about life if you never experienced it? 

 

JOSIAH


So true

CHARLOTTE


Guess you were a friend of the corpse or related?

 

JOSIAH


I'm friends with a lot of people. You can say that I help them through a difficult period

 

CHARLOTTE


So you're one of those - what do they call them - grief councillors? Bet you go to a lotta funerals

 

JOSIAH


I can honestly say that I've never missed one

 

CHARLOTTE


Never? Not even one by mistake?

 

JOSIAH


Not one in all the years I've been assigned here

 

CHARLOTTE


Have we met somewhere before, maybe a long while back? The more I look at you, the more familiar your face seems to me. Wait a minute! It’s so obvious as the nose on my face. You're a new bartender at Pat's watering hole. I'll pay my tab next week, I swear, it's just that I've been running a little short lately…

 

JOSIAH


We've had a few close encounters in the past, Charlotte, but this is the first time we've met one-on-one. My drinking days are history in the true sense of the word but you seem very caught up with alcoholic beverages

 

CHARLOTTE


Got it now. You own the new funeral parlor down the block and you're here to scope out the competition. Smart move on your part 

 

JOSIAH


Not…exactly but you could say I'm in the funeral business since I make a point never to miss any. In fact, funeral parlors are where I first connect with…

 

CHARLOTTE

(backing away)

Hey! You're not one of those slimy creeps who pick up rich, lonely women at funerals. Listen bud, I'm not rich and certainly not in the market to add a new man in my life.  Been there, done that, too many times. Know what I mean?

 

JOSIAH


(laughing)

You're quite priceless, my dear. Trust me when I say my interest in you is anything but corporeal in nature. You do like games, don't you, with all your questions that I would be glad to answer. There really is no secret

 

CHARLOTTE


It's my nature to snoop and dig for answers

 

JOSIAH


You don't have to. I'd be most happy to supply you with the necessary information but if you insist. Have it your way

 

CHARLOTTE


Strikes me that this corpse wasn't too popular in life judging by the amount of people who showed up here

 

JOSIAH


It's all quite sad, actually. She believed she never needed people and in the end, seems that people weren't there when she needed them most

Mourner moves to front of room and stands in front of coffin

So the departed is a female. Looky who's here! It’s my friend and co-worker, Janice. Hey girl, we were supposed to meet for lunch yesterday! I showed up but what happened to you?

 

JANICE


Miserable, lying witch! At last you made a useful contribution to the world and left it! Good riddance to bad rubbish

 

CHARLOTTE


Is that the way to talk about the dearly departed? Even dead people deserve respect from the living. Your mama never taught you any manners?

JANICE touches the coffin and returns to her seat

(aside to JANICE): ‘Janice? You-hoo! It's me.’

(aside to JOSIAH) I'm not surprised! She was always a grudge holder. We better take a seat…the minister is here

Gives Janice "the finger" while passing her by and sits with others, accompanied by JOSIAH

(Cont’d. CHARLOTTE - aside to male, PETE): ‘Heeeey Pete-eee! So, how things goin' with you? Sorry 'bout that story, but I just couldn't help myself. In fact, I did just that. I'll return the favor in the future. You know how it is in our biz’

(PETE) ignores CHARLOTTE and talks to female on other side

(Cont’d. CHARLOTTE) Still mad at me, huh? See if I care! That’s the last time I share a lead with him, let me tell you

 

JOSIAH


He can't hear you

 

CHARLOTTE


What are you talking about? Of course he can but he's busy chatting up the new receptionist. Real lizard that guy. Hits on all the new reporters. Anyway, he's probably still pissed 'cause I stole a lead on the story he was after! Far be it for me to beg forgiveness. He knows that's the way things work. First come - first served!


JOSIAH


And you certainly helped yourself, a lot, didn't you?

 

CHARLOTTE


Listen, if something falls into my hands, who am I not to take advantage? I needed a lead and Pete was nice enough to do the legwork for me. We're old friends anyway. He'll come around, won't you lizard boy?

 

JOSIAH


You find a way to justify everything. Has it dawned on you, yet, why you're here and that people are ignoring your presence?

 

CHARLOTTE


What other reason would I be in a place like this than to pay my respects to someone in the paper 'biz. Really bugging me, though, how I got here and landed up next to a coffin. I've covered practically every kind of story but I can't ever remember spending the night in a funeral parlor. Maybe I was after a story but why is my mind blank?

 

JOSIAH


Merely a temporary fog that will clear after you -

 
CHARLOTTE

- sssh! Talk softer. We're gonna get kicked out and I'll never find out who's in the coffin


MINISTER steps behind podium

 

MINISTER

Friends…
 

           Voice calls out:

'She didn't have any, so move on!'


 

MINISTER


..we are here to bid goodbye to one…


Another voice:

'Good riddance to bad rubbish!'


 

MINISTER


…a…good reporter, a good friend and colleague.

 
CHARLOTTE

This dead person must'a really screwed them over but good, but she – you did say it was a woman? Like I was saying, the dead deserve some respect too.

CHARLOTTE stands up and addresses everyone
 
'That's no way to speak about the dead, you bunch of parasites. Have some respect!'

 

MINISTER


Is there anyone here who has something positive to say, about the departed? Surely there must be one person in this entire room that could say a few nice words about the late Charlotte Pembrook?

 

CHARLOTTE


Excuse me? I can speak for myself, thank you very much… What's with this "late" Charlotte Pembrook?


MINISTER


No one? Then we'll proceed with the service
 

CHARLOTTE


What in the hell is he talking about? 'I'm still among you, in the flesh! Look! I’m here’

                                                                                                         SFX:  FLASHING LIGHTS
 

JOSIAH


Please try to control using that "H" word, which is quite deplorable where I come from. I've been trying to tell you that no one can hear you – or see you, either


CHARLOTTE


They're doing it on purpose to teach me a lesson. ‘Well, it won't work people! I'm on to you all! Can’t pull the wool over old Charlotte's eyes'

 
CHARLOTTE stands up on chair, waves and screams on top of her lungs


CHARLOTTE


‘Charlotte is here! Look! The old witch is alive and kicking. You can't ignore me forever’


JOSIAH walks to the front of the room and stands behind the coffin

JOSIAH


I'm the only person who can see you, at least for now


CHARLOTTE


Calm down, Charlotte. There’s a very simple explanation for all of this. I’ve had too much too drink and this is just a nightmare. Soon I'm gonna wake up and everything will be like it should. That’s it. A nightmare.

JOSIAH

What’s the last thing you can remember?


CHARLOTTE

Food! I was at The Rib Rack gnawing on a rib. Must’a been a bad rack or something to give me a nightmare like this. Alright – gotta calm down. I’m okay…gotta will myself to wake up…time to wake up now… C’mon body – wake up!


JOSIAH


Come over here and take a peak inside

 
CHARLOTTE moves slowly to the front of the coffin and peers down. She jumps back


CHARLOTTE


If this is a bad joke, I don't have a good sense of humor, today. Enough is enough, already. I don't know how you did this, Joey or whatever your name is to make a person look just like me. A dummy - it's a dummy, right? Hey - it's been a blast meeting you, but I got things to do, places to go…

Aside to mourners: ‘Okay you guys. You pulled off the ultimate practical joke. Got me fair and square. I give in. C'mon – don't be such grudge holders! You know I was only doing what you would'a done in my place’

 

JOSIAH


My dear, it's you in there, for real



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