BARBIE, KEN AND THE REST IN PLASTICVILLE
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
By Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: Having revived BLAIN, the Australian surfer dude and love of BARBIE’s life, G.I. JOE has asked BARBIE about the geographical location of Australia
(The continuing story about life among the plastic people)
By Eleanor Tylbor
SCENE: Having revived BLAIN, the Australian surfer dude and love of BARBIE’s life, G.I. JOE has asked BARBIE about the geographical location of Australia
BARBIE
What are you trying to tell me, G.I.?
G.I. JOE
Hey! Is that the place where them there giant jumping mice live? ‘Cause if it is – I can get some of my men together and we can go hunt them down and…
BARBIE
Like…pleeze, G.I.! Is that all you care about? Killing and maiming? You are so violent!
G.I. JOE
Thank you. I know. Gawd I love it when you use those big words. You’re so smart, babe!
(BARBIE attempts to cradle BLAIN’s plastic head but it continually slips out of her inflexible hands and she ends up dropping his head on the ground)
BARBIE
Like…I’m soooo sorry. Blain? Are you okay, baby?
BLAIN
(mumbling)
Wha’? Hear? Surf’s up! Where’s my board…get my board please, mummy
BARBIE
Oh Blain…honey! It’s me, your Barbie doll!
BLAIN
Mummy? I have a boo-boo on my head. It hurts baaaaad
G.I. JOE
I dunno, babe! Sounds suspish..sustik… Could be an enemy. Better frisk him…
BLAIN
(dazed)
Daddy? Is that you?
G.I. JOE
Hey! I ain’t your dad! I’m a soldier and don’t you forget it. Ten-shun!
BLAIN
I see pretty stars floating in front of my eyes. Do you see them too? Let’s catch one
G.I. JOE
Stars? Oh…you mean the stars on this here u-ni-form I’m wearing! Wanna know what they’re for? See…this here one…
BLAIN
Twinkle, twinkle little staaaarrrr…how I wonder where you arrrrre…
G.I. JOE
…is for foldin’ my clothes nicely and this here one is…
BLAIN
…high above the earth so high…
G.I. JOE
…I got for brushin’ my teeth three times a day…
BARBIE
We have to get Blain to a hospital!
G.I. JOE
Hospital? We don’t need no hospital. See this here badge? I got that for First Aid. Your G.I. Joe can fix his boo-boo, lickety-split. Even faster than that
BARBIE
Like…don’t think I don’t appreciate the offer but I think my sweetie here…I mean to say, Blain here, needs a real hospital where real doctors…
G.I. JOE
Hey! Whad’ya mean, ‘real doctors’? They don’t give these here badgers…
BARBIE
…badges…
G.I. JOE
Huh? That’s what I said
BARBIE
Like…you said, BADGERS
G.I. JOE
Yeah. Badgers.
BARBIE
They’re B-A-D-G-E-S
G.I. JOE
Badgers…badges. What’s the difference?
BARBIE
A lot. One is an animal and the other is a… Why am I bothering to explain?
(G.I. JOE checks in a pocket and produces a band aid)
G.I. JOE
(Cont’d.) Here it is! I knew I had one on me…it’s a little old but it’s still good. So where’s the cut?
BARBIE
Um… Why don’t you talk with the doctors…just to make sure of course that they know what they’re doing? Here – let’s use my cell phone to call
(KEN suddenly walks out of the woods, running towards BARBIE and G.I. JOE, holding a surf board)
KEN
Hey Barbie! Surf’s up! Grab your…
BLAIN
(groggy)
Surf…gotta surf…
G.I. JOE
At ease, soldier! You’re in no state to surf. Here – lemme put this here band aid on your boo-boo…
KEN
Oh? Who do we have here? Blain? You whale scum! Shark doo-doo…
BARBIE
Um…Ken. Can you keep that for after? G.I. Joe here, like…got a little excited and like…hit him on the head with plastic bullets
KEN
You mean…Blain here is hurt? Oh my poor ba-by boy!. I mean, the idiot. He should be in a hospital getting proper care
G.I. JOE
Hey! He is getting cared for by me! I know all about fixin’ boo-boos!
KEN
(staring at him for ten seconds)
We can transport him to a hospital on my surf board. Now you take his arms Barbie, and I’ll take his legs…
(BARBIE and KEN attempt to bend over and grasp BLAIN’s legs and arms without success. As BARBIE picks up his arms, KEN drops his legs and vice-versa)
G.I. JOE
Here – let a soldier show you how it’s done
(G.I. JOE grabs BLAIN’s arms and attempts to throw him over his soldier but misses. BLAIN is propelled over G.I. JOE’s soldier, screaming all the while)
G.I. JOE
Whooops…
(to be continued)
Question du jour: will BLAIN receive the necessary medical help he requires?
©Eleanor Tylbor, 2007
Writers & Friends
No comments:
Post a Comment