KEN AND GI JOE CALL IT QUITS

They said it was a relationship doomed right from the beginning - and they were right. The word going around is that it's over between KEN and GI JOE. The two have gone their separate ways with Ken returning to his beloved beach and GI Joe keeping the world safe from and for...everybody.

Although both claimed they were "just friends" sharing Ken's beach house, neighbors complained about "unusual" noises in the middle of the night.

"Damn neighbors should mind their own damn business!" GI Joe commented, when reporters confronted him with this information. "It's getting to the point where a damn soldier can't practice his damn target shooting anymore!"

Police reports revealed that they had visited the house on many occasions responding to complaints by an anonymous caller who kept repeating, 'Barbie - save me!' over and over. A naked GI Joe would appear outside the house, rifle in hand screaming: "Who called you, huh? Must'a been that nambly-pambly, pussy-wussy, Ken. Come one step closer and your peeing days are over, guys!"

Friends and family members believed that the relationship was doomed from the start with Ken never getting over his break-up with Barbie and GI Joe's penchant for combat weapons. When told about the break-up Barbie commented that "Like...Ken's new look is all wrong for him. Y'know?"

Would the famous blond doll consider getting back together with her former boyfriend?

"Like...he's so yesterday," she commented. Barbie has been frequently seen tippy-toeing around town with Australian hunk, Blaine, and an entourage of Bratz dolls.

For his part Ken commented, "I'm through with action dolls."

More reports are forthcoming.