WAITING FOR ROACH
By Eleanor Tylbor
By Eleanor Tylbor
CAST OF CHARACTERS
ROACH, 17 year old male - 'punk' personna
MAGGIE, Senior citizen
SCENE
A bus stop on a blistering hot summer's day
AT RISE:
ROACH, dressed in shabby jeans and t-shirt with multi-colored spiked hair, is sitting on the ground at a bus stop with a soft drink can in each hand. He is joined by MAGGIE, who approaches running and waving her hands in a frenzy of motion.
SOUND: bus pulling away
MAGGIE
Wait up… Hey! Yoo-hoo… Stop that bus right this minute! Shoot! Use’ta be a time when bus drivers waited for us old people but not these days and I know he saw me
ROACH ignores her, focusing his attention on the ground
(Con’t. MAGGIE) I’m gonna report that…that sadistic driver to the bus company and then he’ll be sorry. Oh yeah, he will! Gotta calm down… No good for my heart. I get so worked up over life’s injustices. Don’t you? He’ll be very sorry, he will. By the time I’m finished telling his supervisor how he treats old people, he’ll be down on his knees begging forgiveness but I’ll stand there with my arms folded, defiant. They’ll probably ask my opinion whether he deserves to be fired. He’ll be all apologetic-like and ‘I’m-so-sorry-lady’ and beg me to forgive him… ‘Is this the way to treat old people?’ I’ll ask him. ‘No this isn’t! I’ve been on this earth a lot longer than you and you should have stopped your bus out of respect…’
She pauses for five seconds and looks downward
(Cont’d. MAGGIE) D’ya… think they’ll fire him? I mean, he could have a wife and kids to support. Maybe someone in the family is sick and there are doctor bills to be paid… (pauses) Know what? He deserves what he gets!
Takes handkerchief out of her purse and wipes her forehead
(Cont’d. MAGGIE) Sure is a hot one today, don’t you find? Kind of makes me breathless…Good thing I brought this along
Opens an umbrella
(Cont’d MAGGIE) At least it gives me a little shade. There was a time I used to love the sun but not anymore. Now they’re warning people about those U - U… You know – the bad rays from the sun. That’s it! The UV rays! I can remember when we used to vacation at the beach for two whole weeks when my kids were small. Packed the car full of those plastic floaties and fishing gear…a picnic hamper… Those were happy times… I hope we get a seat, don’t you? My knees are killing me!
ROACH looks up, glares at her and looks down again
(Cont’d. MAGGIE) I’m not too steady on my feet these days. These old sticks of mine are losing the battle but what can you expect from 80 year old legs?
MAGGIE laughs, bends over and rubs one of her legs
(Cont’d. MAGGIE) Last time I took the bus it stopped suddenly and I flew down the middle like a bowling ball, knocking over people. Not one person helped or - God forbid – offerered me their seat! And a lot of them were young people, too! No respect these days for old folk… So - going far? Me, I’m going to the two o’clock showing of…
ROACH
Shut up! Got that?
MAGGIE
Heat got to you, too? I sure could use a cold drink right now. A nice, ice-cold can of cola right out of the refrigerator, like the one’s you’re holding in your hands
ROACH looks up and glares at her
I’m going to the movies. Half price for seniors today. Not for young people like you who can afford t’pay the full price
ROACH
Do I look like I got money for a movie?
MAGGIE
I hear they charge up near ten dollars nowadays. That right? Highway robbery I tell ‘ya! Of course when you add in a box of popcorn and a drink…Mind you, I’m not crazy about popcorn. Makes me bloated and then I gotta pee…
ROACH
Just because we’re stuck here waiting for the bus don’t mean we gotta talk to each other
MAGGIE
I was just trying to be sociable t’pass the time. Nothing wrong with that
ROACH
I couldn’t care less! I don’t wanna talk to you old woman!
MAGGIE
That is like… so sad. I care about you, young man!
ROACH
Did I ask you to? I don’t need some old granny – or anyone - pretending to give a damn about me. Just shut the f… Just shut up. Okay?
MAGGIE
What time is it? Could you tell me that at least?
ROACH
Do I look like I got a watch?
MAGGIE looks down at his arms and notices tattoos
MAGGIE
Are those tattoos?
ROACH
What’s it to you?
MAGGIE
Every inch of your arms are covered with pictures. Oh my-oh-my. Is that a drawing of your girlfriend on your shoulder?
ROACH
So what if it is?
MAGGIE
Did she pose for it? I mean…she isn’t wearing - anything
ROACH
It’s my ex-girlfriend. Anyway, it’s none of your damn business, old lady!
MAGGIE
Just curious… Who’s that on your arm?
ROACH
My mom…yeah, my mom…
MAGGIE
Now that’s nice. Anyone who carries his mum on his arm has’ta be good inside
ROACH
Think I’m nice, huh? Lady – if you dropped dead in front of me, it wouldn’t matter. I’d just step over you
MAGGIE
She shifts from one foot to another, obviously nervous
That bus better be along in five minutes or I’m gonna have to go back home. Time waits for nobody
ROACH
You can go to hell as far as I’m concerned but just shut the…
MAGGIE
…you-are-rude and crude, young man! Didn’t your parents teach you any manners or to respect older people? I’m going to forgive you, though, because it’s so hot out today and that can make you cranky. I’m Maggie…
ROACH
Ask me if I care
MAGGIE
…and you are?
ROACH
I’m someone who wants you to close your trap or I’ll do it for you
MAGGIE
I was only trying to reach out and be friendly
ROACH
Did I ask you to? Did I? Stop talking to me, alright?
MAGGIE
Fine with me
Moves her hand over her mouth like an artificial zipper closing it. It’s
quiet for five seconds
You live around here?
ROACH
Are you deaf?
MAGGIE
I have to admit to wearing a hearing aid now and then but not always. They don’t really help, anyway. Only seem to make sounds seem louder, not clearer
ROACH
Why d’ya make everything I say as an excuse to start yakking again? I don’t wanna talk to you! Got that? D’ya want me to hurt you?
MAGGIE
Gotcha loud and clear if that’s what you really want
ROACH
That’s what I been telling you
MAGGIE
I may be old but I’m not stupid y’know!
There is five seconds of silence between them
You didn’t really mean it. Right? You just said that ‘cause you’re hot and bothered
ROACH
I don’t like old people. I hate old people. Know what I think? I think they all should be locked away, somewhere, so they don’t bug people like me
MAGGIE
I only asked you your name. I didn’t think that’s such a bad thing
ROACH
If I tell you will you stop talking?
MAGGIE
I’m sorry. I don’t get a chance to talk to many people anymore and we’re waiting for the bus together, so I figure we can pass the time getting to know each other
ROACH
But I ain’t got nothin’ to say to you, lady! You’re just a dumb old… Never mind – I got more important things t’do
ROACH gets up on his knees and searches the ground
MAGGIE
You lose something? Maybe I can help find it
ROACH
Can’cha see I’m busy?
MAGGIE
Four eyes are better than two
ROACH
‘C’mon – come to Roachy…’
MAGGIE
That your name? Roachy?
ROACH
Now you know
MAGGIE
Roach. That’s a weird name to give someone
ROACH
Whatever
MAGGIE
If you tell me what you’re looking for…
ROACH
Even if I did – and I ain’t gonna – you won’t like it
MAGGIE
Is it… something illegal? Drugs? A weapon…maybe a gun? Is that it? They’ll get you in the end, you know. You’ll get a police record. Is that what you want?
ROACH
Lemme alone. You wanted my name – you got it so shut up
MAGGIE suddenly and carefully goes down on all fours
MAGGIE
Tell me what you lost. I’m good at finding lost things
ROACH
The bus is gonna be here any minute, now. Better watch so’s you won’t miss it, again
MAGGIE moves forward, searches in both directions and ROACH
suddenly lurches forward and then stands upright
Got’cha, bug!
MAGGIE
Did you just swear at me?
ROACH
What?
MAGGIE
I heard what you just said. Swearing at an old lady who just wanted to help
ROACH
You are loco, lady!
MAGGIE
I am one-hundred percent sure I heard you say, ‘Fuck you, bug’ Did you say that?
ROACH
Yeah – okay. You got me. I swore at you. Happy now? Why don’t you do us both a favor and get real insulted and don’t talk?
MAGGIE
Far be it for me to be nice to someone who has bad feelings toward me. Who needs it? Some people just don’t know how to be friendly. You asked me to be quiet and I will. In fact I have absolutely no desire to talk to you, whatsoever. I’m gonna pretend you don’t exist. Not one more word from me, alright!
There is five seconds of silence
(Cont’d. MAGGIE) Where is that bus? And just so you know, I was talking to myself. So… did you find what you’re looking for?
ROACH
Didn’t I tell you not to say one more word? I swear I’ll hurt you! If that’s the only way to make you quiet, I’ll do it
MAGGIE
Sor-ry! I forget! Sometimes I worry that I’m getting senile. My friend Patty is really getting bad and I’m worried she has Alzheimer. I don’t know what I would do without her
ROACH
I wish you’d forget about me, lady! Pretend I’m not here. Pretend…we’re both not standing here waiting for a bus and I don’t have to listen to your crap
MAGGIE
I’m so hot and my throat is parched. You don’t - maybe…sell me one of your soft drinks…would you?
ROACH
It’s not for sale…
MAGGIE
Please? Look at it as your good deed for today that you helped a poor old helpless lady. How much do you want? Five dollars? More?
ROACH
You don’t want what’s in this can
MAGGIE
Oh but I really do. The bus is almost here now. Five dollars is fair for a can of soft drink.
ROACH
You really want it?
MAGGIE
I really do. Here – you can go buy yourself ten more soft drinks with this
ROACH
Who am I to refuse a talky old lady a soft drink can
MAGGIE
Thank you Roach – bless you!
SOUND: BUS APPROACHING
MAGGIE gets on the “bus” and exits
ROACH
(peering inside the can)
Hello in there! Anybody home?
Tips over the can and drops a cockroach on to the palm of his
hand
How ‘ya doin, Roach Two! Gotta tell you something. Gave away your cockroach pal to an old lady that just wouldn’t shut her mouth. Drove me nuts! Talk-talk-talk-talk… She wanted to know how I got the name Roach - I bet she knows now! Wait ‘til she puts the can to her lips! Hey – you don’t gotta be upset, though. There’s plenty more friends where you came from back in the old warehouse where we live!
Puts his hand in his pocket and produces a thick wad of bills. Laughs
This is as good a place as any to spend a hot day and make us some dough but first I gotta go find me another soft drink can!
ROACH exits, talking to “Roach Two” in the palm of his hand
